Monday, May 1, 2017        Edition: #5964

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ The most popular blue-collar sitcom family of the ’90s is looking to get back together. A ‘Roseanne’ revival is currently in the works, though a source says there’s no official deal yet.  Original cast members Roseanne Barr, John Goodman, Sara Gilbert, and Laurie Metcalf are among those set for the comeback for a limited eight-episode series.  ABC (the show’s original home) and Netflix (which is at the forefront of series revivals) are apparently in a bidding war for more Roseanne. (The biggest problem: which Becky?)
★ A hacker claims to have stolen the upcoming season of Netflix’s hit series “Orange Is The New Black,” and is demanding that the video streaming service pay an unspecified ransom to prevent all the new episodes from being prematurely released online.  The hacker, operating under the name The Dark Overlord, has already purportedly uploaded the first episode to an illegal file-sharing service.  (If they were going to do that, shouldn’t they have picked the series “Ransom”?)
-NY Post
★ James Earl Jones will receive a Lifetime Achievement Tony Award.  The actor, who has 5 Tonys already, will receive the award during this year’s presentation on June 11.  He currently stars in “The Gin Game”.
★ Melissa Rauch and Mayim Bialik have officially signed new deals to return to ‘The Big Bang Theory’ in the wake of the CBS comedy being picked up for two more seasons.  Jim Parsons, Johnny Galecki, Kaley Cuoco, Simon Helberg, and Kunal Nayyar, who previously made $1 million per episode, reportedly offered to take a $100,000 per episode pay cut in order to get costars Rauch and Bialik, who play Bernadette and Amy, a raise to the  $500,000 range, according to various reports. The actresses had been seeking parity. Warner Bros. and CBS haven’t commented.
★ Shannen Doherty has announced her breast cancer is in remission.  She’s been documenting her progress since being diagnosed 2015.  While she was obviously happy about the news, she was also realistic.  In a lengthy Instagram post, she wrote:  ‘As every single one of my fellow cancer family knows, the next five years is crucial. Reoccurrences happen all the time.’  The 46-year-old ‘Charmed’ star has over 900,000 Instagram followers.
★Lea Michele is not a regular patron of the drive-thru.  Or rather not at all.  She recently said that she has NEVER eaten fast food.  The former ‘Glee’ star also claims that she doesn’t drink soda or eat candy. Quote: “When I’m saying I’m eating a lot, it’s like good food that’s worth it.”
(Hey!  A bacon double-cheeseburger is worth it!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global):  Dr. Mehmet Oz, Kings of Leon
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Goldie Hawn, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Brian Reed, Mary J. Blige
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global):  Chris Pratt, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Ryan Adams
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV):  America Ferrera, Ike Barinholtz, Josh Dion
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV):  Joel McHale, Jake Johnson
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV):  Hank Azaria, Jeff Rosenstock, Al Madrigal
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy):  Jon Favreau, Jon Lovett, Tommy Vietor
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy):  Kevin Nealon, Chuck Todd, The Zombies
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo):  Naomi Watts, Susan Sarandon
• “The View” (ABC/CTV):  Ann Coulter
• “Live with Kelly” (ABC/CTV):  Chris Pratt
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Langford, Dylan Minnette
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV):  Julianne Hough, JR De Guzman
• “Dancing With the Stars” [ABC] The remaining couples perform; stars from “Descendants 2” perform; Mandy Moore is guest judge.
• “The Voice (NBC/CTV) Live, the top 11 artists perform in front of the coaches for America’s vote.

• Prince – his landmark album “Purple Rain”  will be released this summer with several previously unreleased songs.  Two remastered versions of the 1984 album will be released June 23. Prince himself oversaw the remastering process in 2015 and the two-disc “Purple Rain Deluxe” set will include six unreleased tracks.
• Elton John – A British teen has pleaded guilty to plotting a terror attack at London Elton John concert last year.  Haroon Syed admitted he picked Elton’s Sept. 11 anniversary show as a target.  He was caught when he bragged about his plan online.  He’ll be sentenced in June.
(I didn’t know that teenagers had even heard of Elton John…)
• Cheap Trick – released a new single, ‘Long Time Coming’ last week.  The ‘We’re All Alright’ album comes out June 16.  The band says the new album is inspired by their favorite artists like AC/DC, Aerosmith and the MC5.
• Ozzy Osbourne – will reunite with his old guitarist Zakk Wylde for a tour this summer. It’s the first time in more than 10 years that the pair has hit the road together for an extended run of dates.  Right now, only four dates are scheduled for the tour, which kicks off on July 14 in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.  Ozzy:  “This is what I do. This is where I belong, on the road.”
(Their first album together in 1988?  ‘No Rest for the Wicked’.)
• Dave Grohl – The Foo Fighters frontman has released a funny new video clip where he calls his mother to complain about some fairly embarrassing photos found within the pages of her new book, ‘From Cradle to Stage’.  While reading the book, Grohl discovers several photos including one where, as a child, he’s seen wearing a cowboy hat and pants that appear to be pooched out by a rather full diaper.  Another photo shows the rocker as a pre-teen with a Scott Baio haircut. Says Grohl: “That’s not conducive to my rock and roll rebel image.”
• Billy Ray Cyrus – is no more. As he celebrates the 25th anniversary of his smash-hit single “Achy Breaky Heart,” the artist has announced a name change: From here on out, he’s going only by his surname, ‘Cyrus’.  He claims that he always wanted to be known by just his last name, but the record company insisted otherwise.  Billy Ray….er, Cyrus plans to make the name change legal as well.
(We know your daughter.  I’d be dropping my LAST name…)
• Miranda Lambert – appears on Steve Earle’s new album, ‘So You Wannabe an Outlaw’, out June 16. It also features guest appearances by Willie Nelson and another Texas music mainstay, Johnny Bush.
• Major Lazer – were to appear at a much-hyped music festival in the Bahamas which was cancelled at the last minute Friday after many people had already arrived and spent thousands of dollars on tickets and travel.  Fyre Festival organizers announced the cancellation of what they previously billed as a “once-in-a-lifetime” concert along the lines of Coachella. Attendees were promised concerts featuring Blink-182, and more, treasure hunts for more than $1 million US in jewelry, and other prizes scattered across the island, as well as a feast of luxurious and exotic cuisine. A statement cited “circumstances out of our control”.
(For once it wasn’t the festival-goers who were ‘out of control’…)

You roll out of a warm bed on a Monday morning, barely aware of your senses, and the LAST thing you want to do is to make your bed.  But according to a Navy Seal commander, one of the best things you can do to start your day right is to….make your bed.  Admiral William McRaven, author of “Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World,” says that making your bed every morning can have a positive impact on your well-being and behavior throughout the rest of the day.  He says that you shouldn’t just kinda-sorta pull the covers up, either.  To him, it’s about making your bed right and walking away and having the satisfaction of a job well-done.  And that sets the tone for the rest of the day. He points out that it only takes a couple minutes and in the grand scheme of things, it is really easy to make your bed and start your day off with a victory.
(My victory on a Monday morning is to remain awake long enough to get OUT of bed!)
(He could be right, but I’m not willing to risk it!)
(OF course he says that.  It’s right there in the title of his book!)
-Business Insider

It might be a little embarrassing.  Okay, maybe a LOT embarrassing, but according to Medical Daily, here are some good reasons to…fart. It is hard to talk about, but passing gas is a normal result of a healthy digestive system and good indicator of our well-being. On average, we cut the cheese about 5-10 times a day.  Here are some reasons you shouldn’t try to ‘hold it in’:

✓ It reduces bloating. The most common cause of bloating is a build-up of gas in your gut.
✓ It’ll help you balance your diet. We all handle foods differently. If you are experimenting with nutrition and diet, farts are a good indicator of balance or imbalance. Too much red meat, for example, usually results in a strong, unpleasant odor, while complex carbohydrates tend to cause larger amounts of gas with a more neutral odor. (Now I have to analyze them too?)
✓ It can relieve abdominal pain. Holding it in – especially if you have a lot of gas in your gut – can cause intestinal distension which hurts.
✓ Holding it in can be bad for your colon. Withholding gas can exacerbate hemorrhoids, for example, as can trying to manipulate the way gas comes out. The best policy is to let it come out naturally.
✓ Inhaling farts is good for you(!!). This sounds silly, but a study found that exposure to small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas (which our guts produce during digestion) may prevent damage to our cells. This could prevent strokes, heart disease, and arthritis, among other things. (You’re welcome for that)
✓ Diagnose food allergies. Some food allergies cause us to have severe flatulence, and this is certainly the case for lactose intolerance and Celiac Disease. If you have a notable increase in gas after consuming certain foods or food groups, consult your doctor.
✓ It feels good. We should all admit it – it feels good to let out gas that has been sitting in our abdomens and bothering us. Holding in gas can make us irritable. There’s no relief quite like it.
(I believe this is the situation for which the term ‘Ahhhhhhh!’ was invented.)
How do you reduce stomach gas?  Try eating more slowly, and avoid carbonated drinks and artificial sweeteners. Limit dairy, and get plenty of exercise.
(No one had to share these tips with my dog!)
-Medical Daily

It seem the stereotype of every teenager living their lives with their faces in their phone isn’t completely true after all.  According to a new American study, 60% of teenagers have actually taken a break from social media…and most of them voluntarily.  Among the 13-17 year-olds studied, breaks from social media usually last a week or longer, and boys are more likely to take longer breaks.  The most common reasons: social media was getting in the way of work or school, and fatigue of the ‘conflict and drama’.
(also, ‘I dropped my phone’.)
(Hey, My name is Emily.  Hit me up in person!)

One-third pound stalk of broccoli contains more vitamin C than 204 apples
– GreatFacts


1967 [50] Tim McGraw, Delhi LA, country singer (“Don’t Take the Girl”, “Live Like You Were Dying”)/movie actor (“The Blind Side”, “Friday Night Lights”)/Mr Faith Hill since 1996

1969 [48] Wes Anderson, Houston TX, movie director (“The Grand Budapest Hotel”, “The Royal Tenenbaums”)

1972 [45] Julie Benz, Pittsburgh PA, TV actress (“Defiance” since 2013, “Dexter” 2006-10)

1982 [35] Jamie Dornan, Holywood, Northern Ireland, movie actor (‘Christian Grey’ in “Fifty Shades of Grey”)/TV actor (“Once Upon a Time” 2011-13)

1991 [26] Marcus Stroman, Medford, NY, MLB starting pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays since 2014


• “May Day”, a traditional holiday celebration since ancient times. Since 1889, it’s been officially observed in some 66 countries as a “Labor Day” holiday.
• “Lei Day”, celebrated in Hawaii instead of May Day. It is a time to celebrate native Hawaiian culture. One of the most common flowers used in leis is the orchid.
• “Mother Goose Day”, which actually honors many different writers. The term was first used in the title of the nursery rhyme collection “Mother Goose’s Melody” about 1765. The name caught on and nursery rhymes have been attributed to ‘Mother Goose’ ever since.
• “School Principals Day”. It’s a dirty job but some sadist has gotta do it! How do you remember how to spell ‘Principal’?  Just remember that he/she is always your ‘pal’!
• “Chocolate Parfait Day”.  Parfait literally means “perfect” in French! The American style layers parfait cream, ice cream and flavored gelatin in a tall, clear glass topped with whipped cream, fruit and liqueurs.
• “Law Day”. This day allows all Americans to reflect on the personal rights and liberties which are enjoyed and exercised daily.
• “Batman Day”, saluting the 1939 creation of the character as a comic strip hero in DC Comics. It’s been calculated it would take a person 15-to-18 years to do all the training they’d need to take on the job.
• “New Homeowner’s Day”. Congratulations, you’ll be debt-free in about 30 years! Got your repair manual yet?

[Tues] Life Insurance Day
[Tues] Truffle Day
[Wed] Lumpy Rug Day
[Wed] Paranormal Day
This Week Is…National Wildflower Week
This Month Is…Motorcycle Awareness Month

2009 [08] “X-Men” prequel “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”, starring Hugh Jackman, opens in movie theaters (grosses over $87 million in its first 3 days at the North American box office)

1975 [42] Rolling Stones announce their upcoming tour by being driven down 5th Avenue in NYC while performing “Brown Sugar” on the back of a flatbed truck

2011 [06] Barack Obama announces the death of elusive Al-Qaeda terrorist leader Osama bin Laden after a secret mission carried out by US Navy SEALs

2005 [12] Fishermen in northern Thailand catch a 293-kilo (646-lb), 2.7-m (8.9-ft) Mekong giant catfish, the ‘Largest Freshwater Fish’ ever recorded



• BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”

• JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”

• MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain’t herd
from him in munts.”

• IGNERT – adjective. Not smart.
Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”

• RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my
brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”

• ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”

•  FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in my
pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”

• Y’ALL — noun. A degree of rotation.
Usage: “There are three degrees of Southern rotation: Pitch, Roll, and Y’all.”

• BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back
to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”

• TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t git a
flat tar in my pickup truck.”

☎What’s something that will always be in fashion, no matter how much time passes?

I’d be willing to bet that the gambling addiction hotline would work better if every fifth caller was a winner.

Question:  According to a survey of people who are getting a tax refund this year, 41% say they’ll do this with their refund.
Answer: Save it.

Intelligence without ambition is like a bird without wings.

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