Monday, May 16, 2016 Edition: #5731

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Nicole Scherzinger has responded to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s furious comments after she pulled out of the Broadway production of “Cats” in order to return to Simon Cowell’s UK talent show “The X Factor”. Webber has accused the singer of making him look ‘like an absolute t–’ when she left the stage production, as he now has to find another actress to fill the role. Scherzinger says: “I am incredibly blessed to be given so many amazing opportunities, including “Cats”, but unfortunately we weren’t able to make it work this time around.” (BS translation: TV pays more.)
★ NBC-TV has pulled the plug on several TV series, some barely around long enough for many people to know they exist: “Crowded” (sitcom); “Game of Silence” (drama); “Heartbeat” (medical drama) and “Undateable” (comedy). Also axed: Eva Longoria’s “Telenovela”, a comedy spoof on Spanish-language soap operas. Eva Longoria has learned the bad news while attending the Cannes Film Festival in France. Meantime, NBC has ordered up the new comedies “Great News”, a Tina Fey-produced series about a TV news producer; and “Marlon,” which stars comic actor Marlon Wayans and is loosely based on his life. (Yawn.)
– AP
★ And the man who owns the Nevada brothel where Khloé Kardashian’s estranged husband Lamar Odom overdosed last year says he wants the former NBA star back … offering free women and booze. Love Ranch owner Dennis Hof claims sex and alcohol aren’t Lamar’s issues, it’s drugs. So as long as Lamar stays clean, why not go back to a place he enjoyed? Hof says there’s a strict no drugs policy at his place and therefore a break at the Love Ranch could be good for Lamar. Quote: “First night and 2 girls are on me, plus all the Remy Martin you can drink.” (BS translation: Give us another chance and we’ll finish him off!)

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Andrew Bird (“Are You Serious)”. Rerun.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – 5 couples advance to the semifinals where they each perform 2 dances.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Christina Aguilera (“The Voice”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Dead & Company (former Grateful Dead members plus John Mayer). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – White Mystery (“Blood & Venom”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Boom Tic Boom drummer Allison Miller.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jimmy Kimmel guest hosts on the 1st show without Michael Strahan (who’s left for “Good Morning America”); American Authors (“What We Live For”, out July 1st).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Linda Perry (“Deer Sounds”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Kills (“Midnight Boom”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 8 singers perform in front of the judges; P!nk advises the contestants.
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Jennifer Nettles (“Playing With Fire”).

• Avicii – The Swedish DJ and producer has cancelled his remaining Las Vegas shows “for personal reasons” less than 2 months after announcing he will be taking a break after he finishes touring this year. His reps say other tour dates will not be affected.
• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi has revealed that their new album is titled “This House is Not For Sale” and it is slated to arrive this September. It is the veteran band’s first without guitarist Richie Sambora, who parted ways with the group in 2013.
• Florida Georgia Line – They’re set to make a quantum leap from #39 to #1 on tomorrow’s ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart with their new single “HOLY”.
• Justin Timberlake – He tells the BBC that he and The Weeknd have “talked about doing something together” on the Canadian singer’s next record. Who needs who more?
• Lady Gaga – She is NOT signed to play Brit singer Cilla Black in the upcoming Dionne Warwick biopic. Warwick, who made that announcement herself in Cannes, now claims the confusion is due to the fact Gaga’s music reps seemed to seal the deal and not her film reps.
• Ozzy Osbourne – TMZ reports Sharon Osbourne is currently lawyers to finalize divorce from Ozzy after 33 years of marriage.
• Radiohead – “A Moon Shaped Pool” is #1 on yesterday’s new UK album chart. It’s their 6th chart-topper. The album, the band’s first in 5 years, was a surprise release a week ago.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – They were forced to pull out of K-ROQ Los Angeles’ annual ‘Weenie Roast’ on Saturday, after frontman Anthony Kiedis was rushed to an area hospital suffering from extreme stomach pain. The exact nature of the problem is as yet unannounced.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards favorite food is Shepherd’s Pie.
• Spice Girls – Despite 2 members opting out, the idea of a reunion just won’t die. Geri Horner (Ginger Spice), Melanie Brown (Scary Spice), and Emma Bunton (Baby Spice) have been recording new material with a view to releasing an album later this year. The reunion would celebrate 20 years since the Girls’ debut single “Wannabe”.

This was destined to happen eventually …. but already? Retro technology considered by most to be well past its sell-by-date is selling for thousands-of-dollars on eBay. Apple products, in particular, are hot for the second time around. Likely because they have a reputation for lasting a long period of time and holding their value. A second-generation iPod classic, circa 2002, is listed on eBay for almost $20,000. A first generation iPod classic is said to be worth $9,999, and a first-generation iPod mini $2,500. (Keep in mind you can ask whatever you want for your item on eBay … what you actually get – if you sell – could be something far less.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

• They Stop Doctors from Killing You – An estimated 10%-to-15% of prescriptions contain errors in quantity, instructions, or dosing.
• They Wish You’d Stop Handing Them Dirty Prescriptions – Like sweaty money coming from a sock, prescriptions in less-than-pristine condition are repulsive to those handling them.
• Definitely Read the Accompanying Pamphlet – Due to time constraints at the pharmacy they simply can’t run through the list of possible side effects and how likely they are.
• They Sometimes Drop Pills on the Floor – They’re supposed to be considered ‘adulterated drugs’ and aren’t supposed to put it back in the bottle … but it happens.
• They Keep Notes on Your Behavior – Most pharmacy software has a prompt that lets pharmacists and technicians make a note when a customer is behaving oddly.
• Many Are Heading for Hospitals – Why? It’s frustrating to have all that knowledge in the wheelhouse and have to work in the fast-food type environment of a retail drugstore chain.
• They Technically Don’t Need a Prescription – A prescription pad is just a guide, with space for names and birth dates. A doctor could technically write something down on a dinner napkin.
– Condensed from

• Because he started balding at age 21, Sean Connery wore a toupée in all of his ‘James Bond’ films.
• Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, and Harrison Ford have never won Oscars.
• Robert Downey Jr has 2 cats, 2 goats, and 4 alpacas.
• Morgan Freeman didn’t appear in a movie until he was 34 and didn’t get a big role until he was 52.
– /

According to China’s “Global Times” newspaper, the problem with the West is “their media is full of reckless ‘gossip fiends’.” (Hmm, they may be right.)


1953 [63] Pierce Brosnan, Drogheda, Ireland, movie actor (“Mamma Mia!”, “Die Another Day”)

1964 [52] Boyd (‘BT’) Tinsley, Charlottesville VA, alt-rock musician (Dave Matthews Band-“Where Are You Going”)

1965 [51] Krist Novoselic, Compton CA, rock bassist (Nirvana-“Smells Like Teen Spirit”)

1966 [50] Janet Jackson, Gary IN, pop singer (“All For You”, “Escapade”)/expectant mom

1969 [47] David Boreanaz, Buffalo NY, TV actor (‘Special Agent Seeley Booth’ on “Bones” 2005-16)

1986 [30] Megan Fox, Rockwood TN, movie actress (“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movies”, “Transformers” films)

• “Biographers Day”, a day to start reading or writing a biography. What would you call yours?

• “Love a Tree Day”, a great day for tree-huggers everywhere. Trees are a good thing. They give us shade, comfort and warmth. They give off oxygen, too.

• “Mimosa Day”, celebrating the cocktail traditionally made with equal parts of chilled orange juice and champagne and served in a champagne flute. It was originally created at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, France back in 1925.

• “Piercing Day”, a ‘Hole-y Holiday’ celebrating the practice of puncturing or cutting a part of the human body to create an opening in which jewelry can be worn. (You need another piercing like you need another hole in the head!)

• “Wear Something Purple for Peace Day”, the first ‘intergalactic holiday’, as declared by a group called ‘The Moderns’, whose goal is to make the world a peaceful place and thereby encourage alien species to make contact.

2005 [11] Sony’s PlayStation 3 makes it’s debut

2011 [05] After 23 years on-air and 1,151 fugitives caught, FOX-TV cancels “America’s Most Wanted”

2013 [03] Brit pop singer George Michael is airlifted from an accident scene after tumbling out the passenger door of a moving vehicle onto the 3rd northbound lane of the M1 highway

1866 [150] Hires Root Beer is created by pharmacist Charles Elmer Hires

1966 [50] ‘Spaghetti-Os’, gooey pink pasta circles in a can, are 1st marketed

1991 [25] 14 Stanford University students begin leapfrogging and don’t stop for 10 days and 999.2 miles to set a new Guinness World Record

2013 [03] The oldest water ever found is discovered in a Canadian mine in Timmins ON; estimated to date back 2.6 billion years

2014 [02] Archaeologists in Patagonia, Argentina unearth a set of bones that appear to belong to the largest dinosaur yet discovered, thought to have weighed 77 tonnes (85 tons) and to have stood around 20 meters (66 ft) tall

[Tues] Same Sex Marriage Day
[Tues] World Hypertension Day
[Tues] World Telecommunications Day
[Wed] Buy a Musical Instrument Day
[Wed] Emergency Medical Services Day
[Wed] HIV Vaccine Awareness Day
[Wed] International Museum Day
[Wed] Employee Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] Visit Your Relatives Day

Craft Beer Week / Dog Bite Prevention Week / EMS Week / Heritage Breeds Week / International Coaching Week / Medical Transcription Week / New Friends, Old Friends Week / Stationery Week / Transportation Week / World Trade Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• The only thing in the whole wide world that’s good for you is pork.
• ‘Vitamin E’ should actually be called ‘Vitamin F’ but the capsule manufacturers had already printed up the labels for it.
• Rogaine makes a real zesty salad dressing.
• If you cut a human in half, each half regenerates into a whole other human being.
• Pistachio nut shells have more nutrition than the actual pistachios themselves.
• Margarine is neither good nor bad for you. They just change the findings every few years to mock your intellect.
• Every bite you take into a celery stick brings you one day closer to your grave.
• The appendix, once believed to have no significant function, in actuality regulates the human body’s ability to tolerate visiting in-laws.
• The more beer, the better.
– First published in “BS” 2007.

✓ When you lose your wallet in a cab, only to have it returned anonymously with everything still inside. YAASS!
✓ Having no one in the middle seat next to you on an airplane. YAASS!
✓ When you go to Costco and every single aisle has free samples. YAASS!
✓ When the bartender gives you and your friends a free round of drinks for no good reason. YAASS!
✓ That moment where you finally fit into your old jeans after months of exercising. YAASS!
✓ Pulling up to a parking meter, only to realize there’s still time on it! YAASS!
✓ When you get your tax refund earlier than expected … and for more than expected. YAASS!
✓ When you no longer have to choose between your 2 favorite things on the menu, because they now come as a combo plate. YAASS!
✓ When your crush sends you a surprise text … and you thought he didn’t even know you existed. YAASS!
✓ When your boss tells you that you’ve been doing an amazing job after a really tough week … and you need to schedule a meet to talk about a raise. YAASS!
– First published in “BS” 2014.

☎ What’s your best piece of honeymoon planning advice? Tell us how to plan the trip of a lifetime.

Question: It’s estimated only 30% of people can do THIS.
Answer: Flare their nostrils.

How do you cut up the Roman Empire? With a pair of Caesars.

• A collage of every Top 5 song, from 1958-to-2016 … so we can stop arguing about when music was still good.
• Want to find out whose name is mentioned in the ‘Panama Papers’? A new search engine is here.

When you’re wrong, admit it. When you’re right, be quiet.

Robert Mills @ Pirate Radio 107.9 [KPRT] Kirtland NM; Flavio Iannialice @ 94.9 FM CHRW [Radio Western] London ON; Chris Poublon @ 980 WCAP Lowell MA; Alipate Mataivilia Narawa @ FM96 Suva, Fiji; Christian Blood @ K-Wing 106 [KWNG] Red Wing MN; and Matteo Vanetti @ RFT [Radio Ticino] Locarno, Switzerland.

Printer Friendly Version