Thursday, May 10, 2007        Edition: #3528

US cable company Comcast is looking to make a deal with Hollywood studios to sell movies via pay-per-view on the same day they are released in theaters, but at a premium price that might be as high as $30-to-$50 (or about the same price as a medium tub of theater popcorn) . . . If he’s convicted for THIS WEEK’s drug bust in Bakersfield CA, 45-year-old movie actor Tom Sizemore (“Black Hawk Down”) will have violated his 3-year probation from a previous conviction for meth possession and will likely do time in the slammer (maybe he can room with Paris?) . . . has announced it has now received more than 1 million pre-orders for the 7th and final ‘Harry Potter’ book, “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows” – in just 95 days (the official worldwide launch is JULY 21st) . . . It surely wasn’t what CBS-TV dreamed about when Katie Couric was hired: “The CBS Evening News” LAST WEEK recorded its smallest audience since 1987 (maybe they could bring back Walter Cronkite?) . . . Actor Thomas Haden Church (‘Sandman’ in “Spider-Man 3”) quit Hollywood several years ago to run his 4 working cattle ranches back home in Texas – and he’s had steady movie work ever since (good lesson to learn – try not to look eager) . . . Ambitious plans to adapt 1980s TV soap “Dallas” to the bigscreen have ground to a halt following a series of casting problems, and now actor Luke Wilson – who was slotted to play ‘Bobby Ewing’ – fears the project has been dumped entirely . . . Actress-turned-environmental crusader Cameron Diaz, who voices ‘Princess Fiona’ in the “Shrek” films, has started campaigning to make the 4th “Shrek” movie all about the ecology (“Shrek the Third” opens MAY 18th) . . . And online gaming site has placed the follow odds on Paris Hilton’s scheduled summer stay in the slammer: 5-to-1 if she announces that jail is ‘hot’; 550-to-1 if her stay is extended for bad behavior; 150-to-1 if she falls in love with another inmate; and a long-shot of 3,000-to-1 if she launches a successful escape.

• Alan Jackson/Brooks & Dunn: TONIGHT they kick off a 28-city co-headlining tour in Virginia Beach VA.
• Clay Aiken – TONIGHT he’s on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Evanescence – On top of all the other mayhem going on with the band in the past week, it seems 25-year-old Amy Lee has also gotten married. KHTV Little Rock AR reports she wed her 28-year-old therapist-fiancé, Josh Hartzler, last SATURDAY following a 4-month engagement.
• Grateful Dead – An auction of band memorabilia by their longtime road manager has brought in over $1.1 million. The late Jerry Garcia’s 1975 cream-colored Travis Bean electric guitar fetched $312,000 on its own.
• Kanye West – THIS AFTERNOON he’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Kelly Clarkson – Contrary to previous reports, her 3rd album, “My December”, will be released as scheduled on JULY 24th. Word has it Clarkson balked when her record label head, Clive Davis, demanded a do-over. After refusing to give in, she eventually won.
• Nelly Furtado – TONIGHT she does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Prince – He’s set to perform 21 gigs in London UK THIS SUMMER in a series of different venues beginning AUGUST 1st. He’s promising each show will be unique, thanks to a bank of some 150 songs he’s rehearsing for the stand.
• Queen – 59-year-old guitarist Brian May has recently resumed working on getting his PhD in Astronomy, something he abandoned in the 1970s for his music career.
• Tanya Tucker – A manicurist who was at her home to perform services is suing for $300,000, claiming the country singer’s dog ‘Bella’ began biting her without warning, causing painful and disfiguring scars on her leg … a year ago.
• Tim McGraw – His latest album, “Let It Go”, has just been certified Platinum for shipments of 1 million units. This brings his all-time total album sales to a whopping 35 million.

A BS sampling of movies getting made …
• “The Incredible Hulk” – Liv Tyler has now signed on to play ‘Betty Ross’, the love interest of ‘Bruce Banner/Hulk’ in this sequel to 2003’s “Hulk”. As previously announced, Edward Norton will suit up/strip down as the moody scientist and his musclebound alter ego.  Eric Bana & Jennifer Connolly had the lead roles in the first film. “IH2” hits theaters in JUNE 2008.
• “Iron Man” –  Director Jon Favreau wanted an actor who has had to battle considerable personal demons to play crime fighter ‘Tony Stark’/’Iron Man’ in this new comic book adaptation. That’s why reformed wildman Robert Downey Jr’s drug & alcohol-abusing past helped him land the role. The action-adventure is due on screens a year from now in MAY 2008.
• “The Lovely Bones” – “Lord of the Rings” director Peter Jackson will helm the bigscreen adaptation of Alice Sebold’s 2002 bestseller about a dead 14-year-old girl who continues to monitor her family and the search for her killer from beyond the grave. Shooting begins this OCTOBER in Pennsylvania & New Zealand.
• “Major Movie Star” – 26-year-old Jessica Simpson will play a naive pop singer who attempts to win approval from a movie studio that thinks she’s unsuitable for their upcoming military-themed movie. To prove them wrong and win the role, she enlists in the Marines. The comedy is scheduled to begin shooting NEXT MONTH.
• “Under the Bridge” – Reese Witherspoon’s production company is developing a film based on author Rebecca Godfrey’s 2005 book about a real-life brutal murder in 1997 by a group of teens in Victoria BC. At this point, it’s not certain if Witherspoon will star in the film, but that’s the norm when actors’ production companies option screen rights. The film is slotted for a 2009 release.

It seems simple gifts mean the most. 67% of mothers say they usually receive a purchased card for “Mother’s Day”, and 57% of moms get a purchased gift. But the gifts mommies really have their hearts set on are all about quality time: 43% of moms polled in a new survey for “Mother’s Day 2007” say that spending time with their kids is what’s really at the top of their wish list. (And we’re betting a heart-warming homemade card and hand-picked bouquet.)
– “Hallmark Magazine”

Some advice on chomp avoidance, compiled from veterinarians and plastic surgeons (but unfortunately not letter carriers) …
• If an aggressive dog approaches you, stand still and hold your arms close to your body. Avoid direct eye contact.
• If the dog attacks, shove something in its mouth.
• Do not run or ride away on a bicycle if a potentially aggressive dog confronts you.
• Never approach a dog that is eating, chewing on a toy, or sleeping.
• If you’re bitten, don’t pull away, as that will only make the injury worse. Instead, surrender anything you have, jacket, purse, backpack, in hopes the dog will let go and bite down on the object instead.
• If bitten, immediately seek medical attention.
(After medical attention, don’t forget to call your lawyer and sue the dog-owner’s ass.)
– “Minneapolis Star-Tribune”

A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 70% of Canadians describe ourselves as having ‘adventurous barbecue personalities’.
• 61% of women say they don’t mind it when their partner admires other women. But no touching!
• 50% of wives say the last time they saw their husband hug another man was while they were watching sports on TV.
• 25% of men have attempted to impress friends and/or dates by pretending to be a wine connoisseur.
• 6% of guys plan to wear a Speedo at the beach or pool THIS SUMMER.
• 5% of singles have actually answered a phone call from someone they are more interested in while on a date with somebody else.

Résumé expert and employment consultant Norma Gaffin advises that when you’re lining up job interviews or actually being interviewed by phone you should dress professionally, even if you’re just lounging around at home. Why? Gaffin claims you have a different demeanor when you’re wearing pajamas as opposed to professional wear. And it’s reflected in your voice even when people can’t see you. (Really? Okay, who wants to play guess what I’m wearing right now?)

• Men in their 20s and women aged 30-to-54 are the biggest users of the “I have a headache” excuse to get out of having sex.
• On the upside, if you get migraine headaches, chances are your sex-drive is 20% higher than those who don’t.
• Women over 50 with a long history of migraines do better on memory tests than women of the same age without.

A Website specializing in given names has compiled a list of vintage monikers that it says are ripe for a return to popularity. Among them: Agatha, Albert, Camilla, Clara, Clement, Dora, Edna, Elsie, Eunice, Felix, Gavin, Harriet, Harry, Hazel, Hester, Ida, Jarvis, Lester, Louisa, Mario, Milton, Olive, Opal, Pearl, Roland, Rosemary, Ross, and Stewart. Many of them sound hokey and old-fashioned now but then, a decade ago, who would have picked Abigail, Emma, Jacob or Ethan? They’re all in the current top 5 for girls & boys respectively. (By naming her twins Hazel & Phinnaeus, Julia Roberts proved she was a mom who’s ahead of the times!)
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• Divorce reduces a person’s wealth by 77% compared to that of a single person. And people who get divorced see their wealth begin to drop long before the decree becomes final. (If you need another reason to try to work things out … now you’ve got it!)
• In TV’s worst Spring in recent memory, an astounding number of viewers have drifted away from tube-time in the past 2 months. More than 2.5 million fewer viewers have been watching the big 4 US networks (ABC, CBS, FOX, NBC) than at the same time LAST YEAR, new stats show. (What do you think is to blame: early Daylight Saving Time; satellite & cable channels; or just really bad programs?)
– Nielsen Media Research
• 1 in 3 adults over 65 falls each year, and that figure has increased significantly in the past decade, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The number increases with age; half of people over 80 suffer a fall each year. (And seemingly most of Hollywood coming out of nightclubs.)
– “USA Today”

“She provides hope for young people all over the US and the world … and beauty and excitement to our otherwise mundane lives. We, the American public who support Paris, are shocked, dismayed and appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that drunk driving is wrong.”
– From a petition that a friend of Paris Hilton has thrown up on her MySpace page, asking California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to cut her some slack.


1946 [61] Donovan (Leitch), Glasgow, Scotland, oldies singer (“Mellow Yellow”, “Sunshine Superman”)

1955 [52] Chris Berman, Greenwich CT, ESPN/ABC-TV sportscaster (“NFL Monday Night Football”, “Baseball Tonight”)

1960 [47] Bono (Paul Hewson), Dublin, Ireland, rock singer (U2-“Window in the Skies”, “Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)/only person nominated for an Oscar, Grammy, Golden Globe, and Nobel Prize

1965 [42] Linda Evangelista, St Catharines ON, aging fashion model (1 of the 5 original ‘supermodels’)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)/VH1 Fashion Awards Lifetime Achievement Award (1996)

• “Clean Up Your Room Day”. What, once a year? Were you born in a barn?

• “Martin Z Mollusk Day” in Ocean City NJ. Similar to “Groundhog Day”, the bizarre annual PR event involves a prognostic hermit crab named ‘Martin’ and a llama that determines whether or not the crab sees his shadow. If he does, summer will supposedly arrive a week early. Funny, in more than 30 years in this resort town, he’s seen it ever year so far. A couple of crabby facts …
– When crabs are stressed, their legs and claws fall off. So scare your dinner first.
– ‘Hermit’ crabs actually travel in packs of up to a hundred. Some hermits!

• “Root Canal Appreciation Day”, apparently started by some masochist somewhere. By comparison, what would make you appreciate a root canal? Watching someone’s PowerPoint presentation of their vacation? A date with Paula Abdul? Back-to-back “According to Jim” episodes?

• “Trust Your Intuition Day”, a day to listen to your ‘gut feelings’ and act upon them. Is it true – are women better at this than men?

1996 [11] Tornado disaster thriller “Twister” opens in movie theaters

1963 [44] The Rolling Stones’ first-ever recording session (Keith Richards is a youngster of 57)

1853 [154] The ‘Potato Chip’ is invented by Chef George Chum of the Carey Moon Lake House in Saratoga Springs NY (just yesterday at the 7-11, I bought a bag from the original batch)

1908 [99] 1st (unofficial) ‘Mother’s Day’ held, at the request of Philadelphia’s Anna Jarvis

1983 [24] Lee Chin Yong performs a record 170 continuous chin-ups in Seoul, Korea

[Fri] Eat What You Want Day
[Sat] Native American Day
[Sat] Limerick Day
[Sat] Kite Day
[Sat] International Nurse’s Day
[Sat-Sun] US Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship (Las Vegas)
[Sun] Mothers Day
[Sun] “7th Heaven” series finalé (CW)
[Mon] Dance Like A Chicken Day
This Week Is … Stuttering Awareness Week
This Month Is … Skin Cancer Detection & Prevention Month


• If a mother rat washes her newborn baby, she’ll take good care of it from then on. But if you wash it, she will most likely …
a. Trade it to another rat.
b. Wash it again.
c. Eat it. [CORRECT]

• Which is the traditional flower of “Mother’s Day”?
a. Rose.
b. Carnation. [CORRECT]
c. Whatever you can find on the way to her house.

You know you’re a mother when someone else’s kid throws up at a party … and you just keep eating.

Today’s Question: Hard to believe, but a Saudi woman may divorce her husband if he does THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Denies her coffee.

A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.


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