Monday, May 12, 2014        Edition: #5216

100% ‘Grade A’ Bull!

Zee Bull is back! All “BS” subscribers have received account credits for missed service days during our Spring hiatus last week.

★ Dud alert! Lynne Ramsay’s no-show as director of the upcoming film “Jane Got a Gun” did her no PR favors, but maybe she was onto something. Actor Michael Fassbender, Jude Law, and Bradley Cooper have all, at different times, signed up to co-star alongside Natalie Portman, and all dropped out. Now producers have announced the release date has been put back from this August to February of next year, traditionally the graveyard slot for movies that are so bad they need to be buried.
★ 45-year-old “X-Men: Days of Future Past” actor Hugh Jackman is once again battling skin cancer. The stage and screen star has revealed via Instagram that he’s undergone a 2nd treatment. The surgery to remove skin cancer from his nose was apparently performed last week. His first tangle with a form of skin cancer know as Basal Cell Carcinoma was in November of last year. Jackman is rightly warning his fans one again to ‘wear sunscreen!’.
★ With just 2 weeks to go before her big day on May 24th, reality TV star Kim Kardashian kicked off wedding festivities with a bridal shower in Beverley Hills CA on Saturday. And, of course, the “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star and her family felt the need to give us all a glimpse by posting photos on their Instagram accounts. Kardashian and fiancé Kanye West are reportedly set to marry in a low-key wedding in LA ahead of their lavish ceremony in Paris.
★ Late actor Paul Walker’s fleet of luxury cars is to be sold off. The “Fast & Furious” star died in a fiery crash in November when the Porsche in which he was a passenger slammed into a pole and burst into flames. Racing company Always Evolving, which was co-founded by Roger Rodas, the driver of the car, is now reportedly working with the actor’s estate to sell off a collection of about 30 high-end vehicles. It’s said the actor’s name will not be used in connection with the sale, which will be conducted privately.
★ And what’s called ‘Hot Tub Cinema’, a series of rooftop-sauna movie screenings that started in the UK, has now come to Brooklyn NY. The idea is to offer movie-goers the unique experience of enjoying a movie while soaking in one of dozens of inflatable hot tubs floating in a pool. The first film in the series, “Hot Tub Time Machine”, may have been a box office bomb but it fit the format perfectly. How did it go over? Word has it there wasn’t a dry thigh in the house.

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – On ‘American Icons’ night, Ken Ortega is guest judge.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Ludacris (“Ludaversal”, coming this Summer).
• Hip Hop Hall of Fame Awards (NYC) – Honorees to be inducted this year include Busy Bee, Mr Magic, Spoonie G & The Treacherous Three, and the Sugar Hill Gang among others. The ceremony includes an all-star performance in honor of DJ E-Z Rock, who died April 27th.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Franz Ferdinand (“Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Franz Ferdinand again.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – MIA (“Matangi”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – The Black Keys (“Turn Blue”, out tomorrow).
• MusiCares MAP Fund Benefit Concert (LA CA) –At this year’s 10th anniversary event, Ozzy Osbourne is honored with the ‘Stevie Ray Vaughan Award’ for his commitment to helping other addicts with the recovery process. The MAP Fund serves as a safety net for people in the biz who need help with substance abuse.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The remaining artists perform; Usher performs his new single, “Good Kisser”.

• Billy Joel – He celebrated his 65th birthday on Friday night with another of his ongoing series of concerts at NYC’s Madison Square Garden.
• Black Eyed Peas – was left embarrassed when staff at United Airlines asked him to leave the First Class lounge while he awaited a flight on Saturday because they thought he was trying to con them with a fake ID card.
• Brad Paisley – He’s joining ABC-TV’s new show called “Rising Star” as one of the judges. It’s another singing competition with a significant twist: The audience, not the judges have the final say on whether or not a singer advances. The show debuts June 22nd.
• Justin Bieber – His next court hearing on that assault charge for allegedly hitting a limousine driver ‘several times on the back of the head’ is set for today in Toronto. He’s unlikely to appear himself, being represented by his lawyers instead. The date of the actual trial has yet to be set.
• Keith Urban – He sure knows how to keep the wife happy. He tells “Daily Telegraph” he makes it a point to make it home by suppertime whenever possible and to bring wife Nicole Kidman flowers every day.
• Led Zeppelin – “Jimmy Page by Jimmy Page”, a photographic essay 2 years in the making, will document the iconic guitarist’s musical journey from a 13-year-old choirboy to 1960s session musician, through the Yardbirds to Led Zeppelin and beyond. It will retail at $60 but can be pre-ordered from Amazon for $50.
• Luke Bryan – This week he continues to double up on “Billboard” country charts as “Play It Again” is #1 on the ‘Hot Country Songs’ chart and “Crash My Party” continues to top the Country Albums chart.
• Madonna – It seems her next album will have a definite EDM vibe as she is now in the studio working with Diplo after already recording some new tunes with Avicii. No release date, title, or additional details have been announced for what will be her 13th studio album.
• Smashing Pumpkins – Billy Corgan has recruited Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee to play drums on the new Pumpkins album, “Monuments To an Elegy”. The first single is expected by the end of the year.

A new ‘internal bra’ could mean the end of saggy breasts … at least for women who have had breast lifts or reductions. The OrbiShape Breast Supporting System is designed by Israel-based Orbix Medical to preserve the uplifting results of other surgeries. During the procedure, a thin silicone sling is anchored to the patient’s rib cage by titanium screws and surgical thread. It’s said to work like a permanent push-up bra. Orbix notes that the procedure is not meant as a solution on its own but as a way to preserve the results of a breast lift or augmentation. It’s already approved for use in Europe and will be reviewed by the US Food & Drug Administration later this year. (Now that’s real UNDERwear!)
– ABC News

5. William
4. Mason
3. Jacob
2. Liam
1. Noah (ending Jacob’s 14-year run at the top)
5. Ava
4. Isabella
3. Olivia
2. Emma
1. Sophia (for the 3rd straight year)
One name expert suggests there’s a rise in more smooth-sounding baby names. If you compare Jacob with its hard, punchy consonants versus Noah and Liam, you can really see where style is heading. Among the year’s fastest-rising names: Daleyza for girls; Jayceon for boys. (Some of these are going to sound really strange a decade down the line.)
– AP

NYC pastry chef Domnique Ansel, the guy who invented the much hullabalooed ‘Cronut’ hybrid, has come up with a new creation … the ‘Waffogato’. The new treat is a twist on affogato, a classic Italian dessert made with vanilla gelato or ice cream and topped with a hot shot of espresso. In Ansel’s version, the vanilla ice cream is set into a waffle shape, and has bits of Belgian waffle, a pinch of sea salt, and tapioca pearls added. A maple-syrup espresso is then poured on top. The ‘Cronut’ king debuted his latest treat at a charity fund-raiser and it was reportedly a big hit with the crowd. The ‘Waffogato’ went on sale in Ansel’s SoHo bakery on Friday for $7 a pop. (To get the same effect for less, pour your coffee on your Eggo this morning.)
– @nydailynews

In Poland, when dubbing foreign import TV shows, they hire one actor to do all of the voices … be they men, women, children, or mythical creatures. It used to be for budgetary reasons, but now people are so used to it they don’t really like it when it’s changed. Here’s a sampling …


1955 [59] (Leon) Kix Brooks, Shreveport LA, country singer (ex-Brooks & Dunn-“Play Something Country”, “My Maria”)

1959 [55] Ving Rhames, NYC, movie actor (“Mission: Impossible” films, “Pulp Fiction”)

1966 [48] Stephen Baldwin, Massapequa NY, reality TV contestant (“All-Star Celebrity Apprentice” 2013)/movie actor (“The Usual Suspects”)/one of ‘the Baldwin brothers’

1978 [36] Jason Biggs, Pompton Plains NJ, TV actor (‘Larry Bloom’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)/movie actor (“American Pie” films)

1978 [36] Malin Akerman, Stockholm, Sweden [raised Niagara-On-the-Lake ON], fashion model/TV actress (“Trophy Wife” 2013-14)/movie actress (“Rock of Ages”, “Watchmen”)

1984 [30] Clare Bowen, Stanwell Park, Australia, TV actress (‘Scarlett O’Connor’ on “Nashville” since 2012)

1986 [28] Emily VanCamp, Port Perry ON, TV actress (‘Emily Thorne’/‘Amanda Clarke’ on “Revenge” since 2011)/movie actress (“Captain America: The Winter Soldier”)

• “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day”, promoting awareness of the syndrome officially known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, or ‘M-E’. Today is also “Fibromyalgia Awareness Day”, a similar malady that can cause debilitating fatigue, sleep disturbance, and joint stiffness.

• “International Nurses Day”, a highlight of “Nursing Week” that commemorates the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale. Here’s to you, RNs!

• “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”. You’ll find some ‘Loony Limericks’ here …

• “Women’s Check-up Day 2014”, observed on the Monday after “Mothers Day” to encourage all women to book an annual medical check-up.

2008 [06] NBC-TV announces Jimmy Fallon will succeed Conan O’Brien as host of “Late Night”

1965 [49] The Rolling Stones record the first tracks for “[I Can’t Get No] Satisfaction” at Chess Studios in Chicago IL

1992 [22] 30 men and 2 women from 9 nations reach the summit of Mount Everest, the most climbers on the peak in a single day (they’re greeted by a Sherpa with a ‘Stop/Slow’ sign)

[Tues] Tulip Day
[Wed] Full ‘Flower’ Moon
[Wed] 2014 Cannes Film Festival begins (France)
[Wed] Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity Day
[Wed] Chicken Dance Day
[Wed] 3rd Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day

Etiquette Week / Food Allergy Awareness Week / Nursing Home Week / Police Week / Reading is Fun Week / Salute to Moms 35+ Week / Transportation Week / Universal Family Week / Women’s Health Week / Work at Home Moms Week


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “It’s All Downhill From Here, Jocks”
• “From Here to Paternity: The First Trimester Begins”
• “An Evening In a Turkish Prison”
• “Next Stop, MTV’s ‘Teen Mom’!”
• “Let’s All Vomit In the Men’s Room Sinks”
• “Prelude To a Hangover”
• “1001 Fake IDs”
• “Laugh It Up, Drunken Tux Boy, Next Year It’ll Be You Working the Taco Bell Late Shift”
– First published in “BS” 2011.

Just in time for “Etiquette Week” …
• When drinking directly out of a wine bottle, always hold it so your fingers cover the label.
• Your dinner table centerpiece should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
• While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
• Livestock is usually a poor choice as a wedding gift.
• Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
• Never take a beer to a job interview.
• If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
• Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it’s considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
• Men need space in the bathroom cabinet too, and always remember … his razor is his.
– First published in “BS” 2003.

Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.

• It’s a real “Valley Of the Dolls”. In a bizarre to wn in Japan, an artist is replacing departed residents with life-size dolls …
• Famous sitcom families re-imagined with Drake in the cast …

☎ What’s a seasonal food that you crave all year? Eggnog ice cream, anyone?

Question: The average person has 8 of THESE that they got for free.
Answer: Coffee mugs.

A person is always more happy to hear that you are sorry than why you don’t need to be.

Oliver Rogers @ Fusion Radio, West Australia; Jones Rufus Kade @ COOL-FM 96.9 Kano, Nigeria; Patty Adamson @ Big Oldies 93.7 [WEKZ] Monroe WI; John Morgan @ Today’s Country 99.3 [WCJC] Muncie IN; Tim Porter @ KTIM St George UT; Phil Cooke @ Power FM Queensland, Australia; Dylan Donald @ Real Country Radio [CFRY] Portage la Prairie MB; Crystal Vas @ Tamworth 92.9 Tamworth NSW, Australia; Rick Blanshan @ KIK FM 100.7 [KIKV] Alexandria MN; Greg Mendrala @ 1360 Wow [WWOW] Conneaut OH; Pete Bradley @ Vibe 103 FM Hamilton, Bermuda; Kim Lepak @ Kickin’ Country K92 [WFPS] Freeport IL; Mark Potter @ Shore Country 94.3 [WINX]; Cassandra Clarke @ Tuks FM 107.2 Pretoria, South Africa; and Elma Maspero @ 5FM Johannesburg, South Africa.

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