Monday, May 28, 2007        Edition: #3540
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

• Here we go again! SATURDAY circa 5:30 am, 20-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan had to be hospitalized following what cops say was a booze-fueled car wreck. It’s just 3 months since she left rehab. She’s been busted on suspicion of DUI but may face additional felony counts after officers recovered a ‘usable amount of additional contraband’, identified as cocaine. Authorities declined to say where it was found. Up her left nostril, maybe? She’s said to be doing fine; her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible didn’t fare so well. Could she share a cell with Paris perhaps?
– “E!”
• The latest book from British author JK Rowling, “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows” (out JULY 21st), is being printed in a small town in Germany by laborers forced to work in total darkness so they can’t read the book. Security is so tight that workers at the GGP Print factory in Poessneck are searched upon arrival and departure and assured they will be fired if so much as a page is smuggled out. We’re betting a lot of readers are going to get 27 page 384s in-a-row.
– “Contact Music”
• Teri Hatcher has found a new use for the booze she doesn’t drink … she bathes in it! It seems a pharmacist friend advised her of the odd use for leftover wine which is said to be full of antioxidants and to possess exfoliating qualities. Hatcher says she hates to waste the stuff when she’s alone and fails to finish a bottle. Okay, but what’s she doing drinking all by herself?
– World Entertainment News Network
• 15 years ago, a jealous 17-year-old Amy Fisher shot her older bf Joey Buttafuoco’s then-wife Mary Jo in the head and earned infamy as the ‘Long Island Lolita’. As well as spawning countless bad made-for-TV movies, the stunt earned her 7 years in the slammer. Well now it seems that Fisher & Buttafuoco, both going through divorces, are back together again as a romantic couple. Perhaps not surprisingly, the courtship may end up as a reality TV show. Hope their ex’s are wearing Kevlar.
• First he was going; then he wasn’t due to security worries; and now he’s going again. Britain’s Prince Harry (Prince Charles’ & Princess Di’s #2 son) WILL be sent off to war after all … but not in Iraq. He’s instead being assigned to strife-torn Afghanistan. To avoid him being jeopardized as a high-profile target, his movements will be kept under wraps. In fact, his entire tour of duty will be totally shrouded in secrecy. But we know how well those royals keep secrets, don’t we?
– “News of the World”

• Avril Lavigne – TODAY she’s a guest on “The View” (ABC/CTV). Better wear a helmet, hon’.
• Carrie Underwood – Her debut album “Some Hearts” has just been certified 6X platinum for shipment of 6 million copies. That makes her just the 2nd solo female country artist to reach the 6-million milestone with a debut album. LeAnn Rimes did it with “Blue” in 1996.
• Dire Straits – Former frontman Mark Knopfler is re-releasing the single “Brothers In Arms” to raise money for veterans of Britain’s Falklands War. Knopfler says he’s touched that his song, written during the 1982 conflict, has been picked to help those still suffering.
• Lily Allen – TONIGHT the Brit pop star does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Maroon 5 – THIS morning they perform on the “Today Show” (NBC).
• Nelly Furtado – TONIGHT she sings on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Nine Inch Nails – Frontman Trent Reznor insists he’ll release all future albums online after publicly blasting his record company for overpricing the new album, “Year Zero”. He spotted it retailing in Australia at twice the price of other releases.
• Phil Stacey – The Petty Officer 3rd Class has been given the all-clear to extend his leave from the US Navy so he can tour with the other “American Idol” finalists THIS SUMMER.
• Shakira – Reports say the 30-year-old pop star will wed her 34-year-old lawyer fiancé Antonio de la Rua in SEPTEMBER at a lavish villa in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. She’s been dating the son of former Argentine president Fernando de la Rua since 2000.
• Spice Girls – Word has it they’re putting together a comeback single in secret recording sessions in Brighton, England. The group split in 2001 after selling more than 50 million records.
• The Used – TONIGHT the alt-rockers from Orem UT (“Liar Liar [Burn in Hell]”), guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).

• “Miss Universe 2007” airs live from Mexico City (NBC/CityTV), hosted by Vanessa Minnillo & Mario Lopez. ‘Miss Mexico’, by the way, will be representing her country in a gown decorated with sketches of corn & cactus fields, after the original design featuring bullets & hanging scenes from Mexico’s  Cristero War drew accusations of poor taste. Gee, ya think?
• Back-to-back episodes of “The Office” begin on Global-TV MONDAYs so you can catch up on all the shows you passed up for “Survivor”, “Grey’s Anatomy” and “CSI” throughout the season.
• “On the Lot” features its 2-Hour “Film Premiere Episode” (FOX/CTV). Is this becoming the hot new reality show for this summer?
• After an out-of-court legal settlement with Michael Jackson, THIS WEEK’s “Jackson Family Memorabilia Auction” is set to go ahead in Las Vegas NV. TODAY & TOMORROW is the public viewing of over 1,000 lots, followed by the actual bidding on WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY.
• “The Simple Life Goes to Camp” premieres (E!) with Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie trying to stay out of jail and rehab long enough to serve as counselors at various camps, Ie: ‘Fat Camp’; ‘Couples Camp’ and most ludicrously of all … ‘Drama Camp’.
• “2007 Stanley Cup Final” (CBC), Game 1 Ottawa @ Anaheim … what most of us will be watching, thanks to a Canadian team being involved. The last Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup? Montréal in the 1992-93 season. Since then, Edmonton, Calgary, and Vancouver have all made the final but failed to bring home the hardware.

Tourism organizations estimate the USA has lost approximately $94 billion and 194,000 jobs thanks to a downturn in tourism due to the difficulties many have faced entering the country since 9/11. A recent poll of international travelers found that 70% fear US border officials more than they fear terrorists or criminals, and 65% worry that they may be detained for some minor error in filling out their forms. The US has also been voted the ‘World’s Most Unfriendly Destination’ for foreign travelers due to the hassles and intimidation tourists face trying to enter the country. (Are they more safe or sorry?)
– “New Zealand Herald”

Sleep researchers say the best time to go to sleep is between 10 pm and midnight, due to natural body rhythms and when most people feel tired. But what’s really best is to go to bed at the same time every night, because the brain gets programmed to sleep at certain times. (Since doing the morning show, we’ve found the best time to sleep is … whenever you freakin’ can!)
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”

A recent social experiment attempted to find out if commuters would recognize musical genius if performed by a master virtuoso in the guise of an ordinary busker. One of the world’s greatest violinists, Joshua Bell, was set up in a Washington DC metro station where he played more than 40 minutes of masterpieces on his $3.5-million Stradivarius. The results were depressingly predictable: Of the thousand-plus people who rushed by, only 7 stopped to listen for more than 1 minute. Another 27 tossed money in his violin case, and the rest were completely oblivious to the spark of beauty interrupting their otherwise dull day. (Now if it was Jessica Simpson …)
– “Washington Post”

LAST MONTH, a suburban amusement park in Sacramento CA received so many complaints from neighbors about bloodcurdling screams that it instituted a no-shrieking rule for its new ride, the ‘Scandia Screamer’. It’s a windmill-like contraption that sends people plunging 16 stories to the ground at nearly 60 mph. (Okay, it’s quieter … now how about air sickness bags?)
– Associated Press

Humans are the only species prone to ‘overthinking’ and that’s one of our biggest problems, according to Ohio State University psychologist Julian Thayer, who offers the following tips on how to cut down on your worrying …
• Schedule limited ‘overthink’ sessions; then don’t do it any other time.
• Work on forgiveness and lowering unrealistically high expectations.
• Seek out friends who try to help solve problems rather than help you indulge in hand-wringing.
• Meditate or pray regularly.
(Apparently he forgot tip #5 … Beer.)
– “Social Studies”

Yellow is said to be one of the hottest colors for THIS SPRING. For the most part, brunettes have an easier time than blondes wearing shades of yellow. Blondes need to pick a tone that matches one shade of yellow in their hair. Likely the best wearers of yellow are people with blue eyes. A good way to figure what shade works best for you is to look at a black-and-white photo of yourself. If you have a lot of contrast in your skin, hair and eyes, you can wear a stronger shade of yellow. (If you’re suffering from jaundice, wear black.)
– McClatchy News Service

An avatar on the ‘Second Life’ website has a larger carbon footprint than the average Brazilian.

• “I didn’t have to do anything. I wear a muscle suit, and it’s a lot of CGI.”
– Actress Jessica Alba being refreshingly honest about her contribution to the upcoming movie “Fantastic Four: Rise Of the Silver Surfer”, opening JUNE 15th.
• “I don’t want to do a white-trash wedding with a big belly.”
– Pregnant actress Milla Jovovich on why she’s postponed her wedding to director Paul Anderson, whom she met while shooting the “Resident Evil” films. Honey, you’ve already shown your class.


1944 [63] Gladys Knight, Atlanta GA, oldies singer (“Midnight Train to Georgia”, & The Pips-“I Heard It Through the Grapevine”)

1944 [63] Rudolph Giuliani, Brooklyn NY, 2008 Republican US presidential candidate/former NYC Mayor (1994-2001) whose performance during & after the 9/11 earned him recognition as “Time” magazine’s ‘Person of the Year 2001′

1945 [62] John Fogerty, Berkeley CA, oldies singer (“Centerfield”, w/CCR-“Proud Mary”)

1964 [43] Christa Miller, NYC, TV actress (‘Jordan Sullivan’ on “Scrubs” since 2001, “The Drew Carey Show” 1995-2002)

1968 [39] Kylie Minogue, Melbourne, Australia, pop singer (“In Your Eyes”, “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”)/occasional actress (“Moulin Rouge”)

1979 [28] Jesse Bradford, Norwalk CT, movie actor (“Flags of Our Fathers”, “Swimfan”)

• “Amnesty International Day”, recognizing the need to protect human rights around the world. The Amnesty International organization strives to accomplish these goals by providing awareness and recognition of the issues. They work to publicize local and regional problems, and to arouse citizens, governments and politicians to action.

• “Dicing For Bibles”, an old Whitmonday tradition at All Saints Church in St Ives, England. That’s right, local kids actually throw them bones to see who wins a copy of the ‘Good Book’. What’s next, keno for communion?

• “Hamburger Day”, honoring the world’s favorite sandwich whose origins can be traced back as far as the Middle Ages. These days, close to 6 billion burgers are served annually by restaurants. Meat from a single steer will make about 720 quarter-pound hamburger patties.

• “Memorial Day”, observed on the last MONDAY in MAY in the USA, a day of remembrance for those who’ve died in America’s service. It was originally called “Decoration Day” 139 years ago (1868) when General John Logan declared a day to decorate Civil War soldiers’ graves with flowers at Gettysburg PA. Nowadays its more often observed as ‘Beach Day’ or ‘Picnic Day’.

1939 [68] “Batman” comic books debut

1998 [09] Phil Hartman (née Brantford ON), of “Saturday Night Live” and “NewsRadio” fame, is shot to death at his home in Encino CA by his wife, Brynn, who then kills herself

1897 [110] ‘Jell-O’ 1st introduced (5 actual Jell-O flavors that flopped – celery, coffee, cola, apple, chocolate)

1926 [81] ‘Canada Pension Plan’ wins approval (you know, the thing that’s gonna run out before we get any)

1934 [73] The Dionne Quintuplets, world’s first quints known to survive infancy, are born near Callander ON (only Annette and Cecile are still alive)

1995 [12] Jacques Villeneuve becomes 1st Canadian driver to win the “Indianapolis 500”

1974 [33] ‘Upside-Down Flight’ record is set at 2 hours, 15 minutes (hope this wasn’t a commercial flight!)

1987 [20] Paul Pearman jumps over 21 barrels … on a skateboard (Augusta GA)

[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] Macaroon Day
[Thurs] Save Your Hearing Day
[Thurs] World No-Tobacco Day
[Thurs] “Pirate Master” debuts (CBS/CTV)

American Beer Week / Cover the Uninsured Week / Week of Solidarity With The People of Non-Self-Governing Territories


• Whyzit nobody ever puts out a sign that says ‘Nice Dog’?
• Whyzit you can find a gas station that sells junk food on just about any highway but you can’t find one anywhere that will fix a flat tire anymore?
• Whyzit nothing good ever comes after the words: “Sit down, we have to talk”?
• Whyzit no matter how much manure you put on the strawberry plant, it still tastes like a strawberry?
• Whyzit women like silent men? Do they think they’re listening?

What annoys you most in business meetings? (In a new Opinion Research poll the top peeves are: ‘People who fall asleep’; ‘long meetings without refreshments’; and ‘meetings without bathroom breaks’. ‘People constantly checking their BlackBerry’ ranks a surprisingly low #9.)

Here’s a hi-tech update on the old ‘Cow Patty Bingo’ game used by many radio stations at fairs and festivals. British cellphone service & ISP Orange has outfitted a bull with a GPS tracking device then set it loose in a field superimposed online with a letter/number grid. Contestants must guess which square the bull is in at mid-day each day in order to win concert tickets.

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half-full or half-empty. Either way, it’s twice as large as it needs to be.

Today’s Question: Women are twice as likely as men to have a back-up plan to get out of THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A bad date.

Only one diet has ever worked: Exercise.


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