Wednesday, May 2, 2007        Edition: #3522
Don’t Forget to Renew or It’s No Sheet, Sherlock!

TODAY in Los Angeles, music producer Phil Spector’s murder trial is expected to resume following cancellations MONDAY, when one of his attorneys had to go to the doctor, and TUESDAY, due to immigration rallies outside the courthouse (at this rate he’s gonna die of old age long before this goes to the jury!) . . . Numerous special midnight screenings of “Spider-Man 3“ are being scheduled for 12:01 am  FRIDAY; and in cineplexes with the capability, the movie’s special opening will run on several screens simultaneously (ka-ching!) . . . Britain’s Prince Harry, a 2nd lieutenant in Britain’s Blues & Royals army regiment, will apparently be deployed to Iraq any day now, despite ongoing concerns for his safety (don’t forget you t-shirt with the target on it!) . . . Roseanne Barr is now said to be the leading loudmouth to replace Rosie O’Donnell when she leaves “The View” (ABC/CTV), with Joan Rivers, Whoopi Goldberg, Kathie Lee Gifford & Connie Chung also in the running (apparently it’s the search for “America’s Most Annoying”) . . . Rumor has it actress Jennifer Aniston & ex-bf Vince Vaughn are giving it another go, recently enjoying dinner together at her house – until late afternoon the following day . . .  46-year-old movie actress Daryl Hannah (“Kill Bill”) says she’s given up finding a romantic relationship but is planning to jump on the Hollywood bandwagon and adopt a child – however hers will be from the USA (how innovative!) . . . Pint-size producer/actor Danny DeVito will try to turn a profit from his recent hungover appearance on “The View” after drinking ‘limoncellos’ all night with George Clooney by marketing ‘Danny DeVito’s Premium Limoncello’, a 60-proof liqueur coming THIS SUMMER (when life gives you lemons …) . . . Stupormodel Gisele Bundchen won’t be modeling for Victoria’s Secret anymore as the chain says her demand for $5 million-plus per year to model lingerie is simply outrageous (besides, at 26 she’s over-the-hill) . . . 37-year-old former model & former Mrs Rod Stewart, Rachel Hunter, has been robbing the cradle of late with 24-year-old NHL player Jarret Stoll of the Edmonton Oilers, the twosome spotted vacationing in Palm Springs CA (for a guy from Melville SK, not a bad ‘score’!) . . . And Hollywood’s latest do-nothing celeb, Victoria Beckham, has reportedly given in and agreed to learn  more about Scientology after Tom Cruise made it clear their continued friendship depends on a commitment to do so (now there’s what you want from a good friend – ultimatums!).

• Alice Cooper – TONIGHT the classic rocker does “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Barbra Streisand – After gouging North American audiences LAST YEAR, she’ll perform her first UK concert in 13 years THIS SUMMER at London’s O2 Arena (formerly the Millennium Dome), where tix will sell for $200 … and up. Her Euro-tour will also play Vienna, Nice, Dublin & Paris.
• Bette Midler – She’s agreed to take over the Caesars Palace Colosseum venue after Celine Dion’s long-running Vegas show winds down. Her first performance is scheduled for FEBRUARY 2008.
• Big & Rich – Their upcoming album “Between Raising Hell & Amazing Grace” (out JUNE 5th), includes a guest appearance by Wyclef Jean and a cover version of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long”. “Mishmashup” would make a better title for this mixed bag of music.
• Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – TONIGHT they perform “Weapon of Choice” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Cher – Fashion designer Bob Mackie, who created the retired pop star’s stage outfits, is set to release a set of collectible dolls in her image. But will anyone actually want them? After all, Cher is turning 61 later THIS MONTH.
• Fall Out Boy – TONIGHT they perform “Thnks fr th Mmrs” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).     
• Feist – TODAY she appears on both “MuchOnDemand” (MuchMusic) and “MTV Live” (MTV Canada).
• Nirvana – Courtney Love says she’s had Kurt Cobain’s belongings assessed at $40 million and she’s set to auction the stuff because Frances Bean doesn’t need to inherit a ‘giant hefty bag full of flannel f–ing shirts’. No less than 3 billionaire collectors have expressed an interest in buying the entire ball o’ wax … er, bag o’ shirts.

New terms entering the language …
• ‘Feebate’ –  A government program designed to reduce energy use & pollution by either levying a fee on inefficient vehicles or offering a rebate on efficient vehicles. (“We decided to buy a hybrid because of the feebate and the chance to bad-mouth all our friends who haven’t.”)
• ‘Full-Fat Fridays’ – The dietary version of dress-down Fridays, the one day of the week when some schools that promote healthy eating permit kids to eat junk-food. Do you have a ‘cheating day’ in your house when desserts, chocolate, etc are permitted?
• ‘Malchemy’ – Continuing to spend money at your usual rate after losing your job. (“You’re out of work and you still leased a new Bimmer? Dude, that’s just malchemy!”)

• A 29-year-old man who brought a used Jeep Liberty into a used car dealership in Norwalk CT as a trade-in was promptly arrested and is awaiting trial. Why? The sales manager recognized the vehicle as one that was stolen … from the same car lot. In fact, the dealer’s plates were still on it and the ownership documents inside.
• Barbers in Iran now risk being put out of business if they wait on customers who are … wearing neckties. Why? The tie is seen as a symbol of Western decadence. Men are also being warned not to wear short-sleeve shirts, while boys with spiked hairstyles are forcibly given a stripe shaved down the middle of their head. In addition, police have banned any form of makeup for men, which is sometimes used by grooms on their wedding day.
• A 37-year-old convicted thief and escaped prisoner in Bulgaria who’s been on the run since 2005 has shown up at the gate of his old Stara Zagora prison and asked to be let back in because … he’s been missing his buddies. Vassil Ivanov says that after 9 years on the inside, he just couldn’t get used to life in the real world again. His wishes will be fulfilled – he’ll now have extra time added to the remaining 2 years of his 11-year sentence.
• And here’s how you nab a thief in today’s hi-tech world. A computer store owner in Grieskirchen, Austria has caught 2 teenage shoplifters after he put his store’s video surveillance footage of them lifting a laptop on YouTube. In no time users who saw the video online contacted the retailer who immediately called in the cops.

According to a new online poll, the all-time recording stars who just don’t get their due …
5. Warren Zevon
4. Sonic Youth
3. Cheap Trick
2. The Replacements
1. Tom Waits
– “Rolling Stone”

• New computer software called ‘SlingPlayer’ allows users to view their home TV or Apple TV on Apple Macintosh desktop or notebook computers. It includes an onscreen feature called ‘SlingRemote’ which acts similar to a real remote control, allowing full control over the viewing experience from changing channels to setting a DVR to record favorite shows. Now available in the US and Canada, the ‘SlingPlayer for Mac’ can be downloaded free directly from Sling Media.
– “The Bosh”
• Almost all of Britain’s TV content will be available online by THIS SUMMER. The BBC has just announced all of its programs will be available to watch for 7 days after they are broadcast. The UK’s Channel 4 led the way with the on-demand concept in DECEMBER, and private network ITV is also expected to announce a matching service.
– Reuters
Malaysia is preparing to send its first astronaut into space and a panel of Islamic scholars is attempting to reconcile how the mandatory daily devotional routine for Muslims can be maintained during the mission. With the spacecraft circling Earth 16 times per day, Islamic ritual would force the astronaut to pray 80 times in each 24-hour period while maintaining the proper prone prayer position … in zero gravity. The scholars will also have to work out how to reconcile Ramadan’s enforced fasting during daylight with the fact that there is neither day or night in space. Two Muslims have gone into space before but they were both left to muddle through the intricacies on their own. (“Could you hand me my prayer mat off the ceiling?”)
– “GQ”

Over the past 2 months, farmers in Taiwan have reported most of their bees have disappeared. It’s estimated about 10 million bees have simply vanished within the country. One beekeeper on the northeastern coast alone has reported 6 million of them missing for no apparent reason. Taiwan is just the latest country to experience the odd phenomenon. Billions of bees have fled hives in the United States since late 2006, instead of helping pollinate $15-billion worth of fruits, nuts and other crops. Disappearing bees also have been reported in Europe and Brazil. So far, there’s no logical explanation for the mass buzz-off. (We’re sure the “Bee Movie” is already in production.)
– “United Daily News”
• Bees can smell fear
• Bees can see ultraviolet light.
• Bees have 5 eyes.
• Bees kill more people a year than sharks do.
• Bees visit over 2,000 flowers and fly over 55,000 miles to produce just 1 lb of honey. (Sheesh, maybe they’re on strike!)

“I pick out all her dresses. I’m the Simon Cowell of my household. I’ll only dress her in creams and light blues.”
– Singer Marc Anthony, who likes telling wife Jennifer Lopez what not to wear.


1950 [57] Lou Gramm (Grammatico), Rochester NY, classic rock singer (Foreigner-“I Want to Know What Love Is”, “Feels Like the First Time”)

1952 [55] Christine Baranski, Buffalo NY, movie actress (“Chicago”)/TV actress (Emmy Award-“Cybill”)/Broadway actress (Tony Award-“Rumors”)  COMING UP: Plays ‘Tanya’ in the bigscreen version of “Mamma Mia!”, due in 2008.

1962 [45] Ty Herndon, Meridian MS, country singer (“It Must Be Love”, “Living In a Moment”)

1972 [35] The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Hayward CA, 6′-5 “ 272-lb former WWE wrestler/movie actor (“Gridiron Gang”, “The Rundown”)  COMING UP: Co-stars with Steve Carell in the bigscreen version of vintage TV sitcom “Get Smart”, coming in 2008.
1975 [32] David Beckham, Leytonstone UK, soccer star (LA Galaxy [as of JULY 1st], Real Madrid, England World Cup team)/wed Spice Girl Victoria Adams in 1999/father to Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz/soon-to-be California immigrant

• “Be Kind to Smelly People Day”. So we what … hose them down and introduce them to hygiene products?

• “Full ‘Flower’ Moon”, which reaches it peak performance at 6:09 EDT.

• “International Telecommuting Day”, to encourage employers to develop programs for employees to work at home at least part of the time (aka ‘Work in Your Bathrobe Day’).

• “Sibling Appreciation Day”, a day to let brothers & sisters know you care. (Or maybe to add up all the times you got ratted on, your hair pulled, your dessert stolen – and get even!)

1994 [13] ‘Ron’ & ‘Erik’ tie the knot on “Northern Exposure” (CBS) in the first ‘Gay Wedding’ on a TV series

1997 [10] Mike Myers’ “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery” opens in movie theaters

1670 [337] Canada’s oldest company, ‘Hudson Bay Co’, is chartered (now America’s oldest company)

1964 [43] 1st Canadian horse to win Kentucky Derby (Northern Dancer)

1986 [21] “Expo 86“ opens in Vancouver (22 million visit over the next 5 months)

1876 [131] 1st MLB ‘Home Run’ (Chicago White Stockings’ Ross Barnes vs Cincinnati Red Stockings)

1885 [122] 1st issue of “Good Housekeeping” magazine

1991 [16] ‘Longest Taxi Ride’ leaves Nokia, Finland for 15-day, 14,414-mile trip to Spain and back with the meter running up a total cost $16,000 … not including tip

[Thurs] Hug Your Cat Day
[Thurs-May 8] Queen Elizabeth II’s state visit to USA
[Fri] Scrapbook Day
[Fri] “Spider-Man 3” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] International Tuba Day
[Sat] Cinco de Mayo
[Sat] No Diet Day
[Sat] 2007 Kentucky Derby
This Week Is … Public Service Recognition Week
This Month Is … Asparagus Month


• If 2 musicians wanted to live together in an apartment, could they share A-flat?
• Is the biggest decision in life to look … or to look away?
• Were cats put on this Earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose?
• Do apes go ‘people’ when they get excited?
• If you kick the Energizer Bunny, can you be charged with assaulting the battery?

• Trouble putting the lid on a plastic container? Run the lid under hot water for 20-30 seconds and it will close easily.
• Instant potatoes are a good thickening for stews.
• Anything that grows under the ground, start off in cold water – potatoes, beets, carrots, etc. Anything that grows above ground, start off in boiling water – peas, greens, beans, etc.
• Use vinegar & hot water to clean dried on insects off the windshield. Doesn’t leave any film.
• When moving to a new location, unpack your computer and let it stand at room temperature before using it.
– “2007 Canadian Farmers’ Almanac”

Thanks to Snoop Dogg’s open enjoyment of weed during a Lethbridge AB show in JANUARY, the city is considering a proposal that would require performers to pay a hefty financial bond which would only be returned if they behave onstage. Good idea or bad?

A new site called ‘fatsecret’ is the place for people interested in diets to discuss what works. It offers a range of diet info, personalized diet creation, and a slew of suggested recipes. The site’s current ranking of the most-popular diets …
5. You: On a Diet
4. Fat Flush Plan
3. South Beach Diet
2. Fat Smash Diet
1. Atkins

I asked my mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

Today’s Question: A survey finds that if you order THIS, chances are you are a bad tipper.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A drink with an umbrella in it.

To strive for perfection is ignorant; to strive for excellence commendable; to strive for mediocrity unnecessary.


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