Thursday, May 25, 2006        Edition: #3290
Can You Believe This Sheet? 

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT FOX-TV’s “So You Think You Can Dance” kicks off a 2nd summer season (your annual cue to get off the couch and actually do something)  . . . There’s a film-fest somewhere almost every week; TODAY it’s the “Seattle International Film Festival”m which reels through JUNE 18th . . . In a new survey, half of Namibians say that the day Angelina Jolie gives birth should be declared a national holiday, an honor usually reserved for royalty & national heroes . . . Bette Midler says reports she’s been asked to sing at her “Stepford Wives” co-star Nicole Kidman’s wedding to country star Keith Urban are untrue – but she has been invited (thereby confirming one rumor) . . . A new report suggests that Kidman & Urban will wed without a prenuptial agreement (guys, guys … talk to Paul McCartney!) . . . After learning hottie actress Jessica Alba’s planning to move to NYC, her 15-month boyfriend Cash Warren reportedly panicked & proposed in an attempt to keep her close by in LA (he just doesn’t pick up on clues apparently) . . . As long expected, it’s officially been announced that 63-year-old ABC News anchor Charles Gibson will leave “Good Morning America” to replace the pregnant Elizabeth Vargas on “World News Tonight” (with the recent history of those who’ve held the position – is that a good idea, Chuck?) . . . Sean Combs, Phylicia Rashad & other cast members of the 2004 Broadway revival of “A Raisin in the Sun” will star in an upcoming TV version of the play (then you can answer the perennial question “What’s on TV?” with … “Diddy”) . . . 5-foot, 9-inch “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell has been spotted lately wearing lifts, apparently in order to appear taller . . . And speaking of short guys – Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes have reportedly had a giant spat that’s resulted in her taking baby Suri to Ohio to introduce her to family & friends (no doubt the IMF team has been dispatched to recapture her).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bon Jovi – Contradicting his recent announcement that he’s single & available, guitarist Richie Sambora has been joined on the band’s world tour (currently in Italy), by Charlie Sheen’s estranged wife Denise Richards.
• Brooks & Dunn – They’ve signed a deal to appear at the Las Vegas Hilton in March, July and December for the next 2 years. TONIGHT they appear on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Bruce Springsteen – TONIGHT he kicks off an 18-city North American tour with his new Seeger Sessions Band in Boston MA.
• Elton John – He’s accepted $180,000 in damages from Brit tabloid “Daily Mail” for printing false claims about his behavior at his annual “White Tie & Tiara” charity ball. He’ll donate the settlement to his AIDS charity.
• Gorillaz – Co-creator Jamie Hewlett has been named Britain’s ‘Designer of the Year’ for conceiving the graphics, animation and ‘live’ performances for the virtual band.
• Hoobastank – TONIGHT they do “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Kylie Minogue – The pop princess, who’s recovering following a year-long battle with breast cancer, says she’ll marry boyfriend/actor Olivier Martinez twice … once in Australia and once in France. But there’s no word on when.
• Paul Simon – TODAY he guests on the syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Christina Aguilera is being lined up to play notorious 1950s burlesque dancer Tempest Storm in a biopic . . . Bruce Willis has announced a 4th “Die Hard” film is ready to start shooting and he hopes it will be in cinemas by NEXT YEAR . . . Disney has delayed the release of “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” until 2008, likely so it can squeeze every last penny out of the first film beforehand . . . Yoko Ono has done an about-face and now given her blessing to “Chapter 27″, which will star Jared Leto as John Lennon’s assassin, Mark Chapman, and Lindsay Lohan as his lone friend . . . Colin Farrell & Ewan MacGregor are set to star in director Woody Allen’s untitled new film, which begins shooting THIS SUMMER in London, the 3rd consecutive Allen movie to film there . . . “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher will lend her voice to “Coraline”, an animated bigscreen version of Neil Gaiman’s 2002 bestseller, playing both the mother of the title character (Dakota Fanning) and her ‘Other Mother’ in a parallel universe . . . “School Of Rock” co-star Joan Cusack will portray legendary TV chef Julia Child in a new bio-film . . . Hilary Swank will next star in “PS: I Love You”, playing a widow whose life is turned upside-down by letters left by her husband . . . And singer Norah Jones will make her screen-acting debut in the upcoming romantic comedy “My Blueberry Nights”, starring Jude Law, Natalie Portman & Rachel Weisz.

I’LL HAVE WHAT ROVER’S HAVING:
A study of over 1,300 dog owners in the UK has found that 18% of them feed their pooches better than themselves. According to the poll, 21% of dogs regularly get cheese, 15% eat fish and, perhaps surprisingly, 9% munch vegetables. More than a quarter of respondents say they would gladly eat the food they buy their dog. There’s just one prob – 10% admit their pet has a weight problem.
– Yahoo! News

BS STRANGE BUT TRUE:
• Motherhood makes females smarter. A “Natural Health” study of female mice finds motherhood makes them more curious, prone to fewer mistakes and better able to learn mazes.
• You CAN wash a man right out of your hair. Washing your hair is emotionally cleansing for your mind, according to a recent psychology study. Symbolically it seems, you’re getting the man (or woman) ‘right out of your hair’ and watching him flow down the drain.

AND NOW THE iTROD:
Apple Computer & Nike have co-operated to come up with a running shoe that tells you, via your iPod, how far you’ve run and how many calories you’ve burned. The Nike-Plus system consists of a transmitter that’s slipped into your trainer which sends info to the music player with every step. A voice on your iPod then tells you how you’re doing. The system has even been programmed so that when your energy level starts to flag, it calls up a pre-chosen ‘power song’ to give you a motivational boost. The sensor kit goes on sale in JULY and seems reasonable at a little under $50. Oh, but did we mention you’ll also need a special shoe? That’d be the Air Zoom Moire … at about $120.
– “GQ”

IT’S A HARD-KNOCK LIFE:
Contrary to the popular belief that life’s harsh lessons make you stronger, a new psychology study at the UK’s University of Leicester [‘LESS-ter’] suggests that people who have suffered adverse experiences while growing up actually end up more – gullible. Instead of toughening up people, hard knocks such as illness, parental divorce, school bullying, and being a victim of crime tend to make them more vulnerable to being misled in later life.
– ANI

FOR THE RECORD:
A new record has been set for the most expensive cellphone number. In an auction in the tiny Gulf state of Qatar, an anonymous bidder has paid the equivalent of $2.75 million for the phone number ‘666-6666′. The previous record was a comparatively modest $500,000 paid for the number ‘8888-8888′ in China, where the number 8 is traditionally considered lucky.
– AFP

BS SHOCKING FACT:
The CIBC Bank is predicting that hurricane season could send gasoline prices as high as $1.30 a liter THIS SUMMER. (Coincidentally, the bank is now offering a ‘Fill ‘er Up Loan’.)

According to the Discovery Channel, the Australian mouse makes love for 12 hours straight … then drops dead.

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• Cops in Vilnius, Lithuania were dumbfounded after giving a Breathalyzer to a truck driver who’d been zipping along down the center of a 2-lane highway. His blood-alcohol level registered 18 times the legal limit … twice the level considered lethal.
• A student at Pillsbury Baptist Bible College in Owatonna MN has been charged in the theft of his roommate’s debit card. And furthering his chances of eternity in Hades, it was discovered the card has been used to pay for over $2,300-worth of calls to … adult phone lines.
• A 10-year-old boy in Torquay, England has been awarded circa $2,800 following his expulsion from school for selling marijuana. Why? A local court agreed the school had acted too slowly in fulfilling its duty to … find the dope dealer an alternate place of education.

HE SAID IT:
“When people come up to me and say ‘Fall Out Boy saved my life’ my only response is that Fall Out Boy saved my life, too.”
– Fall Out Boy bassist/lyricist Pete Wentz in “Blender Magazine”.

THE BULL SHEET 05.25.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [67] Sir Ian McKellen, Burnley UK, movie actor (‘Sir Leigh Teabing’-“The Da Vinci Code”, ‘Gandalf’-“Lord of the Rings” series, ‘Magneto’-“X-Men” series)

1944 [62] Frank Oz, Hereford UK, Muppeteer (‘Miss Piggy’, ‘Fozzie Bear’, ‘Bert’, ‘Grover’, ‘Cookie Monster’)/voice actor (‘Yoda’-“Star Wars” series)/movie director (“The Stepford Wives”)

1963 [43] Mike Myers, Toronto ON, movie actor (“Shrek” series, “Austin Powers” series)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2003)

1969 [37] Anne Heche, Aurora OH, movie actress (“6 Days 7 Nights”, “John Q”)/Ellen DeGeneres’ ex-partner

1976 [30] Ethan Suplee, NYC, TV actor (‘Randy Hickey’ on “My Name Is Earl”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Flirting Day” (aka ‘Get Slapped With a Harassment Suit Day’).

• “Missing Children’s Day”, promoting awareness of the problem and safety tips for kids and parents. We’re asked to turn on porch lights as a way to show hope and support for missing kids and their families.

• “Tap Dance Day”, honoring the birthday of Bill ‘Bojangles’ Robinson, ‘King of Tap Dancers’, in 1878. (You can do an on-air tap dance using 2 pencils on the microphone … gently.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1977 [29] The original “Star Wars” movie is released (earns $775 million worldwide)

1992 [14] Jay Leno debuts as host of NBC-TV’s “The Tonight Show” as Johnny Carson retires after 30 years

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1989 [17] 1st (and only) Stanley Cup won by Calgary Flames (vs Montréal Canadiens)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] “X-Men: The Last Stand” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Ancestor Honor Day
[Sun] Indianapolis 500
[Mon] Memorial Day (no “BS” service)
[Mon] Hamburger Day
[Mon] “Canadian Idol 4“ debuts (CTV)
[Wed] World No-Tobacco Day
This Week Is … Backyard Games Week
This Month Is … Correct Posture Month

BULL’S BITS

LEAST POPULAR SPORTS ON TSN:
Bungee Archery
Seniors Hide-and-Seek
Bowling-Ball Soccer
Greco-Roman Tiddly Winks
Public Pool Warm-Spot Obstacle Course
Nude Bowling
Cobra Throw
Lawn Farts
Synchronized Snow-Writing

BS ‘SENSITIVE GUY GAME’:
The 21st Century man is no neanderthal. He’s attentive, cares about feelings, and is totally attuned to the everyday problems of running a household, right? Find out by having 2 guys take alternate turns answering the following questions. Winner gets a free day at a beauty spa!
• You’re a ‘pear-shaped’ woman. What’s your problem? [Pear-shaped women have larger bottoms and thighs which in turn makes their bust look smaller.]
• Why the heck would you add a bottle of Coke to your laundry detergent? [It’s good for removing grease stains.]
• You have blue eyes. Which shades of eye makeup will help ‘warm’ them up? [Brown and rose, according to “Ladies’ Home Journal”.]
• What can you put in your bag of potatoes to keep ‘eyes’ from forming? [An apple.]
• You just spent a fortune on wicker furniture for your backyard. How can you prevent it from yellowing? [Wash it with a mild salt water solution.]
• You’re a woman with saddle bags (large hips). How can you give the appearance of better body symmetry? [Wear something that draws attention to your top half.]
• Your brown sugar has gone all hard. What can you do? [Toss in a slice of bread to soften it back up.]
• How can you get your husband to listen to you about problems at work? [Before you begin the conversation, let him know exactly what you need from him, ie: “I'm not ready to work on resolving it yet. I just need to vent right now.” At least, that’s the rub according to “Redbook”.]
• What can you put in your stinky shoes to freshen them up? [Kitty litter or tea leaves.]
• If you want your jeans to dry more quickly, what should you throw in the dryer? [A dry towel.]
• You’re a typical woman. What do you hate most about summer? [Buying a swimsuit.]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• It’s odd … a guy with your IQ should have a low voice too.
• I’ve always found money is better than poverty … if only for financial reasons.
• It’s hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen, right [co-host]?.
• So I told my wife/husband, if I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on the cat.

TRUSIES & FALSIES:
Rubbing watermelon on your underarms prevents body odor. (F)
Apples are more efficient than coffee in waking people up in the morning. (T)
The words ‘flammable’ and ‘inflammable’ mean the same thing. (T)
Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right- or left-handed … er, pawed. (T)
In the original “Snow White” story, there was an 8th dwarf named ‘Spike’. (F)
Of all the words in the English language, the word ‘set’ has the most definitions. (T)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Experts say that just thinking of THIS will give you an instant energy boost.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Your favorite song.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you keep blowing your own horn, people are going to be quick to get out of your way.


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