Wednesday, May 14, 2014        Edition: #5218

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet … Ahhhh!

★ Here’s the latest on that reported $3.2 billion-sale of Beats Electronics to Apple. A new report suggests Apple may introduce Beats co-founders Dr Dre and Jimmy Iovine as new Apple executives at the company’s Worldwide Developers Conference next month. If the report is accurate, Iovine may be in for the promotion of a lifetime. Apple is said to be planning to give him the keys to its iTunes music empire, making him head of all music-related strategy. So far, neither company has even acknowledged there’s a deal. (Dre is most likely to become ‘Executive Vice President of Beatboxing’. SFX:
★ Monica Lewinksy speaks! It’s been almost two decades since Lewinsky became famous for her affair with then-US president Bill Clinton. She’s finally telling all in an exclusive “Vanity Fair” article that hit newsstands yesterday. Why is she going public? Her current goal, she says, is to ‘get involved with efforts on behalf of victims of online humiliation and harassment and to start speaking on this topic in public forums’. (Well that, and … earning some quick cash.)
★ And actress Jennifer Esposito (“Crash”, “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer”) has  gossips in a lather with the release of her new book, “Jennifer’s Way”, which brands a former lover a ‘master manipulator’. She writes in the memoir that she fell head-over-heels with the mystery man, describing him as ‘funny, smart, cocky, arrogant’. However, things did not work out well and the relationship ended ‘abruptly, rudely, and with the exact callousness [she’d] come to expect from him’. The actress refuses to name names, but … she is Bradley Cooper’s ex-wife. (He’s now doing movies with J-Law, while she’s writing memoirs. Sour grapes?)

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The top 3 finalists perform, including 1 song selected by mentor Randy Jackson.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Lil Jon (“Crunkest Hits”).
• Cannes Film Festival (France) – The 67th annual, running through May 25th. Oscar-winning director Jane Campion, the only woman to ever win the festival’s coveted Palme d’Or award, heads the 2014 jury. Also onboard are actors Gael Garcia Bernal and Willem Dafoe, as well as director Sofia Coppola. There are 18 films in competition.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The John Butler Trio (“Flesh & Blood”). Rerun.
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Blondie (“Blondie 4[0]-Ever: Greatest Hits Deluxe Redux”)
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – EDM DJ Ansolo.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Birds of Satan (“The Birds of Satan”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Preatures (“Is This How You Feel?”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – The Wild Feathers (“The Wild Feathers”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Randy Houser (“Like a Cowboy”, out May 19th).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Harry Connick Jr (“Every Man Should Know”); Santana (“Corazon”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Nikki Yanofsky (“Little Secret”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lily Allen (“Sheezus”).

• Aerosmith – Tonight they kick off a series of European Summer dates in Istanbul, Turkey. The tour hits 16 countries, including France, Russia, and the UK, before wrapping July 2nd in Kiev, Ukraine. A North American tour will follow.
• Avril Lavigne – It’s reported fans have been paying $400 to take insanely awkward, ‘no touching’ meet-and-greet pics with her during her Brazil tour. By comparison, Rihanna allows meet-and-greet fans to kiss, hug … even grab on to various parts.
• Jay Z – Management at NYC’s Standard Hotel are investigating how security camera footage of that much ballyhooed elevator fight between him and sister-in-law Solange Knowles was leaked online. The answer seems simple … TMZ pays cash.
• Kenny G – His 1989 adult contemporary classic “Going Home” can be heard on loop on loudspeakers throughout Beijing at day’s end, signaling shopkeepers, students, and everyday folks that it’s time to, well … go home. It’s been a daily occurrence for a decade.
• Michael Jackson – His hit “Bad” was originally supposed to be a duet with Prince.
• Trey Songz – He’s promoting his new single “SmartPhones” with an app that allows users to ‘break into’ his personal smartphone where they can access a broad range of content. Trey’s new album, “Trigga”, arrives on July 1st.

When flying First Class just isn’t classy enough … try a private apartment. Etihad Airways, the flag carrier airline of the United Arab Emirates, is actually set to roll that out as a luxury option. Each private 3-room apartment includes a bath with shower, living room, and – here’s the kicker – a personal butler trained at London’s Savoy Hotel to tend to your every need. The uber-First Class cabins will be available on the airline’s double-decker Airbus A380 planes. Interested? Airfare for a trip from London to Abu Dhabi will run you about $21,000 … each way. (By comparison, we’re more likely to get a cramped over-the-wing seat with a broken armrest.)
– “Conde Nast Traveler”

• 83% of people under age 35 use a smartphone for an alarm clock.
• 75% of us say you shouldn’t ‘friend’ your boss on Facebook.
• 25% of us admit we start panicking when our phone battery is low.
• 17% of Brits surveyed would be willing to have sex with a robot.
• 15% of office workers won’t open a copy machine to fix a paper jam out because they’re afraid of it.
• 5% of us need our kids’ help to change the TV channel.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Frito Feet’ – A condition in which a dog’s paws smell like corn chips. Oddly, many dogs have paws that smell like snack food. Some experts think the smell comes from sweat glands located on the paw pads. (Ever licked one? C’mon, admit it.)
• ‘Normcore’ – A fashion trend that features bland, mainstream styles and colors. Examples:
Any old trainers; a grey t-shirt; zip-up fleece; chinos; deck shoes; and nondescript, loosish (but not baggy) blue jeans. Just stuff. (‘Normcore’ has been called the Internet meme of 2014.)
• ‘Subtweet’ – An insulting or suggestive Twitter post that indirectly mentions another user (leaving out the @ in their account name or using the person’s real name if it’s different from their account name), thus reducing the chance that the other person will see the message.

Applying for a job? Put your middle name to work. Including your middle initial makes people think you’re smarter, reports a new study from Ireland’s University of Limerick. In experiments, participants rated articles written by either David Clark, David F Clark. David FP Clark, or David FPR Clark. While adding an initial might seem like an insignificant change, it had big impact on credibility. Participants overwhelmingly deemed David FPR Clark the best. The reason: Middle initials are often displayed in intellectual contexts, such as academia or business, and that sets up a bias that they indicate higher intellectual performance. While 1 initial increases how smart people think you are, 2 or 3 boost the perception even more. (The study was led by Wijnand AP van Tilburg … no BS.)

A new ‘State Of the Media’ report from Nielsen highlights shifts in TV viewing patterns …
• Despite growth in mobile devices, tablets, and other ways to watch, traditional TV remains by far the most popular. The average viewer spends more than 155 hours a month watching TV. That compares to 7 hours, 34 minutes on the Internet and 1 hour, 23 minutes on a smartphone.
• DVRs remain popular, but viewers are using them selectively. While dramas represent 37% of prime-time viewing, they account for 62% of time-shifted viewing. On the other end of the scale, sports accounts for 31% of overall viewing, but just 7% of playback viewing.
• Sunday and Monday are the 2 most popular nights of television. Former ‘must-see’ Thursdays now rank 5th; Friday and Saturday remain the least-watched.
• If it seems there are more commercials on TV, you’re not imagining things. 15-second spots now account for 44% of all commercials, up from 35% in 2005; while traditional 30-second spots represent 53%, down from 58%.
– Excerpted from

You can now mute people on Twitter as the social network is officially rolling out the oft-requested ‘mute’ option. Muting a user on Twitter means their tweets and retweets will no longer be visible in your home timeline, and you will no longer receive push or SMS notifications from that user. Muting someone obviously won’t prevent them from favoriting, replying to, or retweeting your tweets. But if someone’s annoying you, you’ll at least no longer be bothered by any of that activity in your main timeline. And best of all, muted users are never told when they’ve been silenced. (Which celebrity tweeter should be muted … totally?)

Over their lifetimes, university graduates make about $800,000 more than high school graduates, even factoring in tuition and 4 years of lost income due to schooling.


1944 [70] George Lucas, Modesto CA, really rich filmmaker (“Star Wars” series, “Indiana Jones” series)

1952 [62] David Byrne, Dumbarton, Scotland, Broadway producer (“Here Lies Love”)/classic rock musician (Talking Heads-“Once In a Lifetime”, “Burning Down the House”)

1966 [48] Mike Inez, San Fernando CA, rock bassist (Alice in Chains-“Check My Brain”, “No Excuses”)

1969 [45] Danny Wood, Boston MA, pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Step by Step”, “Hangin’ Tough”)

1969 [45] Cate Blanchett, Melbourne, Australia, movie actress (“The Hobbit” films, 2004 Oscar-“The Aviator”)

1971 [43] Sofia Coppola, NYC, movie director (“The Bling Ring”, “Lost in Translation”)

1979 [35] Dan Auerbach, Akron OH, indie rock singer-guitarist (The Black Keys-“Fever”, “Lonely Boy”)

1981 [33] Mike Retondo, Villa Park IL, pop-rock guitarist-vocalist (Plain White T’s-“1-2-3-4 “, “Hey There Delilah”)

1984 [30] Mark Zuckerberg, Dobbs Ferry NY, founder & CEO of Facebook/one-time ‘World’s Youngest Self-Made Billionaire’/net worth $25.3 billion (April 2014)

• “Dance Like a Chicken Day”. Everybody do the chicken dance now: “Dadda dadda dadda dah, dadda dadda dadda dah, dah dah dah dah, dum dum dum dum …”

• “Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity Day”, the 11th annual observance on the 2nd Wednesday in May, when all working people are asked to donate the money they make this day to the charity of their choice. Donating time instead is promoted as another option.

• “Flower Moon”, the Full Moon of May. Other names for it have included the “Full Corn Planting Moon”, or the “Milk Moon”.

• “Motorcycle Riders Day”, an annual celebration of the joys of biking. (Harley-Davidson SFX:

• “Receptionists Day”, in recognition of the frontline personnel in business and education, the ones responsible for making a good first impression.

• “Third Shift Workers Day”, honoring everyone who works the night shift. Ask for calls from people with unusual all-night jobs.

1998 [16] Ad rates run over $2 million-per-minute as the much-hyped “Seinfeld” finalé airs on NBC-TV after 9 seasons (90 minutes of Jerry counting his money)

1993 [21] Christie’s auction house in London sells the acoustic guitar on which Elvis Presley recorded his first Sun Records single, “That’s All Right, Mama” b/w “Blue Moon Of Kentucky”, to an unnamed bidder for $152,000

1991 [23] ‘World’s Largest Burrito’ weighs in at 1,126 lbs or 511 kg (later causes a reaction measuring 6.3 on the Richter scale)

[Thurs] “Godzilla”; “Million Dollar Arm” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Barbara Walters last day on “The View” (ABC)
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Tim Hortons 50th Anniversary (Canada)
[Sat] 139th Preakness Stakes (Baltimore MD)
[Sun] “Coldplay: Ghost Stories” (NBC)
[Sun] “Billboard Music Awards” (ABC)
This Week Is … Dog Bite Prevention Week
This Month Is … Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month


✓ “Yoga For Equestrians: A New Path For Achieving Union With the Horse”
✓ “Crafting With Cat Hair”
✓ “Knitting With Dog Hair”
✓ “The Relaxed Rabbit: Massage For Your Pet Bunny”
✓ “Be Bold With Bananas”
✓ “Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself”
✓ “Make Your Own Sex Toys”
✓ “The Beginner’s Guide to Sex In the Afterlife”
✓ “Natural Bust Enlargement With Total Mind Power”
✓ “Be Your Own Dick: Private Investigating Made Easy”
– Adapted from

☎ What ‘beeps’ that drives you nuts? On our list: Trucks backing up; supermarket checkouts; microwaves; computers; washing machines; dishwashers; smartphones; coffee makers.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

Which do newborn camels NOT have?
a. Nostrils.
b. Humps. [CORRECT. They develop them later in life.]
c. Hooves.
– “Totally Trivial”

Question: THIS is the #1 thing married women wish their husbands would do more often.
Answer: Vacuum.

You must be willing to sacrifice who you are to become who you want to be.

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