Thursday, May 17, 2012        Edition: #4751

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

Yesterday Sacha Baron Cohen arrived at France’s Cannes Film Festival in character as ‘Admiral General Aladeen’ from “The Dictator” and riding on a camel (his movies may suck but he sure humps it when it comes to doing promos!) . . . Hollywood’s new “Spider-Man”, Brit actor Andrew Garfield is battling bronchitis while making his stage debut in the Broadway revival of “Death Of a Salesman” but refuses to call in sick, he says, because he’d feel worse missing a performance than doing it while ill (a rare trouper on the Great White Way!) . . . Actor Tom Cruise tells “Playboy” he was nerve-wracked shooting his first scene for new movie “Rock Of Ages” (opening June 15th) because he had to sing Def Leppard’s classic “Pour Some Sugar on Me” in front of – Def Leppard (no worries, they’re no doubt happy for the royalties) . . . Veteran actor Michael Caine was locked in his dressing room overnight after falling asleep on the set of his new movie “Now You See Me” (you know you’re 79 when …) . . . According to a newly-discovered letter, legendary filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock was ‘James Bond’-creator Ian Fleming’s top pick to direct the first ‘007’ film but Hitchcock turned it down because he was busy working on “Psycho” (there could have been a shower scene in “Dr No”?) . . . Word has it Britney Spears continues to chew gum and wear overly-tight minis while doing press interviews for “The X Factor” (you can take the girl out of the country but …) . . . Sources tell “Hollywood Reporter” that Robert Downey Jr could receive a whopping $50 million for his work on “The Avengers” films, thanks to his reps renegotiating a slice of revenue from all future movies in which he plays the “Iron Man” character (smart!) . . . And if you’re a fan of “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC), you’ll be stoked to find out that an ‘All-Star Edition’ is being planned for the near future (singing competitions have been run into the ground, might as well wear this format down to a nub too!).


• AC/DC – Angus Young tops “Australian Guitar” magazine’s new list of ‘Best-Ever Aussie Guitarists’, beating out Tommy Emmanuel, Chris Cheney, and Rick Brewster.
• Black Sabbath – Drummer Bill Ward has now officially pulled out of the group’s reunion plans because he can’t get along with his bandmates nor their managers.
• Counting Crows – To support the new album, “Underwater Sunshine (Or What We Did On Our Summer Vacation)”, they’re releasing a BitTorrent bundle of new tracks, liner notes, and artwork from the album directly to the 150 million users of BitTorrent.
• Green Day – They’re the 1st announced headliner for New Orleans’ annual “Voodoo Music Experience”, taking place October 26th through 28th.
• Jessie J – The “Price Tag” singer had 2 #1 singles in the UK, a top-10 US hit, and her debut album “Who You Are” was a hit in 10 countries, but her total earnings last year were … zilch. She actually suffered a $32,000-loss due to ‘industry debts’ of $944,000. Welcome to show biz!
• Lady Gaga – The infamous meat dress she wore at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards has resurfaced, this time at her “Born This Way Ball” show in Tokyo, Japan. Has she run out of shocking ideas?
• Rolling Stones – Ronnie Wood tells Britain’s “The Sun”: “It looks like we are going to be doing more stuff. I am keeping October/November free.” Whatever that means.
• Usher – He’s set to kick off the annual “iTunes Festival”, which takes place every night in September at London’s Roundhouse. Also lined up for the month-long event: Jack White, Norah Jones, and One Direction.
• The Wanted – They’ve revealed that they have spoken to both Justin Bieber and Chris Brown about guesting on their next album, their 3rd. The Brit boy-band shares the same manager as Bieber, Scooter Braun.


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Adam Lambert performs; Lisa Marie Presley performs; the finalists are revealed.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Rufus Wainwright (“Out Of the Game”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Delta Spirit (“Delta Spirit”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Young the Giant (“Young the Giant”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – The Imagineers (“See As I Say”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Paul Weller (“Sonik Kicks”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – John Mayer (“Born & Raised”); Regina Spektor (“What We Saw From the Cheap Seats”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Carrie Underwood (“Blown Away”); Il Divo (“Wicked Game”).
• “Perez Hilton All Access” (CW) – Katy Perry shares a preview of her latest music video (“Wide Awake”) and discusses her career and personal life.


✓ “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC)
✓ “The Mentalist” (CBS)
✓ “Missing” (ABC)
✓ “Person of Interest” (CBS)
✓ “Rules of Engagement” (CBS)
✓ “Scandal” (ABC)


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bling Ring” – 22-year-old “Harry Potter” star Emma Watson is shedding her squeaky-clean image, appearing in a bra and hot pants for her role in Sofia Coppola’s latest movie about the real-life teens who stole from the homes of Hollywood stars like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Orlando Bloom in 2008-09. The film is due for release next year.
• “Non-Stop” – This action-thriller will star 59-year-old Irish actor Liam Neeson as a stressed out air marshall whose international flight gets interrupted by a nasty threat. The film, which is yet to have a planned release date, is based on an original script penned by first-time screenwriters Chris Roach and John Richardson.
• “Out Of the Furnace” – Woody Harrelson plays the leader of a violent crime ring in this upcoming thriller, a role Billy Bob Thornton was previously linked to. Christian Bale stars as a convict who’s released after serving a long sentence for murder. Also in the cast: Zoe Saldana portraying his girlfriend, and Casey Affleck as his brother. Leonardo DiCaprio is a co-producer.
• “Paranoia” – “Hunger Games” actor Liam Hemsworth will play the lead role in Robert Luketic’s espionage thriller, an adaptation of the Joseph Finder novel, which is also likely to star Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford. The pic is set in the world of telecom giants. Shooting is expected to begin later this Summer.
• “Saving Mr Banks” – Tom Hanks plays legendary animator Walt Disney in this film that chronicles Disney’s 2-decade battle to secure the rights to “Mary Poppins”. Emma Thompson portrays author PL Travers, who stubbornly rebuffed Disney’s efforts to do a bigscreen version of her books. The film is based on Valerie Lawson’s biography “Mary Poppins She Wrote”.


Schoolchildren grappling with tough assignments are often told to ‘put your thinking cap on’ but parents and teachers offering that advice may be focusing on the wrong garment. Perhaps they should instead slip into their ‘thinking jackets’. That’s the implication of a new Northwestern University study which has found that wearing a white lab coat – a piece of clothing associated with care and attentiveness – improves performance on tests requiring close attention. Interestingly, the same effect is not found when the garment is identified as ‘a visual artist’s coat’. Researchers conclude the clothes we wear have power not only over others, but also over ourselves. (When fixing a drain, you should wear your plumber’s pants.)


A sampling of real but really strange questions asked by companies in job interviews …
• “How many people are using Facebook in San Francisco at 2:30 pm on a Friday?” (Google)
• “Would Mahatma Gandhi have made a good software engineer?” (Deloitte)
• “Does life fascinate you?” (Ernst & Young)
• “Please spell diverticulitis.” (EMSI Engineering)
• “Pepsi or Coke?” (United Health Group)


In this age of emotional incontinence, the etiquette of text and email sign-offs is becoming a minefield. It’s akin to an arms race to display more and more emotion. Many of us are sending little figurative hugs and kisses, even if they’re entirely bogus, sometimes to perfect strangers. We are ending the most businesslike emails with a farewell expression of love and longing when a ‘kind regards’ would do. There was a time when letters culminated with, ‘I beg to remain, sir, your most humble and obedient servant.’ (At least we knew where we stood then.)
– “The Spectator”


✓ ‘Gadrii Nombor Shulen Jongu’ (Tibetan) – Giving an answer that is unrelated to the question.
✓ ‘Hikikomori’ (Japanese) – A teenager or 20-something who has withdrawn from social life, often obsessed with TV and video games.
✓ ‘Pilkunnussija’ (Finnish) – A person who believes it is their destiny to stamp out all spelling and punctuation mistakes at the cost of popularity, self-esteem, and mental well-being.
✓ ‘Shlimazl’ (Yiddish) – Somebody who has nothing but bad luck.
✓ ‘Tingo’ (Pascuense) – To borrow from a friend until he has nothing left.
– Adapted from

Cooking a large meal and then saving the leftovers is a great way to save time and hassle preparing future lunches and dinners, but if stored improperly and not enjoyed promptly, they can also be a health hazard. Thankfully, the 2:4 rule can keep your leftovers safe to eat: Package and store your leftovers within 2 hours of cooking, and eat them within 4 days. (‘Storing’ leftover fries on the floor of the backseat of your car is not ideal.)

Spiders appear bigger when you’re afraid of them. (This is why the massive monster your wife describes usually turns out to be a mini-mite.)
– “Daily Telegraph”


1962 [50] Craig Ferguson, Glasgow, Scotland, TV host (“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” since 2005)/TV actor (“The Drew Carey Show” 1996-2004)

1965 [47] Trent Reznor, Mercer PA, rock singer (Nine Inch Nails-“Survivalism”, “Every Day is Exactly the Same”)/film score composer (“The Social Network”, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”)

1966 [46] Hill Harper, Iowa City IA, TV actor (‘Dr Sheldon Hawkes’ on “CSI: NY” since 2004)

1969 [43] Alan Doyle, Petty Harbour NL, Celtic/folk/rock singer (Great Big Sea-“Consequence Free”, “Ordinary Day”)

1970 [42] Jordan Knight, Worcester MA, pop singer (NKOTB-“Step By Step”, “Hangin’ Tough”)

1973 [39] Josh Homme, Joshua Tree CA, rock musician/songwriter (Them Crooked Vultures-“Mind Eraser No Chaser”; Queens Of the Stone Age-“No One Knows”)

1989 [23] Tessa Virtue, London ON, Canadian ice dancer with Scott Moir (2012 World Champions, 2010 Olympic Gold, 4-time Canadian champions)

• “International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia”, established by the Paris-based ‘IDAHO Committee’ to coordinate worldwide events that call respect for lesbians and gays.

• “Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’. What’s the oddest thing you have that you refuse to throw away?

• “World Hypertension Day”, an annual observance to highlight the preventable stroke, heart, and kidney diseases caused by high blood pressure; and to highlight information on prevention, detection, and treatment.

• “World Telecommunications Day”, a UN observance since 1969. This year’s theme is ‘Women and Girls in Information & Communication Technologies’.

2000 [12] After 10 years & 300 episodes, the series finalé of “Beverly Hills 90210” airs (FOX), highlighted by the marriage of ‘David’ (Brian Austin Green) & ‘Donna’ (Tori Spelling)

1975 [37] Elton John’s “Captain Fantastic & The Brown Dirt Cowboy” becomes the 1st album to be released and certified Platinum (million-seller) on the same day

1875 [137] 1st ‘Kentucky Derby’ is won by Aristides

2009 [03] Gonzales (former Feist collaborator) breaks Guinness World Record for ‘Longest Public Solo Performance’ by performing 300 consecutive songs over more than 27 straight hours in Paris, France

[Fri] Bats Day
[Fri] Endangered Species Day
[Fri] International Museum Day
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Fri] Pizza Party Day
[Fri] Visit Your Relatives Day
[Sat] Preakness Stakes (Baltimore)
This Week Is … Bike to Work Week
This Month Is … Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month


• Responsibility makes me nervous.
• They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.
• I was working for my mother until she decided to move.
• The company made me a scapegoat … just like my 3 previous employers.
• Five days a week? Were they nuts?


☎ When you die, who should get ownership of the all the music, movies, TV shows, and books you bought through iTunes or other sources? (Currently iTunes demands a copy of the death certificate and a legal document confirming the right to transfer the account.)

• The world’s oldest airline began service 92 years ago today (1920).  Which was it?
a. KLM. [CORRECT. The Netherlands’ KLM inaugurated service with a flight from Amsterdam to London.]
b. United.
c. Air France.

• Which physical attribute do most men lie about?
a. Their weight.
b. Their height. [CORRECT]
c. Their package.
– “Totally Trivial”


To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.


Question: According to a recent survey, having THIS will get a police officer more respect.
Answer: A mustache.


The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers.

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