BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Tonight Bill Clinton makes his 10th and final appearance on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS), joining a growing number of high-profile previous guests bidding farewell to the long-time host. After over 6,000 episodes Letterman is stepping down May 20th and Stephen Colbert takes over. Wednesday’s guests are Julia Roberts and Ryan Adams, followed by George Clooney and Tom Waits on Thursday. On Friday it’s Oprah Winfrey and Canadian comic Norm MacDonald. Guests are yet to be announced for the last 3 shows but Letterman previously stated he’d love to have retired “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno on.
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ 24-year-old actress Jennifer Lawrence is set to shatter the gender pay gap in the movie biz by busting through the glass ceiling and banking twice what her co-star Chris Pratt will earn for “Passengers”. J-Law has reportedly signed a watertight $20-million deal for her role in the upcoming sci-fi adventure film, putting her in an exclusive group of Hollywood high-earners, alongside the likes of Bradley Cooper, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Robert Downey Jr.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ Courtney Love reportedly owes her psychiatrist a ton of moolah. Dr Edward Ratush, an addiction psychiatrist who deals with opiate dependence and treatment-resistant depression, has filed a lawsuit in Manhattan Supreme Court demanding payment of an outstanding bill for $48,250. It’s unclear how many sessions the bill covers, or how long it’s been outstanding. Love recently stated she’s free of all drugs and attributes her Buddhist faith for helping her stay sober.
– “New York Post”
★ And TV improv show “Whose Line is It Anyway?” is coming to the stage for a 2-week run in London’s West End 16 years after it was last seen on Britain’s Channel 4 TV (1988-99). Clive Anderson returns to host the show, alongside improv artists Brad Sherwood, Colin Mochrie, Greg Proops, and Josie Lawrence. After its British run, the series had a US remake on ABC-TV with Drew Carey hosting 1998-2007. It was then revived by the CW in 2013 and continues to air. The stage show, opening June 20th, is meant to incorporate the best of all the TV versions.
– ContactMusic.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX) – In Part 1 of the 2-part finalé, 1 finalist is sent home and the final 2 compete for the 2015 crown. The winner is announced tomorrow night.
• BMI Pop Awards (Los Angeles) – Broadcast Music Inc presents its President’s Award to P!nk for Outstanding Achievement in Songwriting. The Pop Song, Songwriter, and Publisher Of the Year are also named during tonight’s private gala at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – A unique performance honors US military women.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Stromae (“Racine Caree”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Børns (“Candy”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/Omni 1) – Tori Kelly (“Unbreakable Smile”).
• “Meredith Vieira Show” (syndicated) – Kellie Pickler (“The Woman I Am”).
• “Masters of Flip” (W) – Debut of a new series with house-flipping experts Kortney & Dave Wilson traveling to Nashville TN to hunt for promising properties that have seen better days.
• “NCIS” (CBS, Global) – 12th season finalé.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Guest co-host Wynonna Judd (The Judds).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Nate Ruess (“Grand Romantic”, out June 16th); Unlocking the Truth (“Free As You Wanna Be”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – 4 contestants advance to the next round; performances by Pharrell, Snoop Dogg, Walk the Moon.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Arcade Fire – Win Butler & Regine Chassagne are starting Agrikol, a Haitian restaurant and performance space in their hometown of Montréal QC. Chassagne’s parents are originally from Haiti and she’s long dreamed of opening an eatery specializing in the country’s cuisine.
• Blur – There’s now an ice cream flavor named for their first new album in more than a decade. “The Magic Whip” is a vanilla-flavored ice cream, rippled with raspberry coulis (puréed fruit sauce). It will be sold at Blur concerts this Summer and by British supermarket chain Co-op.
• Hinder – Today the veteran rockers release their 5th studio album, “When the Smoke Clears”. They are currently on tour in support of the project, next appearing at the K-Rock [WKRL] ‘Dysfunctional Family BBQ’ in Syracuse NY on May 23rd.
• Incubus – Today they release the first of 2 EPs slated for 2015 via their new label home of Island Records. Today’s “Trust Fall (Side A)” EP features the single “Absolution Calling”. The band is set to tour overseas later this month, beginning in Munich, Germany on May 29th.
• Kanye West – 45-year-old rapper/producer Diddy confirms he’s working on Ye’s next album “Swish”, but admits he’s unsure of his exact involvement. Quote: “I’m definitely producing on his album, but I don’t know how it’s going to end up.” In other words, it’s a typical Kanye project.
• Nicki Minaj – She’s signed on to co-star in the movie “Barbershop 3”, playing a sassy new hairdresser who works in the beauty shop side of the business. Cedric the Entertainer and Ice Cube will reprise their starring roles from the first 2 films. “Barbershop 3″ is due in 2016.
• Sam Smith – Plans for his 2nd album are now on hold thanks to his ongoing vocal cord problems. A rep says: ”Sam hopes to be back in 8 weeks to finish his promotional commitments for his debut album.” After that, he’ll give his voice a rest before worrying about a followup.
• Snoop Dogg – Today his Columbia Records debut “Bush” is released. The new album has been executive produced by Pharrell Williams. Snoop performed the first single, “Peaches N Cream”, on the season finalé of “Empire” (FOX) back on March 18th.
• Weird Al Yankovic – Tonight his “2015 Mandatory World Tour” gets underway with the 1st night of a 5-night run at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas NV. The extensive tour visits over 100 cities throughout North America, Europe, and Australia.

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Out today on DVD, Netflix, Google Play and/or other video providers …
• “Mortdecai” ( R-Rated Action Comedy ): Johnny Depp stars as debonair art dealer ‘Charlie Mortdecai’. While racing to recover a stolen painting rumored to contain a code that leads to lost Nazi gold, he finds himself simultaneously juggling angry Russians, Britain’s MI5, and an international terrorist. Co-stars Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Olivia Munn.
• “Still Alice” ( PG-13 Drama): Julianne Moore won the 2015 Oscar for ‘Best Actress’ for her role as a renowned linguistics professor who is happily married with 3 grown children, but finds her family’s bonds tested when she’s diagnosed with Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease. Co-stars Alec Baldwin and Kristen Stewart. Based on the Lisa Genova novel.
• “Tracers” (2015): Taylor Lautner (“The Twilight Saga”) stars as a NYC bike messenger who is in debt to the Chinese mafia. In an attempt to square his accounts, he joins a gang of thieves who use parkour to pull off heists. Co-stars Marie Avgeropoulos, Adam Rayner, Rafi Gavron. ‘Tracer’ is the English translation of ‘traceur’, the French name for a practitioner of parkour.
• Also released today: “The Best Of the Ed Sullivan Show” (TV Compilation); “The Colbys: The Complete Series 1985-87” (Vintage TV); “The Magic School Bus: Season 2” (Kids’ TV); “Magical Universe” (Documentary); “The Midnight Special” (TV Compilation); “Mister Ed: The Complete 6th Season 1965-66” (Classic TV); “Texas Rangers: The Real Stories” (History TV Special); and “Unforgettable: Season 3” (TV).

MORE ODD JOBS:
Think your gig is strange? Check out these real but extremely weird careers …
• ‘Ash Portrait Artist’ – There is actually a company in Virginia that hires artists to create portraits from the ashes of dead people.
• ‘Breath Odor Evaluator’ – Typically hired by mint and toothpaste companies, these people keep smelling that stank breath until the minty freshness does its job.
• ‘Chicken Sexer’ – These people have one teeny job … figuring out if the chicks are male or a female.
• ‘Dog Breath Sniffer’ – This is basically the canine version of the ‘Breath Odor Evaluator’.
• ‘Duck Master’ – Some hotels hire these guys to take care of the ducks in their pond and parade them around the grounds.
• ‘Flatulence Smell Reduction Underwear Maker’ – These guys are basically tasked with engineering underwear that reduces the typically unpleasant post-fart stink.
• ‘Gum Buster’ – If you have a passion for gum-free tables, theaters, and sidewalks, just know that there are people out there who will hire you to remove wads of discarded chewing gum.
• ‘Human Scarecrow’ – There have been online stories of British students doing this part-time to earn tuition money.
• ‘Paint Drying Observer’ – Companies actually hire people to do this. It has to do with making sure the paint is durable as it dries.
• ‘Professional Snuggler’ – In Japan, these folks are paid to cuddle up. They usually work in snuggle cafes … whatever those are.
– Adapted from List 25.com

WALK THIS WAY:
We don’t need to move our arms to walk, so why do we? A University of Michigan study has measured the energy used while walking in a number of ways – swinging arms, holding arms to sides, etc. They’ve found that normal arm swinging actually has a purpose … it reduces the overall energy it takes to walk by about 12%. A ‘normal’ arm swing is moving your left arm forward as you step with your right foot, and vice versa. Putting your left foot forward with your left arm is much harder on your body, and it uses 26% more energy. Not moving the arms at all still takes 7% more energy. Researchers say that’s because your arm is like a pendulum; when your leg moves, your body moves, and that movement forces the pendulum to sway. (It may not be natural though … ever see cadets trying to march in unison in a parade? Mayhem!)
– MentalFloss.com

WORLD’S TOP WINE-MAKERS:
Every year France and Italy compete for the top spot among the world’s wine producing countries. Wine production was down in most places over the past year, except for France. So the latest ranking of the top wine-making countries goes like this …
1. France
2. Italy
3. Spain
4. USA
5. Argentina
Italy remains, on average, the world’s largest wine producer over the past decade.
– Condensed from Forbes.com

BS AMAZING FACTS THAT HAPPEN EVERY 5 SECONDS:
Every 5 seconds, 500,000 chemical reactions have taken place in every cell of your body.
Every 5 seconds, about 500 lightning strikes have struck the ground.
Every 5 seconds, the sound of thunder travels 1 mile.
Every 5 seconds, 15,800 tons of water flows over Niagara Falls.
Every 5 seconds, 80 million tons of water has evaporated from the Earth’s surface.
– Sourced from BuzzFeed.com

BS CHRONOMETER 05.12.15

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [60] (Leon) Kix Brooks, Shreveport LA, country singer (ex-Brooks & Dunn-“Play Something Country”, “My Maria”)

1959 [56] Ving Rhames, NYC, movie actor (“Mission: Impossible” films, “Pulp Fiction”)

1978 [37] Jason Biggs, Pompton Plains NJ, TV actor (‘Larry Bloom’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)/movie actor (“American Pie” films)

1978 [37] Malin Akerman, Stockholm, Sweden [raised Niagara-On-the-Lake ON], TV actress (“Sin City Saints” 2015, “Trophy Wife” 2013-14)/movie actress (“CBGB”, “Rock of Ages”)

1984 [31] Clare Bowen, Stanwell Park, Australia, TV actress (‘Scarlett O’Connor’ on “Nashville” since 2012)

1986 [29] Emily VanCamp, Port Perry ON, TV actress (“Revenge” 2011-15, “Brothers & Sisters” 2007-10)/movie actress (“Captain America: The Winter Soldier”)  COMING UP: “Captain America: Civil War” (2016).

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Nurses Day”, a highlight of “Nursing Week” that commemorates the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale. Here’s to you, RNs!

• “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”. You’ll find some ‘Loony Limericks’ here …
NET: http://home.earthlink.net/~kristenaa

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2008 [07] NBC-TV announces Jimmy Fallon will succeed Conan O’Brien as host of “Late Night”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1965 [50] The Rolling Stones record the first tracks for “[I Can’t Get No] Satisfaction” at Chess Studios in Chicago IL

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [23] 30 men and 2 women from 9 nations reach the summit of Mount Everest, the most climbers on the peak in a single day (they’re greeted by a Sherpa with a ‘Stop/Slow’ sign)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Cannes Film Festival opens (Cannes, France)
[Wed] Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity
[Thurs] U2’s “Innocence + Experience Tour” opens (Vancouver BC)
[Fri] “Mad Max: Fury Road”; “Pitch Perfect 2” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Hangout Music Festival begins (Gulf Shores AL)
[Fri] Rock On the Range festival begins (Columbus OH)
This Week Is … Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Good Car Keeping Month

BULL’S BITS

USEFUL BS WORK PHRASES:
A few bon mots to help you get along with co-workers …
✓ “Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”
✓ “I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.”
✓ “What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?”
✓ “I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.”
✓ “Oh pardon me. I was distracted by visualizing duct tape over your mouth.”
✓ “I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.”
✓ “No, I can’t help you with that. My powers can only be used for good.”
✓ “You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.”
✓ “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”
✓ “How about never? Is never good for you?”
– Adapted from FunnyLists.net

BS RANDOM JOKE:
She chatters more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.

TRUTH OR BS?
You run down the following statements rapid-fire while a contestant attempts to decide whether each is correct … or total BS.
• An average hummingbird weighs less than a quarter (coin). [TRUE]
• More men call their moms every day than women. [BS. 32% of women, 13% of men.]
• If an octopus is hungry enough, it will eat its own arms. [TRUE]
• The first ‘Swiss Army Knives’ were manufactured in Germany. [TRUE]
• The ‘monkey wrench’ is so-named because it has a long arm. [BS. Named for its inventor, Charles Moncke.]
• Bumblebees do warm-up exercises before they take-off. [TRUE]
• Yarn spun from animal hair is called ‘skein’. [BS. Does the word ‘wool’ ring a bell?]
• In the average home, the room where the greatest number of arguments occurs is the bedroom. [BS. The kitchen.]
• Newborn camels don’t have humps. [TRUE]
• During a lifetime, the average motorist spends about 1 week waiting for traffic lights to turn green. [BS. It’s closer to 6 months.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Is it possible for men to bond with cats the way women do?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 60% of women polled say it will bother them all day if they do THIS in the morning.
Answer: Leave dirty dishes in the sink.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.