Monday, May 15, 2017        Edition: #5974

Can You Believe This Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Will Ferrell gave a hilarious commencement speech at USC on Friday.  In his address, he told  fellow graduates that after playing a race-car driver, a Santa’s elf, a TV anchorman, and leaving the University of Southern California with an honorary doctorate in hand, he’s ready to deliver a baby on an airliner.  He noted that he hopes that it will be on United Airlines, “From which I will be immediately subdued and dragged off the aircraft”.
-Jam.Canoe
★ Miranda Kerr and her fiancé, Evan Spiegel, are reportedly poised to get married imminently. The supermodel’s family has already flown into Los Angeles from Australia.  The former Victoria’s Secret Angel, who is 34, and the Snapchat founder, 26, announced their engagement in July 2016 after more than a year of dating.
-US
★ It seems Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx are a thing, although the pair are opting to keep things under-the-radar.  The rumored couple have kept things low-key since 2013.  And it seems Katie and Jamie are opting to keep things that way if their latest rendezvous is any indication.  Apparently the duo met in Paris over several days this last week.  Foxx was already been in Paris shooting his latest movie, a gritty take on Robin Hood.
-DailyMail
★ Simon Cowell won’t be returning to ‘American Idol’.  According to Simon, he was asked and the answer is no.  Quote: “I have no interest. My memories are when we first started. It was a different time with Randy, Ryan and Paula. You can’t recreate that.”
-AntiMusic
★ Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas are leaving ABC’s ‘Once Upon A Time’. The real-life married couple – who play Snow White and Prince Charming on the fantasy TV series – are among several stars who will not return for the seventh season. Their departure comes after news that Jared Gilmore will not be back as Henry, the character who kicked off the fantasy drama in October 2011 by noticing the resemblance between things happening in his book of fairy tales and real life.
-DailyMail
★ The stars of ‘2 Broke Girls’, which was cancelled on Friday after six seasons, are thanking fans via social media “for watching and enjoying it along with us.” Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs both posted a joint message on their respective social media accounts, reading, “We’ve had a wonderful 6 seasons as Max and Caroline and we thank all of you for watching and enjoying it along with us…and of all the things this experience has given us, the most treasured is our lifelong friendship.”
-EW
★ Fox is getting in the Christmas spirit with its announcement of “A Christmas Story,” a live TV musical scheduled for December.  The three-hour special is inspired by the film “A Christmas Story” and the Tony Award-nominated Broadway show, “A Christmas Story: The Musical.” -Jam.Canoe

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global):  Ed Helms, Paul George, Vladimir Caamano
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV):  Michael Fassbender, Jeffrey Tambor, Weezer, Todd Rundgren
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global):  Danny McBride, Jane Krakowski, Metallica
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV):  Tracy Morgan, Michael McKean, Sen. Ben Sasse, Mark Guiliana
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Harry Styles, Aaron Taylor-Johnson
• “@Midnight with Chris Hardwick” (Comedy):  Ken Jennings, Kelly Rohrbach, Steve Agee
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy):  Bryan Cranston, James Franco, Barry Crimmins, Billie Joe Armstrong (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Laura Linney, Cynthia Nixon
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Terrence Howard, Adam Glassman
• “The Talk” (CBS): Steven Weber, Brian Balthazar
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Tony Goldwyn, Derek Hough
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Mariska Hargitay
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Nick Lachey, Nate Berkus, Jeremiah Brent, Brooke Orrison Lewis
• “The Real” (FOX): Cheryl Burke, guest co-host Remy Ma
• “Dancing With the Stars (ABC) After pairing up with couples, the judges must hand out assignments; Cheryl Burke; Calum Scott.
• “The Voice” (NBC) “Live Semi-Final Performances”  The top eight artists perform live in front of the coaches for America’s vote.
• “Quantico” (ABC) season 3 finale.
• “Scorpion” (CBS) season 3 finale.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Sia – has recorded a new song for the “Wonder Woman” soundtrack, which will be released on June 2nd, the same day that the movie will be hitting theaters. The song, ‘To Be Human,” features Labrinth.
• Katy Perry – has released the video clip for her new single ‘Bon Appétit’.  Perry put herself on the menu for the video which shows her being prepped in a kitchen and ready to be devoured.  In one scene, she is shown laying on a chopping board, while in another she is being boiled up in broth.
• Selena Gomez – announced on Friday that her new single “Bad Liars” will arrive this Thursday (May 18).
• Kanye West – is apparently hard at work writing his next record.  This time, he is supposedly recording the new material at a remote mountaintop retreat in Wyoming. The story goes that the reason he recently deactivated his social media accounts was to avoid distraction and concentrate on the recording process.
• Ludacris –  will co-host the 2017 Billboard Music Awards with Vanessa Hudgens. The rapper and actor has overseen the show for the past three years, while Hudgens is hosting for the first time. The ceremony will take place at the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas on May 21.
• Tony Bennett – cancelled a Pennsylvania concert due to what his publicist called a ‘mild flu virus’.  Bennett was scheduled to perform at Sands Bethlehem Event Center on Saturday night, but the venue announced Friday the show was postponed.   They noted that the 90-year-old Bennett had been advised not to travel or perform for ‘the next few days.’
• Van Halen –  Former bassist Michael Anthony believes that “Right Now” is the perfect time for the legendary band to embark on a tour featuring both David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar.
(Sounds great, but Sammy has just announced a tour with one of his other bands, ‘The Circle’.
• Alice Cooper – will be releasing his brand new two-disc studio album, ‘Paranormal’, on July 28th.  The new album will be Cooper’s first new studio release in six years and will include a bonus mini-album featuring three brand songs and live tracks from the original Alice Cooper Band lineup of Dennis Dunaway, Neal Smith, and Michael Bruce.
• Luke Bryan – he, along with others including Jennifer Lopez and Sean ‘Diddy” Combs, have been called out for endorsing products without disclosing their financial gains. The Federal Trade Commission sent letters to 45 celebs after receiving complaints.

SNACK WITH ABANDON:
It might be the first-world problem to end all first-world problems, but snacking out of boredom rather than actual hunger is something that sometimes just happens.   So next time you find yourself wanting to eat just for the sake of eating (or to procrastinate, de-stress, distract yourself, wind down, etc.), consider reaching for the following expert-recommended healthy snacks, which they say you can have about as much of as you like:

○ When you crave something salty:
• Seaweed snacks: very few calories and loads of nutrients, including minerals such as magnesium and even calcium.
• Pickles: Salty and crunchy, nailing two cravings at once—for almost no calories.

○ When you crave something sweet:
• Freeze dried apples: Switch off that sweet craving and contain magnesium, which is great for stress.
• Chocolate almond milk or even an organic dark chocolate bar (with a high percentage of cacao).

○ When you crave something crunchy:
• Popcorn: while it is still an empty carb, you get volume for your calories.  But caution: choose the air-popped plain variety, as opposed to the salt-and-butter-coated snack. For a butter substitute, try sprinkling vitamin B-12 fortified nutritional yeast on top. (Whatever that is…)
(Snack with abandon?  I’ll snack with anybody!)
(What about when I’m craving a gallon of ice cream straight from the tub?)
-MyDomaine

MAKING YOUR PARENTS EVEN MADDER:
Tattoos have always been considered a visual medium, but soon you will be able to LISTEN to your body art.  A Los Angeles tattoo artist came up with the idea for audible tattoos when two friends came in to get the opening line from Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” inked into their skin. His girlfriend thought it would be cool if you could actually hear the words.  So he got to work on it.  He is able to make sound come alive on someone’s skin by tattooing the sound waves generated by a computer, and using a smartphone app to ‘read’ them. And that’s how ‘Skin Motion’, the ‘company for tattoos that you can listen to’ was born.  When launched next month, the app will allow people to generate a minute-long wave pattern of any sound they would like to have on their skin, whether it be a voice, a song, a dog barking, whatever. You have the sound pattern tattooed onto your skin, and 24 hours later, the company adds an overlay that gets picked up by your smartphone camera, allowing you to play your skin art whenever you want.  The plan is to train tattoo artists all over the world to create ‘soundwave tattoos’.
(And how well do you have to know someone to ask if you can ‘hear’ their tattoo?)
(Tattoos have come a long way since that faded, misshapen anchor that grandad had!)
(For the record, here are the opening lyrics to ‘Tiny Dancer’: “Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band.”  Alllllrighty, then!)
-OddityCentral

JUST CONFIRMING WHAT YOU ALREADY KNEW:
It turns out that the stereotype might be true.  The rich drive like jerks.  That’s word from researchers who keep track of this sort of thing.  Three studies over the last five years show that people driving expensive cars were more likely to cut off other motorists and less likely to stop for pedestrians in crosswalks. In other words, according to the professor of psychology and social behavior who conducted one of the studies, “money makes you more likely to exhibit the characteristics of being a jerk.”  The researchers concluded that wealthy people are less willing to take up the perspective of another person, and less concerned about another’s well-being, and they tend to equate being better-off with being better than others.
(So money corrupts.  But I’d still like to find out first-hand!)
(My problem is more with the jerks on phones.  Especially the jerks on phones in expensive cars!)
****CAUTION****(You know the old joke: What is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?  On the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!)
-Philly.com

GAMBLING SECRETS:
What they DON’T want you to know:
• Don’t play Keno. The odds are absolutely terrible. Donate or save the money instead. Or try one of the giant huge cheap buffets. Just don’t play Keno. Literally no one has ever matched all 20 numbers on a 20 spot ticket.
• Play at fuller tables. The more people per table, the slower the game goes, and the more time you have to think. This is particularly helpful if you’ve got the basics of the game and need a chance to practice strategy.
• Slot machines and video poker machines with lower denominations have much lower payouts. So even if you win at the nickle slots, you’re not going to be winning big. However, if you increase the amount you gamble on each bet, the payout will be bigger.
• Don’t sit down and spend a bunch of money at a game you have no idea how to play. Accept that in order to learn to play a new game, you’re likely going to have to lose whatever money you put in it.
• Don’t play against the locals. If the dealer knows everyone by name and starts asking about their kids, leave that table. These people make their living off tourists in casinos, and they will likely eat you for lunch.
(I did well in Vegas.  I arrived in a $30,000 car and left in a $300,000 bus!)
-List25.com

DID YOU KNOW?
Glitter is so unique that it can be used as forensic evidence.  Because there are thousands of types of commercial glitters, any particles found on a suspect can be compelling evidence that they were at a crime scene where an identical glitter particle was found.
-Didyouknowfacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 05.15.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [69] Brian Eno (Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno), Woodbridge UK,  record producer/songwriter (U2, Coldplay)/classic rock musician (co-founder Roxy Music)

1956 [61] Dan Patrick (Pugh), TV sportscaster (“Football Night in America” since 2006)/Premiere Radio Networks host (“Dan Patrick Show”)/sportswriter (“Sports Illustrated”)

1969 [48] Emmitt Smith, Pensacola, FL, Football Player (Dallas Cowboys running back who retired with an NFL record 18,355 rushing yards)

1974 [43] Russell Hornsby, Oakland CA, TV actor (‘Hank Griffin’ on “Grimm” 2011-17)

1981 [36] Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Jericho, NY, TV Actress (‘Meadow Soprano’ on “The Sopranos” 1999-2007)

1982 [35] Brad Shultz, Bowling Green KY, indie rock guitarist (Cage The Elephant-“Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Chip Day”. Hey, any excuse to mow down on a dozen warm gooey cookies fresh out of the oven. Mmm, can’t you just smell ‘em?
• “Nylon Stocking Day” many may not remember ever hearing the term “nylon stockings.” A nylon stocking (also known as hose) is a close-fitting, variously elastic garment worn the same as socks or tights.
• “Peace Officers Memorial Day”  annual observance during “Police Week” by over 20,000 police departments across North America to honor colleagues killed in the line of duty.
• “Straw Hat Day”  is best celebrated by going out and getting yourself a new straw hat! You can find them in almost any size, shape, and even material.

AND REMEMBER (DAYS/WEEK):
[Tues] Biographers Day
[Tues] Mimosa Day
[Tues] Love A Tree Day
[Wed] Employee Health and Fitness Day
[Wed] Walnut Day
[Wed] International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia
This Week Is…Police Week
This Month Is…Mental Health Awareness Month

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2013 [04] JJ Abrams’ “Star Trek Into Darkness” opens in movie theaters, starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2009 [08] Randy Bachman of the Guess Who and Bachman-Turner Overdrive is presented with Canada’s highest civilian honor, Officer of the Order of Canada

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1995 [22] 1st casino gambling website is launched on the Internet (now there’s a gazillion)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2010 [07] 16-year-old Australian sailor Jessica Watson becomes the youngest person to sail non-stop and unassisted around-the-world

BULL’S BITS

SOURCES OF RENEWABLE ENERGY CURRENTLY BEING SQUANDERED:
✓ Moonlight.
✓ Wind from blowing out matches.
✓ Hot air from interminable staff meetings.
✓ Kinetic energy from Jack Russell Terriers.
✓ French Level 2 & 3 Rosetta Stone DVDs.
✓ Home juicers.
✓ The neighbor’s overflowing junkmail.
✓ Children’s artwork.
✓ Pennies.
– Adapted from McSweeneys.net

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎If you could call up anyone in the world and have a one hour conversation, who would you call?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I used to be quite an athlete.  Big chest, hard stomach.  But all that’s behind me now.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: On average, we eat 36% more calories than on a normal day, if we spend part of it at THIS place. Where is it?
A: The movie theater

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Great things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.


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