May 2, 2016

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Monday, May 2, 2016           Edition: #5721

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Guns N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose has volunteered to sub for Brian Johnson for the rest of the AC/DC tour, but he may not be the smartest choice. Not only does he have issues with punctuality (he was once late for a G N’ R gig because he was watching “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”), but he’s (allegedly) been stricken with an exhaustive list of illnesses on tour, including …
* Tonsilitis
* Otitis
* A mutated form of Polio
* A mutated form of Rubella
* Swine Flu
* Scarlet Fever
* Rheumatic Fever
That’s just with one band. Heaven knows what else he’ll pick up now that he’s touring with two. Axl is a big believer in the healing power of homeopathy. Doesn’t seem to be working.
★ Prince passed up at least 8 pharmacies close to Paisley Park on his way to pick up prescription pills hours before his death … and it could all have been to hide a paper trail of multiple prescriptions. He visited Walgreens chain drugstores 4 times in the week leading up to his death, but the location he visited the night before dying was 6 miles from home. An odd choice considering there are several others closer to his home. Family members are now saying they worried he was using multiple doctors and aliases to feed his pharmaceutical habit.
★ And “Extra” host Mario Lopez says he’s flattered by reports suggesting he could replace Michael Strahan on “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC). Unless you’ve been in a coma you know that Michael is leaving to focus full time on ABC’s “Good Morning America”. In his favor as a replacement, Lopez has already guest-hosted on “Live” a few times and it can’t hurt that he’s also done a movie with Kelly Ripa’s husband, Mark Consuelos. Andy Cohen (“Watch What Happens: Live”) and CNN’s Anderson Cooper have also been mentioned as possibilities.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Pentatonix (“Pentatonix”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The remaining couples dance to songs by popular music icons; also men vs women in team dances.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Lukas Graham (“Lukas Graham”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Edmonton AB singer-songwriter Ruth B (“The Intro).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Rufus Wainwright (“Poses”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 10 singers perform for the coaches.

• Beyoncé – “Lemonade” tops the new UK sales chart. It’s Britain’s 2nd-fastest selling album of the year to date, behind David Bowie’s “Blackstar”.
• Drake – His new album “Views” has shot straight to the top of the iTunes charts in the US and in the UK. It was released Friday exclusively through Apple Music and iTunes, and within hours had topped the download charts.
• Maroon 5 – Adam Levine says his pregnant model-wife Behati Prinsloo has constant cravings … for watermelon.
• Prince – “Us Magazine” reports he was so anti-cursing that he had a swear jar. He’s fondly remembered in one North Carolina town. He donated  circa $40,000 when it was devastated by Hurricane Floyd. The town? Princeville.
• Selena Gomez – She’s offloaded her Calabasas CA property at a discount to rapper French Montana. She placed her dream house on the market for $4.5 million in November after living there less than 2 years. She was so intent on selling thanks to a stalker scare that she slashed some $1.2 million from the asking price.
• Spice Girls – Plans for the 5-girl group to celebrate the 20th anniversary of their debut single “Wannabe” this year have hit another snag. First Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) reportedly begged out of any type of reunion, and now Mel Chisholm (Sporty Spice) is bowing out to ‘focus on a more serious music career’.
• Steven Tyler – Tonight he stages the “Steven Tyler…Out On a Limb” concert at David Geffen Hall in NYC’s Lincoln Center. Director Brett Ratner and Tyler are collaborating on the benefit for Janie’s Fund, Tyler’s charity to help girls overcome the trauma of abuse and neglect.
• Tegan & Sara – They’re playing a series on intimate shows as they gear up to release their 8th studio album (“Love You to Death”, out June 3rd). Tonight the sisters play LA’s Roxy Theatre, then tomorrow the Teragram Ballroom in LA. They’re also scheduled for CMW Fanfest in Toronto ON on Friday and Le Poisson Rouge in NYC on May 9th.
• Whitney Houston – Her family has given their blessing to an ‘unvarnished’ documentary about the late star. The first project to be authorised by the singer’s estate since her death in 2012 will be helmed by Scottish film director Kevin MacDonald (“Marley”).

Most people cite ‘lack of time’ as the main reason for not being more active, but that’s no longer a valid excuse for not getting in shape. Martin Gabala, a professor of kinesiology at McMaster University in Hamilton ON has demonstrated that just 1 minute of go-for-broke exercise is as beneficial as a 45-minute moderate workout. In experiments, subjects performed three 20-second intervals of pedaling a stationary bike as hard as possible, alternated with two 2-minute recovery periods of very slow pedaling and 5 total minutes of warm-up/cool-down. After working out 3 times a week for 12 weeks they showed nearly identical improvements in health and fitness to those doing a 45-minute routine. (Just to be safe we’re going to ease into this with 2 seconds.)
– “New York Times” /

Drinking beer can help you lose weight, says a new Oregon State University study. Well, kind of. Research shows that xanthohumol, a flavonoid found in hops and beer, helps mice lose weight and lower cholesterol levels. The mice given the highest dosage of xanthuhumol ended up cutting their harmful cholesterol levels by 80%, and gained 22% less weight than the control group – even though they were eating the same high-fat diet. Now here’s the bad news: The mice had a load of xanthohumol for that effect to take place. The scientists note that if you weigh around 140 lbs (64 kg), you’d need to drink 3,500 pints of beer in the space of 24 hours to get the proportional human equivalent of xanthohumol. (The problem being?)

Plagued by itchy, dry dandruff? Turns out the answer may be hiding in your bathroom. Like, right now. Canadian beauty blogger Farah Dukai – who’s previously recommended rubbing garlic on your face to prevent acne – has just shared her method for ridding the scalp of flakes … mouthwash. Listerine, more specifically. She says that her solution of half-mouthwash/half-water will leave your scalp ‘tingly, cool, refreshed’ and most definitely dandruff-free. How so? Listerine contains menthol, thymol, and methyl salicylate – all of which have anti-fungal, anti-septic, and anti-inflammatory properties ideal for getting rid of dandruff and soothing irritation. Here’s what you do: After shampooing and conditioning your hair, spray on the mouthwash/water mixture; let it sit a few minutes; then rinse. (Bonus: Your head will have fewer cavities!)

• Olive oil can get rid of fleas on your dog. Just rub it in, let it sit for a couple hours, and then wash it out. (Trouble is, Buddy may slide off the end of the bed later.)
• Upholding the motto “Only Paris is worthy of Rome and only Rome is worthy of Paris”, both Paris, France and Rome, Italy are exclusive sister cities. This means that neither city will partner with any other. (They’re monogamous municipalities.)

“We should still enjoy being able to look at each other and talk rather than be at the mercy of our phones every minute of the day.”
– Actor Michael Fassbender


1952 [64] Christine Baranski, Buffalo NY, TV actress (‘Diane Lockhart’ on “The Good Wife” 2009-16)/movie actress (“Mamma Mia!”)

1955 [61] Donatella Versace, Reggio di Calabria, Italy, fashion designer (Vice-President & Chief Designer, Versace Group)/scary plastic surgery victim/sister of late designer Gianni Versace

1972 [44] Dwayne Johnson (‘The Rock’), Hayward CA, movie actor (“Fast & Furious” films, “San Andreas”)/6′-5″, 272-lb WWE wrestler (1996-2004, 2011-13)

1975 [41] David Beckham, London UK, retired soccer star (Paris Saint-Germain, LA Galaxy, Real Madrid, Manchester United)/wed to ex-Spice Girl Victoria Adams in 1999/father to Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz, and Harper Seven

1980 [36] Ellie Kemper, Kansas City MO, TV actress (title role in “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” since 2015, “The Office” 2009-13)

1985 [31] Lily Allen (Lily Rose Cooper), London UK, pop singer (“Somewhere Only We Know”, “Smile”)

1985 [31] Kyle Busch, Las Vegas NV, NASCAR driver (most wins in all 3 of NASCAR’s national touring series combined with 161/younger brother of NASCAR driver Kurt Busch

• “Brothers and Sisters Day!”, a day to let siblings know you care. (Or maybe to add up all the times you got ratted on, had your hair pulled or your dessert stolen … and get even!)

• “Melanoma Monday”, a highlight of “Melanoma/Skin Cancer Detection & Prevention Month”, designed to raise awareness about melanoma and encourage us to begin a lifelong habit of regular skin self-examination.

• “Play Your Ukulele Day”, when you’re encouraged to play a ukulele, share your ukulele, and teach someone else how to play. The theme is ‘Changing the World 4 Strings at a Time’.

• “Wordsmith Day, just one more excuse for miscellaneous merriment. How scintillating yet somehow egregious.

2004 [12] On the cover of “TV Guide”: “So Long, Friends 1994-2004” (the entire cast of the long-running sitcom is featured inside)

2015 [01] Britain’s Prince William & Kate Middleton (Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge) announce the birth of a baby girl, who is named Princess Charlotte of Cambridge

2008 [08] 33-year-old Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger is sentenced to a 1-year ban from driving due to a DUI conviction in Vancouver BC after being caught speeding in his Lamborghini

2009 [07] Bob Dylan takes a day off from his European tour and, along with 13 other tourists, takes a bus trip to visit John Lennon’s childhood home in Liverpool UK (he is not recognized)

2000 [16] President Bill Clinton announces that GPS access will no longer be restricted to the US military (now it’s in your phone, in your car, everywhere!)

2008 [08] “Iron Man”, the latest big-budget action film based on a Marvel Comics character, debuts in some 4,100 theaters in the US and Canada, raking in $32.5 million on opening day

2012 [04] A pastel version of “The Scream” by Norwegian painter Edvard Munch sells for $120 million in a NYC auction, setting a new world record for an auctioned work of art

[Tues] Hug Your Cat Day
[Tues] World Press Freedom Day
[Wed] International Firefighters Day
[Wed] Bike to School Day
[Wed] Intergalactic Star Wars Day
[Wed] International Respect for Chickens Day
[Wed] Petite & Proud Day

Alcohol & Drug Related Birth Defects Awareness Week / Anxiety & Depression Awareness Week / Be Kind to Animals Week / Children’s Book Week / Children’s Mental Health Week / Choose Privacy Week / Correctional Officers Week / Dating & Life Coach Recognition Week / Drinking Water Week / Flexible Work Arrangement Week / Goodwill Industries Week / Pet Week / Post Card Week / Public Service Recognition Week / Raisin Week / Small Business Week / Teacher Appreciation Week / Tourism Week / Update Your References Week / Wildflower Week / Work at Home Moms Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
What sayings that your mom kept repeating do you now find fall out of your mouth when you’re speaking to your own kids? How about …
• A little soap and water never killed anybody!
• Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
• And where do you think you’re going?
• Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been!
• Clean up after yourself, I’m not the maid!
• You won’t be happy until you break that, will you?
• Don’t make me come in there!
• How do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tasted it?
• Beds are not made for jumping on.
• If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times …
– First published in “BS” 2005.

• Don’t throw a brick straight up.
• The stuff on the bottom of your shoe is not for internal consumption.
• If you’re riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you spit.
• When using a Weed Whacker, don’t hold the end with the wire.
• Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don’t make any more.
• When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.
• Under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.
– First published in “BS” 2001.

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales clerk where the ‘Self Help’ section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

This online tool compares your salary to the global average …

☎ Should both parents assume equal responsibility in raising a child?

Question: On average we throw away a quarter of THIS.
Answer: Bread.

Healthy people want many things; sick people just want one thing.

Laura Canaly @ My50 [WPWR-TV] Chicago IL; James Onen @ 88.2 Sanyu FM Kampala, Uganda; Scott Allen @ 102.7 FM [KCHW] Northeast Washington Community Radio, Chewelah WA; and Mitch Johnson @ Oldies 1420 [WCRE] Cheraw SC.

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