Thursday, May 17, 2007        Edition: #3533
Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

It’s been announced that actor/politician Fred Thompson is not likely to return to “Law & Order” (NBC/CTV) NEXT SEASON, regardless of whether he formally declares himself a candidate for US president (interestingly, under FCC equal-time rules, other candidates would be entitled to the same amount of time as he got, even if his ‘District Attorney Arthur Branch’ character voiced no political opinion) . . . Kiefer Sutherland’s action show “24” (FOX/Global) has been re-upped for at least 2 more seasons which would keep it on-air through its 8th season in 2009 (rumor has it the 7th season will feature a different cast and a new, non-Los Angeles location) . . . 39-year-old “Grey’s Anatomy” (and soon “Private Practice”) star Kate Walsh (‘Dr Addison Montgomery-Shepherd‘) has become engaged to her movie exec boyfriend Alex Young after a whirlwind romance (she should have an inside track at a film career – he’s Co-President of Production at 20th Century Fox) . . . Former Spice Girl Melanie Brown has moved on after being dumped by actor Eddie Murphy; she’s now the steady companion of producer Stephen Belafonte (“Thank You For Smoking”) and is said to be extremely happy (but that won’t stop the paternity suit over the birth of Eddie’s daughter Angel Iris LAST MONTH) . . . CBS-TV has filmed a new unscripted show for NEXT SEASON called “Kids’ Nation” in which 40 kids aged 8-to-15 are followed for 40 days while they attempt to build a society from scratch without supervision or modern comforts in the century-old ghost town of Bonanza City NM (“Variety” calls it a reality take on “Lord of the Flies”) . . . And YESTERDAY on “The View” (ABC/CTV), Barbara Walters read a brief statement from Paris Hilton’s mother Kathy urging ‘young people who look up’ to Paris to learn from her DUI arrest & impending imprisonment (we’re guessing there are less than 3 young people worldwide who actually ‘look up’ to Paris – most would likely love to see the biatch fry).

• Avril Lavigne – She’ll appear topless on the cover of the JUNE edition of “Blender” magazine, her ‘modesty’ only covered by her quote: “Hell yeah, I’m hot!”. Inside, she models the kind of trashy outfits that she constantly castigates Britney Spears for wearing.
• Christina Aguilera – Officials in China have just given permission for her to perform  a concert in Shanghai on JUNE 26th. There was concern her ‘racy act’ would be banned, as Jay-Z was in 2006.
• Dolores O’ Riordan – TONIGHT the former Cranberries front-woman sings her new release, “Ordinary Day“, on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Eve – TODAY she’s scheduled to appear in court to face a DUI charge along with failure to provide proof of insurance after her APRIL 26th accident. That’s when she crashed her gold Maserati into the center divider on Hollywood Blvd. If convicted, she faces a minimum $1,000 fine and a maximum of 6 months in jail.
• Fall Out Boy – TONIGHT they appear on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).     
• Prince – London really has gone crazy buying tickets for his upcoming 21 dates there. Duckets for the first 7 shows at the O2 Arena sold out in minutes, leading promoters to immediately add an additional 8 nights. At one point sales reached 1,000 tickets-per-minute. The comparatively modest price, £31.21 (about $68 CDN) has helped the cause.
• The Rolling Stones – 63-year-old Mick Jagger has dismissed reports he’s set to wed his 40-year-old girlfriend, L’wren Scott, after she was spotted flaunting a sparkling ring on her engagement finger at a recent NYC fashion event. A spokesman says the couple has no plans to marry. After all, even Mick couldn’t afford alimony a 3rd time.
• Tori Amos – TONIGHT the singer/songwriter does “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• The Used – TONIGHT the alt-rockers from Orem UT (“Liar, Liar [Burn in Hell]”) are on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• U2 – Bono has angered some of his neighbors in Manhattan’s luxurious San Remo apartment building after his complaints about smoke seepage have caused at least a temporary ban on fireplace use. Bono owns the penthouse duplex. Among the other well-heeled condo owners: Steve Martin & Steven Spielberg.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Adventures of Tintin” – Steven Spielberg is teaming with “Lord of the Rings” director Peter Jackson to bring the European cartoon hero to the bigscreen. The live-action movie will use motion capture technology to tell the story of the intrepid Belgian reporter and his trusty dog ‘Snowy’. Much of the world (aside from North America) has followed the “Tintin” comic book series ever since it was first created by Belgian artist Hergé over 70 years ago.
• “Australia” – Director Baz Luhrmann’s new movie epic starring Nicole Kidman is being dubbed Australia’s “Gone With the Wind”. Set in WW2-era Northern Australia, Kidman plays an English aristocrat who inherits a sprawling ranch. Hugh Jackman co-stars as the cattle driver who helps protect it from a takeover plot. Together they experience the bombing of Darwin by Japanese forces firsthand. The period film will be shot in Bowen & Darwin over the next 4 months.
• “The Great Buck Howard” – John Malkovich and the father/son team of Tom & Colin Hanks star in this tale of a renowned illusionist who takes on a new assistant much to the dismay of the young man’s father. NYC cult rockers Clap Your Hands Say Yeah have written a number of songs for the picture and are preparing to make their silver screen debut. The film is expected to be released THIS FALL.
• “Swing Vote” – Kevin Costner is hoping to use the just-opened “Cannes Film Festival” to sell this first film from his new production company Treehouse. Costner will star in the comedy about a spoof US election as the man who holds the key vote in a presidential run-off and can decide the fate of the election by the way he casts his ballot. Filming is set to begin THIS SUMMER with release theatrical targeted for 2008.
• “Talk to Me” – It doesn’t happen often, but radio is coming to the movies. Don Cheadle stars in this true story about legendary 1960s Washington DC radio personality Petey Greene. The ex-con who talked his way into an on-air gig at WOL-AM became famous for his biting humor and outrageous social commentary. The film co-stars Martin Sheen as the station owner; Chiwetel Ejiofor as the PD; and Cedric The Entertainer & Vondie Curtis Hall as fellow DJs. Partially shot in Toronto & Hamilton ON, the flick opens JULY 13th in limited release.

Bellrock Media’s new subscription cellphone service called Mobile Faker claims to help you ‘fake your way through life’. It offers a range of services for the popular person on-the-go. Among the features that can ‘turn your phone into a weapon’ …
• Pickup and rejection lines, and fake numbers you can give out to people that you’re just not that into.
• Fake boyfriends, girlfriends, pets, vacations, even complete lives for you to download as wallpaper, so you can impress others with your fake life.
• Upload a photo of any dilemma you’re facing (ie: which shoes to buy) and the Faker community will vote on your problem, thereby giving you instant advice.
• You can even schedule a phone call to get you out of a bad date.
– “Baltimore Sun”

Several university campuses are now offering … burial plots. It’s thought the opportunity to be planted at your alma mater will become extremely popular with alumni & faculty. Chapman University in Orange CA has just opened a columbarium, a honeycomb structure to hold cremated remains. Indiana’s Notre Dame U plans to soon unveil a pair of mausoleums to hold full-body crypts that are expected to sell for up to $11,000 apiece. The idea of on-campus burial is not a new one. Notre Dame already operates a giant burial ground that opened in 1843, and Iowa State University’s cemetery opened in 1876. (Not interested. It already seems like I spent an eternity in college.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

Women in Myanmar (formerly Burma) not only have to watch out for pickpockets when they’re commuting, shopping or walking down the street, but now … hair thieves. Long-haired women in crowded areas have fallen victim to surreptitious snippers who steal their tresses to sell. The hair heists are so subtle victims are usually unaware until they peer in a mirror. Many women in Myanmar have waist- or knee-length hair which they wear in a ponytail, making it easy for thieves to snip and sell as extensions. Burmese women are also approached by hair traders who ask to buy their long hair. The price has skyrocketed with demand. Nowadays a ‘viss’ (1.6 kg or 3.5 lbs) of hair is worth up to $400. (Wow, that’s even more than [sports guy] paid for his toupé!)
– “24/7 News Journal”

Rampant rumors about a deadly virus spread through mobile phones that recently began in Pakistan have now jumped the border into Afghanistan. The story goes that anyone answering phone calls from certain numbers will contract a fatal illness. Supposedly as soon as you answer your phone, blood comes out of your mouth, nose, and ears … and then you die. Local cellphone companies have attempted to calm their customers with a joint statement saying the rumors are completely baseless and make no sense in technological terms, but their customer service centers continue to be inundated with calls from panicky subscribers. The Afghan government is blaming local Taliban for spreading the scare story. (We think it’s more likely a guerilla marketing campaign by DreamWorks to set up “The Ring 3”.)
– Reuters

• Though characterized as extremely obscure, there is actually a ‘St Elvis’. His main claim to fame is having performed the baptism of the better known St David in 6th-century Wales.
• Cancer patients now have more than a 46% chance of living for 10 years after their initial diagnosis, according to new figures. The stats show survival rates have doubled over the past 30 years.
– “GQ”

• “As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.”
– Singer, actress & conservative activist Anita Bryant 30 years ago (1977).
• “A name is part of an impression package. Parents who make up bizarre names for their children are ignorant, arrogant or just foolish.”
– UCLA psychologist Albert Mehrabian, author of “The Baby Name Report Card”. Apparently he’s met Gwyneth Paltrow, mother of ‘Apple’ and ‘Moses’.


1936 [71] Dennis Hopper, Dodge City KS, movie actor (“Speed”, “Easy Rider”)

1956 [51] Bob Saget, Philadelphia PA, TV game show host (“1 vs 100” since 2006)/TV actor ‘Older Ted Mosby’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005, “America’s Funniest Home Videos” 1990-97, “Full House” 1987-95)/movie actor (“Madagascar”, “The Aristocrats”)

1961 [46] Enya (Eithne Patricia Ní Bhraonain), Gweedore, Ireland, pop/new age jazz singer (“A Day Without Rain”, “Orinoco Flow [Sail Away]”)

1962 [45] Craig Ferguson, Glasgow, Scotland, TV host (“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” since 2005)/TV actor (“The Drew Carey Show” 1996-2004)

1965 [42] Trent Reznor, Mercer PA, rock singer (Nine Inch Nails-“Survivalism”, “Every Day is Exactly the Same”)

1966 [41] Hill Harper, Iowa City IA, TV actor (‘Dr Sheldon Hawkes’ on “CSI: NY” since 2004)

1969 [38] Thom Filicia , Syracuse NY, TV personality/interior designer (the ‘Design Doctor‘ on “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” since 2003)

1974 [33] Andrea Corr, Dundalk, Ireland, pop/Celtic singer (The Corrs-“Breathless”, “Runaway”)

• “Be A Millionaire Day”, a celebration of the joys of achieving millionaire status. Here’s how you go about it: First, get a whole bunch of money …

• “Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’. What’s the oddest thing you refuse to throw away?

• “World Telecommunication & Information Society Day”, a UN observance since 1969. This year’s theme is ‘Connecting the Young’.

2000 [07] After 10 long years & 300 episodes, the series finalé of “Beverly Hills 90210” airs (FOX), highlighted by the marriage of ‘David’ (Brian Austin Green) & ‘Donna’ (Tori Spelling)  FACTOID: Their castmate Ian Ziering (‘Steve Sanders’) was voted off “Dancing With the Stars” THIS WEEK.

1975 [32] Elton John’s “Captain Fantastic & the Brown Dirt Cowboy” becomes the 1st album to be released and certified Platinum (a 2-million seller) on the same day

1845 [162] 1st ‘Rubber Band’ (next day a 9-year-old boy pokes out his eye)

1875 [132] 1st ‘Kentucky Derby’ (Louisville KY)

1939 [68] George VI & wife Queen Elizabeth make 1st Canadian visit by a reigning British monarch (one of their duties during the trek is officially opening the Queen Elizabeth Way [QEW] highway that joins Niagara to Toronto)

1980 [27] Kumar Anandan sets record of balancing on 1 foot for 33 hours (if you think that sounds easy – see if you can make it for 33 seconds!)

1996 [11] 2,000 Swedish protestors stage mass urination on ‘Pee Outdoors Day’, protesting construction of a sewage plant (they were really PO-ed!)

[Fri] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Fri] International Museum Day
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Fri] “Shrek the Third” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] International Peace Day
[Sat] US Armed Forces Day
[Sun] 2007 World Stunt Awards (Hollywood CA)
[Sun-Mon] Virgin Festival (Vancouver)
[Mon] Victoria Day (no “BS” service)
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Physical Fitness & Sports Month


• What’s the shelf life of a shelf?
• How do you know when kids stop dancing and start having sex?
• If it helps you get better, is it really a placebo?
• If bulls could drive, would red still mean stop?
• How do you make a U-turn in countries that don’t have U’s?
• Do tire stores ever have blowout sales?

Despite the dramatic final tribal council, SUNDAY’s edition of “Survivor: Fiji” (CBS/Global) was the show’s lowest-rated finalé ever. What new innovation would get you interested in another season?

Well, how to go … once again you’ve managed to hit the nail right on the thumb.

Today’s Question: In a recent survey, most women say the #1 way they punish the men in their lives is with the ‘silent treatment’. THIS is method #2.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Force them to discuss the problem.

Money isn’t everything. Usually it isn’t even enough.



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