Tuesday, May 14, 2013        Edition: #4984

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet … Ahhhh!

✳ Yesterday Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield left the International Space Station after 5 months of sending back wonderful videos, photographs, and Tweets from space. His farewell musical performance is a custom version of David Bowie’s hit “Space Oddity”. (Could it be a hit again? Bowie’s version was first released in 1969, then re-released in 1973 and in 1975.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/cbmrmmb
– Neatorama.com
✳ Yesterday on “The View” (ABC), pioneering journalist Barbara Walters announced she’s planning to retire from television journalism in May 2014. Until then, the 83-year-old will continue to appear on “The View”, report for ABC News, and produce specials throughout the year. (Among her accomplishments: First woman to co-anchor a network news program; first news anchor with a million-dollar-a-year salary … back in 1976.)
– Reuters.com
✳ The IRS has just filed a ridiculously large lien against Beyoncé’s dad, Mathew Knowles, claiming he needs to cough up some cash for overdue taxes from 2010 (circa $486,000) and 2011 (about $728,000) … all totaled, a little over $1.2 million! It’s no wonder the tab is so high: Beyoncé is one of the highest-grossing artists of all-time and during 2010 and part of 2011, he was still managing her career. (“She can pay my telephone bills, bills bills; she can pay my automo’bills, bills bills; but apparently not my tax bills, bills bills.”)
– TMZ.com
✳ Actor Charlie Sheen treated his ex-wife Denise Richards to a private jet on Sunday so she could fly back home from NYC to Los Angeles in time to take her kids to school on Monday. Richards is also caring for Sheen’s twin sons, Bob & Max, while their mother Brooke Mueller tackles rehab … again. The luxury lift home was a combination Mothers Day-‘Thanks for the Babysitting’ gift from Sheen. (Because paying for stuff is the same as being a good dad.)
– Express.co.uk
✳ And sorry but there’s no ‘Suri’. A report claiming Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes’ 7-year-old daughter, has signed a $2.3-million contract to create a new clothing line is apparently total BS. The story had it that the fashionable youngster’s new line would be called ‘Suri’ and offer a spectrum of clothing, shoes, and accessories for young girls. But a family rep has now stated that’s simply not true. (Because the kid’s holding out for more money … and a pony.)
– ContactMusic.com

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The Slide Bros f/Shemekia Copeland (“Robert Randolph Presents: The Slide Brothers”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Avril Lavigne performs; The Wanted perform; the couples face elimination.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Natalie Maines (“Mother”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Fitz & The Tantrums (“More Than Just a Dream”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Pistol Annies (“Annie Up”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Phoenix (“Bankrupt”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Huey Lewis & The News (“Sports – 30th Anniversary Edition”)
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX) – “Audition #1” as hopeful dancers perform for the judges in the 10th season premiere.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Drop City Yacht Club (“Crickets”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Tom Jones (“Spirit In the Room”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Lady Antebellum performs “Goodbye Town”; Robin Thicke w/Pharrell Williams & TI perform “Blurred Lines”; contestants face elimination.

• “Golden Boy” (CBS/CTV).
• “The Mindy Project” (FOX/CityTV).
• “NCIS” / “NCIS: LA” (CBS/Global).
• “New Girl” (FOX/CityTV) Taylor Swift guest stars.

• Agnetha Faltskog – Today the 62-year-old former singer from legendary Swedish pop group ABBA releases her 1st album in 9 years. It’s titled simply “A”. (Because nobody can pronounce the “F” part.)
• George Strait – Today he releases his 40th studio album, “Love Is Everything”, which includes the lead single “Give It All We Got Tonight”. The 60-year-old country music veteran’s “Farewell Tour” begins June 1st in San Antonio, Texas. (Hope it goes better than George Jones’.)
• Judas Priest – They’re celebrating their 40th anniversary with the theatrical release of the concert film “Epitaph”. The movie premieres tonight in NYC, then screens tomorrow night in dozens of other markets. It’s released on Blu-ray and DVD on May 28th.
• REM – Their ongoing reissue series continues with today’s release of a 25th anniversary edition of their Warner Bros debut album, “Green”. The 2-disc Deluxe Edition includes an entire live show recorded in 1989.
• Shania Twain – Tonight the 47-year-old resumes her Las Vegas residency at The Colosseum in Caesars Palace, in rotation with Celine Dion, Elton John, and Rod Stewart. “Shania: Still The One” runs until June 1st, then 22 more performances have been added October-December.

• Trace Adkins – His 11th studio album, “Love Will …”, is out today. It features collaborations with Colbie Caillat, Exile, and the Harlem Gospel Choir.
• Vampire Weekend – “Modern Vampires Of the City”, the indie rockers’ 12-track 3rd studio album, is out today. They’re currently on tour, playing Boston tomorrow, Toronto on Thursday, and Detroit this Friday.

• “Cloud Atlas” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Mystery ): Hugh Grant plays a killer, Susan Sarandon plays a man, and Tom Hanks makes his most engaging starring-role choice in years in this exploration of how the actions of individual lives impact one another in the past, present, and future. A bigscreen adaptation of David Mitchell’s celebrated science-fiction novel.
• “Liz & Dick” ( NR Biographical Drama ) – The much ballyhooed Lifetime TV movie about Elizabeth Taylor, starring Lindsay Lohan. For decades, Taylor & Richard Burton (played by Grant Bowler) were Hollywood royalty and their fiery romance, often called the ‘Marriage Of the Century’, was the most notorious, publicized, and celebrated love affair of its day.
• “Texas Chainsaw 3-D” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): This pseudo-remake of the 1974 and 2003 horror classics explores what the town of Newt, Texas does in the wake of notorious killing sprees by ‘Leatherface’. The story follows a young woman as she travels to Texas to collect an inheritance. Stars Alexandra Daddario, Tania Raymonde, Scott Eastwood, Trey Songz.
• Also released today: “Dexter: The 7th Season” (TV); “Doctor Who: The Visitation – Special Edition” (TV); “Face 2 Face” (Documentary); and “Power Rangers Samurai: The 6th Ranger” (TV).

A new course to be offered this Fall at New College Nottingham in England will offer students a 2-year degree in … ‘Heavy Metal’. Students will learn how to compose and perform heavy metal songs. The course will also include modules on the music biz, the history of heavy metal, and its role in films and videogames. In the students’ 2nd year, they’ll perform on tour. The college says the degree will be ‘academically rigorous’. (Well yeah, all those tats and piercings alone!)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/d9njs6t
– BBC News

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of drivers sometimes sing along with the radio during their commute.
• 62% of us have an old broken cellphone lying around the house somewhere.
• 22% of women would never want their mother to see the inside of their fridge.
• 20% of the money that couples spend without telling each other goes to lottery tickets.
• 10% of married women have an extra Facebook page they keep hidden from their spouse.

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Food Forest’ – A garden of mostly food-producing plants that includes a diverse and multi-layered mix of fruit and nut trees, berry-laden shrubs, vines, groundcover, and planting beds for vegetables and herbs. (Also known as … a farm.)
✓ ‘Organ Recital’ – A long-winded recitation of one’s ailments, particularly those relating to or caused by aging. Among seniors, an innocent greeting such as “How are you?” can lead to this extended report on the heart, lungs, joints, muscles, kidneys, liver, etc. (And then, of course, all the home remedies.)
✓ ‘Telematics’ – Technology that involves recording the details of how a car has been driven. This technology (sometimes referred to as a car’s ‘black box’) will increasingly be used by the insurance industry to set premiums for individual drivers. (Any excuse to jack your rates and they’re all over it.)

A new ranking of world cities where the ultra-rich live (and how many billionaires live there) …
5. Beijing, China (29)
4. Hong Kong, China (40)
3. London, England (54)
2. Moscow, Russia (64)
1. NYC, USA (70)
– “The Economist”

As every aspect of our daily lives becomes more and more hyper-connected, some people on the cutting edge of tech are trying their best to push it back a bit by keeping their phones in their pockets and turning off their home wi-fi nights and weekends. 32-year-old Robin Sloan of San Francisco, for instance, is a former Twitter manager who owns an old Nokia phone with one main application: making phone calls. He takes notes using a pen and paper. And he reads books printed on paper. (A Luddite is someone opposed to change or innovation. The term comes from Ned Ludd, an 18th-century Brit who organized workers to destroy machinery.)
– NYTimes.com

• Miles Davis and Jimi Hendrix once tried to recruit Paul McCartney to form a ‘supergroup’.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Justin Bieber and Will.i.am used to live next door to each other.
– BBC.co.uk


1944 [69] George Lucas, Modesto CA, really rich filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series)

1952 [61] David Byrne, Dumbarton, Scotland, Broadway producer (“Here Lies Love”)/classic rock musician (Talking Heads-“Once In a Lifetime”, “Burning Down the House”)

1966 [47] Mike Inez, San Fernando CA, rock bassist (Alice in Chains-“Check My Brain”, “No Excuses”)

1969 [44] Danny Wood, Boston MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Step by Step”, “Hangin’ Tough”)

1969 [44] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne, Australia, movie actress (“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”, 2004 Oscar-“The Aviator”)

1971 [42] Sofia Coppola, NYC, movie director (“Lost in Translation”, “The Virgin Suicides”)  UP NEXT: “The Bling Ring”, opening June 14th.

1979 [34] Dan Auerbach, Akron OH, indie rock singer-guitarist (The Black Keys-“Lonely Boy”, “Tighten Up”)

1981 [32] Mike Retondo, Villa Park IL, pop-rock guitarist-vocalist (Plain White T’s-“1-2-3-4 “, “Hey There Delilah”)

1984 [29] Mark Zuckerberg, Dobbs Ferry NY, founder & CEO of Facebook social networking website/one-time ‘World’s Youngest Self-Made Billionaire’

• “Chicken Dance Day”. Everybody now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah, dum dum dum dum …”

• “Help Clean Up Your Street Day”, an annual initiative to entice residents to take pride in their neighborhood. (So [co-host], guess you’re moving?)

• “Motorcycle Riders Day”, an annual celebration of the joys of biking. (The trademarked sound of a Harley-Davidson: http://tinyurl.com/cfoufvx)

1998 [15] Ad rates run over $2 million-per-minute as the much-hyped “Seinfeld” finalé airs on NBC-TV after 9 seasons (90 minutes of Jerry counting his money)

1993 [20] Christie’s auction house in London sells the acoustic guitar on which Elvis Presley recorded his first Sun Records single, “That’s All Right, Mama” b/w “Blue Moon Of Kentucky”, to an unnamed bidder for $152,000

1973 [40] ‘Skylab’, NASA’s 1st space station, is launched

1991 [22] ‘World’s Largest Burrito’ weighs in at 1,126 lbs or 511 kg (later causes a reaction measuring 6.3 on the Richter scale)

[Wed] “Star Trek Into Darkness” opens in IMAX theaters
[Wed] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] “The Office” series finalé (NBC)
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony airs (HBO)
[Sun] 2013 Billboard Music Awards (Las Vegas)
This Week Is … Dog Bite Prevention Week
This Month Is … Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month


✗ “Getting good wood on it”
✗ “Good bodily contact”
✗ “Playing from behind”
✗ “Two on one” … “Two on two”
✗ “Undressing the defenceman”
✗ “Pulling the goalie”
✗ “Poking it in”
✗ “Crowding the crease”
✗ “Scoring on the rebound”
✗ “Good pressure”
– Thanks to Lindsay Wiens

☎ What’s the worst-ever idea for a smartphone app? (“The Guardian” technology blog lists “Passion” as among the worst. You open the app, slide your phone into an armband, then start having sex. The app measures your movement and noise to calculate your skills as a lover.)

• The ‘Caterpillar Club’ was formed in 1919. What dangerous act must you have performed to qualify for membership?
a. Explored an underwater cave.
b. Jumped from an airplane. [CORRECT. You must survive an aircraft emergency by ‘hitting the silk’ … using a parachute.]
c. Survived being buried alive.
– 51squadron.com

• The ‘Handlebar Club’ was founded in 1947. What do you need in order to join it?
a. A medical report showing you survived a head-on motorcycle accident.
b. A yellow jersey proving you led a stage of the Tour de France bicycle race.
c. A massive mustache. [CORRECT. More specifically, ‘a hirsute appendage of the upper lip with graspable extremities’.]
– “Times of London”

Out of the mouths of babes often comes … cereal.

Question:7-out-of-10 people who own one of THESE don’t use it for its original purpose.
Answer: A garage.

Nothing is opened more often by mistake than the mouth.

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