Friday, May 11, 2012           Edition: #4747

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

Today the official Summer Olympics song is released, a new version of Queen’s tune “One Vision” by pop singer Kimberley Walsh (Girls Aloud) with opera singer Alfie Boe (the 2012 London Olympics kick off July 27th) . . . Saturday, Boston’s prestigious Berklee College of Music presents honorary Doctor of Music degrees to bluegrass artist Alison Krauss, classic rockers The Eagles, and jazzman Mulatu Astatke at its annual commencement ceremony (this is how you get famous people to show up) . . . 26-year-old actor “Gossip Girl “ star Chace Crawford is planning to pack up and leave NYC to start a new life in Los Angeles as soon as work on the upcoming 6th season is finished (guess it’s the last then) . . . 48-year-old movie star Brad Pitt is reportedly getting a 7-figure sum to become the face of women’s fragrance Chanel No 5, the company’s first male spokesperson (he’s shooting his 1st ad campaign in London this week) . . . A source tells “Life & Style” that model/actress Carmen Electra & Filter rocker Rob Patterson have called off their engagement, although they remain close and are still living in the same house (handier when you feel like an argument) . . . Tom Hanks is in talks to make his Broadway debut, playing the lead character in “Lucky Guy”, Nora Ephron’s play about famed NYC columnist Mike McAlary (when the movie roles dry up …) . . . FOX-TV has given the greenlight to 5 new series for the Fall, including the comedy “It’s Messy”, fronted by Mindy Kaling (‘Kelly Kapoor’ on “The Office”) . . . Even though “The Voice” season has ended, a source tells “Us Weekly” that coach Christina Aguilera is still ‘livid’ with Adam Levine for constantly teasing her, but another source says that it’s ‘all in good fun like you see on the show’ (people, can we all get back to forgetting who won?).

• “The Hockey Sweater” (Toronto) – Saturday the premiere of a  a symphonic take on Roch Carrier’s classic kids’ book “The Hockey Sweater”, performed by the author and the Toronto Symphony Orchestra at Roy Thomson Hall. Hosted by former NHL goaltender Ken Dryden.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Roger Daltrey (The Who). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Thee Oh Sees (“Carrion Crawler/The Dream”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Big KRIT (“Live From the Underground”, out June 5th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight M Ward (“A Wasteland Companion”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Will Ferrell (“Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie”); musical guest Usher (“Looking For Myself?”, out June 12th).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Katherine Jenkins (“Daydream”).

✓ “American Dad” (FOX) – Sunday.
✓ “Blue Bloods” (CBS) – Friday.
✓ “CSI: NY” (CBS) – Friday.
✓ “Desperate Housewives” (ABC) – Sunday, the 2-hour series finalé.
✓ “The Finder” (FOX) – Friday.
✓ “Fringe” (FOX) – Friday.
✓ “Once Upon a Time” (ABC) – Sunday.
✓ “Survivor: One World” (CBS) – 2-hour season finalé Sunday plus the ‘Reunion Show’.

• Beastie Boys – Last Friday’s passing of Adam Yauch has led to over 150,000 digital downloads of their tunes, a 949% hike over the week before.
• Britney Spears – She has officially signed a $15-million deal to serve as the new superstar judge on Simon Cowell’s “The X Factor” (FOX), according to E! Online. Another female star is expected to be announced imminently.
• Carrie Underwood – Her new release “Blown Away” tops both the new SoundScan and “Billboard” album charts and also leads digital sales. It’s the best-selling digital country album debut since 2010.
• Kid Rock – Saturday he and his Twisted Brown Trucker Band team up with the Detroit Symphony Orchestra at the city’s historic Fox Theatre for a one-night-only fundraising concert to raise critical funds for the orchestra.
• Whitney Houston – VH1 has confirmed the next edition of its “VH1 Divas” specials will celebrate her music. The special will be recorded in Los Angeles this December, but no artists have been confirmed yet.


• “Dark Shadows” ( PG-13 Fantasy Comedy ) – Director Tim Burton & actor Johnny Depp team up yet again for this tale of an imprisoned vampire who is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection. Co-stars Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, Helena Bonham Carter. Based on the 1966-71 TV show.
• Today’s limited releases: “Girl in Progress”, “God Bless America”, “Hick”, “I Wish”, and “Where Do We Go Now?”.


• A 28-year-old Florida mom attempted to sell her 5-year-old son to another Florida couple for $2,000 to feed her drug addiction. (Only 2 grand? What an insult.)
• Indiana mom Dynesha Lax made her 14-year-old son publicly wear a sign around his neck which said, “I lie, I steal, I sell drug, I don’t follow the law.” (No word if Dynesha’s sign said, “I don’t know how to pluralize.”)
• Apparently Britain’s Veronika Robinson believes in being a ‘glands on’ mom. She continued to breast-feed her daughter until she was nearly 8-years-old. (What a boob!)
• A couple months back, Jennifer Zuniga of Ceres, California was arrested for allegedly telling her son to beat up another boy, even giving him pointers during the fight. (Talk about being a supporting and encouraging mother.)
• The online handle daney21 is the only known name for a mom who put her kids’ toys up for sale on eBay to punish them, attaching a picture of them crying about it. (Hooray, she doesn’t spank.)
– Adapted from

Workers at Miami, Florida’s Jungle Island are using iPads to communicate with … orangutans. They’ve been using sign language and other methods to interact with apes for years but, like other zoos, they’ve now found tablet computers work even better. The software being used was originally designed for humans with autism and the screen displays pictures of various objects. A trainer names one of the objects, and the ape presses the corresponding button. Just like humans, the younger ones picked up on it first; the oldest show little interest. (A group called Orangutan Outreach is actually building an ‘Apps For Apes’ program.)
– CBS News


Well here’s a great little argument starter. When it comes to sports, who do you detest most?
5. Sidney Crosby – Seen as a petulant cry baby, ‘Sid the Kid’ has become the face of hockey and a target for chilled hate.
4. Metta World Peace – His disrespectful on-court antics (ie: elbow to the head) seem to leave him unconcerned.
3. LeBron James – Seen as a cowardly villain for his refusal to carry a less-talented NBA team on his back.
2. Gregg Williams – New Orleans Saints defensive coordinator has tainted pro football with his shocking ‘bounty’ program.
1. Floyd Mayweather Jr – Arrogant can’t possibly suffice in describing the money-hungry undefeated boxer.


Highlights of a new survey of 1,000 moms born between 1977-and-1994 (18-35) …
• 89% consider their time spent on Facebook to be their ‘me time’.
• 81% say they mostly use their smartphones for shopping.
• 55% say they’ve ‘defriended’ Facebook companies who send too many messages and ads.
• 21% use their smartphones in the bathroom.
• 12% admit to using their smartphones during sex.
The biggest Facebook annoyance? Friends posting too much personal information in status updates. (Like the fact they use their smartphone during sex, for instance.)


Brown Myotis Bats when born are equivalent to a human mother giving birth to a 30-lb baby.


1941 [71] Eric Burdon, Newcastle UK, oldies singer (& War-“Spill the Wine”, The Animals-“House Of the Rising Sun”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)

1982 [30] Cory Monteith, Calgary AB [raised Victoria BC], TV actor (‘Finn Hudson’ on “Glee” since 2009)

Classic rocker Steve Winwood (“Higher Love”) is 64; Country singer Kix Brooks (ex-Brooks & Dunn) is 57; Movie actor-director Emilio Estevez (“Bobby”) is 50; Pro golfer Mike Weir (2003 Masters) is 42; Rap-reggae artist Kardinal Offishall (“Dangerous”) is 36; Movie actor Jason Biggs (“American Pie”) is 34; Canadian movie-TV actress Malin Akerman (“The Proposal”) is 34; Canadian TV-movie actress Emily VanCamp (“Revenge”) is 26.

Motown great Stevie Wonder (“Sunshine of My Life”) is 62; TV personality Stephen Colbert (“The Colbert Report”) is 48; Country singer Darius Rucker (“Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It”) is 46; Pop bassist Mickey Madden (Maroon 5) is 33; Movie actor Robert Pattinson (“Twilight Saga”) is 26; TV actress Candice Accola (“Vampire Diaries”) is 25.

• “Child Care Provider Appreciation Day”, saluting the dedicated souls who interact with our children during the important formative years of their lives.
• “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to ignore all the warnings, avoid worrying and counting calories, and thereby fight our obsession with being thin. (Okay, so if healthfulness is not in play, what do you really, really, really want?)
• “Ladies Who Don’t Swear Appreciation Day”. (Dammit! When’s the day for females who do freakin’ swear!?)
• “Military Spouse Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the Friday before “Mothers Day” to recognize the courage of those holding down the home front.

• “Babysitters Day”, observed on the Saturday before “Mothers Day” to give sitters appreciation & special recognition for their quality child care. Good luck finding one … it’s Saturday night!
• “Birthmothers Day”, observed annually on the Saturday before “Mothers Day” and dedicated to those who, for one reason or another, have put a child up for adoption.
• “Canada-Wide Science Fair 2012”, the 51st annual through May 19th in Charlottetown PEI. Some 500 students from across Canada are participating.
• “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day”, promoting awareness of the syndrome officially known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, or ‘M-E’.
• “International Migratory Bird Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Saturday in May. (Look what’s that in the sky? Ew, what’s that in my eye?)
• “International Nurses Day”, a highlight of “Nursing Week” that commemorates the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale. Here’s to you, RNs!
• “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”. Some ‘Loony Limericks’ here …
• “Miniature Golf Day”, observed the 2nd Saturday of May to celebrate the frustrating game that involves putting balls through windmills and into clown mouths. Miniature golf has been around since the 1800s when the Ladies’ Putting Club had a mini-course in St Andrews, Scotland.
• “World Belly Dance Day”, annually on the 2nd Saturday of May to share the joy of dancing and help a charity. (Really bad belly dance music here:
• “World Fair Trade Day”, observed on the 2nd Saturday of May to promote improved working conditions and payment for workers and producers around-the-world.

• “Mothers Day”, an annual salute to moms on the 2nd Sunday in May that’s now observed in some 60 countries, including Australia, Canada, El Salvador, Guatemala, Mexico, New Zealand, and the USA, where the modern version began. In the 17th century, England began celebrating “Mothering Sunday” on the 4th Sunday of Lent. Then in 1908 Anna Jarvis successfully lobbied for a memorial day for women which became “Mothers Day”. It was first celebrated in Grafton WV. Just 9 years afterward, Jarvis filed a lawsuit against organizers of a celebratory rally because she felt the occasion had become over-commercialized.

1969 [43] “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” comedy troupe forms in Britain (eventually leads to a cutting-edge TV show, a series of hilarious films, and “Spamalot” on Broadway)


1981 [31] Legendary reggae musician Bob Marley dies of brain cancer in Miami, Florida at age 36 (today is “Bob Marley Day” in Jamaica)


1997 [15] World chess champ Garry Kasparov loses his 1st-ever multi-game match to IBM’s chess computer ‘Deep Blue’, the 1st time a computer defeats a world-champion player


2002 [10] ‘World’s Largest Omelette’, created by the Lung Association in Brockville ON, weighing in at 2.95 tonnes (6,510 lb)


[Mon] Chicken Dance Day
[Mon] Women’s Check-up Day
[Tues] International Day of Families
[Tues] Chocolate Chip Day
[Tues] Safety Dose Day
[Wed] “The Dictator” opens in movie theaters
[Wed] Biographers Day
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Brain Tumor Awareness Month


✓ Make a list of things to do … that you have already done.
✓ Look right into a security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
✓ Leaf through “National Geographic” and draw underwear on the natives.
✓ Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
✓ Go into a fitting room and yell really loudly: “Hey! We’re out of toilet paper in here!”
✓ Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they’re in jail.
✓ Move a ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ sign to a carpeted area.
✓ Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and put it back in the wrapper.
✓ Bill your doctor for all your time spent in the waiting room.
✓ While shopping, grab 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.

☎ Have you ever peeked in the medicine cabinet when visiting someone? What odd things did you find? (A “Family Circle” poll reveals 39% of us sneak a peek in the medicine cabinet when using a friend’s bathroom. 25% have actually borrowed a comb or toothbrush. Ew!)

It’s always darkest just before you step on the cat.

Question: Every year, over 2,800 injuries are caused by THIS.
Answer: Garage doors.


The best thing to hold onto in this world is each other.

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