Friday, May 26, 2006        Edition: #3291
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Katie Couric says (a no doubt tearful) goodbye to NBC-TV’s “Today Show” show after 15 years as she makes her final appearance before taking over duties as CBS News anchor (now that there are 700 channels, are news anchors ‘stars’ anymore?) . . . Starbucks is branching out into the book biz, with plans to market audiobook versions of “The Velveteen Rabbit” & “The Night Before Christmas” narrated by actress Meryl Streep (get a copy free with each 12-dollar cup of coffee!) . . . “The Da Vinci Code” has now been banned in the Solomon Islands, which wouldn’t be newsworthy except – the tiny South Pacific nation doesn’t have any movie theaters (better to be safe than sane!) . . . Vatican newspaper “L’Osservatore Romano” says the so-called ‘controversy’ over “The Da Vinci Code” is much ado about nothing, merely created as part of the movie’s gigantic marketing strategy (ah, it’s a conspiracy?) . . . “Da Vinci Code” author Dan Brown’s first religious thriller, “Angels and Demons”, is also set to get a movie treatment, as a prequel that also features ‘Robert Langdon’ . . . Michael Jackson is currently shopping real estate in London UK (has he worn out his welcome in Bahrain?) . . . Just-killed-off “OC” star Mischa Barton is also considering moving to London, at least temporarily – to take acting lessons (maybe they can teach her a 2nd facial expression?) . . . Paleontologists have just named a recently discovered 66-million-year-old dinosaur ‘Dracorex Hogwartsia’ because it reminds them of a beast in JK Rowling’s “Harry Potter” books (why not ‘Tyrannosaurus Dumbledorus’?) . . . “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest blames his busy sched’ and excessive media attention for the swift end to his romance with “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher (besides, he was just using her to find out how to hook up with Jesse Metcalfe) . . . And Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have reportedly asked African chief & Namibian Governor Samuel Nuuyoma to pick a name for their soon-to-arrive child (in that case, we’re betting on ‘Sam’).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dixie Chicks – They’ve infuriated the hosts of ABC’s daytime talk show “The View” by claiming in “TIME” magazine that they’re ‘above’ appearing on the show. Oops.
• Flavor Flav – TODAY the groundbreaking Public Enemy rapper guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (Syndicated/CityTV).
• Franz Ferdinand – TOMORROW they’re the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by actress Catherine Zeta-Jones.
• Paul McCartney – According to British divorce law, estranged wife Heather Mills could expect between $19- and $94-million from his $1.6-billion estate, “People” reports. But, so far, friends tell the mag that neither has lawyered up. However, another report suggests he’s offering a $45-million quickie settlement, if she gives permission for their daughter to live with him.
• Pussycat Dolls – Hasbro has ditched plans to develop a line of play dolls for young girls based on them after protests from the parents’ groups ‘Dads & Daughters’ & ‘Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood’. Dads were okay with it, just not for their daughters.
• Staind – SUNDAY as part of the pre-race entertainment at the “Indianapolis 500”, they perform on a stage overlooking the finish line.
• TI – TONIGHT he performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“X-Men: The Last Stand” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Fantasy ): Stars Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry et al return in this 3rd instalment of the comic book-based series to face a cure for mutancy, the resurrection of a lost comrade, and escalating tensions between mutants and humans that threaten to trigger the war to end all wars. “Frasier” alum Kelsey Grammar guest-stars as the intellectual ‘Beast’. Directed by Brett Ratner. Strangely enough, former director Bryan Singer left the franchise to take over “Superman Returns” from … Brett Ratner. This franchise is about as close to money-in-the-bank as you can get – “ X-Men” grossed $296 million worldwide; “X2: X-Men United” upped the ante to $408 million.
NET: http://www.x-menthelaststand.com

A LEG UP:
According to a recent poll, 45% of women cross their legs most of the time when seated, often out of habit, but also as a way of flirting. In comparison, just 21% of men say they cross their legs most of the time. 70% of men, but only 47% of women think leg-crossing by women is erotic. (Of course, most guys would also say that about a woman crossing her eyes … or a woman  crossing the street.)
– “Focus”

HEY, BUTT BREATH!
Everyone knows that dogs have bad breath after a long day of kissing butt. Now there’s relief for furry friends with halitosis – ‘YipYap’ breath mints for dogs! Manufacturer Chomp Inc claims they feature natural freshening agents like rosemary, parsley and green tea, as well as – ew! – liver. (Warning! Unless you want your house destroyed, never give your dog an Altoid!)
NET: http://www.chompinc.com
– Reuters

FOGEY FACTOR:
When does noise become loud?  According to author AA Gill, te human ‘sound barrier’ is reached at the age of 50. Up until that age people are constantly turning sound up. But after 50, he contends, you begin to notice what a racket life makes and you yearn for peace and quiet. (And begin yelling, “Turn down that noise!”)
– “Times of London”

GUILTY REFLECTIONS:
Put a mirror on the fridge and you may get skinnier! A study published in the “Journal of Applied Psychology” finds that when people eat low-fat cream cheese, it doesn’t matter if they are seated in front of a mirror, but when they try regular fatty cream cheese, they eat 50% less in front of the mirror. (Except for [co-host], who’d eat all the cream cheese … and then the mirror.)
– AFP

WHY THERE ARE WAL-MART GREETERS:
A Canadian federal government survey shows that fully 75% of those approaching retirement age would rather do part-time work than quit completely. (This explains the Rolling Stones tour.)
– CNEWS

WANNA MAKE THE WEEKEND SEEM LONGER?
If it seems time really drags when you’re dying for a cigarette … you’re right! Researchers have found that when regular smokers quit, their perception of passing time is stretched by 50%. It’s believed the illusion is both biological and psychological. (In fact for some quitters, time slows down so much they hallucinate that they’ve moved to [local small town].)
– “New Scientist”

PUCKER PREREQUISITES:
According to a worldwide poll, the qualities that most often lead to a kiss are: ‘Good Looks’, ‘A Winning Smile’, ‘A Positive Attitude’, and ‘Beautiful Lips & Teeth’. (Not to mention ‘A Fat Wallet’.)
– “Glamour”

BS SHOCKING FACT:
According to the latest ‘Media Family Report’ issued by the Henry J Kaiser Family Foundation, 1 in 3 children between the age of 6 months and 6 years now have a TV set in their bedrooms. And children who have TVs in their bedrooms spend an average of 30 minutes more per day watching TV than those who don’t. (And grow up to weigh an average of a half-ton.)
– “Washington Post”

THE BULL SHEET 05.26.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [67] Brent Musburger, Billings MT, TV sportscaster (“ABC Saturday Night College Football” beginning SEPTEMBER 2)

1948 [58] Stevie (Stephanie) Nicks, Phoenix AZ, oldies singer (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1949 [57] Hank Williams Jr, Shreveport LA, country singer (w/Gretchen Wilson , Big & Rich & Van Zant-“That’s How They Do It In Dixie”)

1964 [42] Lenny Kravitz, NYC, rock singer/guitarist (“Lady”, “Fly Away”)
 
1966 [40] Helena Bonham Carter, London UK, movie actress (“Charlie & the Chocolate Factory”, “Big Fish”)

1971 [35] Matt Stone, Houston TX, TV writer & producer (“South Park” co-creator with Trey Parker)/movie producer (“Team America: World Police”)

1975 [31] Lauryn Hill, South Orange NJ, has-been pop/R&B singer (“Doo Wop [That Thing]”)

SATURDAY –
Movie actor Louis Gossett Jr (“An Officer & a Gentleman”) is 70; Pop/folk singer Bruce Cockburn (“Lovers in a Dangerous Time”) is 61; Movie actor Paul Bettany (“The Da Vinci Code”) is 35; Hip-hop artist Andre 3000 (Outkast) is 31.

SUNDAY –
Oldies singer Gladys Knight (“Midnight Train to Georgia”) is 62; Former NYC Mayor Rudolph Giuliani is 62; Classic rocker John Fogerty (CCR) is 61; Country singer Phil Vassar (“Last Day Of My Life”) is 44; TV actress Christa Miller (“Scrubs”) is 42; Pop singer Kylie Minogue (“Can’t Get You Out of My Head”) is 38.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bob Day”, honoring anyone with the name. Why is it they always seem to turn out to be the ultimate OK guy?
• “Corpus Christi”, a Roman Catholic holiday celebrated in Mexico, Austria, Poland, Spain, Brazil, Germany and elsewhere. Like Corpus Christi, Texas maybe?

SATURDAY –
• “Ancestor Honor Day”, a day to reflect on the contributions of those who’ve gone before us.
• “Cabot Trail Relay Race”, a 24 Hour, 17 stage relay race around Cape Breton Island’s famous Cabot Trail, starting from Baddeck NS. It’s a killer to drive it let alone run it!
NET: http://www.morandan.com/CabotTrail/Relay/

SUNDAY –
• “Amnesty International Day”, recognizing the need to protect human rights around-the-world.
• “Hamburger Day”, honoring the world’s favorite sandwich whose origins can be traced back as far as the Middle Ages. These days, close to 6 billion burgers are served annually by restaurants. Hamburger meat from a single steer will make about 720 quarter-pound hamburger patties.
• “Indianapolis 500”, the 90th running of the ‘Greatest Spectacle in Racing’. This year, cycling champ Lance Armstrong will drive the pace car.
NET: http://www.indy500.com

BUMPER STICKERS TO LOOK FOR ON INDY CARS:
“Honk If You’ve Been Lapped”
“I Love The Smell of Valvoline in the Morning”
“Real Men Squeal!”
“My Other Car Doesn’t Need a Crew of 10”
“If You Can Read This … I’m Whipping Your Butt!”

MONDAY –
• “Memorial Day”, observed on the last Monday in May in America, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in the nation’s service. It was originally called “Decoration Day” 138 years ago (1868) when General John Logan declared a day to decorate Civil War soldiers’ graves with flowers at Gettysburg PA. Nowadays its more often observed as ‘Beach Day’ or ‘Picnic Day’.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [12] Elvis rolls over in his grave as ‘King of Pop’ Michael Jackson secretly weds ‘The ‘King’s’ daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, in the Dominican Republic (she files for divorce in January 1996)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1911 [95] 1st “Indianapolis 500″ auto race

1968 [38] 1st non-American-based MLB team, Montréal Expos, officially formed (RIP)

1978 [28] 1st legal US casino outside of Nevada opens, in Atlantic City NJ (now there’s practically one on every corner)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [05] More than 2,000 people pose naked in downtown Montréal in 12 C weather for a nude group photo-shoot by NYC artist Spencer Tunick, who specializes in taking shots of nude crowds in urban centers (only 300 were expected)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Memorial Day (USA)
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] Macaroon Day
[Wed] Save Your Hearing Day
[Wed] World No-Tobacco Day
This Week Is … Mudbug Week (Creole slang for crawfish)
This Month Is … Allergy Awareness Month (ahhhhh-CHOOOOO!)

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS IT’S TIME TO MOW YOUR LAWN:
• Your postal worker is now equipped with a machete.
• Your landscaping consultant has recommended the use of an upside-down helicopter.
• To find your newspaper, you have to organize a search party.
• You’re reading a new book called “Inexpensive Lawn Care Through Asphalt”.
• You have to keep the dog on a leash in the backyard or you lose sight of him.
• You bump into something on the way out to the car and realize it’s the kids’ swing set.
• You can no longer see in the neighbors’ bedroom window … on the 2nd floor.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Which part of your body can you make music with? Show us!

BS PHOBIA QUICK-PICK:
• You suffer from ‘pentheraphobia’. Whatcha so scared of?
a. Your employer.
b. Your pet cat.
c. Your mother-in-law. [CORRECT, ya wuss!]

• What are people who suffer from ‘deipnophobia’ afraid of doing while eating?
a. Drinking.
b. Speaking. [CORRECT. It’s the fear of conversation while dining. Individuals who have this fear usually eat meals in silence.]
c. Passing gas.
– “Encyclopedia of Phobias, Fears and Anxieties”

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Field Mob – “So What”
4. Rick Ross – “Hustlin”
3. Rihanna – “SOS”
2. TI – “What You Know”
1. Ne-Yo – “When You’re Mad”
– Big Champagne online music measurement.

BS BLATANT JOKE:
Somebody’s got to clean this studio. I mean it! The plants growing in here aren’t even in pots!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 194 years ago (1812), THIS hot new dance was introduced to England that most observers considered ‘disgusting and immoral’.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Believe it or not, it was the waltz.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is more human.

BS BONUS!
Tell a colleague about “The Bull Sheet”. We’ll add ONE FREE MONTH to your subscription for each new subscriber you recommend.


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