Tuesday,  May 16, 2017 Edition: #5975

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!


Katy Perry is apparently in the homestretch in negotiating a deal to become the anchor judge on “American Idol,” and the announcement is expected to go down today.  ‘AI’  honchos set their sights on Perry after their bid for Kelly Clarkson went south and she joined “The Voice.”  Sources familiar with the negotiations say they will not announce the other 2 judges this week because ‘Idol’ hasn’t even decided who it wants.  And reports are that Ryan Seacrest will almost certainly be the host.
★ Jim Parsons and his long-term partner Todd Spiewak were married on the weekend.
The ‘Big Bang Theory’ actor and the art director tied the knot during an intimate ceremony at the Rainbow Room in New York on Saturday .  The couple first sparked engagement rumours in 2014, and last year Parsons took to Instagram to gush over his partner as they celebrated their 14-year anniversary.
-Contact Music
★ Tom Cruise is taking the lessons he learned as a treasure hunter seriously.  The actor, who holds that job as the reckless Nick Morton in Universal’s upcoming reboot of The Mummy, joked on Twitter Saturday about the danger of opening stone coffins. When it was reported that the Egyptian Antiquities Ministry discovered an ancient cemetery with at least 17 mummies inside, Cruise shared the news, adding the warning, “Be careful opening those things.”
★ Debra Messing has tweeted the first footage of Will & Grace back in action.  And although it consists of behind-the-scenes fun with costars Eric McCormack, Megan Mullally and Sean Hayes rather than actual footage of the new show, it shows that the cast still crack each other up.   Messing also says that she has been repeatedly approached by celebs who want to be considered for cameo appearances on the 12-episode revival set to debut this fall. She says she has lost track of the number of requests and she isn’t naming names but it does “include politicians.”
★ George Clooney has had a tennis court built on his property.  The 56-year-old actor – who is expecting twins with his wife Amal, next month – has had the new addition installed on the grounds of his sprawling US$26 million home in Sonning-on-Thames.  Fellow residents in the Sonning area have nothing but kind things to say about the pair, dubbing them as ”charming”, and claiming they are ”excited” for the couple to start a family in the village.
(They’re also excited about having a decent tennis court in the village!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Justin Theroux, Snoop Dogg
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Matthew Perry, Jon Glaser, Fall Out Boy
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Gina Rodriguez, Ben Falcone, Jesus and Mary Chain
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Hudson, Horatio Sanz, David Mandel, Mark Guiliana
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Ice Cube, Jason Derulo, Harry Styles
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy):  Gabourey Sidibe
• “@Midnight with Chris Hardwick” (Comedy): Taryn Manning, Jaime King, Rhea Seehorn
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Jeff Goldblum, Coyote Peterson, Jimmy Eat World ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Priyanka Chopra, Amy Brenneman
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Minnie Driver, Micah Fowler
• “The Talk” (CBS): Mayim Bialik, Cameron Mathison
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV):  Jeffrey Tambor, Ben Falcone, the newly-crowned Miss USA
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Katy Perry
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Wanda Sykes, Guy Branum
• “The Real” (FOX):  Nolan Gould, guest co-host Remy Ma
• “The Voice” (NBC) “Live Semi-Final Results”  America’s vote reveals the top three artists in the competition; two artists are sent home.
• “The Middle” (ABC) Season 8 finale.
• “American Housewife” (ABC) Season 1 finale

• Paula Abdul – When asked if she might be asked to take part in the new version of American Idol, original judge Paula responded, ‘I have no idea!’  The 54-year-old singer has just kicked off her ‘Total Package’ tour with New Kids On The Block and Boys II Men, which she says is her current priority.
•  Louis Tomlinson – is reportedly on standby to replace Mel B as a judge on ‘America’s Got Talent’.    Show producers are reportedly eyeing the 25-year-old former One Direction singer as her replacement should she be too ”stressed out” to continue with her position on the judging panel, as she goes through divorce proceedings with Stephen Belafonte.
• Harry Styles – Fans at his first ever solo show in London Saturday night were treated to little bit of Kanye West.  The former One Direction singer performed a rock version of Wests’ “Ultralight Beam”. The general consensus on Twitter was that it was just kind of decent.
• Goo Goo Dolls – released a new 5-song EP, You Should Be Happy, on Friday. The band made the first single “Use Me” available via a lyric video.
• Axl Rose – was a special guest at Billy Joel‘s Dodger Stadium concert in Los Angeles, singing AC/DC‘s “Highway to Hell” and Joel’s own “Big Shot.” Rose took lead vocals as Joel prowled the stage (and the empty space where a mosh pit would have been if this was really an AC/DC show) doing his best Malcolm Young impression on rhythm guitar.
• Florida Georgia Line –  have added Ryan Hurd, Russell Dickerson and Morgan Wallen, to their already star-studded Smooth Tour lineup.  The up and comers will join Chris Lane in the opening slots for the shows. Nelly and the Backstreet Boys are also on the bill for several dates. The Smooth Tour kicks off June 2 in Austin, Texas.
• Zac Brown Band – released their latest album “Welcome Home” last week. It hearkens back to the classic sound of the band’s beginnings. The first single is the acoustic-based “My Old Man.”
• Barry Manilow – had to cancel two concerts in Los Angeles and Chicago on doctor’s orders.  A statement on his Facebook page explained that the 73-year-old singing legend had sprained his vocal chords.
• Van Morrison – will receive the Americana Music Association’s 2017 lifetime achievement award for songwriting on Sept. 13.  The Irish-born singer-songwriter and six-time Grammy winner is considered one of the most prolific recording artists and hardest working performers of his era.

Wherever you get ‘em, we’ve got ‘em:
• “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter” (R-Rated, Action/Horror):  Alice returns to where the nightmare began: The Hive in Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse. (Milla Jovovich, Iain Glen, Ali Larter)
• ” xXx: Return of Xander Cage”  (PG-13, Action/Drama):  Xander Cage is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons. (Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone)
• “The Space Between Us” (PG-13, Action/Adventure, Fantasy):  The first human born on Mars travels to Earth for the first time, experiencing the wonders of the planet through fresh eyes. He embarks on an adventure with a street smart girl to discover how he came to be. (Gary Oldman, Asa Butterfield, Carla Gugino)
• “Extortion” (R-Rated, Action/Crime):  A family’s tropical getaway takes a drastic turn when they venture too far from the safety of the resort and are kidnapped and extorted by local fisherman. (Eion Bailey, Bethany Joy Lenz, Barkhad Abdi)
• “Staying Alive” (Not Rated, Comedy): Comedy icon Tracy Morgan explores his fresh take on life, career and mortality in the wake of surviving a devastating near-fatal traffic collision in 2014.
• “Evil Nanny” (Not Rated, Drama/Horror):  A couple attempt to fire their careless live-in nanny, but the woman reveals she established residency in the house without their knowledge, forcing the family to undergo a lengthy eviction process in order to rid her from their home. (Lindsay Elston, Nicole Sterling, Matthew Pohlkamp)

As Canada’s federal government aims to make the recreational use of marijuana legal on July 1, 2018, the question is: Will legal marijuana harm booze sales?  Well, it wasn’t MY first question, but with the government generating a huge chunk of money via taxes on alcohol, some wonder if the government is creating a financial problem for itself.  But apparently it won’t be much of a problem….at first.  The recreational marijuana industry is expected to take a sip of less than one per cent initially out of annual Canadian alcohol sales once it becomes legal.  A business consulting firm says legalization of marijuana would sap $160 million out of the country’s $22.1 billion booze sector, rising as use of the drug expands.  It is estimated that the Canadian market for marijuana could be worth up to around $22.6 billion a year, including up to $8.7 billion from the sale of the substance, with the rest coming from related industries including growers, testing labs and security.
(And repairing furniture burn marks…)
(Substance.  That’s a funny word when say it out loud, man!)
-Huffington Post

Want to burn calories WHILE you are eating? Then eat slowly and chew your food thoroughly. Research recently highlighted in TIME magazine shows that when your parents gave you trouble for scarfing down a meal to rush off to play, they were absolutely right.  Taking time to eat mindfully, enjoy your meal, and fully chew what you consume could be the key to a list of health benefits, including burning more calories, better digestion, and absorbing more nutrients.  The medical advice on the issue may not be 100% practical:  chewing until “no lumps remain”, but if you do thoroughly chew your food you can also count on increased blood flow to the stomach, improving levels of gut hormones controlling hunger and satiety.  So you are also less likely to overeat.
Fast Fact: There was once a ‘fad diet’ called the “Chewing Diet”.  It advised you to chew your food 32-80 times until it became totally liquefied, and then spit out what’s left.
(Ewwwwww…..try that on a first date!)
(Yeah but you’ll wear out your teeth!)
(But I already eat for about 12 hours a day!)

• People with asymmetrical faces tend to make better team leaders.
• People with blood type O are 83% more likely to get bitten by mosquitoes as those with other blood types.
• If your index finger is longer than your ring finger, you could be less likely to develop prostate cancer or heart disease. (What about on the other hand?)
• People with dark-colored eyes are more sensitive to alcohol than their blue or green-eyed counterparts. ( And what does it mean if my eyes are red?)
• A wide forehead indicates cleverness, practicality, and diligence.
• People with long noses usually have a good sense of business, a healthy sense of ambition, and good instincts.  (A good sense of smell, too!)


1953 [64] Pierce Brosnan, Drogheda, Ireland, movie actor (“Mamma Mia!”, “Die Another Day”)

1965 [52] Krist Novoselic, Compton CA, rock bassist (Nirvana-”Smells Like Teen Spirit”)

1966 [51] Janet Jackson, Gary IN, pop singer (“Rhythm Nation”, “Escapade”)

1986 [31] Megan Fox, Rockwood TN, movie actress (“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movies”, “Transformers” films)

• “Biographers Day”, a day to start reading or writing a biography. What would you call yours?

• “Love a Tree Day”, a great day for tree-huggers everywhere. Trees are a good thing. They give us shade, comfort and warmth. They give off oxygen, too.

• “Mimosa Day”, celebrating the cocktail traditionally made with equal parts of chilled orange juice and champagne and served in a champagne flute. It was originally created at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, France back in 1925.

• “Piercing Day”, a ‘Hole-y Holiday’ celebrating the practice of puncturing or cutting a part of the human body to create an opening in which jewelry can be worn. (You need another piercing like you need another hole in the head!)

• “Wear Something Purple for Peace Day”, the first ‘intergalactic holiday’, as declared by a group called ‘The Moderns’, whose goal is to make the world a peaceful place and thereby encourage alien species to make contact.

[Wed] Pack Rat Day
[Wed] Walnut Day
[Thurs] HIV Vaccine Awareness Day
[Thurs] Visit Your Relatives Day

2005 [12] Sony’s PlayStation 3 makes it’s debut

2011 [06] After 23 years on-air and 1,151 fugitives caught, FOX-TV cancels “America’s Most Wanted”

2013 [04] Brit pop singer George Michael is airlifted from an accident scene after tumbling out the passenger door of a moving vehicle onto the 3rd northbound lane of the M1 highway

1866 [151] Hires Root Beer is created by pharmacist Charles Elmer Hires

1966 [51] ‘Spaghetti-Os’, gooey pink pasta circles in a can, are first marketed

1991 [26] 14 Stanford University students begin leapfrogging and don’t stop for 10 days and 999.2 miles to set a new Guinness World Record

2013 [04] The oldest water ever found is discovered in a Canadian mine in Timmins ON; estimated to date back 2.6 billion years

2014 [03] Archaeologists in Patagonia, Argentina unearth a set of bones that appear to belong to the largest dinosaur yet discovered, thought to have weighed 77 tonnes (85 tons) and to have stood around 20 meters (66 ft) tall


Things Said Either While in Labor or While Trying to Put a King-Sized Duvet Cover On a Duvet:

1. “Fuuuuuuuuh.”

2. “Nope. There’s no way it’ll fit.”

3. “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.”

4. “Did I just poo a little?”

5. “Oh come on, baby, come on. We got this.”

6. “Facing the wrong  way? Are you freaking serious?”

7. “Never again. Never doing this again, I swear.”

8. “Why was this even designed this way? It makes no sense.”

9. “There’s got to be a better way.”

11. “I hate this.”

12. “Let me just rest here. This is crazy.”

13. “Water, please.”

14. “Would squatting help?”

15. “No, no vacuum. No. Get that out of here.”

16. “I feel the urge to push.”

17. “Is there something I can hold on to?”

18. “I’M PUSHING.”

19. “It actually helps when I close my eyes.”

23. “Aww, I think something just tore.”

-Adapted from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency


☎Who SHOULD be on the new American Idol judging panel?

Question:  50% of women, and 60% of men talk to their boss about this. What?
Answer: Their love life.

I used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body.  Then I realized, well , look what’s telling me that.

Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.

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