Friday, May 16, 2014        Edition: #5220

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Bosses at NYC’s Standard Hotel have now fired the employee who leaked that infamous surveillance video footage of Jay Z in an altercation with Beyoncé’s sister, Solange Knowles. The tape appears to show her kicking and punching Jay in an elevator. A statement from the hotel confirms the unnamed staff member has been terminated for ‘breaching the security polices of the hotel and recording the confidential CCTV video’. Neither Jay Z nor Solange have released an official statement on the matter. (Hope TMZ paid the axed leaker lots of cash.)
★ Nicole Kidman’s new film “Grace of Monaco” has been bashed by critics after a screening at the 67th Cannes Film Festival. Kidman plays American actress Grace Kelly, who married Prince Rainier to become Princess Grace. The film was made by Olivier Dahan, the French director whose 2007 “La Vie en Rose” about legendary singer Edith Piaf was a worldwide hit. The new movie, however, is being savaged by critics. Even Dahan and Kidman acknowledge that many of its scenes are ‘fictional’. Monaco’s royal family goes a step further, calling the movie a ‘farce’ with no basis in reality. (BS translation: “You’ll never be royals / It don’t run in your blood.”)
★ And this week the new Australian reality TV show “Bogan Hunters” debuted, billed as ‘the search for Australia’s greatest bogans in their natural habitat’. According to Wikipedia, a ‘bogan’ is Australian slang for ‘an individual who is recognized to be from an unsophisticated background or someone whose speech, clothing, attitude, and behavior exemplify a lack of manners and education’. (Sounds a bit like “Duck Dynasty” … or maybe “Storage Wars”).
– Sourced from

• “Barbara Walters: Her Story” (ABC) – Tonight this 2-hour special celebrates the acclaimed TV journalist’s life and career on the occasion of her retirement.
• “Billboard Music Awards” (ABC) – Sunday Ludacris hosts live from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Imagine Dragons and Lorde lead nominations with 12 apiece. Performers include Carrie Underwood, Florida Georgia Line, Jennifer Lopez, John Legend, Katy Perry, Luke Bryan, Miley Cyrus, Miranda Lambert, OneRepublic, and Pitbull. Also, the estate of Michael Jackson has created a ‘world premiere experience’. What exactly that is remains a secret. Yahoo will be streaming the red carpet show.
• “Coldplay: Ghost Stories” (NBC) – Sunday this hour-long concert special features songs from the band’s upcoming 6th album (out Monday) as well as classics like “Clocks”, “Paradise”, and “Viva La Vida”. The in-the-round performance was recorded in Los Angeles in March.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Ed Sheeran (“X”).
• Hangout Music Festival (Gulf Shores AL) – Today through Sunday the lineup for the annual beach bash includes The Black Keys, Capital Cities, Jack Johnson, The Killers, Outkast, Pretty Lights, Queens Of the Stone Age, and Tegan & Sara.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Royal Blood (“Out Of the Black”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight The Crystal Method (“Crystal Method”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Tonight Chromeo (“White Women”).
• Rock On the Range (Columbus OH) – The 8th annual 3-day hard rock festival at Columbus Crew Stadium features Guns N’ Roses, Avenged Sevenfold, and Kid Rock as headliners. Also on the bill: Alter Bridge, Chevelle, Five Finger Death Punch, Seether, Slayer, Staind, and Theory Of a Deadman. There’s also a standup comedy tent (now there’s a tough gig!).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – The season finalé features St Vincent as musical guest (“Digital Witness”), with “SNL” alum Andy Samberg hosting (“Brooklyn Nine-Nine”).
• “Today” (NBC) – This morning the show’s annual Toyota Concert Series begins with Mariah Carey performing in NYC’s Rockefeller Plaza. Her oddly titled new album, “Me. I Am Mariah … The Elusive Chanteuse”, is out May 27th.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Elbow (“The Take Off & Landing of Everything”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today is Barbara Walters’ last regular appearance on the program she co-created in 1997.

Tonight …
• “Grimm” (NBC) – Season 3 finalé.
• “Shark Tank” (ABC) – Season 5 finalé.
• “Hart of Dixie” (CW) – Season 3 finalé.
Sunday …
• “The Amazing Race” (CBS) – Season 24 finalé.
• “American Dad!” (FOX) – Season 10 finalé.
• “America’s Funniest Home Videos” (ABC) – Season 24 finalé.
• “Bob’s Burgers” (FOX) – Season 4 finalé.
• “Family Guy” (FOX) – Season 12 finalé.
• “The Good Wife” (CBS) – Season 5 finalé.
• “The Mentalist” (CBS) – Season 6 finalé.
• “The Simpsons” (FOX) – Season 25 finalé.

• Dave Matthews Band – Tonight in Woodlands TX they embark on a Summer tour that has them delivering 2 sets per evening in various configurations, performing songs from throughout their career. A variety of guests will join the band through September 6th in Irvine CA.
• Janelle Monáe – Beginning tonight, she’s touring Down Under with local native Kimbra in a 5-city trek through Australia and New Zealand. The “Golden Electric Tour” kicks off in Perth and runs through May 26th in Melbourne.
• Lily Allen – She’s revealed she was initially offered the role of ‘Yara Greyjoy’ on HBO’s “Game of Thrones”, but turned it down in order to avoid being groped by her real-life brother, Alfie, who plays ‘Theon Greyjoy’. Actress and fellow Brit Gemma Whelan eventually won the role.
• Lorde – She’s being tapped to headline the Preakness Infieldfest at Pimlico Race Course on Saturday. The New Zealand singer-songwriter performs an extended set ahead of the 139th Preakness Stakes.
• Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – Lewis has revealed his mother is HIV-positive from a blood
transfusion 30 years ago. He and his family, along with Macklemore, have begun the ‘30/30 Project’ to provide access to affordable healthcare worldwide.
• Rascal Flatts – Tonight they hit the road with their “Rewind Tour 2014”, kicking off in St Louis MO. Sheryl Crow is special guest; Gloriana opens all shows. Dates are scheduled through September 21st in Detroit MI.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• Elvis Bio – Aussie director Baz Luhrmann (“Great Gatsby”) is in negotiations with Warner Bros about a bigscreen bio on the iconic singer who died at age 41 in 1977. The studio has secured rights to all of ‘The King’s back catalogue and “50 Shades of Grey” writer Kelly Marcel is penning an original screenplay. It’s unclear which period of Elvis’ life will be depicted.
• “Flash Gordon” – He’s heading back to the bigscreen just as the original comic book celebrates its 80th anniversary. The story of the superhero’s battle with tyrannical leader ‘Ming the Merciless’ was originally launched as a comic in 1934 and adapted into a 1980 film starring Sam J Jones, which became a camp classic thanks to its soundtrack from rockers Queen.
• “Lionhunters” – “Thor” star Chris Hemsworth is in talks to lead the cast of a planned remake of “Lethal Weapon”, the 1987 Mel Gibson film that spawned 3 sequels through 1998. The Aussie actor would play the son of an older cop, thought to be Mel Gibson’s ‘Martin Riggs’ character. “Fast & Furious” director Justin Lin is attached to helm the film.
• “Spy” – Morena Baccarin (‘Jessica Brody’ on “Homeland”) has joined the cast of this comedy starring Melissa McCarthy (“Mike & Molly”, “Bridesmaids”) as a CIA analyst who goes out into the field for the first time. Also aboard: Bobby Cannavale, Jason Statham, Jude Law, and Rose Byrne. Filming has already begun in Europe with an eye to a May 2015 release.

✓ Baby opossums are born the size of a honeybee.
✓ They are impervious to snake venom.
✓ Male opossums are ‘jacks’, female opossums are ‘jills’, and baby opossums are ‘joeys’.


1953 [61] Pierce Brosnan, Drogheda, Ireland, movie actor (“Mamma Mia!”, “Die Another Day”)

1964 [50] Boyd (‘BT’) Tinsley, Charlottesville VA, alt-rock musician (Dave Matthews Band-“Where Are You Going”, “Crash Into Me”)

1965 [49] Krist Novoselic, Compton CA, rock bassist (Dave Grohl’s Sound City Players-“Cut Me Some Slack”, Nirvana-“Smells Like Teen Spirit”)

1966 [48] Janet Jackson, Gary IN, pop singer (“All For You”, “Escapade”)/9th and youngest child in the dysfunctional Jackson family

1969 [45] David Boreanaz, Buffalo NY, TV actor (‘Special Agent Seeley Booth’ on “Bones” since 2005, “Angel” 1999-2004, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-99)

1973 [41] Tori Spelling, Beverly Hills CA, reality TV personality (“Tori & Dean: Inn Love” 2007-12)/estranged from actor-husband Dean McDermott

1986 [28] Megan Fox, Rockwood TN, movie actress (“Jonah Hex”, “Transformers” films)/TV actress (“Hope & Faith” 2004-06)

TV personality Craig Ferguson (“The Late Late Show”) is 52; Rock musician Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) is 49; Pop singer Jordan Knight (New Kids On the Block) is 44; Rock singer Josh Homme (Queens Of the Stone Age) is 41; Folk-rock singer-songwriter Passenger (“Let Her Go”) is 30; Dancer Derek Hough (“Dancing With the Stars”) is 29.

TV actor Robert Morse (“Mad Men”) is 83; Country singer George Strait (“Give It All We Got Tonight”) is 62; Movie actor Chow Yun-Fat (“Bulletproof Monk”) is 59; Actress-comedian Tina Fey (“30 Rock”) is 44; Singer-songwriter Jack Johnson (“Upside Down”) is 39; Country singer David Nail (“Let It Rain”) is 35; TV actor Allen Leech (“Downton Abbey”) is 33.

• “Bike-to-Work Day”, the 20th annual observed on the 3rd Friday of May as a highlight of “National Bike Month”. It’s promoted as a solution to several of today’s problems, including obesity, traffic congestion, and air pollution.
• “Biographers Day”, a day to start reading or writing a biography. What would you call yours?
• “Endangered Species Day”, the 9th annual observed on the 3rd Friday of May to encourage us to learn about the importance of protecting animals that are on the edge of extinction.
• “Piercing Day”, a ‘Hole-y Holiday’ celebrating the practice of puncturing or cutting a part of the human body to create an opening in which jewelry can be worn. (You need another piercing like you need another hole in the head!)
• “Pizza Party Day”, an excuse to make Friday a pie-day.
• “Wear Something Purple for Peace Day”, the first ‘intergalactic holiday’, as declared by a group called ‘The Moderns’, whose goal is to make the world a peaceful place and thereby encourage alien species to make contact.

• “Learn to Swim Day”, the 2nd annual to raise awareness of the importance of teaching children to swim. Learning this invaluable life skill is essential for safety as well as fun.
• “Preakness Stakes” at Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore MD, the 139th running of the 2nd jewel in the Triple Crown of thoroughbred horse racing.
• “Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’. What’s the oddest thing you have that you refuse to throw away?
• “Tim Hortons 50th Anniversary”, celebrating a half-century of providing coffee (double-doubles) and donuts (as well as other fast food) to Canadians. The country’s largest retail chain (affectionately known as Timmie’s) has grown from 1 store in Hamilton ON to 4,350 locations (sometimes across the street from one another). The name has become so iconic many have forgotten who Tim Horton actually was … an NHL hockey player, who died in 1974.
• “US Armed Forces Day”, celebrated since 1949 on the 3rd Saturday of May to salute Americans serving in the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, and Coast Guard.
• “World Hypertension Day”, an annual observance to highlight that stroke, heart, and kidney diseases caused by high blood pressure are preventable.

• “International Museum Day”, established in 1977 by the International Council of Museums to  draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small, or strange. A few of the latter …
– Beijing Tap Water Museum, China.
– Museum of Bad Art, United States.
– The Dog Collar Museum, England.
– Avanos Hair Museum, Turkey.
– Canoe Museum, Canada.
– The Bread Museum, Germany.
– Momofuku Ando Instant Ramen Museum, Japan.
– Sewer Museum, France.
– Museum of Funeral Carriages, Spain.
• “No Dirty Dishes Day”, if nothing else a convenient excuse to eat 3 meals in a restaurant.
• “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. Or maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen?

2005 [09] “Everybody Loves Raymond” series finalé airs on CBS-TV

1964 [50] Mary Wells gives Motown Records its first #1 hit with “My Guy”

1929 [85] The “Academy Awards” are inaugurated in Hollywood (“Wings” wins ‘Best Picture’)

1991 [23] 14 Stanford University students begin leapfrogging and don’t stop for 10 days and 999.2 miles to set a new Guinness World Record

[Mon] Victoria Day (Canada)
[Mon] Accounting Day
[Tues] “The Voice” season finalé (NBC)
[Wed] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] End of the World Party Day
[Wed] Wait Staff Day
This Week Is … Salute to Moms 35+ Week
This Month Is … EcoDriving Month


The most basic things in life deserve a ‘yes’, but then there are the truly sensational moments that need something more – a ‘yaass!’. Among them …
✓ When you lose your wallet in a cab, only to have it returned anonymously with everything still inside. YAASS!
✓ Having no one in the middle seat next to you on an airplane. YAASS!
✓ When you go to Costco and every single aisle has free samples. YAASS!
✓ When the bartender gives you and your friends a free round of drinks for no good reason. YAASS!
✓ That moment where you finally fit into your old jeans after months of exercising. YAASS!
✓ Pulling up to a parking meter, only to realize there’s still time on it! YAASS!
✓ When you get your tax refund earlier than expected … and for more than expected. YAASS!
✓ When you no longer have to choose between your 2 favorite things on the menu, because they now come as a combo plate. YAASS!
✓ When your crush sends you a surprise text … and you thought he didn’t even know you existed. YAASS!
✓ When your boss tells you that you’ve been doing an amazing job after a really tough week … and you need to schedule a meet to talk about a raise. YAASS!
– Adapted from

Question: THIS is the #1 ‘how to’ search on the Internet.
Answer: How to tie a tie.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, you shouldn’t laugh at anybody else.

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