Friday, May 19, 2017 – Edition: #5978

Sheet Happens!

★ Jennifer Lawrence is not apologizing for a racy video that was making the rounds this week.
Someone posted some footage of the “Hunger Games” actress dancing at an Austrian strip club. The video was apparently taken without Lawrence’s knowledge while she was at a friend’s birthday party in April. JLaw addressed the leaked video on Facebook, saying she “dropped my paranoia guard for one second to have fun…I had a BLAST that night.”
★ Amy Schumer has split with her boyfriend Ben Hanisch after a year and a half of dating.  The pair have been noticeably absent from each other’s social media lately, with Schumer’s last post featuring Hanisch on March 12.  But just a few weeks ago the ‘Trainwreck’ star talked about making some space in her life for a child with Hanisch.
★ The ‘Roseanne’ reboot is officially a go. Although a date for the debut hasn’t been announced, we do know that it will feature original castmembers Barr, John Goodman and Sara Gilbert, who played Darlene, Laurie Metcalf, who played Roseanne’s sister Jackie, Michael Fishman (D.J.) and Lecy Goranson, who played the original Becky. Sarah Chalke, who took over the role when Goranson left, will also be returning, but in a different role.
(Which should provide for several ironic ‘wink and nod’ moments…)
★ Mayim Bialik dismisses the rumor that her ‘Big Bang Theory’ costars took $100k an episode paycuts for her and Melissa Rauch. The neuroscientist/actress, who plays Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler on the show, says: “You shouldn’t believe everything you read”.
★ Hilary Duff’s ex-husband accidentally cut their son’s hair way too short.  Duff reports that former NHLer Mike Comrie went to give their 5 year-old son Luca a short haircut for summer. But something went disastrously wrong and poor Luca was left ”basically bald”.  While her son didn’t appreciate the look at first, Duff reports that he does like the ‘peach fuzz’ feel.
★ ‘James Bond in Concert’ is coming to London. ‘Casino Royale’ will be screened at the Royal Albert Hall, in London, accompanied by a full symphony orchestra as part of the ‘Films in Concerts’ series.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Sen. Bill Cassidy, Zach Galifianakis, Tracee Ellis Ross, Logic (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Katy Perry, Josh Charles, Al Madrigal
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jennifer Garner, Demetri Martin, Paula Poundstone
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Rachel Maddow, Beck Bennett, All Time Low, Josh Dion (R)
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kristen Bell, Cheryl Hines, Little Mix (R)
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV):Tyrese Gibson, Strand of Oaks, Jodie Comer (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Jeffrey Tambor, guest co-host Mark Cuban
• “The Talk” (CBS): Nicole Scherzinger, Colt Prattes, guest co-host Alexa PenaVega
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Naomi Watts
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Julia Roberts, Richard Curtis
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Sharon Carpenter, Lisa Evers
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Mario Batali, Curtis Stone, Tregaye Fraser
• “The Real” (FOX):  Pastor John Gray, Aventer Gray, guest co-host Remy Ma
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global): Host Dwayne Johnson; Katy Perry performs.
• “2017 Billboard Music Awards” (ABC): Festivities at the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas recognize.  Ludacris and Vanessa Hudgens co-host.  Performers include Drake, Celine Dion, Cher, Ed Sheeran, Bruno Mars and Florida Georgia Line with John Legend(!!)

• Chris Cornell – ironic quote recorded before his death in Detroit on Wednesday night (speaking about the future of the reformed Soundgarden):  “It seems possible to continue as long as all four of us are alive.  So as long as nobody gets hit by a bus or has a stroke or anything, I think we’re good to continue (laughs).”  The final song played by Soundgarden in what would be Chris Cornell’s final concert?  A cover of Led Zeppelin’s ‘In My Time of Dying’.
• Miley Cyrus – says that Katy Perry’s song ‘I Kissed a Girl’ is about her!  Cyrus says that Katy is the friend that she’s known the longest in Hollywood and the two just realized recently that next year they will have been friends for 10 years.
(So…now, like: nine.)
• Taylor Swift – is back on the dating scene. The pop superstar is dating British film and theatre actor Joe Alwyn. Why haven’t they been spotted together?  Swift has supposedly been using wigs and disguises to go unnoticed while getting to know 26-year-old Joe in the U.K.
• Ozzy Osbourne –  More than a year after briefly separating, he and wife Sharon have renewed their 35-year-old wedding vows. The pair said ‘I do, again’ at a ceremony Las Vegas on Sunday.
(At least that’s what we THINK he said…)
• Eagles – Glenn Frey’s son Deacon is joining the Eagles when they play the Classic East and Classic West music festivals this summer.  Don Henley confirmed that Frey’s son will replace his late father when the reunited Eagles take the stage at the two festivals in July.
• Foo Fighters – debuted a new song, ‘The Sky is a Neighborhood’ at a benefit concert in San Francisco.  No word on when we might expect a new release.
• Neil Young – will be inducted into the Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame in September.  Other inductees this year: Bruce Cockburn, Beau Dommage and Stéphane Venne.
• Avril Lavigne – is not only still alive (in spite of rumors to the contrary on the weekend), but she has given fans an update on her new album. Avril took to Twitter to share with her 20.8 million followers that she is in the production stages of the record and that she has been putting her ”heart and soul” into the tracks, which will be her first new material since her self-titled album in 2013.
• Motley Crue – will release a 30th anniversary edition of their ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ album on Aug. 25.
• Lady Antebellum – have recorded a cover of Bruce Channel’s ‘Hey Baby’ for the upcoming ABC ‘Dirty Dancing’ remake soundtrack.
• Keith Urban – he moved to America from Australia in the early 1990s, but he sang the U.S. anthem in public for the first time on Tuesday night at the Nashville Predators playoff game against the Anaheim Ducks. Urban reports that he was positively thrilled to do so.

• “Alien: Covenant” (R-Rated, Science Fiction):  The crew of a colony ship, bound for a remote planet, discover an uncharted paradise with a threat beyond their imagination, and must attempt a harrowing escape. (Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Billy Crudup, Danny McBride)

• “Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” (PG, Kids/Comedy):  A Heffley family road trip to attend Meemaw’s 90th birthday party goes hilariously off course thanks to Greg’s newest scheme to get to a video gaming convention. (Alicia Silverstone, Tom Everett Scott, Charlie Wright, Jason Drucker)

• “Wakefield” (R-Rated, Drama):  A man’s nervous breakdown causes him to leave his wife and live in his attic for several months. (Bryan Cranston, Jennifer Garner, Beverly D’Angelo, Jason O’Mara)

• “Everything, Everything” (PG-13, Drama): A teenager who’s lived a sheltered life because she’s allergic to everything falls for the boy who moves in next door.  (Amandla Stenberg, Nick Robinson, Anika Noni Rose, Ana de la Reguera)

• “The Commune” (Not Rated, Drama):  A story about the clash between personal desires, solidarity and tolerance in a Danish commune in the 1970s. (Ulrich Thomsen, Fares Fares, Trine Dyrholm, Helene Reingaard Neumann)

Stub Hub’s breakdown of the hottest concerts of the Summer, based on ticket sale value through Stub Hub, for shows in the U.S. from Memorial Day to Labor Day:

1. U2
2. Ed Sheeran
3. Bruno Mars
4. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
5. Lady Gaga
6. Metallica
7. Kendrick Lamar
8. Tool
9. Justin Bieber
10. Roger Waters

Top U.S. Music Festivals:

1. CMA Music Festival (June 8-11 in Nashville, TN)
2. BottleRock Napa (May 26-28 in Napa, CA)
3. Lollapalooza (August 3-6 in Chicago, IL)
4. The Classic East (July 29-30 in Flushing, NY)
5. The Classic West (July 15-16 in Los Angeles, CA)

(I think it is safe to say that rock is NOT dead.  It sure is getting old, though!)

A little food for thought in case you have a ‘first date’ scheduled for the weekend:
A Texas man is suing his date for texting during a screening of ‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2’.
He is asking the court to award him $17.31, the cost of her movie ticket, plus $4 for pizza after he was forced to endure what he calls the ‘date from hell’.
The two met online, and they were on their first – and likely last – date.
The guy, Brandon Vezmar, claims that the woman checked her phone 10-20 times within 15 minutes to read and send text messages.
In her defence, the unidentified 35-year-old woman, says that she was texting a friend who had had a fight with her boyfriend.  She says the phone was ‘on low’ and she wasn’t bothering anybody.  He notes that the theatre has a no-texting policy.
(Guardian of the ‘no-texting’ policy?)
(And I suppose none of those texts were about her spoil-sport party-pooper of a date?)
(I’m guessing they didn’t hook up after the movie!)
(Why stop at suing?  She deserves jail!)
-Yahoo Movies

Here’s a little something to keep in mind as you head out for your weekend shenanigans:
Scientists have decided that alcohol does not affect your personality. After rigorous testing that probably involved spending a lot of the grant money for the study on booze (purely for science), University of Missouri researchers say that although many people blame drinking for alterations in their usual behaviour, there is little shift in character between sober and lit.  So the stereotype of the ‘happy drunk’ does not exist.  Alcohol does not radically change personality, according to the study.  In fact, the only change witnessed by the researchers was that people became more extroverted as they drink. But that is simply a louder version of their usual personality.
(They’re right.  Except for gin.  Gin makes me really angry!)
(What struck me was that they were actually yelling when they revealed their findings!)
(Affect my personality?  It gives me one!)
(It does alter my wife/husband’s personality.  I like her/him a lot more when I’m drunk!)

Here are some everyday products with serious design flaws:

• The button on the top of baseball caps:   It serves no purpose; it hurts when you bump your head; and it makes wearing headphones harder.
• Blinds that have 2 cords: Why would anyone ever want to only pull up one side of the blinds? Just have one cord that pulls the blinds up in their entirety so you don’t have to struggle with two cords at once.
• That dustpan line: How is it that no one has come up with a dustpan that lifts that one remaining line of stuff that you are trying to sweep up?  Invent it, and you’re a millionaire!
• Motion sensors on soap dispensers: You only touch the dispenser before actually washing your hands. It would be better to put a motion sensor on the door so that you don’t have to touch the handle when you’re walking out of the bathroom. Or require all bathroom doors to open outwards.  (And don’t get me started on those useless motion-detecting hand-dryers!)
• Stickers on fruit: Even Tony Fadell (a lead designer at Apple) noted that these stickers unnecessarily add one step to the fruit-eating process. Why can’t the stickers go on the stem?
• Elevators: What they need is an ‘unselect’ button for those times your 5 year-old pushes EVERY floor button.  When the elevator is full.  On a hot day.  At dinner time.  When that creepy guy from the top floor is standing beside you.
• USB ports: I am still awaiting the triumphant feeling that I plan to experience some day when I insert my flash drive correctly the first time.
(Kraft Caramels.  Delicious, but not worth the frustration of trying to unwrap one!)
-Adapted from



1944 [73] Peter Mayhew, Barnes UK, 7′-3″ movie actor (‘Chewbacca’ in “Star Wars” films, including “The Force Awakens”)
1945 [72] Pete Townshend, Chiswick UK, classic rock guitarist-singer (The Who-”Won’t Get Fooled Again”/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1990)
1949 [68] Dusty Hill, Dallas TX, classic rock bassist-singer (ZZ Top-”Legs”)
1954 [63] Phil Rudd, Melbourne, Australia, suspended rock drummer (AC/DC-“You Shook Me All Night Long”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2003
1983 [34] James Richardson, Memphis TN, indie rock guitarist (MGMT-”Electric Feel”)
1992 [25] Sam Smith, London UK, pop singer (“Stay with Me”)

1946 [71] Cher (Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre), El Centro CA, oldies singer (“Believe”, Sonny & Cher-”I Got You Babe”)/movie actress (Oscar-”Moonstruck”)
1972 [45] Busta Rhymes (Trevor Smith Jr), Brooklyn NY, rapper (“Touch It”, Pussycat Dolls f/Busta Rhymes–”Don’t Cha”)
1977 [40] Matt Czuchry, Manchester NH, TV actor (“The Good Wife” 2009-16)

Actor/retired wrestler Mr.T is 65;  Classic rock drummer Stan Lynch (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers) is 62; One-hit-wonder Gotye (“Somebody That I Used to Know”) is 37.

• “Boys & Girls Club Day”, saluting the efforts of those who create and maintain facilities for safe recreational activities for young people that help teach values and citizenship.
• “Devil’s Food Cake Day” it is enjoyed by chocolate cake lovers around the world. It differs from a regular chocolate cake by its darker color and tends to be more moist and airy.
• “Endangered Species Day” an opportunity for everyone to learn about the importance of protecting endangered species, their habitats and the actions necessary to do so.
• “NASCAR Day”  a celebration of NASCAR drivers, celebrities, corporate partners, media and millions of fans coming together to raise funds for charitable causes.

• “Be a Millionaire Day”, a celebration of the joys of achieving millionaire status. Here’s how you go about it – first, get a whole bunch of money …
• “Eliza Doolittle Day”, a day named in honor of the lead character in the famous musical “My Fair Lady”. The occasion is inspired by the lyrics: ‘Next week on the 20th of May/I proclaim Eliza Doolittle Day’. Participants are encouraged to mark the day by making proper use of language (or sumthin’).

• “Wait Staff Day”, set aside for restaurant managers and patrons to show appreciation for the efforts of servers.
• “Red Cross Founder’s Day” marks the anniversary of the American Red Cross, which was founded in 1881 by Clara Barton, the first president of the organization.  Barton led the organization for the next twenty-three years.

2006 [11] “The Da Vinci Code” starring Tom Hanks opens in movie theaters, based on the mega-selling Dan Brown novel (eventually accrues $758 million in worldwide box office)

2012 [05] A day after his company goes public, Facebook founder & CEO Mark Zuckerberg weds longtime girlfriend Priscilla Chan at his home in Palo Alto CA

2013 [04] A 1966 VOX guitar played by both John Lennon and George Harrison of The Beatles sells to an unidentified buyer who bids $408,000 at a NYC auction

2013 [04] Donald Trump declares country singer Trace Adkins winner of “The Celebrity Apprentice” on NBC-TV

2005 [12] “Star Wars Episode III – Revenge Of the Sith” opens at 12:01 am, then grosses $50 million in a single day, a new box office record


• You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several Canada geese.
• You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with car.
• A potato baked in the coals for 1 hour makes an excellent meal. A potato baked in the coals for 3 hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
• The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
• You’ll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on north side of your compass.
• ‘Sleeping under the stars’ has nothing to do with a TV competition.
• A lot of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper.
• In an emergency, a drawstring from a hoodie can be used to strangle a snoring tent-mate.

☎Complete this sentence: “Life’s too short to …” (Hold a grudge? Fold fitted sheets? Date cheap men? Skip whipped cream?  To finish anyth …

Drinking eight glasses of water a day is a great idea.  If you live in a bathroom.

Question: 60% of us judge others by this. What is it?
Answer: The type of cell phone they use.

It’s not the length of life.  It’s the depth.

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