Friday, May 18, 2018 Edition: #6216
Bully For You!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
There’ll be no “BS” service for Monday May 21 to observe the Canadian Victoria Day holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the missed service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, May 22.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ The Markle family cannot catch a break. Or more accurately…they just did. Meghan Markle’s half-sister Samantha Grant has suffered a possible broken ankle and fractured knee that resulted in a trip to the hospital. Grant was reportedly involved in a “paparazzi car confrontation” on Wednesday in Ocala, Florida.
★ Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will no doubt be offering up a lavish spread of fine desserts for the royal wedding, but if any of their guests get a hankering for something truly glorious, the nearby Krispy Kreme has them covered. The Windsor store placed an order to the local factory that is 8 times their normal order for tomorrow. The donuts will arrive on 12 trolleys, each carrying around 50 dozen donuts. The store manager says the glazed original is still the King and expected to sell the most, but they are debuting two royal wedding inspired donuts: one with white icing and gold sugar, and the other with white icing and silver sugar to represent gold and silver rings.
★ John Travolta is enlisting the help of a legit former gangster to promote his new “Gotti” film. Sort of. While in Cannes, he jumped on stage with 50 Cent while he was performing ‘Just a Lil Bit’. Travolta tried his best to boogie down, but disco doesn’t exactly translate to hip-hop, if you know what I’m sayin’. Travolta is at the film festival promoting his new movie where he plays the head of the Gambino crime family.
(Fortunately, he didn’t have to do any dance numbers in the movie!)
★ Jim Parsons has been forced to withdraw from a string of performances of the Broadway play “The Boys In The Band” after suffering a fractured foot onstage. “The Big Bang Theory” star tripped during the encore at Saturday’s matinee and ended up limping off the platform, prompting show officials to cancel that evening’s production.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Ryan Seacrest, Gillian Jacobs, Julia Michaels
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Sterling K. Brown, Willie Geist, Chef Danny Bowien
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Benedict Cumberbatch, Mary Gallagher
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Tracee Ellis Ross, Cameron Monaghan, Joe Pera, Aaron Spears ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Evan Rachel Wood, Don Johnson, Pentatonix ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Erika Jayne, guest co-host Alyssa Milano
• “The Talk” (CBS): Mary Steenburgen, Morena Baccarin, guest co-host Carrie Ann Inaba
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Saoirse Ronan, Rachel Bloom
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jason Bateman, The Lab
• “Stanley Cup Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Winnipeg vs. Las Vegas
• “Royal Romance: The Marriage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle” (CBS): Coverage begins 4 a.m. EDT
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Tina Fey, with musical guest Nicki Minaj
• “NBA Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Boston vs. Cleveland
• “Stanley Cup Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Washington vs. Tampa Bay
• “2018 Billboard Music Awards” (NBC): Janet Jackson receives the Icon Award, and performs. Other performers in clude: BTS, Camila Cabello, Ariana Grande, Dua Lipa, Jennifer Lopez and Shawn Mendes. Kelly Clarkson hosts live from Las Vegas.
• “NBA Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Houston vs. Golden State
• “Stanley Cup Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Las Vegas vs. Winnipeg
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• D-J Khaled – has been nominated for a leading 6 B-E-T Awards. Among others, he is up for album of the year for ‘Grateful’ and video of the year for ‘Wild Thoughts’.
• Pink – After being tagged in a tweet which read ”wow Pink looks so old she should be named Purple instead”, Pink called the person who posted the comment her ”little purple troll” and let him (or her!) know in no uncertain terms that she has earned “every effin’ minute” of her 38 years.
• Justin Timberlake – gave 88 year-old superfan Bette “Nammie” Maloney the experience of a lifetime. She couldn’t believe it when her viral Instagram video resulted in her receiving tickets from Timberlake. But she was even more astounded to get a concert shout-out at the show on Monday – and a chance to meet him!
• Elton John — TMZ is reporting that the rumours are true…he will be performing at the royal wedding. No word yet on whether that will happen at the reception or at the actual ceremony. John had earlier pulled out of a couple of Vegas shows scheduled for this weekend, thus sparking the rumours.
• Kurt Cobain – his daughter Frances has prevailed in a legal battle to keep photographs taken at the scene of his death sealed from the public, following an application by a conspiracy theorist to have them released. His April 1994 death was ruled a suicide, but some claim that foul play was involved.
• Toto – made good use of the complementary hotel toiletries during their recent European tour by collecting them and donating them to the Glasgow East Women’s Aid organization. The entire band and crew got involved, resulting in hundreds of bars of soap, bottles of shampoo, etc. for the cause.
• Burton Cummings – was involved in a serious car crash in LA on Sunday, and says his plans to sing the national anthem at this Sunday’s Winnipeg Jets NHL playoff game may have to be cancelled. He wrote on Facebook that he suffered a concussion and several other injuries, and that his car “looks like a piece of crumpled up foolscap that you would toss into the garbage.” (Only a Canadian would use the word ‘foolscap’!)
• Steve Earle – has announced a Canadian tour to celebrate the 30th anniversary of his landmark album “Copperhead Road”. It starts in Toronto Sept. 5.
• Florida Georgia Line – Brian Kelley dropped a video on their Instagram page that teases the opening of a new restaurant, ‘FGL Boat House’. It hints that the new restaurant is on the Choctawhatchee Bay, in the Emerald Coast region of the Florida Panhandle.
• Keith Urban – has been announced as part of the first round of performers set to take the stage during the Canadian Country Music Awards, which will take place on Sept. 9 from Hamilton, Ontario. Lindsay Ell and High Valley will also perform.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Deadpool 2” (R-Rated, Action/Comedy): Foul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (AKA Deadpool), brings together a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with supernatural abilities from the brutal, time-traveling mutant, Cable. (Josh Brolin, Ryan Reynolds)
• “Book Club” (PG-13, Comedy): Four lifelong friends have their lives forever changed after reading ‘50 Shades of Grey’ in their monthly book club. (Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen, Mary Steenburgen)
• “Show Dogs” (PG, Comedy/Kids): Max, a macho, solitary Rottweiler police dog, is ordered to go undercover as a primped show dog in a prestigious Dog Show, along with his human partner, to avert a disaster from happening. (Will Arnett, Alan Cumming, Stanley Tucci, Natasha Lyonne)
• “First Reformed” (R-Rated, Drama): A former military chaplain is wracked by grief over the death of his son. Mary is a member of his church whose husband, a radical environmentalist, commits suicide, setting the plot in motion. (Amanda Seyfried, Ethan Hawke, Cedric the Entertainer)
• “On Chesil Beach” (R-Rated, Drama/Romance): Based on Ian McEwan’s novel. In 1962 England, a young couple find their idyllic romance colliding with issues of sexual freedom and societal pressure, leading to an awkward and fateful wedding night. (Saoirse Ronan, Emily Watson)
• “Pope Francis – A Man of His Word” (PG, Documentary): Pope Francis travels the world speaking to those in need and delivering a message of hope. (Pope Francis, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, John Kerry)
BIG HARRY DEAL:
(***Caution–watch the last line!***)
If you ever think that this whole ‘Royal Family’ thing must be a drain on taxpayers’ money in the UK, maybe think again. Not only is the castle and all its accoutrements an incredible draw for tourists and their cash, but occasionally, the family inspires a flurry of additional economic activity. Like when there is a royal wedding, for instance. Some commercial items that have become available in the run-up to tomorrow’s nuptials between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle include: swimsuits, buckets of chicken, and ‘transatlantic’ biscuits, all with pictures of the royal couple. Also, comic books, souvenir tea towels, mugs and party napkins. Oh, and don’t forget ‘Windsor Knot’ beer, sausages, tea, Velveeta cheese, paper dolls, face masks, life-size cutouts, and… “Crown Jewels” brand condoms….complete with the tagline, “Your Prince Will Come.”
(What? No “Suits” suits?)
(I’m trying, but I don’t see the connection with the buckets of chicken!)
ROYAL AIR FORCE:
OK this is just weird. British Airways has decided to celebrate Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding by staffing a flight between London and Toronto (where Meghan used to live) almost entirely of crew members named Harry and Meghan. The plane will be flown by Senior First Officer Harry Blake. Meghan Horsley will lead the inflight crew. In all, there will be two Harrys, seven Megans and one Meghan. And if you happen to have one of those names and are aboard the flight, they would like to invite you to the first-class lounge. Lemon and elderflower spongecake, the flavor of Harry and Meghan’s cake, will be served to all passengers.
(Who’ll be first in line for the lavatory?)
(They have also offered to lose your luggage in the fanciest way possible…)
A SHOT OF RUSTY NAIL:
The old wives tale is that stepping on a rusty nail can give you tetanus, and… it’s true! But not for the reason you might think. It turns out that rust doesn’t actually cause tetanus. Not exactly. Tetanus is caused by a bacteria called Clostridium tetani, which makes its home in soil, dust, and feces. If you get a puncture wound from something that’s been exposed to any one of those elements, regardless of whether there’s rust, it’s possible to become infected with tetanus. Nails are a common route for infection because the bacteria thrives in an oxygen-deprived setting like the one far below your skin’s surface. Still, every injury that breaks the skin — from a dog bite to a safety-pin mishap — carries with it the potential for tetanus. So why the old wives’ tale about rust causing tetanus? The thinking goes that if the nail has been outside long enough to get rusty, then it’s probably been exposed to soils containing the bacteria.
(And then comes the lockjaw!)
(OK! You just convinced me to see if I’m up to date on my vaccines!)
(Now, then…what about rusty cars? Because I’m starting to get worried!)
BS CHRONOMETER 05.18.18
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946  Reggie Jackson, Wyncote, PA, baseball player (563 career home runs/American League MVP1973/5 World Series Championships)
1952  George Strait, Poteet TX, semi-retired country singer (‘All My Ex’s Live in Texas’, ‘River of Love’)/most #1 hits of any country artist (60)
1970  Tina Fey, Upper Darby PA, TV actress-writer-producer (“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” since 2015, “30 Rock” 2006-13, “SNL” 1997-2006)/movie actress (“Baby Mama”)/author (“Bossypants”)
1979  David Nail, Kennett MO, country singer (‘Whatever She’s Got’, ‘Let It Rain’)
1981  Allen Leech, Killiney, Ireland, TV actor (‘Tom Branson’ on “Downton Abbey” 2010-15)
1987  Luisana Lopilato, Buenos Aires, Argentina, soap opera actress (married to singer Michael Buble with whom she has two sons, Noah and Elias)
1944  Peter Mayhew, Barnes UK, 7′-3″ movie actor (‘Chewbacca’ in “Star Wars” films)
1945  Pete Townshend, Chiswick UK, classic rock guitarist-composer-singer (The Who-‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1990)
1949  Dusty Hill, Dallas TX, classic rock bassist-singer (ZZ Top-‘Legs’)
1954  Phil Rudd, Melbourne, Australia, rock drummer (AC/DC-‘You Shook Me All Night Long’)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2003
1983  James Richardson, Memphis TN, indie rock guitarist (MGMT-‘Electric Feel’)
1992  Sam Smith, London UK, pop singer (‘Stay with Me’)
1946  Cher (Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre), El Centro CA, oldies singer (‘Believe’, Sonny & Cher-‘I Got You Babe’)/movie actress (Oscar-“Moonstruck”)
1972  Busta Rhymes (Trevor Smith Jr), Brooklyn NY, rapper (‘Touch It’, Pussycat Dolls f/Busta Rhymes–‘Don’t Cha’)
1977  Matt Czuchry, Manchester NH, TV actor (“The Good Wife” 2009-16)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “HIV Vaccine Awareness Day”, promoting the continued urgent need for a vaccine to prevent HIV infection and AIDS.
• “No Dirty Dishes Day”, if nothing else, it’s a convenient excuse to eat 3 meals in a restaurant.
• “Visit Your Relatives Day”, a day to renew relationships with seldom-seen relatives. Uh, maybe there’s a reason they are seldom seen?
• “NASCAR Day”, a celebration of NASCAR drivers, celebrities, corporate partners, media and millions of fans coming together to raise funds for charitable causes
• “International Museum Day”, established in 1977 by the International Council of Museums to draw attention to the world’s museums, no matter how large, small, or strange. Here are a few truly odd ones …
– Air Sickness Bag Virtual Museum NET: http://www.airsicknessbags.com
– Amsterdam Tattoo Museum (Amsterdam, Netherlands)
– Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum (San Antonio TX)
– Bata Shoe Museum (Toronto ON)
– Burnt Food Museum (Arlington MA) NET: http://burntfoodmuseum.com
– Canadian Canoe Museum (Peterborough ON)
– Exotic World Exotic Dancing Museum (Helendale CA)
– The Hair Museum (Independence MO)
– International UFO Museum & Research Center (Roswell NM)
– LeRoy House & Jell-O Gallery (LeRoy NY)
– Museum of Bad Art (Boston MA)
– The Museum of Dirt (Boston MA)
– National Museum of Funeral History (Houston TX)
– Riceworld (Los Banos, Philippines)
– Squished Penny Museum (Washington DC)
– Insectarium de Montréal (Montréal QC)
– Ukrainian Museum of Canada (Saskatoon SK)
– Vodka Museum (Moscow, Russia) with over 50,000 bottles on display. Visitors are offered 10 different types to taste.
• “Boys & Girls Club Day”, saluting the efforts of those who create and maintain facilities for safe recreational activities for young people that help teach values and citizenship.
• “Devil’s Food Cake Day”, enjoyed by chocolate cake lovers around the world, it differs from a regular chocolate cake by its darker color and tendency to be more moist and airy.
• “US Armed Forces Day”, celebrated since 1949 on the 3rd Saturday of May to salute Americans serving in the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, and Coast Guard.
• “Be a Millionaire Day”, a celebration of the joys of achieving millionaire status. Here’s how you go about it – first, get a whole bunch of money …
• “Eliza Doolittle Day”, named in honor of the lead character in the famous musical “My Fair Lady”. The occasion is inspired by the lyrics: ‘Next week on the 20th of May/I proclaim Eliza Doolittle Day’. Participants are encouraged to mark the day by making proper use of language (or sumthin’).
• “Pick Strawberries Day”, which sounds like lots of fun until you get down in the dirt on hands & knees with sweat trickling down your forehead and spiders crawling up your arms.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2001  Animated hit “Shrek” is released in movie theaters and goes on to rack up $484 million in worldwide box office (Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, and Cameron Diaz later reprise their roles in 3 sequels, released in 2004, 2007, and 2010)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1985  Simple Minds hit #1 with ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’, from the movie “The Breakfast Club”. The song was offered to Billy Idol, who turned it down.
2011  John Lennon’s handwritten lyrics for the 1967 Beatles song ‘Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds’ sell for $237,132 in Beverly Hills CA
2017  After performing with Soundgarden in Detroit, Chris Cornell is found dead from an apparent suicide at the age of 52
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2004  Arizona Diamondbacks’ 40-year-old lefty Randy Johnson becomes ‘Oldest Major League Baseball Pitcher to Throw a Perfect Game’, beating Atlanta Braves 2-0
2012  Facebook raises $16 billion in the largest tech IPO in stock market history
BS WACK FACTS:
✓ Couples who spend less than $1,000 on their wedding are the least likely to divorce.
✓ In Germany, attempting to escape from prison is completely legal. Trying to be free is considered a basic human instinct.
✓ People who regularly use computers type between 5,000 and 10,000 keystrokes per day.
✓ Growing a beard has health benefits such as preventing allergies, asthma attacks and rashes, and protecting your skin from the sun.
✓ According to a British study, men drive an extra 276 miles per year because they refuse to ask for directions.
✓ It would take 225 million years to walk a light year.
BS LITTLE WHITE LIES YOU TELL YOUR KIDS:
• I don’t know where your candy went.
• I’ll think about it.
• They don’t make batteries for that toy anymore.
• The ice cream man plays music when he’s out of ice cream.
• I only have five dollars.
• Don’t swallow the seeds. You’ll grow a watermelon in your stomach
• You face will freeze like that…
• It’s grape juice for adults.
• You’ll understand when you’re older.
• Your Mom and I were just wrestling.
BS ROYAL PICKUP LINES:
• One look at you and I was ‘throne’ off.
• Is that a tiara in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
• Ever had Prince Albert in the can?
• I like your giant hat. I bet it would look better on my floor in the morning.
• Once a King, always a King. Once a Knight is never enough.
• Rule a country and chill?
• I live in a 900 year old castle. Wanna go down in history?
• Does one frequent this location often?
• Got any royalty in you? Want some?
• I’m a William on the streets– But a Harry in the sheets.
• Wanna see my family jewels?
What ‘little white lie’ do you tell your children?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Together, we can beat codependency.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Logic will take you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere.