Tuesday, May 2, 2006        Edition: #3273
Don’t Forget to Renew or It’s No Sheet, Sherlock!

TONIGHT CBS-TV is looking for some May Sweeps oomph from the special “Dynasty Reunion: Catfights & Caviar”, which brings back former stars Joan Collins, Linda Evans & John Forsythe to reminisce about the 1980s nighttime soap (eww, it’s a wrinkle reunion!) . . . Starbucks, which is using its stores to promote the new movie “Akeelah & the Bee”, is moving aggressively to expand its involvement in show biz by finding more movies and books to promote in the same way it has marketed music (seems there just isn’t enough profit in 10-dollar-a-cup coffee) . . . And the housecleaning continues – Britney Spears has now fired 4 of her security staff after police warned that their erratic driving could endanger her & her son (you know, the kid wearing the safety helmet – permanently?) . . . First her dad was sent to the hoosgow and now actress Lindsay Lohan is facing new embarrassment after an uncle has been jailed for theft of over 600-grand – from the 9/11 victims’ fund! (there’s a lot of deadwood in this family tree) . . . Actress Halle Berry’s biological clock is ticking loudly and she says she’ll soon adopt a baby boy if one doesn’t happen ‘naturally’ (and in Hollywood fashion, she’ll name the kid something horrible like ‘Rasp’) . . . And because we need to know, “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest informs us that he has some 200 T-shirts in his wardrobe, meticulously filed from ‘light to dark’ and from ‘crazy to really crazy’ (sort of a parallel for his career).

• Franz Ferdinand – TONIGHT they guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC-TV.
• Jewel – TONIGHT she performs music from her just-released “Goodbye Alice in Wonderland” album on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Keith Urban – Here we go again! Latest buzz on his wedding to Nicole Kidman is it will be a winter ceremony Down Under in a Catholic church in Sydney. Mark your calendars for JUNE 25.
• Madonna – Director-hubby Guy Ritchie is planning to make a behind-the-scenes documentary about her “Confessions on a Dance Floor” tour which kicks off MAY 21 in LA. We can only hope it’s more entertaining than their disastrous 2002 movie collaboration, “Swept Away”.
• Pearl Jam – TODAY their self-titled 8th studio album is out after nearly a 4-year break from recording. It will be supported by a major North American tour kicking off MAY 9 & 10 in Toronto.
• Rascal Flatts – Joe Don Rooney recently wed “Playboy” magazine’s 2005 ‘Playmate of the Year’ Tiffany Fallon on the beach in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. All 3 members of the group sang during the ceremony.
• Shania Twain – A group of fans wants to preserve artifacts from the place where she got her start as a singer. Paneling, bar stools, tables & chairs from the old Maple Leaf Hotel & Bar in Timmins ON are being set aside before the building is demolished. It’s hoped the artifacts will go on display at the local Shania Twain Centre.
• Also in stores TODAY: Tool’s “10,000 Days”; Carnie Wilson’s “A Mother’s Gift: Lullabies from the Heart”; Gomez’s “How We Operate”; Willie Nelson’s “Live From Austin TX”; and Brian Littrell’s “Welcome Home”.

• “The Family Stone” ( Romantic Dramedy ): An ensemble comedy in which Sarah Jessica Parker plays the inhibited fiancée of Dermot Mulroney who is tossed into the midst of his counter-culture clan. Diane Keaton, Rachel McAdams, Claire Danes & Luke Wilson co-star.
• “Flight 93″ ( Historical Drama ): This made-for-cable TV thriller with a no-name cast was the first film to deal with the story of United Airlines Flight 93, the plane hijacked on 9/11 and wrestled back from the terrorists by the passengers and crew. Not to be confused with the bigscreen production “United 93“, now in theaters.
• “Hoodwinked” ( Animated Family Comedy ): A spoof of “Little Red Riding Hood” that investigates what happens after the traditional story ends, “CSI”-style. Features the voices of Glenn Close, Anne Hathaway & James Belushi, among others.
• “Last Holiday” ( Romantic Comedy ): Queen Latifah plays a meek sales clerk diagnosed with an incurable disease who decides to live her final days to their fullest in a spare-no-expense vacation at a winter resort. LL Cool J & Gerard Depardieu co-star.
• Also out on DVD TODAY: “Tennessee Williams Film Collection”, a box set of 6 movies based on his plays, including “A Streetcar Named Desire” and “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”; “I Love Lucy: The Complete 6th Season”; “The Lucy & Desi Collection”, the 3 movies they made together; Time-Life’s “Gambler Collection”, a 25th anniversary set of Kenny Rogers’ 3 TV movies based on his hit song “The Gambler”; and “The Red Green Show: 1997 Season”.

In London UK, there’s a new service that delivers cosmetic surgery to the home. What’s been dubbed ‘Botox-On-A-Bike’ is a sideline of a local chain of clinics, administered in the home by a qualified doctor who does his rounds on a motorcycle. Available therapies include not only Botox but skin peels and injectable wrinkle fillers. (And coming soon – drive-thru nose jobs!)
– “The Independent”

It’s been 50 years since they first canned “Play-Doh” and now – they’re bottling it, or at least its essence. Got a hot play date? Spritz on the new ‘Eau de Play-Doh’, a new creation from Hasbro and the Demeter Fragrance Library, the perfume purveyors behind such singular scents as ‘Dirt’, ‘Tomato’ and ‘Thunderstorm’. Hasbro’s publicity pitch suggests the limited-edition ode to the distinctively odiferous modeling compound is a scent for ‘highly creative people’. (Not to mention motherly types who are also attracted by the scents ‘Pablum Puke’ and ‘Poopy Pampers’.)
– “Curious Times”

University of Illinois computer science experts have developed a software framework called ‘PERM’ (Practical End-Host Collaborative Residential Multihoming), a hifalutin name for a simple program that will allow neighbors to share high-speed wireless connections without compromising security or privacy. Researchers say pooling Internet access will not only save consumers money but also improve online performance. (A lot of people are already sharing – unknowingly.)

The male contraceptive pill is another step closer to reality after a new trial has shown men can return to full fertility within 3 months after they stop taking the drug. The male pill works by administering a small dosage of progestogen and androgen, which together prevent male fertility. However, some experts predict common usage of the ‘male pill’ is still at least 5 years away. (This is never gonna work. Guys will lie about anything to get what they want … especially about taking a pill earlier in the day.)
– “GQ”

A random survey of 18-to-25 year-old campus males reveals that a significant percentage have used male dysfunction medication such as Viagra as a recreational drug. Most users obtained it without consulting a doctor and many say they’ve used it in combination with other recreational drugs. ([Co-host] used to mix it with Ex-Lax but he found that he couldn’t tell if he was coming or going.)

A new study by a California group called the Foundation or Taxpayer & Consumer Rights reports that over 60% of the recent gas price spikes are the result of corporate markups and profiteering. The group concludes that oil companies are opportunistically using the rising world price for crude oil as an excuse to excessively raise gasoline prices and pump up profits, even though the spot market price for crude has gone up far slower than gasoline prices. If gas prices are really getting you down you might consider moving to Venezuela, where the government-owned oil company has kept the price of gas at – 14 cents per gallon! (Wouldn’t it be easier to swallow buck-a-litre prices if Canada were not the #1 oil supplier to the US?)
– ConsumerWatchdog.org

• A University of Missouri psychology study has found that women would be more likely to do the nasty with a guy pictured giving a cookie to a baby than a guy shown taking a cookie away from a baby.
• Young convicts who’ve done jail time are better suited to army life than today’s ordinary teens, according to new research by Britain’s Ministry of Defence.
• A just-released Jon Peddie Research poll has found that adding an extra monitor to your computer will boost your output by 20-to-30%.

An Indian teenager has become famous for his ability to take in milk through his nose and – squirt it out his eyes! Praveen Kumar Sehrawat sucks milk up his nostrils and squirts it up to 12 feet through his tear ducts. The 16-year-old wrestler from a village near Delhi also holds the national record for eating 170 green chillies in 5 mins, 7 secs. He also claims he can hammer a nail into his nose without discomfort. His brother says he’s ‘an inspiration for many’. (And you can also bet the life of the party.)
– Asian News International

A cure for inactivity would be worth $2.1 billion to the Canadian economy.
– “Canadian Medical Association Journal”
A cure for cancer would be worth $56.4 trillion to the American economy.
– “Journal of Political Economy”


1950 [56] Lou Gramm, Rochester NY, classic rock singer (Foreigner-“Double Vision”, Feels Like the First Time”)

1962 [44] Ty Herndon, Meridian MS, country singer (“What Mattered Most”)

1972 [34] The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Hayward CA, movie actor (“The Rundown”)/6′-5″ 272-lb former WWE wrestler (record 6 titles)

1975 [31] David Beckham, Leytonstone UK, soccer star (Real Madrid, England World Cup team)/wed Spice Girl Victoria Adams in 1999/father to Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz

• “Federal Budget Day” as Finance Minister Jim Flaherty delivers the Harper Conservative government’s first budget, which he promises will be outlined in 30 minutes or less THIS AFTERNOON.

• “International Telecommuting Day”, to encourage employers to develop programs for employees to work at home at least part of the time (aka ‘Work in Your Bathrobe Day’).

• “Sibling Appreciation Day”, a day to let brothers and sisters know you care. (Or maybe to add up all the times you got ratted on, your hair pulled, your dessert stolen – and get even!)

1994 [12] 1st ‘Gay Wedding’ on a TV series (‘Ron’ & ‘Erik’ on “Northern Exposure”)

1670 [336] Canada’s oldest company, ‘Hudson Bay Co’, is chartered (soon to be America’s oldest company)

1964 [42] 1st Canadian horse to win Kentucky Derby (Northern Dancer)

1986 [20] “Expo 86″ opens in Vancouver (22 million visit over the next 5 months)

1876 [130] 1st MLB ‘Home Run’ (Chicago White Stockings’ Ross Barnes vs Cincinnati Red Stockings)

1885 [121] 1st issue of “Good Housekeeping” magazine

1991 [15] ‘Longest Taxi Ride’ leaves Nokia, Finland for 15-day, 14,414-mile trip to Spain and back with the meter running up a total cost $16,000 (not including tip)

[Wed] Lumpy Rug Day
[Wed] Hug Your Cat Day
[Wed] Israel Independence Day (Yom Ha’Atzma’Ut)
[Thurs] “Canadian Tulip Festival” begins (Ottawa ON)
[Thurs] Relationship Renewal Day
[Thurs] Space Day 2006
[Fri] Cartoonist Day
[Fri] No Diet Day
[Sat] 2006 Kentucky Derby
This Week Is … Public Service Recognition Week
This Month Is … Asparagus Month


10. “Garlic Festival”, including the ‘Garlic Queen Pageant’ – Gilroy CA (July)
9. “Cow Painting Festival”, using fake cows – Luxembourg City, Luxembourg (April to September)
8. “Ivrea Orange Festival”, with fruit fights by clowns on chariots – Piemonte, Italy (February)
7. “Songkran Festival”, at which 100,000 people show up with water guns, water balloons and colored sprinkles – Chiang Mai, Thailand (April 13-15)
6. “Moose Dropping Festival” – Talkeetna, Alaska (2nd weekend in July)
5. “Golden Shears Sheep Shearing Festival” – Masterton, New Zealand (early March)
4. “So Joo Festival”, one of Europe’s liveliest food & wine fests – Porto, Portugal (June 23)
3. “Frog Festival” – Rayne LA (Labor Day weekend)
2. “Cooper’s Hill Annual Cheese Rolling” – Gloucester UK (last Monday in May)
1. “La Tomatina”, a giant tomato fight that lures tons of tourists – Bunol, Spain (last Wednesday of August)
– AskMen.com

You run down the list while your guest or phone caller decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Write the worst book in history or record the worst song?
• Forget who you are or forget who everyone else is?
• Have breath that makes flowers droop or ‘fluffy’ during every 2nd word you utter?
• Overthrow a dictatorship or lead one?
• Have no knees or have no elbows?
• Get free chocolate for a year or free potatoes forever?
• Be fed through a wood chipper feet first or be fed through a paper shrewder hands first?
• Be the fattest person in the world or be the thinnest person in the world?
• Win 500 bucks for yourself or win 5 million for your favorite charity?
• Be eaten alive by a shark or be enclosed in a coffin with flesh-eating cockroaches?

What celebrity couple would you like to invite to your backyard?

Today’s Question: According to a new survey, 53% of redheads say they ALWAYS do this while in the car.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sing.

Daytime TV is incentive to get a job.

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