Thursday, May 12, 2011        Edition: #4504
100% ‘Grade A’ Bull!

Kirstie Alley has been reprimanded by Maksim Chmerkovskiy, her pro dance partner on “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC), for not eating enough in between rehearsals (have another donut or you won’t be getting a “Fat Dancer” reality TV series) . . . In tomorrow’s edition of “Us Weekly”, 20-year-old Bristol Palin admits she underwent a ‘non-cosmetic corrective jaw procedure’ a month after she left “Dancing With the Stars” (hopefully this will enable her to close it more often) . . .  50-year-old Jean-Claude Van Damme has been ordered by his doctor to don protective ear gear when on-the-job because years of bangs & booms on action film sets have left him with high-frequency hearing loss (fortunately, he isn’t working much anymore) . . . 42-year-old actor Will Smith has rented a 1,150-sq ft, 2-story mobile home for $9,000-a-week to relax in between takes on the set of “Men in Black III”, now shooting in NYC’s SoHo district (if that isn’t intrusive enough, a second 55-ft trailer housing his personal gym is parked nearby) . . . Unemployed actor Charlie Sheen’s “Winning” single has officially been released on iTunes, featuring raps from Snoop Dogg and guitar riffs by Korn’s Rob Patterson (don’t fail to miss it!) . . . Actor Tom Cruise’s 18-year-old adopted daughter Isabella has joined her stepmother Katie Holmes’ new Holmes & Yang clothing brand as an apprentice (apparently nepotism is OK in Scientology) . . . Even though this season’s ratings have been good, “American Idol” isn’t as profitable as it used to be and one reason is that Ryan Seacrest is earning a ton, including a 3-year $45-contract with producer CKX plus $5 million-a-year from FOX-TV (we want HIS agent) . . . Will Ferrell tells “Chelsea Lately” that he drank 18 beers in-a-row to get in character for his latest movie role (18 brewskies – I call that Saturday) . . . More bad news for the estranged Schwarzenegger household – Arnold’s son might be dating Miley Cyrus (what, they found a bong in the garage?) . . . And Hollywood’s latest trend is old school ‘big hair’, thanks to the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker and “X Factor” judge Cheryl Cole, who’ve been rockin’ big bouffants in public lately (well at least Dolores in sales won’t have to worry about getting a new ‘do).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Former contestant Jordin Sparks performs; the video for Steven Tyler’s debut solo single “(It) Feels So Good” is unveiled; a finalist is sent home.
• “Community” (NBC) – Part 2 of the two-part season finalé “For a Few Paintballs More”.
• “CSI” (CBS) – In the season finalé, ‘Langston’ finally comes face-to-face with serial killer ‘Nate Haskell’ after years of pursuit.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Shania Twain (“From This Moment On”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Raphael Saadiq (“Stone Rollin’”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Greenhornes (“Four Stars”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – “Bob Marley Week” continues with performances by Jakob Dylan; Lauryn Hill.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Manchester Orchestra (Simple Math”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Def Leppard (“Songs From the Sparkle Lounge”).
• “Music Builds: CMT Disaster Relief Concert” (CMT/ – This 90-minute fundraising special benefits Red Cross disaster relief efforts for those affected by recent storms, floods, and tornadoes. Performances by Alan Jackson, Hank Williams Jr, Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum, Ronnie Dunn, Sara Evans, Tim McGraw, and Trace Adkins among others.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Dionne Warwick (“Only Trust Your Heart”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Kills (“Blood Pressures”).
• “The Vampire Diaries” “CW” – In the season finalé, the sacrificial ritual threatens lives.

• Adele – Tonight her North American tour in support of her latest album “21” begins in Washington DC.
• Carrie Underwood – She went back to Oklahoma to attend the 10-year Checotah High Class of 2001 Reunion this past weekend. (“Oh hi Carrie. I’m doing real well too … I’m manager at the 7-11.”)
• 50 Cent – TV host/comedian Chelsea Handler has come clean about her whirlwind romance with Fiddy last Fall, admitting to CNN’s Piers Morgan they dated ‘very casually’. She also reveals he’s not the bad boy rapper you might imagine, but rather a ‘sweet, nice, fun, great guy’.
• Justin Bieber – This week he vomited backstage between songs during a live performance in the Philippines, an icky result of ‘a bad chest infection’. (Buy it on eBay … bidding’s at $900!)
• Madonna – “Daily Mail” reports she’s split with hip-hop dancer Brahim Zaibat after a 9-month relationship. It wasn’t their 28-year age difference that did it but constant fights over spiritual beliefs. He’s Muslim; she’s on the red string.
• The Monkees – They’re celebrating their 45th anniversary with the “2011 Reunion Tour” beginning tonight in Liverpool UK. The North American leg starts June 3rd in Atlanta GA. Original member Michael Nesmith hasn’t performed with the group since 1997 but the rest of the lineup has toured occasionally together.
• Rod Stewart – The 66-year-old has signed up for a 2-year residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, beginning August 24th. (Apparently he’s run out of cover albums to record.)
• ZZ Top/Lynyrd Skynyrd – They’re teaming up for the “Rebels & Bandoleros Tour”, which kicks off tonight in Wichita KS.
• Zac Brown Band – They get a little help from Jimmy Buffett on “Knee Deep”, the new single from their latest album “You Get What You Give”.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bourne Legacy” – Rachel Weisz (“The Constant Gardener”) is in talks to play the female lead opposite Jeremy Renner (“The Hurt Locker”). Renner will play different character than Matt Damon, who starred in the first 3 films. Shooting is slated to begin in September.
• Charley Pride biopic – Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson is set to take over from Terrence Howard, who was originally slated to portray the Country Music Hall of Famer who was born to a poor sharecropping family in Sledge, Mississippi. He went on to sell over 70 million albums.
• “Gotti: Three Generations” – Oscar-winner Al Pacino has joined the cast of this upcoming mob movie based on real life, playing Gambino crime family underboss Neil Dellacroce, an associate and mentor to John Gotti Sr (played by John Travolta).
• “Human Nature” – The next project for director Darren Aronofsky (“Black Swan”) is this sci-fi tale about a cryogenically frozen man who wakes up in the future to discover humans have become pets for aliens. George Clooney is set to star.
• “The Thin Man” – Johnny Depp is planning to re-team with “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” director Rob Marshall for a remake of the classic 1939 film about married crime-solvers ‘Nick & Nora Charles’. So far, no word on who’ll get the female lead.

Users of social websites such as Facebook have twice the number of ‘friends’ online as they do in real life, according to new British research. The study has found that typical users of social networking sites have an average of 121 friends online versus 55 physical pals. It’s also determined that 1-in-10 people have found their real-life best friend online; and that we tend to be more honest with friends online than when face-to-face with friends.

Humans are now sitting more than at any time in history, an average of 9.3 hours per day. That’s more time than we sleep (average 7.7 hours). And it’s not good for us! A recent medical journal study shows that people who sit for most of the day are 54% more likely to die of a heart attack. Obese people sit for 2.5 more hours per day than thin people. Sitting 6-plus hours a day makes you up to 40% more likely to die within 15 years than someone who sits less than 3 hours … even if you exercise regularly.

For several years, University of Washington wildlife scientist John Marzluff has been training and studying crows and ravens to test their ability to recognize human faces. As it turns out, the birds are really good at it! In experiments, participants were dressed in caveman masks and the birds could not only recognize individual ‘cavemen’ but swarmed them. This drew the attention of the military, which contacted Marzluff and offered funding to find out if his birds could be used to track down Osama bin Laden. Whether that actually happened, we’ll likely never know.

• ‘Don’t Party’ – “Glamour” magazine hosted a series of these  in Southern California. Simple idea: everybody attending intentionally tries to commit fashion faux pas by wearing their worst fashion ‘don’ts’. Worst get-up worn wins.
• ‘She’s Having a Baby’ – Register expectant moms throughout the Summer to win a year’s supply of diapers, baby wipes, formula, etc. The one that gives birth closest to “Labor Day” wins the whole shebang. Do regular on-air progress reports with contestants.
• ‘Temp Tattoo You’ – A station that ran a spoof promotion offering cash for anyone who had its call letters tattooed on permanently ended up getting sued by some idiot who actually did it. But there’s nothing wrong with offering free prizes or admission to an event to the first 100 who show up with a temporary tattoo featuring your station ID.

Detroit, Michigan’s population has fallen by 25% in the last decade and of those that have stuck around, nearly half are functionally illiterate, a new report finds. According to estimates by the National Institute for Literacy, roughly 47% of adults in Detroit – 200,000 in total – are functionally illiterate, meaning they have trouble with reading, speaking, writing, and computational skills. What may be even more surprising – stats also show that half of this illiterate population has somehow obtained a high-school diploma.

• Every 6 hours, the USA’s National Security Agency gathers as much data as is stored in the entire Library of Congress.
– “Baltimore Sun”
• According to the new “2011 State Of the Net Survey”, more than 5 million children aged 10-and-under use Facebook, despite its rule that users must be minimum age 13.
– “Consumer Reports”


1947 [64] Michael Ignatieff, Toronto ON, retiring leader of the decimated Liberal Party of Canada (2008-11)

1948 [63] Steve Winwood, Birmingham UK, classic rock musician (“Higher Love”, Spencer Davis Group-“Gimme Some Lovin’”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2004)

1955 [56] (Leon) Kix Brooks, Shreveport LA, country singer (ex-Brooks & Dunn-“Play Something Country”, “My Maria”)  BS FACTOID: His mom gave him the nickname ‘Kix’ because of his prenatal kicking.

1959 [52] Ving Rhames, NYC, movie actor (“Mission: Impossible” films, “Pulp Fiction”)

1962 [49] Emilio Estevez, NYC, movie director (“Bobby”)/movie actor (“The Mighty Ducks” movies)/son of actor Martin Sheen/brother of Charlie Sheen/wed to Paul Abdul (1992-94)

1966 [45] Stephen Baldwin, Massapequa NY, reality TV contestant (“Celebrity Big Brother” [UK] 2010, “Celebrity Apprentice” 2009, “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!” 2009)/sorta actor (“The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas”, “The Usual Suspects”)/one of ‘the Baldwin brothers’

1970 [41] Mike Weir, Sarnia ON, pro golfer (2003 Masters, 1999 Air Canada Championship)/winery investor (Mike Weir Estate Winery)

1976 [35] Kardinal Offishall (Jason Harrow), Toronto ON, rap/hip-hop/reggae fusion artist (f/Akon-“Body Bounce”, f/Akon-“Dangerous”)

1978 [33] Jason Biggs, Pompton Plains NJ, movie actor (“American Pie” movies)  UP NEXT: “American Reunion” (2012).

1978 [33] Malin Akerman, Stockholm, Sweden [raised Niagara-On-the-Lake ON], model/actress (“Watchmen”, “The Proposal”)

1980 [30] Keith Bogans, Washington DC, NBA player (Chicago Bulls)

1986 [25] Emily VanCamp, Port Perry ON, TV actress (‘Rebecca Harper’ on “Brothers & Sisters” since 2007, “Everwood” 2002-06)

• “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day”, promoting awareness of the syndrome officially known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, or ‘M-E’.

• “International Nurses Day”, a highlight of “Nursing Week” that commemorates the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale. Here’s to you, RNs!

• “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”. You’ll find some ‘Loony Limericks’ here …

2008 [03] NBC-TV announces Jimmy Fallon will succeed Conan O’Brien as host of “Late Night”

1965 [46] The Rolling Stones record the first tracks for “[I Can’t Get No] Satisfaction” at Chess Studios in Chicago IL

1992 [19] 30 men & 2 women from 9 nations reach the summit of Mount Everest, the most climbers on the peak in a single day (they’re greeted by a Sherpa with a ‘Stop/Slow’ sign)

[Fri] “Bridesmaids”; “Priest” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Blame Someone Else Day
[Sat] International Migratory Bird Day
[Sat] Chicken Dance Day
[Sat] Windmill Day
[Sat] Miniature Golf Day
This Week Is … Historic Preservation Week
This Month Is … Teen Self-Esteem Month


• “Daddy-Daughter Night”
• “An Evening In a Turkish Prison”
• “Next Stop, MTV’s ‘Teen Mom’!”
• “Let’s All Vomit In the Men’s Room Sinks”
• “Prelude To a Hangover”
• “1001 Fake IDs”
• “It’s All Downhill From Here, Jocks”
• “From Here to Paternity: The First Trimester Begins”
• “Save the Last Dance For the Creepy Limo Driver”
• “Laugh It Up, Drunken Tux Boy, Next Year It’ll Be You Working the Taco Bell Late Shift”

• Your ‘limo’ seems to have a Domino’s logo on both doors.
• You’re slow-dancing next to your biology teacher and his dressed-up lab skeleton.
• It’s scheduled for Thursday at 10:00 am.
• The janitor is mixing the punch with his monkey wrench.
• Your date asks you to go someplace quiet to discuss the joys of Scientology.
• Prom giveaway is a handful of last week’s Sloppy Joe meat from the caf.
• It coincides with another celebration … your 32nd birthday.
• It’s being chaperoned by Charlie Sheen.
• You and your date Frank are wearing the same dress.

That’s fabulous! I haven’t seen anything like it in the last half-hour.

• “What do you say we drop the gloves and go at it?”
• “My other stick curves to the right”
• “You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things.”
• “You know, less teeth means more tongue!”
• “Hi, I’m Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?”

This week a gripping black & white close-up photo of a dying Princess Diana after her 1997 car accident in Paris is being screened for the first time at the “Cannes Film Festival” as part of the 90-minute documentary “Unlawful Killing”. Is that fair game, terribly tacky, or just sick?

Today’s Question: The average person will have 350 miles (563 km) of THIS in a lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Hair (your mileage may vary).

The person who thinks they know everything hasn’t even started learning.

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