Thursday, May 19, 2011       Edition: #4509
More From the Sheethouse!

Tonight is Katie Couric’s final appearance as anchor of the “CBS Evening News”; her permanent replacement Scott Pelley (“60 Minutes”) is due to take over June 6th (Katie’s next gig remains up in the air) . . . Director Todd Phillips claims his decision to cut a Mel Gibson cameo from “The Hangover Part II” (opening May 26th) was due to too many crew members being upset with the idea (how to pass the buck, dude) . . . Patty Baena has been revealed as the mother of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child, a woman who worked for the family for over 20 years doing cooking, cleaning, and laundry (not to mention Arnie) . . . Meantime, producers of Schwarzenegger’s upcoming movie projects say they won’t be affected by the news of him fathering a child via a household staff member (ironically, one involved an animated superhero with a double life he hides from his wife – named ‘Maria’) . . . “Jersey Shore” star Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino is suing his own father for illegally using his name & likeness on the website (TMZ speculates the site was created in an attempt to humiliate the MTV reality star) . . . Observers say actress Blake Lively & actor Leonardo Dicaprio ‘look like a couple’ at the Cannes Film Festival (well, if it looks like a duck and rhymes with a duck …) . . . Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has felt it important to tell us she sleeps slathered in Vaseline at least once a week in order to keep her skin hydrated (also helps her squeeze into those uber-tight dresses) . . . Sorta actor David Arquette has created a new limited edition T-shirt emblazoned with the slogan ‘I Love Therefore I Am’ (“Scream 4” didn’t generate much moolah) . . . And bidding in the Internet charity auction of Princess Beatrice’s bizarre curlicue ‘fascinator’ hat that she wore at the recent royal wedding has now topped $28,000 and there are still 3 days to go! (further proof a lot of people have far more money than taste).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – As the finalists go back to their hometowns, country star Josh Turner surprises Scotty McCreery in Garner NC; Italian boy-band Il Volo performs; Nicole Scherzinger performs “Right There” w/50 Cent; another finalist is cut loose.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – James Blunt (“Some Kind of Trouble”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Legendary folk singer Gordon Lightfoot.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Rammstein (“Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Nicole Atkins & The Black Sea (“Mondo Amore”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Broadway cast of “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”.
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Prince (“20Ten”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Parachute (“The Way It Was”).

• “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS)
• “Bones” (FOX)
• “Rules of Engagement” (CBS)
• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC)
• “The Mentalist” (CBS)
• “The Office” (NBC)
• “Parks & Recreation” (NBC)
• “Private Practice” (ABC)

• Adele – She says she’d give up her glittering career to be back with her former lover, the unnamed ex who inspired the heartbreaking tracks on her album “21”. She blames herself for the split.
• Aretha Franklin – The first live concert for the ‘Queen of Soul’ following her undisclosed surgery late last year is scheduled for tonight in Chicago IL. She performed briefly at the ‘Oprah Tribute’ Tuesday night, which will air on Winfrey’s show May 23rd and 24th.
• Avril Lavigne – She & former hubby, Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley, have put their Bel Air CA marital home on the market. The $9.5-million property features 8 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, a gym, and a 10-car garage. They bought it from drummer Travis Barker in 2007.
• Ke$ha – She tells MTV News she’s been writing songs for her next album while on the road, and it will have a major classic rock influence.
• Lady Gaga – She’s teamed with the makers of ‘FarmVille’ to create ‘GagaVille’, a campy version of the popular online game that allows fans the chance to stream songs from her album “Born This Way”.
• Snoop Dogg – He says he’s looking for a deal from a TV network to give him a talent show specializing in uncovering America’s hottest ‘hood artists’.
• Soulja Boy – He’s being sued for $1 million in damages over a cancelled gig in Pennsylvania last year. The promoter is also claiming to be owed $16,250 in expenses for a show scheduled for Harrisburg which the performer ultimately scrapped.
• Tim McGraw – He’s being sued by his record label, Curb Records, for breach of contract. The contract stipulates his albums must be released no earlier than 12 months and no later than 18 months apart, a rule the label contends he broke with his new album “Emotional Traffic”.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Amityville Horror: The Lost Tapes” – This sequel to the 2005 film (a remake of the 1979 original) will chronicle the efforts of an ambitious TV news intern to expose spooky new secrets about the famous haunted house. The “Amityville Horror” stories are based on actual events in the life of one George Lutz.
• “CBGB” – The 1974-76 birth of punk rock in NYC will be chronicled in this new film about the legendary nightclub CBGB and its owner, the late Hilly Kristal. The club became a haven for the likes of Patti Smith, the Ramones, Talking Heads, and Television. A late Fall start for production is being eyed.
• “Cleopatra” – Actress Angelina Jolie has confirmed she’s on board with director David Fincher’s plan to film a 3-D retelling of the Egyptian pharaoh’s story. The late Elizabeth Taylor infamously played the role in an overblown 1963 version. The re-imagined new movie is due to hit screens sometime in 2013.
• “The Hunger Games” – Woody Harrelson has joined the cast in the role of ‘Haymitch Abernathy’. The highly anticipated action drama based on the Suzanne Collins novel of the same name stars Jennifer Lawrence & Josh Hutcherson as the lead characters ‘Katniss & Peeta’. It’s slated to be released in March 2012.
• “The Idolmaker” – Actor Ryan Gosling is stepping behind the camera to make his directorial debut with a remake of a 1980 musical, which he also plans to star in. The original movie, which was based on the life of rock promoter Bob Marcucci, was directed by actress Helen Mirren’s husband, Taylor Hackford.
• “Sex & The City 3” – 46-year-old actress Sarah Jessica Parker (‘Carrie Bradshaw’) says she’s pondering a 3rd film in the romantic comedy series because she thinks there’s still ‘one small, important story’ left to tell. The first film made over $400 million worldwide; the sequel $288 million.

Polish architectural firm KWK Promes has designed the world’s first zombie-proof home … the so-called ‘Safe House’. It has just 1 entrance, on the 2nd floor, connected by a drawbridge. For extra security, visitors have to wait in a safety zone after crossing the bridge before being let into the rest of the house. And at the end of the day, the structure’s Rubik’s Cube-type movable parts slide into place to seal out unseen threats. (Have you heard? This month is the 5th annual ‘Zombie Awareness Month’.)

Sure, you don’t eat a smelly onion sandwich for lunch every day and you’re not exactly ‘the body odor guy’ but you probably annoy your co-workers in one way or another. Such as …
• You’re Too Chatty – There’s nothing ruder than stepping into someone’s cubicle without permission. Make sure you ask if they can spare a few minutes.
• You Keep Your Door Closed All the Time – It indicates that you’re not approachable. You need to be open to the social aspects of work.
• Your Emails Are Annoying – Your coworkers may receive hundreds of emails a day. Don’t add to the pile with useless chaff (ie: ‘Thanks!’ ‘You bet!’ or ‘Will do!’).
• You Don’t Say Good Morning – A simple greeting can really make someone’s day, especially from a person in power.
– “Men’s Health”

In a recent poll, 53% of workers say they’ve taken on additional responsibilities since the 2008 economic downturn, most of them without extra pay (just 7% got a raise or bonus). Many businesses have been asking employees to perform extra tasks that have little to do with their primary role – engineers going on sales calls, for instance. Observers say this shift may be permanent. Companies remain reluctant to hire because their profits have increased now that their workforces are leaner. (Nowadays EVERYONE does windows.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

• In 5 consecutive years (2005-10) more golf courses closed than opened in North America. Last year, there were 46 18-hole equivalent golf course openings vs 107 closures.
• It’s thought that most of us produce odorous compounds after eating asparagus, but only about 22% of us have the genes to smell them.


1934 [77] Jim Lehrer, Wichita KS, PBS news anchor (“The News Hour With Jim Lehrer” since 1975)

1945 [66] Pete Townshend, Chiswick UK, classic rock guitarist/singer (The Who-“Who Are You” [“CSI”], “Won’t Get Fooled Again” [“CSI: Miami”])/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1990)  BS FACTOID: He wrote the classic “My Generation” on his 20th birthday in 1965.

1949 [62] Dusty Hill, Dallas TX, classic rock bassist/singer (ZZ Top-“Legs”, “Tush”)

1954 [57] Phil Rudd, Melbourne, Australia, rock drummer (AC/DC-“Stiff Upper Lip”, “Moneytalks”)

1981 [30] Georges St-Pierre, Saint-Isidore QC, mixed martial artist (current UFC Welterweight Champion)

1986 [25] Mario Chalmers, Anchorage AK, NBA player (Miami Heat)  BS FACTOID: In 2010, he changed to his collegiate jersey number ‘15’ so that superstar new teammate LeBron James could have his traditional number ‘6’.

• “May Ray Day”, an annual celebration of Spring sunshine and people named ‘Ray’. (OK, it’s lame, but hey … any excuse for a party!)

• “Plant Something Day”, which many people would do if they could only be assured the plant would grow. What’s the most foolproof plant you can stick in your garden?

1997 [14] Acting couple Matthew Broderick & Sarah Jessica Parker are married

2005 [06] “The Da Vinci Code” starring Tom Hanks opens in movie theaters, based on the mega-selling Dan Brown novel (eventually accrues $758 million in worldwide box office)

2005 [06] Filmmaker Quentin Tarantino directs the “CSI” season finalé (CBS) in which ‘Nick Stokes’ (George Eads) is buried alive

1984 [27] One dynasty ends and another begins as the NHL’s Edmonton Oilers defeat the New York Islanders 5-2 to win the Stanley Cup (the first of 5 over 7 years)

1995 [16] Balamurali Ambati graduates from NYC’s Mount Sinai Medical School at age 17 to become ‘World’s Youngest Doctor’

[Fri] “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Bike to Work Day
[Sat] Wait Staff Day
[Sun] 2011 Billboard Music Awards (ABC)
[Mon] Victoria Day (Canada)
[Mon] Lady Gaga officially releases “Born This Way” album
This Week Is … Stuttering Awareness Week
This Month Is … Food Drive for Homeless Animals Month


Imagine being an ESL student trying to figure out these sentences …
• The bandage was wound around the wound.
• The farm was used to produce produce.
• The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
• Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
• I did not object to the object.
• The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
• They were too close to the door to close it.
• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
• How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

• ‘Why Men Love Maids’ –
• ‘The Douchiest Colleges in America’ – “GQ”
• ‘British Bombshells We Fancy’ – “Maxim”
• ‘Compulsive Shopping Isn’t Just for Girls’ – “Details”
• ‘Shoes That’ll Change Your Life” – “Esquire”

• ‘Dishwasher Dilemmas Solved’ – “Woman’s Day”
• ‘Imperfections Women Obsess Over But Men Love’ – “Glamour”
• ‘Turn Him On With Just Your Mouth’ – “Cosmopolitan”
• ‘Are You Boring in Bed?’ – “Ladies’ Home Journal”
• ‘The Best Vibrators’ – “Redbook”

Your partner has just bought you an article of clothing you don’t like. So what do you do?

• To have place names that match your given name tacked on a map, just type your name into the box (halfway down the page) and click.
• The ‘Video Game Name Generator’ does just what it says (we like ‘Haunted Hamster Jamboree’).

Which does the average scorpion have?
a. 8 legs and 8 eyes. [CORRECT. One eye for each leg.]
b. 8 arms and 8 stingers.
c. 8 ears and 8 lives.

I like housework … I can sit and watch it for hours.

Today’s Question: The average woman has 7 of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Recipes she can make from scratch.

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

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