Tuesday, May 21, 2013       Edition: #4989

No Sheet? No Service!

✳ Production on the next season of “The X Factor” is scheduled to begin today. Word has it Destiny’s Child alum Kelly Rowland and Latina singer Paulina Rubio are set to replace LA Reid and Britney Spears on the judging panel. Rowland has experience, having judged during the 8th season of the show’s UK version. Rubio honed her chops on a similar Mexican show titled “La Voz” (The Voice). Hopefully the contract ink dries in time. (Is anyone working on TV concepts besides singing shows?)
– E! News
✳ Today a Sotheby’s auction in London is highlighted by author JK Rowling’s personal copy of her 1st “Harry Potter” book. Proceeds from the “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone” 1st edition will go to charity. Rowling hasn’t exactly kept her book squeaky clean; it’s littered with personal annotations and comments, but as they’re from the person who actually wrote the thing that’s probably cool. (Page 29: “Bag of potatoes, 2 cukes, take bag of money to bank.”)
– ContactMusic.com
✳ Police in Los Angeles have launched a probe into allegations singer Chris Brown has been bombarded with death threats. The R&B singer’s attorney Mark Geragos turned to authorities after receiving a number of menacing phone calls targeting Brown at his Los Angeles office. Geragos contacted police and filed a report, prompting LAPD detectives to open an official investigation. (One can only hope.)
– TMZ.com
✳ Newly-freed Wesley Snipes has officially signed on to make his Hollywood return in the 3rd installment of Sylvester Stallone’s action movie series “The Expendables”. He’s been on house arrest since his release from prison in April after serving a 27-month stint for tax evasion. Also added to the line-up for the 2nd sequel: Liam Hemsworth, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Chuck Norris. Pre-production begins this Summer. (Another rumor has Mel Gibson joining the cast, thanks to his work in the “Lethal Weapon” action series.)
– “NY Daily News”
✳ Angelina Jolie is reportedly set to celebrate the life of her late mother Marcheline Bertrand by portraying her onscreen in a planned bio-pic. The film is likely to focus on Bertrand’s decision to turn her back on acting and dedicate her time to humanitarian causes. She died of cancer in 2007 at age 56. Brad Pitt is said to be producing the project next year through his Plan B production company. (So far, none of this has been verified.)
– Express.co.uk

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – 30 Seconds to Mars (“Love Lust Faith + Dreams”, released today).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Milo Greene (“Milo Greene”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – J Cole (“Born Sinner”, out June 25th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – John Fogerty (“Wrote a Song For Everyone”, out May 28th).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Psy (“Psy 6: Six Rules”); “American Idol” runner-up Kree Harrison.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – More hopefuls perform for the judges.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Jewel (“Greatest Hits”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Emile Sandé (“Our Version of Events”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Thompson Square (“Just Feels Good”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The artists face elimination.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Ray J (“Raydiation 2”); “Celebrity Apprentice” winner Trace Adkins.

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The 2-hour final results show includes performances by Jessica Sanchez, Pitbull, Psy, and Wynonna before one dancing couple wins the trophy.

• Airbourne – Today the Australian rockers release their 3rd album, “Black Dog Barking”.
• Justin Bieber – The deadline to collect ‘Mally’, his Capuchin monkey, ran out at midnight Friday, meaning he’ll now have to pay thousands of euros to the Munich animal shelter that’s been looking after the critter since it was confiscated by German authorities 2 months ago.
• Kacey Musgraves – She’s debuted the official video for her current single, “Blowin’ Smoke”, on her brand new website. The track is from her debut album, “Same Trailer Different Park”.
• Maroon 5 – They’ve postponed an upcoming European tour due to scheduling conflicts. The dates booked for June-July this Summer have now been pushed back to next January. Robin Thicke will take over from Neon Trees as the opening act.
• Mary J Blige – Her money woes have gone from bad to worse as the IRS has slapped a $3.4-million lien against her for allegedly failing to pay income tax 2009-11. That’s on top of the $900,000 she’s previously accused of owing the state of New Jersey in back taxes.
• Mumford & Sons – Tonight in Calgary, Alberta they begin a new run of North American dates in support of their hit album “Babel”. The trek runs through June 20th in Telluride, Colorado.
• One Direction – They’ll not only be releasing a new album next year, they will also be traveling the world on the “Where We Are” stadium tour. It starts in Columbia next April.
• Rihanna – Her lawsuit against a UK fashion chain for allegedly selling T-shirts featuring her image without permission has dragged on for over a year. Topshop apparently buys the pics from photographers, but doesn’t pay an artist licensing fee.
• Rod Stewart – His new album “Time” has reached #1 on the UK album chart 34 years after his last #1 album, “Greatest Hits Vol 1”, in 1979. That’s the longest hiatus between chart-topping albums for any British act. His last #1 studio album: “A Night On the Town”, in 1976.
• Stone Temple Pilots – As they’ve dumped Scott Weiland – again – Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington fronted the band at an LA gig on the weekend. Guitarist Dean DeLeo says STP knows Linkin Park will remain Bennington’s priority, but they thought it would be cool to try something together.

• “Beautiful Creatures” ( PG-13 Fantasy ): Based on the 4-book series by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl, the story follows the adventures of ‘Ethan Wate’ and ‘Lena Duchannes’, who uncover dark secrets about their respective families, their history, and their Southern town. Stars Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Viola Davis, Emma Thompson, Jeremy Irons.
• “Crossfire Hurricane” ( NR Music Doc ): The Rolling Stones documentary which premiered at the London Film Festival last October combines extensive historical footage with contemporary commentaries by Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Charlie Watts, Ronnie Wood and former Stones Bill Wyman and Mick Taylor. DVD includes the concert footage “Live in Germany ‘65”.
• “The Last Stand” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): The leader of a drug cartel busts out of a courthouse and speeds to the Mexican border, where the only thing in his path is an aging sheriff (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his inexperienced staff. Co-stars Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville, Rodrigo Santoro. Shot in New Mexico.
• “Parker” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): A thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead. Assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside, he looks to hijack the score of the crew’s latest heist. Stars Jason Statham, Jennifer Lopez, Michael Chiklis, Nick Nolte.
• “Side Effects” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Rooney Mara & Channing Tatum play a successful New York couple whose world unravels when a new anxiety drug prescribed by her psychiatrist turns out to have unexpected side effects. Co-stars Jude Law, Catherine Zeta-Jones. Directed by Steven Soderbergh.
• “Stand Up Guys” ( R-Rated Crime Comedy ): Tough but touching action comedy about retired gangsters who reunite for one epic last night. Despite their age, their capacity for mayhem is still very much alive and well. Stars Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, Alan Arkin, Katheryn Winnick, Julianna Margulies.
• Also released today: “American Masters: Mel Brooks – Make a Noise” (Documentary); “Best of Warner Bros 25 Cartoon Collection – Hanna Barbera” (Compilation); “Call the Midwife: Season 2” (TV); “Laverne & Shirley: The 6th Season” (Vintage TV); “Perception: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “The Royal Collection” (Documentary Box Set); “Saving Hope: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Teen Wolf: Season 2” (TV); and “True Blood: The Complete 5th Season” (TV).

Based on an analysis of more than a half-million public posts on message boards, social media sites and news sources, IBM predicts that ‘steampunk’, a sub-genre inspired by the clothing, technology and social mores of Victorian society, will be a major trend to bubble up and take hold of the retail industry. Steampunk is a retro-futuristic style of fashion that is influenced by the works of Jules Verne, Nikola Tesla, HG Wells and the like. IBM’s analysis has found that it’s evolving into a cultural ‘meme’. (We’ve got a wood-burning clamshell phone … that count?)
– “Journal of Engineering”

According to a recent ranking based on job satisfaction …
5. Special Ed Teachers – If you don’t care about money, it’s a rewarding profession.
4. Authors – The autonomy of writing down the contents of your own mind leads to happiness.
3. Physical Therapists – Social interaction and helping people contribute to satisfaction.
2. Firefighters – 80% are ‘very satisfied’ with their jobs, which involve helping people.
1. Clergy – The least worldly are reported to be the happiest of all.
– Parade.com

Dentists recommend buying a new toothbrush every 3-4 months, but it’s hard to remember when it’s time to get a new one. One simple way is to buy a new toothbrush whenever you buy toothpaste. A full-sized toothpaste tube should last roughly 3 months if only one person is using it, so once it’s empty, you’ll know it’s time to get rid of the worn-down brush. If you don’t trust yourself to remember, stockpile extra brushes in your bathroom and replace yours whenever you’ve used up the last dollop of toothpaste. (Or when it becomes more of a stick than a brush.)
– Lifehacker.com

✗ Asking How Your Meal is Mid-bite … Why is it your server always appears to ask how you’re enjoying your meal exactly a half-second after you’ve stuffed your craw? It’s a conspiracy.
✗ Serving Food That Doesn’t Belong In a Restaurant – The very idea of putting a grilled cheese sandwich on a menu is an affront to foodies everywhere. PB&J … c’mon!
✗ A Ridiculous Number of Menu Items – A menu that reads like “War and Peace” causes patrons to sit in stupefied hunger, forever trying to figure out what they should order.
✗ Singing Happy Birthday to Customers – Embarrassing to the staff who have to do it (ask any server) and doubly embarrassing to the patron who is made a mockery.
✗ Banning All Substitutions – Nothing says eat, pay, and get the hell out like a ‘No Substitutions’ posting on a menu. It’s as if customers ordering food they like is somehow an inconvenience.
(And we’d like to add: Making Customers Supplement Low Pay. In many countries tipping is not expected or included as ‘service’ on the bill. That’s because eateries actually pay employees a decent wage.)
– Condensed from Cracked.com

An estate called Copper Beech Farm in Greenwich, Connecticut is now North America’s most expensive home for sale, with an astounding asking price of $190 million. Named for the copper beech trees populating its 50-acre property, this 13,519 square foot French-renaissance mansion was constructed in 1896. It boasts a mile of water frontage on Long Island Sound.
– Forbes.com

• A KFC family meal in Gaza costs $27.50 and must be brought in by tunnel from Egypt.
– “Daily Mirror”
• Author John Le Carre has a poster on his office wall saying “Keep Calm and Le Carre On”.
– “Times of London”
• The French use the saying ‘un-self-made man’.
– “Financial Times”


1951 [62] Al Franken, NYC, US Senator (Minnesota)/former talk show host (Air America Radio)/former “Saturday Night Live” writer-performer (1975-80, 1985-95)

1974 [39] Mikel Jollet, LA CA, indie rock singer-guitarist (Airborne Toxic Event-“Changing”, “Sometime Around Midnight”)

1980 [33] Gotye (Wouter De Backer), Bruges, Belgium [raised Melbourne, Australia], pop singer-songwriter (f/Kimbra-“Somebody That I Used to Know”)  BS FACTOID: ‘Gotye’ is derived from ‘Gauthier’, a French version of the Flemish/Dutch given name ‘Wouter’.

• “Wait Staff Day”, set aside for restaurant managers and patrons to show appreciation for the efforts of servers.

• “World Day for Cultural Diversity”, a UN-sanctioned event to help communities understand the value of cultural diversity and learn how to live together in harmony.

1999 [14] Soap opera star Susan Lucci (“All My Children”) finally wins a “Daytime Emmy Award” for ‘Best Actress’ … after her 19th nomination

2003 [10] Ruben Studdard beats Clay Aiken to win the 2nd “American Idol” competition (and where are they now?)

2008 [05] Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, well-known for having overcome drug addiction decades earlier, shocks the rock world by checking into a rehab facility in Pasadena, California

2001 [12] The ‘Club of Idiots’ is founded in Saint-Gilles, France with 80 members swearing to always act like idiots and always carry their idiot ID card (at its first annual meeting, the club sets a new world olive-pit spitting record of 11.78 meters or 38.6 feet)

2005 [08] ‘Tallest Roller Coaster In the World’, Kingda Ka, opens at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, New Jersey (456 feet or 139 meters)

[Wed] International Day for Biological Diversity
[Wed] Maritime Day
[Thurs] “Michael Jackson ONE” previews begin (Las Vegas)
[Thurs] “The Hangover Part III” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] World Turtle Day
[Fri] “Epic”; “Fast & Furious 6” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Etiquette Week
This Month Is … Brain Tumor Awareness Month


✗ You find you’re constantly stopping for coffee so you don’t doze off from carbon monoxide.
✗ The roof rolls back, but it’s not a convertible.
✗ If you’re in an accident, you have to call a guy to inflate your air bags.
✗ Hazard light on dashboard reminds you to sign your will.
✗ Horn emits a very soft meow.
✗ Warning on tires reads: ‘For Indoor Use Only’.
✗ Goes from 0-to-60 in about 7 weeks.
✗ The steering wheel is in the back seat.

How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream.

☎ What’s the lamest excuse you’ve ever used or heard about someone else using when pulled over for speeding? (After Ontario Provincial Police in Kent County recently busted a car doing 80 km/hr [50 mph] over the speed limit, the driver claimed he’d just washed his vehicle and was in the process of … trying to dry it out.)

Question: 1-in-3 women would change THIS about themselves if they could.
Answer: Their laugh.

A hundred thousand lemmings can’t all be wrong.

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