Monday, May 14, 2012        Edition: #4748

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet … Ahhhh!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Pop singer-turned fashion maven Jessica Simpson & fiancé Eric Johnson have reportedly sold the premiere pictures of their newborn daughter, Maxwell Drew, to “People” magazine for $800,000. That might seem astronomical but it’s actually a bit down-market when you consider the same mag paid $6 million for the 1st snaps of Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony’s twins Max and Emme; and an astounding  $11 million for a first peak at Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s twins, Knox & Vivienne.
– ConstactMusic.com
• This is a case of art imitating … well, art. 31-year-old actress Megan Hilty is playing ‘Lorelei Lee’ in the Broadway production of “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”. It’s a role originally played in the movies by Marilyn Monroe, the subject of the TV series “‘Smash”, in which Hilty co-stars with Debra Messing and Katharine McPhee. Hilty has only taken on the stage role for a limited-run while her TV show is on Summer hiatus.
– Playbill.com
• JJ Abrams’ prison drama “Alcatraz” has been axed by FOX-TV after just one season on-air. The show, starring Sam Neill (“Jurassic Park”) and Jorge Garcia (“Lost”) focused on the mysterious reappearance of prisoners and guards who vanished from the infamous island jail in the 1960s. FOX has also axed the “Bones” spin-off “The Finder”, but renewed Kiefer Sutherland’s new TV drama “Touch” for a 2nd season.
– EW.com
• Tina Fey’s comedy “30” Rock will come to an end after one more season. The series has been a critical smash since 2006, winning a string of Emmys and Golden Globe Awards. It was reported Fey’s co-star Alec Baldwin was leaving the show earlier this year, but NBC-TV  has now confirmed the main cast will all return for a 7th and final run.
– WENN.com
• Filmmaker Quentin Tarantino has been dealt another blow in casting his latest film project, “Django Unchained”. Kurt Russell has now dropped out of the violent Western, in which he was scheduled to play a villain who pits slaves against one other. It’s a role Kevin Costner previously backed out of. Fortunately, the film still has some big names attached, including Oscar-winner Christoph Waltz, Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Samuel L Jackson.
– Variety.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – In the 7th season debut, hopefuls perform for the judges (including new addition Howard Stern) in Los Angeles and St Louis.
• “The Bachelorette” (ABC) – In the 8th season debut, Emily Maynard meets 25 bachelors in hope of finding love … or at least money.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The penultimate performance show.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – The Imagineers (“See As I Say”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Willie Nelson (“Heroes”, released tomorrow).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tenacious D (“Rize Of the Fenix”, out tomorrow).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Chris Colfer (“Glee”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Karmin (“Hello”).

TONIGHT’S TV SEASON FINALÉS:

✓ “Bones” (FOX)
✓ “Gossip Girl” (CW)
✓ “Hart of Dixie” (CW)
✓ “Hawaii Five-0” (CBS)
✓ “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS)
✓ “Mike & Molly” (CBS)
✓ “Two-And-a-Half Men” (CBS)

BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Amy Winehouse – A painting created by her and her rocker pal Peter Doherty using their own blood sold for about $56,000 at a weekend art auction in London.
• Beyoncé – The 31-year-old tells “Entertainment Tonight” she’s enjoying being a mom to 4-month-old Blue Ivy so much that she ‘definitely’ wants to have more kids in the future. But it’s unlikely to be anytime soon due to her busy schedule.
• Flo Rida – He’s set a July 3rd release date for his 4th album, “Wild Ones”. He boasts that with this album ‘there’s gonna be a lot of #1s’.
• The Joy Formidable – The Welsh trio has announced they’ve finished recording their 2nd full-length album, some of it in a cabin in Maine. No title or release date as yet announced.
• Loretta Lynn – The 80-year-old country legend has been working on a Broadway show based on her 1976 autobiography “Coal Miner’s Daughter”, and now she’s enlisted singer/actress Zooey Deschanel (“New Girl”) for the lead role in a new musical stage show.
• Rihanna – Her brother Rorrey Fenty claims her brief stay in a NYC hospital last week for ‘exhaustion and dehydration’ is a direct result of her management working her too hard. Thanks to 13-hour days, he claims, she’s been exhausted for months.
• System Of a Down – They’re touring this August with The Deftones, but frontman Serj Tankian says the band has no plans just yet to get back into the studio. Their last album was 2005’s “Hypnotize”.

MONKEY TALK:

Baboons can recognize up to 4-letter words on a computer screen, according to scientists at Aix-Marseille University in France. Researchers found the monkeys could tell the difference between actual words and nonsense letter combinations. After being trained, the baboons were able to make this distinction, despite not being capable of reading. The results suggest the ability to recognize words could more closely relate to object identification than linguistic skill. The baboons received a treat for correctly identifying words. (This would make a great TV game show … “Are You Smarter Than a Baboon?”)
– “Science”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 95% of those who lose weight on a diet will gain it back within 3 years. (Serial dieters keep shedding and gaining the same 10 lbs.)
• 94% of 25-to-34 year-olds say they’re making saving money a priority now. (As soon as they get a job.)
• 75% of the office workday involves sitting down. (25% lying down for a nap.)
• 41% of women admit to Photoshop-ing pictures of themselves on Facebook. (“Of course that’s my bikini bod’ … why do you ask?”)
• 29% of guys & 26% of women say they’ve been involved in a relationship that started online.
• 9% of us read the nutrition labels at the grocery store. (Methyl paraben, propylene glycol, polysorbate 80, emulsifiers, preservatives, and artificial flavorings … mm, sounds delicious!)

WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED:

The composition of household dust will vary from place to place, but it mostly consists of organic matter that naturally comes off people, pets, plants, and anything else that lives in our homes. The dust under your mattress is lighter than that on your carpet because it contains more … ‘human skin flakes’. (Isn’t that a breakfast cereal?)
– “Focus Magazine”

HOT BIKES:

In an effort to find out what exactly happens to all those stolen bikes in big cities, a hidden GPS device was used to track unattended bicycles that were subsequently stolen. Results show an estimated 90% of bike thieves are drug addicts who take them to chop-shops, where parts are swapped and identifying features erased. The newly anonymous ‘Frankenbikes’ are then passed on to resellers, who hawk them on Craigslist or at flea markets. Researchers say bike theft is nearly impossible to stop, because bikes are expensive enough to be a hot commodity and laughably easy to steal. (Someone should adopt the principles of the electric fence to the bicycle.)
– “Outside Magazine”

ARTIST FIXES MONDAY:

An artist named Yazmany Arboleda has given thousands of yellow balloons to Kenyan commuters to take to work and counter their Monday-morning blues. People getting off mini-bus taxis at Nairobi’s central station looked somewhat bewildered to be handed the balloons. Arboleda says Monday mornings are usually a heavy moment for people and he decided to try to change that perception by giving away 10,000 balloons. The big idea is to insert the iconography of celebration into the habitual nature of working life. (You could keep a bottle of Scotch in your desk.)
–  BBC News

CRIME OF THE CENTURY?

Metal theft may become one of the biggest criminal activities of the 21st century, warns University of Indianapolis criminologist Kevin Whiteacre. Targets may include construction sites, vehicle parts, plumbing and electrical equipment, and public infrastructure, where thieves see value not just in the manufactured goods themselves but also in their component metals. (Nowadays a gold record is actually worth something!)
– “The Futurist”

DID YOU KNOW?

• The interjection ‘wow’ as an expression of amazement goes back to the 1510s. According to the “Online Etymology Dictionary”, ‘wow’ was originally a Scottish interjection.
– “Christian Science Monitor”
• To join the FBI, male candidates must complete at least 38 sit-ups in a minute and perform 30 untimed pushups.
– “Chicago Tribune”
• Some historians contend the ‘X’ symbol became synonymous with a kiss in medieval times. People who couldn’t write their names signed with an ‘X’, which was then kissed to show sincerity.
– TTP

BS CHRONOMETER 05.14.12


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [68] George Lucas, Modesto CA, really rich filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series)

1966 [46] Mike Inez, San Fernando CA, rock bassist (Alice in Chains-“Check My Brain”, “No Excuses”)

1969 [43] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne, Australia, movie actress (“Robin Hood”, 2004 Oscar-“The Aviator”)

1978 [34] Henry Garza, San Angelo TX, Texican rock singer/guitarist (Los Lonely Boys-“Heaven”)

1981 [31] Mike Retondo, Villa Park IL, pop-rock guitarist/vocalist (Plain White T’s-“1-2-3-4 “, “Hey There Delilah”)

1984 [28] Mark Zuckerberg, Dobbs Ferry NY, founder & CEO of Facebook social networking website/one-time ‘World’s Youngest Self-Made Billionaire’

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .

• “Chicken Dance Day”. Everybody now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah …”

• “Date Your Mate Month”, when we’re challenged to add some sizzle to our relationships by making a date with our spouses. (Hopefully not a court date!)

• “Help Clean Up Your Street Day”. (So [co-host], guess you’re moving, are you?)

• “International Online Romance Day”, a day to fall in love online. (With who knows what!)

• “Women’s Checkup Day”, the 10th annual during “National Women’s Health Week”. The day is dedicated to encourage women to visit their health care professionals to receive or schedule checkups, and to promote regular checkups as vital to maintaining health.
NET: http://www.womenshealth.gov/whw/check-up-day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [14] Ad rates run over $2 million per minute as the much-hyped “Seinfeld” finalé airs on NBC-TV after 9 seasons (90 minutes of Jerry counting his money)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1985 [27] Original McDonald’s franchise in Des Plaines IL becomes the ‘Museum Of the Fast-Food Business’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1991 [21] ‘World’s Largest Burrito’ weighs in at 1,126 lbs (later causes a reaction measuring 6.3 on the Richter scale)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] International Day of Families
[Tues] Chocolate Chip Day
[Tues] Safety Dose Day
[Tues] Peace Officer Memorial Day
[Wed] Biographers Day
[Wed] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] World Telecommunications Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .

Bike to Work Week / Dog Bite Prevention Week / Educational Bosses Week / EMS Week / Etiquette Week / Hospital Week / National Tourism Week / New Friends, Old Friends Week / Nursing Home Week / Police Week / Reading is Fun Week / Salute to Moms 35+ Week / Transportation Week / Women’s Health Week / World Trade Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO BE A BAD DAY WHEN …
• You wake up too late to catch the car pool, then realize that you’re driving this week.
• You put both contacts in the same eye.
• You go to the ATM to make a withdrawal and it laughs at you.
• You finally find your pet hamster that was missing … in the freezer.
• Your doctor tells you you’re allergic to chocolate.
• Your kid says, “Did you know it’s almost impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet?”
• Your boss tells you not to bother taking off you coat.
– First published in “BS” 2010.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:

☎ What’s the most amazing appliance you own?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
In its ancient form, the carrot was not orange. Which color was it?
a. White.
b. Yellow.
c. Purple. [CORRECT. In the 10th century the crop grew purple in India, the Middle East, and Europe, with its origins traced to Afghanistan. It was not until the 17th century that carrots were turned orange, when patriotic Dutch growers switched them to their national color. ]
– HookedonFacts.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “Doctor”.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Question: If you suffer from allergies you can boost  your immunity by up to 40% by doing THIS.
Answer: Kissing.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The greatest pleasure is doing what they said couldn’t be done.

LOOK WHO’S BS-ING NOW!
Chad O’Hara @ B95.5 [ WYJB] Albany NY; Kevin MacDonald @ Mix 100 [CJCD] Yellowknife NT; Mannie @ 96.9 Cool FM Lagos, Nigeria; Jesse Modz @ 94X [CIRX] Prince George BC; Ryan @ Radio Panorama, Welkom FS, South Africa; Ted B @ True Country 1370 [KWRT] Boonville MO; and Baylee Day @ The Platypus [CCKC] Nova Scotia Community College, Halifax NS.


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