Friday, May 17, 2013        Edition: #4987

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

✳ 39-year-old former adult film star Jenna Jameson is scheduled to appear in court today to face a charge of battery. The alleged victim, believed to be Jameson’s assistant Britney Markham, has applied for a restraining order after a bust-up in Newport Beach, California. Markham accuses Jameson of threatening to kill her, as well as punching her in the stomach and back with … brass knuckles attached to her iPhone case. (Is that an app?)
✳ Sunday Alec Baldwin’s Tony-nominated Broadway play “Orphans” closes after 64 performances due to poor ticket sales. The show seemed doomed from the start. Shia LaBeouf’s exit from the cast was well-documented, a result of creative differences with Baldwin. But LaBeouf attended the premiere, sat in the front row, and slapped his program on the stage in ‘approval’. Shows with Tony nominations rarely get cut off early; this one may be a victim of economics rather than content. (Or was it maybe ego?)
✳ Shakira tells “Access Hollywood” she’s leaving NBC-TV’s “The Voice” after only 1 season as a coach in order to spend more time with her family. Similarly, “Us Weekly” reports Nicki Minaj is done with “American Idol”, so she can focus on touring, business deals, and her next album. She reportedly claims she had only planned to judge a single season anyway. (BS translation: I ain’t putting up with that witch Carey’s crap no more.)
– “Scandal Sheet”
✳ And Kim Kardashian is said to be furious that her baby daddy boyfriend, Kanye West, is planning to go on an international tour to promote his upcoming album (expected June 18th). Why? Kim is giving birth in July, and the baby will only be a few weeks old when Kanye hits the road. Further complicating matters, Kim will be required to stay in LA to shoot “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”. An insider says Kim is very unhappy. (That’s her default setting, no?)

• “Billboard Music Awards” (ABC) – Sunday night Tracy Morgan hosts live from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Highlights …
– Nominations are led by Maroon 5 (11); Rihanna (10); and Carly Rae Jepsen (9).
– Madonna is honored with the ‘Top Touring Artist Award’.
– Prince is presented with the ‘Billboard Icon Award’.
– Performers include The Band Perry, Bruno Mars, Chris Brown, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bieber, Kacey Musgraves, Lil Wayne, Miguel, Nicki Minaj, Pitbull, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift and more.
• GoogaMooga Festival (Brooklyn NY) – This 3-day event in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park promises food from 85 NYC restaurants plus performances by Flaming Lips, Matt & Kim, Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and more than a dozen other acts.
• Hangout Music Fest (Gulf Shores AL) – Performers at this annual 3-day rock fest include Imagine Dragons, Kings of Leon, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Stevie Wonder, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (again).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Adam Levine (Maroon 5); Bad Rabbits (“Stick Up Kids”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Big Black Delta (“Big Black Delta”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight De La Soul (“First Serve”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Kurt Vile (“Wakin On a Pretty Daze”).
• Music Icons Sale (NYC) – Saturday music memorabilia said to be worthy of the Hall of Fame is being auctioned off at NYC’s Hard Rock Café. Items are up for grabs from The Beatles, David Bowie, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix, Michael Jackson, Madonna and more.
• Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction (HBO) – Saturday highlights of the April 18th ceremony at LA’s Nokia Theatre welcoming Heart, Public Enemy, Randy Newman, Rush and others into the hall.
• Rock On the Range (Columbus OH) – On the bill for this 7th annual 3-day festival at Columbus Crew Stadium: Alice In Chains, Cheap Trick, KoRn, Papa Roach, Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, Stone Sour, Three Days Grace and oodles more.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Roger Daltrey (The Who).

• “All-Star Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC) Sunday.
• “The Cleveland Show” (FOX/Global) Sunday.
• “Doctor Who” (BBC America) Saturday.
• “Family Guy” (FOX/Global) Sunday.
• “Grimm” (NBC/CTV) Friday.
• “Nikita” (CW) Friday.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – “Argo” actor/director Ben Affleck hosts, with Kanye West as musical guest.
• “Shark Tank” (ABC/CTV2) Friday.
• “The Simpsons” (FOX/Global) Sunday.
• “Undercover Boss” (CBS) Friday.

• Beck – Sunday  in Santa Cruz, California he begins a string of acoustic tour dates that includes the famed Newport Folk Festival on July 28th.
• Dave Matthews Band – Tonight they launch their 2013 Summer tour at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in Woodlands, Texas. The trek is set to run through September 8th in Mountain View, California.
• Jay-Z – “The Great Gatsby Soundtrack”, which he curated, has had the largest digital sales week ever for a movie soundtrack. It features new songs and cover tunes from the likes of Beyoncé, Florence + The Machine, Lana Del Rey, Jack White, and ‘Hove’ himself.
• Lady Antebellum – They’ve debuted at #1 on the new Nielsen SoundScan sales chart this week, making “Golden” their 3rd chart-topping album.
• Luke Bryan – The 2nd leg of his “Dirt Road Diaries Tour” gets underway tonight in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Florida Georgia Line and Thompson Square are special guests at all shows.
• Paul McCartney – Saturday & Sunday his “Out There! World Tour” hits Orlando, Florida, where he hasn’t played in a decade. It’s the 1st show of the tour’s North American leg.
• Sting – He’s written music & lyrics for a new stage musical about the decline of British shipyards. It’s hoped that “The Last Ship” will begin a run on Broadway next Spring and in London’s West End afterward. The show is based on his album “The Soul Cages”.

Scientists at the UK’s University of Manchester have used thin layers of a new super-material called grapheme, that generates electricity from sunlight to create a sort of paint. The resulting surface, which is paper-thin and flexible, is able to absorb sunlight to produce electricity at a level that rivals existing solar panels. It’s thought the technology may be used to create a ‘coat’ on the outside of buildings to generate the power needed to run appliances inside while also carrying out other functions, such as being able to change color. (“Yeah, it’s the second green house on the left … wait, this is Tuesday. It’s the second yellow house.”)
– “Daily Telegraph”

Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines during vacations at Walt Disney World … by hiring disabled people to pose as family members so they and their kids can jump to the front. These ‘black-market Disney guides’ run $130-an-hour or $1,040 for a full 8-hour day. One mom who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida boasts that her daughter only had to wait 1 minute to get on “It’s a Small World”.  (We’re guessing the Mouse House will be closing this loophole pronto.)

Want to make a good first impression? Show those pearly whites! Studies show that a first impression occurs within 3 seconds of meeting someone. So be sure to smile, whether you feel happy or not. It’s the best way to kick off a new relationship. And research also suggests that smiling may improve your mood, slash stress, boost your immune system, and lower blood pressure. (Think Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight”.)
– “Journal of Personality & Social Psychology”

“Django Unchained” filmmaker Quentin Tarantino prefers to listen to music on cassette. (What the heck’s he play it on? Does he watch his films on a VCR?)
– BBC News


1962 [51] Craig Ferguson, Glasgow, Scotland, TV host (“The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” since 2005)/TV actor (“The Drew Carey Show” 1996-2004)

1965 [48] Trent Reznor, Mercer PA, rock singer (Nine Inch Nails-“Survivalism”, “Every Day is Exactly the Same”)/film score composer (“The Social Network”, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”)

1969 [44] Alan Doyle, Petty Harbour NL, Celtic/folk/rock singer (“Testify”, Great Big Sea-“Ordinary Day”)

1970 [43] Jordan Knight, Worcester MA, boy-band pop singer (New Kids On the Block-“Step By Step”, “Hangin’ Tough”)

1973 [40] Josh Homme, Joshua Tree CA, rock musician-songwriter (Them Crooked Vultures-“Mind Eraser No Chaser”; Queens Of the Stone Age-“No One Knows”)

1985 [28] Derek Hough, Salt Lake City UT, professional dancer (3-time champion on “Dancing With the Stars” since 2007)

1989 [24] Tessa Virtue, London ON, Canadian ice dancer with Scott Moir (2012 World Champions, 2010 Olympic Gold, 5-time Canadian champions)

TV actor Robert Morse (“Mad Men”) is 82; Country singer George Strait (“Give It All We Got Tonight”) is 61; Movie actor Chow Yun-Fat (“Bulletproof Monk”) is 58; Actress-comedian Tina Fey (“30 Rock”) is 43; Singer-songwriter Jack Johnson (“Upside Down”) is 38; Country singer David Nail (“Let It Rain”) is 34; TV actor Allen Leech (“Downton Abbey”) is 32.

Classic rock guitarist Pete Townshend (The Who) is 68; Classic rock bassist-vocalist Dusty Hill (ZZ Top) is 64; Classic rock drummer Phil Rudd (AC/DC) is 59; UFC champion Georges St-Pierre is 32; Rock guitarist James Richardson (MGMT) is 30.

• “Bike-to-Work Day”, the 19th annual observed on the 3rd Friday of May as a highlight of “National Bike Month”. It’s promoted as a solution to several of today’s problems, including obesity, traffic congestion, and air pollution.
• “Endangered Species Day”, the 8th annual observed on the 3rd Friday of May to encourage us to learn about the importance of protecting animals that are on the edge of extinction.
• “Pack Rat Day”, celebrating people who squirrel away all kinds of ‘stuff’. What’s the oddest thing you have that you refuse to throw away?
• “World Hypertension Day”, an annual observance to highlight that stroke, heart, and kidney diseases caused by high blood pressure are preventable.
• “World Telecommunications Day”, a UN observance since 1969.

• “International Museum Day”, established in 1977 by the International Council of Museums to  draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small, or strange.
• “Learn to Swim Day”, the 1st annual to raise awareness of the importance of teaching children to swim. Learning this invaluable life skill is essential for safety as well as for fun.
• “No Dirty Dishes Day”, if nothing else a convenient excuse to eat 3 meals in a restaurant.
• “Preakness Stakes” at Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore MD, the 138th running of the 2nd jewel in the Triple Crown of thoroughbred horse racing.
• “Send an Electronic Greeting Card Day”, because nothing says ‘Oops, I forgot!’ better than a cheesy freebie greeting delivered via email.
• “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. Or maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen?

• “Plant Something Day”, which many people would do if they could only be assured the plant would grow. What’s the most foolproof plant you can stick in your garden?

• “Victoria Day”, always the Monday preceding May 25th, a truly Canadian holiday begun in 1845 as a celebration of national unity. It commemorates the birth of Queen Victoria on May 24, 1819, Britain’s longest-reigning monarch (1837-1901). That date plus the Canadian love of beer by the case led to the nickname ‘May Two-Four Weekend’.

1973 [40] Televised ‘Watergate’ hearings begin (the Senate Select Committee on Presidential Campaign Activities), which eventually lead to the resignation of US president Richard Nixon

2003 [10] Some 2 thousand mourners attend June Carter Cash’s funeral in her hometown of Henderson, Tennessee, including her husband Johnny Cash (who dies 4 months later)

2012 [01] Donna Summer, the ‘Queen of Disco’ (“Love to Love You Baby”, “Hot Stuff”) dies of cancer at age 63 in Naples, Florida

1875 [138] 1st ‘Kentucky Derby’ horse race is won by Aristides

1983 [30] NHL’s NY Islanders win a 4th consecutive Stanley Cup championship (a streak 2nd only to the Montréal Canadiens’ 5 straight 1956-60)

2009 [04] Gonzales (former Feist collaborator) breaks Guinness World Record for ‘Longest Public Solo Performance’ by performing 300 consecutive songs over more than 27 straight hours in Paris, France

[Mon] Eliza Doolittle Day
[Mon] Weights & Measures Day
[Tues] Wait Staff Day
[Tues] World Day for Cultural Diversity
[Wed] Maritime Day
This Week Is … Stuttering Awareness Week
This Month Is … Go Fetch! Food Drive for Homeless Animals Month


• “Hey, aren’t you a highly-paid major media personality? No, wait a second, that’s ME!”
• “Hey babe, I’m nowhere near as wuss-y as Ryan Seacrest.”
• “You know what they say about the size of your microphone.”
• “Hi, my name is [your co-host]. That’s so you know what to scream.”
• “I get off at 10:00 … and so can you!”
• “I’ve been told more than my voice is deep.”

☎ Who’s your favorite magazine cover girl (guy) of all-time?

Two of the following are facts, one is pure BS. But which one?
1. Flamingos can live up to 80 years.
2. Flamingos are pink because their blood vessels are close to the surface. (BS. The pink color comes from pigments in their food.)
3. There are more plastic pink flamingos in North America than real ones.

Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.

Question: On any given day, 18% of us make a phone call for THIS reason.
Answer: To find our cellphone.

An authority knows lots of things you don’t care about.

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