Thursday, May 12, 2016 Edition: #5729

100% ‘Grade A’ Bull!

★ Paris Hilton is reportedly pitching an “unflinching” authorized documentary about her life at the Cannes Film Festival. The as-yet-untitled film aims to give an insight into the life of the “businesswoman, entrepreneur, and media icon”. It also promises in-depth discussion of the release of her sex tape (“One Night in Paris” in 2004) which, like former friend Kim Kardashian, made her famous. Documentary maker Don Argott and film producer Sheena Joyce are directing the project, with production slated to begin in Ibiza, Spain at the end of Summer.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ 26-year-old actress Emma Watson has now been named as part of the ‘Panama Papers’ leak, as she apparently used an offshore company to buy a London property. Records show she set up a company called Falling Leaves Ltd in the Caribbean tax haven of British Virgin Islands in order to purchase a $4-million home in the UK capital. Her rep doesn’t deny that, but claims she only did so for privacy reasons to protect her anonymity and safety, and received no tax or monetary advantages as a result. Watson has an estimated fortune of $70 million.
– “Spectator Magazine”
★ Movie star Dwayne Johnson is expanding his online presence with a new YouTube channel. The wrestler-turned-actor’s new venture is called Seven Bucks Digital Studios, which will feature Johnson’s own videos, content from other creators, as well as an action-filled scripted web series. Johnson, who boasts over 100 million followers across his social handles, is set to debut Seven Bucks Digital Studios this Summer.
★ How can a cartoon be live? In a new episode of “The Simpsons” (FOX/Global) titled “Simprovised”, airing Sunday, ‘Homer Simpson’ will appear “live” for the first time, answering questions from viewers. It’s being done with what’s called ‘motion capture’. As voice-actor Dan Castellaneta speaks into a microphone, his motions will be captured and translated to the animated character of ‘Homer’. There will be separate “live” segments for the East Coast and West Coast broadcasts. Phones open at 8 pm, both ET and PT, for viewers to call in questions.
– Postmedia Network

• “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS/CTV) – Season 9 finalé.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Keith Urban (“Ripcord”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Goo Goo Dolls (“Boxes”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Transviolet (“Transviolet”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Animal Collective (“Prospect Hummer”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – French Montana (“Mac & Cheese: The Album”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Drake (“Views”); Meghan Trainor (“Thank You”).
• “2 Broke Girls” (CBS/CityTV) – Season 5 finalé.
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Sara Bareilles (“What’s Inside: Songs From Waitress”).

• Dierks Bentley – Tonight the North American leg of his “Somewhere On a Beach Tour” begins in Holmdel NJ. Support acts are Randy Houser and special guest Cam.
• Keith Urban – The new song he co-wrote for “American Idol” winner Trent Harmon is partly about … oral sex. Harmon tells “Rolling Stone” he didn’t realize the risqué lyrics to “Falling” were about pleasuring a woman until a couple hours before the finalé. But the 25-year-old reckons: “You’ve got to grow up sometime.”
• Kesha – She’s said to be gearing up to make a ‘statement performance’ at the 2016 Billboard Music Awards on May 22nd. It will reportedly make clear reference to her legal battles with former mentor and producer Dr Luke.
• Snow Patrol – This week guitarist Johnny McDaid (39) & former “Friends” actress Courteney Cox (51) made their first red carpet appearance since reconciling. The twosome called off their engagement last November after 18 months, apparently disagreeing over whether to live in the UK or remain in the US. They first sparked rumors of a reconciliation in March and have been seen together on numerous occasions since.
• Sum 41 – The Canadian rockers are celebrating 20 years together by releasing their first album in 5 years. The new project comes 2 years after frontman Deryck Whibley almost died from heavy drinking. Further details about the album have yet to be revealed.
• The Weeknd – “Elle” magazine reports that the “Can’t Feel My Face” singer met his 26-year-old model-girlfriend Bella Hadid when he asked her to appear in the artwork for his 2nd album, “Beauty Behind the Madness”, and … she said no. But after that first meeting romance blossomed and she’s since appeared in his “In the Night” music video.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Black Widow” – A stand-alone Marvel movie focusing on Scarlett Johansson’s “Avengers” character is a no-brainer, according to “Captain America” directors Anthony & Joe Russo. Her next outing will be in the two “Avengers: Infinity War” movies; Part 1 coming in 2018. Marvel boss Kevin Feige says it will take some time before a “Black Widow” spinoff can be developed.
• “The Mummy” – Russell Crowe is confirmed to star alongside Tom Cruise as ‘Dr Henry Jekyll’, alter ego of ‘Mr Hyde’, in this thriller that incorporates a number of classic monsters, including ‘Invisible Man’, ‘Wolf Man’, and ‘Creature From the Black Lagoon’. Word is the reboot differs greatly from the Brendan Fraser-fronted “Mummy” trilogy (1999-2008). It’s due in June 2017.
• “Richard Pryor Story” – Due to his ultra-busy schedule Lee Daniels (“Empire”) is no longer the director of this upcoming bio-pic tracing the legendary comedian’s life and career. The hunt for a new director is currently on, and production is still expected to begin in October. Mike Epps is playing Pryor; Kate Hudson his wife. Oprah Winfrey and Jennifer Hudson are also onboard.
• “Tully” – Writer Diablo Cody, director Jason Reitman, and actress Charlize Theron are set to collaborate on this indie comedy. Theron plays a mother of three who is gifted a night-nanny by her brother. Though initially reluctant to accept, she comes to form a unique bond with the care-giver. Production is scheduled to start this Summer in Vancouver BC.
• “The Vampire Chronicles” – Jared Leto is reportedly starring in a new version of the 1994 thriller “Interview With the Vampire”. Writer/filmmaker Josh Boone (“The Fault In Our Stars”) is combining the Anne Rice novel with its companion story “The Vampire Lestat” into a new movie. The role of ‘Lestat’ in the original film was played by Tom Cruise.
• “Z” – 37-year-old actor Gael Garcia Bernal is the latest actor to play the masked outlaw ‘Zorro’, alter ego of ‘Don Diego de la Vega’. The character was created by writer Johnston McCulley way back in 1919. Plot details for this futuristic reboot are being kept under wraps. It is scheduled to start shooting in the Dominican Republic this Autumn.

A lot of Americans claim they’re thinking of fleeing to Canada if Donald Trump wins the US general election in November. To that end, the new website ‘Maple Match’ is a dating site for Americans wishing to defect to find Canadian mates. CEO Joe Goldman says finding true love in a place where you can be happy is not a joke. ‘Maple Match’ is very real, he claims, saying there’s already a waiting list and the site is yet to start matching anyone. It has drawn over 4,500 sign-ups in its first 4 days with promises to “make dating great again” by offering both refuge and romance. (Now a splash of cold water reality – you can’t just become Canadian because you feel like it. Like most countries, citizenship is a long haul burdened by red tape and paperwork.)
– Global News

It’s actually been around since the 1970s, when researchers found a child’s height could usually be accurately predicted using the average combined height of their parents.
• Take each parent’s height using cm/inches and add them together.
• Divide that number by 2.
• Subtract 6.5 cm/2.5 ins from that number.
• The result is the mid-parental height for girls. This number plus-or-minus 10 cm/4 ins is the range in which you can expect your daughter to fall.
• Take each parent’s height in cm/inches and add them together.
• Divide that number by 2.
• Add 6.5 cm/2.5 ins to that number.
• That result is the mid-parental height for boys. This number plus-or-minus 10 cm/4 ins is the range in which you can expect your son to fall. Another rule of thumb is to double the height at age 2; or you could save a lot of mental math and just use one of these online height predictors …
– “New York Times”

Tiny human beings such as those depicted in “The Borrowers” could not exist, says new research. UK scientists claim the miniature characters in Mary Norton’s children’s classic would be virtually blind, deaf, as well as perilously cold. The 1952 novel, and subsequent movies, tell the story of a family of creatures identical to humans save for being 1-16th the size. They live beneath the floorboards and survive through ‘borrowing’ items from full-sized humans above. But the new study shatters the scientific possibility of this charming world, pointing out they’d have to wear extremely thick coats to maintain a healthy body temperature and their 16-times shorter vocal chords would push their vocal pitch up 4 octaves, making them inaudible to full-sized human beings. (Well thanks for destroying that bit of fun. Now, could you screw up “Cinderella” for us?)

• Ramen Noodles – Japanese manufacturers create 600 new ramen flavors every year, ranging from ‘Cheese Curry’ to ‘Milk and Seafood’ and ‘Clam with White Wine’.
• Doritos – Forget ‘Cool Ranch’, in Japan you can have ‘Chicken Consomme’, ‘Buttery Soy Sauce’, or ‘Garlic Shrimp’.
• Cheetos – The most out-there Japanese Cheetos are the bright yellow ‘Banana’ flavor, available for a limited time last year to promote the release of the “Minions” movie.
• Pizza – Some of the Domino’s chain’s most popular pies in Japan are the white-sauced drenched ‘Crab Gratin’ and ‘Lasagna Pizza with Potato, Parsley, and Bolognese Sauce’.
• Starbucks – Even Japanese Starbucks shake things up with a limited-edition ‘Cantaloupe Melon & Cream Frappuccino’, which contains juicy fruit chunks and panna cotta.
• Ice Cream – J-kids go nuts for ‘Popping Shower’, a cool mint ice cream studded with Pop Rocks-like candy; adults prefer unique flavors like ‘Red Adzuki Bean’ and ‘Musk Melon’.
– Condensed from “Mental Floss”

• Students at Florida’s oldest high school, Leon High in Tallahassee, have just crowned their first same-sex prom king & queen in the school’s 185 year history. Lindsey Creel (18) and Brie Grimes (17) have been dating for 3 years.
– “Tallahassee Democrat”
• Horses have the largest eyes of any land animal and they have excellent night vision. Unfortunately, their vision is only dichromatic, meaning they can only see 2 colors.


1955 [61] (Leon) Kix Brooks, Shreveport LA, country singer (Brooks & Dunn-“Play Something Country”, “My Maria”)

1959 [57] Ving Rhames, NYC, movie actor (“Mission: Impossible” films, “Pulp Fiction”)

1976 [40] Matt Mangano, Atlanta GA, country bassist (Zac Brown Band-“Beautiful Drug”, “Chicken Fried”)

1978 [38] Malin Akerman, Stockholm, Sweden [raised Niagara-On-the-Lake ON], TV actress (‘Lara Axelrod’ on “Billions” 2016)/movie actress (“Rock of Ages”)

1984 [32] Clare Bowen, Stanwell Park, Australia, TV actress (‘Scarlett O’Connor’ on “Nashville” since 2012)

1986 [30] Emily VanCamp, Port Perry ON, movie actress (“Captain America: Civil War”, “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”)/TV actress (“Revenge” 2011-15)

• “Canadian Tulip Festival” through May 23rd in Canada’s Capital Region of Ottawa-Gatineau. The world’s largest tulip festival is thanks to a gift of 100,000 tulip bulbs from Dutch Princess (later Queen) Juliana in 1945 as thanks for providing her a home during WW2.

• “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day”, promoting awareness of the syndrome officially known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, or ‘M-E’. Today is also “Fibromyalgia Awareness Day”, a similar malady that can cause debilitating fatigue, sleep disturbance, and joint stiffness.

• “International Nurses Day”, a highlight of “Nursing Week” that commemorates the 1820 birth date of the founder of modern nursing, Florence Nightingale. Here’s to you, RNs!

• “Limerick Day”, celebrating the 1812 birthday of Edward Lear, author of the first collection of limericks, “The Book of Nonsense”. You’ll find some ‘Loony Limericks’ here …

2008 [08] NBC-TV announces Jimmy Fallon will succeed Conan O’Brien as host of “Late Night”

2008 [08] Singer-songwriter Neil Young has a spider named for him after biologist Jason Bond decides to call his recently discovered species ‘Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi’

2013 [03] Using ropes, hammers and chisels thieves break into a storeroom and steal more than 1 million rand ($66,000) in takings after a Justin Bieber concert at Soccer City Stadium in Johannesburg, South Africa

[Fri] “The Darkness”; “Money Monster” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Bereaved Mothers Day
[Sat] International Migratory Bird Day
[Sat] Chicken Dance Day
[Sun] Chocolate Chip Cookie Day
This Week Is … Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Good Car Keeping Month


✗ Put cream on his face and let the cat shave him with its tongue.
✗ Teach him the secret male rituals of leaving the toilet seat up and the toilet paper roll empty.
✗ Have a ceremony where you give him his own remote control.
✗ Lead him through an afternoon of rigorous physical training in the backyard while you sit in a lawn chair with a half-gallon of ice cream.
✗ Eat until you’re about to burst and then ride the Screamin’ Hurler roller coaster together.
✗ Walk behind him through his school halls yelling, “You da man!”
✗ Send him to the local discount store to buy mom’s ‘personal things’.
✗ Shotput catching.

When all else fails, read the directions.

If you were to spell out numbers (ie: O-N-E …), how far would you have to count until you would find the letter ‘A’? [One thousand.]

☎ What’s the oddest thing you’ve found when you peeked in the medicine cabinet while visiting someone?

Question: THIS is usually the oldest item you will find in someone’s refrigerator.
Answer: Salad dressing.

The only reason someone will ever hire you is to make a profit off of your labor.

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