Friday, May 22, 2015        Edition: #5457

Accept No Substitutes, Ask For 100% Pure BS!

★ David Simon, creator of classic TV crime drama “The Wire”, is teaming with “Crash” director Paul Haggis on a new 6-part miniseries for HBO called “Show Me a Hero”, based on the nonfiction book of the same name by Lisa Belkin. The show stars Oscar Isaac as the young mayor of a medium-sized US city who receives a federal court order mandating the building of a number of low-income housing units in the ‘white areas’ of town. As with “The Wire”, “Show Me a Hero” explores ideas surrounding race and community through the lives of elected officials, bureaucrats, activists, and ordinary citizens. It premieres August 16th. (If it’s half as good as “The Wire”, this is going to be ‘appointment TV’.)
– “Entertainment Weekly”
★ “Mad Men” creator Matthew Weiner has offered his take on the finalé of the hit AMC drama and explained the significance of the Coca-Cola ad that ended the series last Sunday. Weiner says the final season was an inward journey for principal character ‘Don Draper’. The highly anticipated final episode ended with the 1971 Coca-Cola ad, “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke”, after ‘Draper’ finds inner peace a retreat in California. Weiner says he’s grateful he had the opportunity to explore the character’s search for identity. Quote: “I wanted it to feel like there was a vision and a point to the entire thing.” (And the fact Coke likely paid a big-time placement fee.)
★ Mindy Kaling and BJ Novak will make $7.5 million for penning a book about their off-and-on romance, according to a well-placed publishing industry source. We’re told the book is likely to include juicy information about “The Office” stars’ complicated courtship, which coincided with their roles on the NBC-TV comedy that aired 2005-13. It’s thought that the book’s title will likely be announced on May 30th in NYC, where the pair are scheduled to appear at BookCon. We’re told the formal announcement of the book was supposed to be ‘a surprise’. (And as of 15 seconds ago, no longer is.)
– Confidenti@l
★ And Bank of England governor Mark Carney says banknotes have developed over the years to become small works of art that are kept in everyone’s wallets. To that end, the British public are being asked to nominate ‘people of historic significance from the world of visual arts’ to be immortalized on a new £20 note that’s coming in 2020. Bookmaking film Ladbrokes has made painter William Hogarth and filmmaker Richard Attenborough favorites at odds of 4:1. Late fashion designer Alexander McQueen, movie icon Charlie Chaplin, poet William Blake, and photographer Cecil Beaton are listed at 8:1 odds. (Who would you like to see on our money?)
– Bang Showbiz

• “Battle Creek” (CBS) – Sunday the Season 1 finalé.
• Big Weekend (Norwich UK) – Saturday-Sunday BBC Radio 1’s annual music festival is headlined by Muse and Foo Fighters. Also appearing: 5 Seconds of Summer, Florence + The Machine, Imagine Dragons, Taylor Swift and many others.
• Boston Calling (Boston MA) – The 3rd annual Spring version of the 3-day music bash features Beck, My Morning Jacket, Pixies, Tame Impala St. Vincent, TV On the Radio and others.
• “Eurovision Song Contest 2015” (BBC One) – Saturday night is the grand final of the 60th annual competition. Each member country submits a song to be performed live. Graham Norton commentates and reigning champ, Austrian drag queen Conchita, is the Green Room host. (How did Australia ever get into EUROvision?)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Twenty One Pilots (“Blurryface”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight  Young Rising Sons (“The High”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/Omni 1) – Tonight Brandon Flowers (“The Desired Effect”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight Elle King (“Love Stuff”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Mariah Carey (“#1 To Infinity”).
• Rocklahoma (Pryor OK) – Part of the “World’s Loudest Month” festival series, this 9th annual 3-day hard-rock fest just outside of Tulsa welcomes Breaking Benjamin, Godsmack, Linkin Park, Papa Roach, Slayer, Tesla, Volbeat and more.
• Sasquatch! (George WA) – Attendees have been trekking to this Northwest fest, held at the renowned Gorge Amphitheater, since 2002. This year’s schedule for the 3-day event: Kendrick Lamar, Lana Del Rey, Modest Mouse, Of Monsters and Men, St Vincent, Spoon and oithers.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight Josh Groban (“Stages”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Sting (“The Last Ship”).

• BB King – Today a public visitation for the late blues icon is being held in Las Vegas NV, according to After a private family funeral in Vegas on Saturday, King’s body will be sent back to his home state of Mississippi for burial.
• Ciara – She & Seattle Mariners quarterback Russell Wilson are reportedly taking a break from their relationship as things have apparently gotten a bit rocky. A source close to the pair tells E! News: ”They haven’t broken up yet. But things are not looking good.”
• Drake – Sunday his “Jungle Tour” begins in Houston TX. To celebrate, he’s staging the 2nd annual “Houston Appreciation Weekend” in what he considers his 2nd home. A number of charity events are planned, including a celebrity softball game today at University Of Houston.
• Madonna – She’s postponed the start of her “Rebel Heart World Tour” due to production delays. The first 5 dates (Atlanta GA, and 2 each in Miami FL and San Juan PR) have been pushed to the end of the schedule in January. The tour now launches in September.
• Mumford & Sons – They’ve been pitch-slapped by the “Pitch Perfect 2 Soundtrack”, which has knocked their new album “Wilder Moments” out of top spot on the new ‘Billboard 200’ album chart. The film has grossed just under $118 million in worldwide box office in just one week.
• Nickelback – Even the cops are taking a crack at them. The Queensland Police Service in Australia has tweeted an urgent warning for the public to “be on the lookout” for 4 men “wanted for crimes against music”. (Ouch.)
• Rolling Stones – Sunday their “Zip Code Tour” of North America begins in San Diego CA. The 15-date trek features a different opening act in every city. As a tune-up, the Stones played their 1971 album “Sticky Fingers” (to be re-released June 9th) in its entirety at a surprise concert at LA’s Fonda Theatre on Wednesday night.
• Sam Smith – He tells French magazine “TETU” he’s launching a foundation aimed at helping young gays to come out to their friends and family. Quote: “I would like to become a voice for gay youth in difficulty around-the-world.”

• “Poltergeist” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): Legendary filmmaker Sam Raimi and director Gil Kenan reimagine and contemporize the 1982 thriller about a family whose suburban home is haunted by evil forces. They must come together to rescue their youngest daughter after the apparitions take her captive. Stars Sam Rockwell, Rosemarie DeWitt, Kennedi Clements, Saxon Sharbino.
• “Tomorrowland” ( PG Action Adventure ) – Brad Bird (“Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol”) directs, George Clooney & Britt Robertson co-star, and the two reluctant partners in this deadly adventure find themselves traveling to a place caught between time and space. Yes, the film shares its title with a Disney theme park; just don’t expect something Disney-fied.
• Opening in limited release: “Aloft” (Drama); “Chocolate City” (Drama); “The Farewell Party” (Dramedy); “Sunshine Superman” (Documentary); and “When Marnie Was There” (Animated Drama).

According to a recent survey of Twitter posts …
✓ An app that tells you how to spell Matthew McConaughey.
✓ An app that tells you how long the Chipotle line is at any given time.
✓ ‘Tinder’, but for weed.
✓ An app just for people who want to talk about Drake.
✓ ‘Weedmaps’, but for hot dogs.
✓ An app for people who need prom dates.
✓ An app that can tell if you are intoxicated and, if so, disables your texting.
(And what would you like to see on your smartphone?)
– Condensed from

Crayola is tackling the beauty trend of using the crayon company’s products as makeshift makeup, saying just because they’re nontoxic doesn’t mean they’re safe as lipstick or liner. The practice began when beauty bloggers like Brooke Eve and Rachel Leven showed users how to brighten their look by dipping colored pencils in warm water to soften them up. Online tutorials have had upwards of 2 million hits. And fans note that the price sure is right for this DIY hack, as a 12-count box of pencil crayons costs only about $5. But safety concerns abound. One recent study has found that pencil crayon eyeliner can migrate into the eye within minutes of application, causing serious issues for contact wearers and those with dry eyes. (Bottom line: Don’t put those crayons anywhere near your face!)

The strength of your handshake can predict the risk of a future heart attack or stroke, and is a stronger indicator of death than checking blood pressure.


1950 [65] Bernie Taupin, Sleaford UK, lyricist (Elton John’s songwriting partner-“Candle In the Wind”, “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”)

1959 [56] (Steven) Morrissey, Manchester UK, alt-rock singer (“All You Need Is Me”, ex-The Smiths-“This Charming Man”)

1968 [47] Michael Kelly, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (‘Doug Stamper’ on “House of Cards” since 2013)

1970 [45] Naomi Campbell, London UK, fashion model  BS FACTOID: She’s celebrating her birthday in Cannes, France on Saturday with a star-studded bash co-hosted by Diddy and Leonardo DiCaprio. The event is also a fundraiser for her Fashion for Relief charity.

1978 [37] Ginnifer Goodwin, Memphis TN, TV actress (‘Mary Margaret Blanchard/Snow White’ on “Once Upon a Time” since 2011)

1979 [36] Maggie Q (Margaret Quigley), Honolulu HI, TV actress (‘Lt Beth Davis’ on Stalker” 2014-15, “Nikita” 2010-13)/movie actress (“Divergent” films, “Mission: Impossible III”)

TV personality Drew Carey (“The Price is Right”) is 57; TV actress Lea DeLaria (“Orange Is the New Black”) is 57; Rock drummer Phil Selway (Radiohead) is 48; Pop drummer Matt Flynn (Maroon 5) is 45; Soul singer Maxwell (“Fortunate”) is 42; Pop singer Jewel (“Intuition”) is 41.

Folk-rock singer Bob Dylan (“Like a Rolling Stone”) is 74; Country-rock singer-songwriter Rosanne Cash (“Runaway Train”) is 60; Movie actress Kristin Scott Thomas (“Nowhere Boy”) is 55; Rock bassist Jimmy Ashhurst (Buckcherry) is 52; Rock drummer Cody Hanson (Hinder) is 33; Dancer Mark Ballas (“Dancing With the Stars”) is 29.

• “Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day”. But respect your neighbors … don’t make it drums!
• “Canadian Immigrants Day”, celebrating the many contributions made by immigrants to Canada. Hey, if you go back far enough … we’re all immigrants.
• “Find Your Soul-Mate Day”, a day to join a singles group, explore an online dating service, or join a club where you might find someone with common interests.
• “Heat Awareness Day”, promoting safe practices during extreme temperatures. Heat is the #1 weather-related killer in the United States, resulting in hundreds of fatalities each year.
• “International Day for Biological Diversity”, created by the UN to increase understanding and awareness of biodiversity issues.
• “Maritime Day”, an annual observance to recognize the maritime industry. Har, hoist that bilge, matey!
• “World Goth Day”, celebrating the goth scene and exposing it to the rest of the world. The subculture of music & fashion is often associated with dark attire, makeup, and hair.

• “Taffy Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey soft candy that sticks to your dental fillings. Salt water taffy was originally produced in Atlantic City NJ back in 1883.
• “World Turtle Day”, initiated in 2000 by American Tortoise Rescue, a turtle & tortoise conservation organization founded in 1990 in Malibu CA.

• “Asparagus Day”, honoring the only ‘spears’ most of us ever eat. What’s your secret recipe?
• “Brothers Day”, a day to give them a quick punch on the arm … just to let ’em know you care.
• “Escargot Day”, celebrating the gourmet food you can harvest off your driveway. How come we’ll eat snails but not slugs? Aren’t they the same thing?
• “Indianapolis 500”, the 99th running of ‘The Greatest Spectacle in Racing’. Florida Georgia Line performs as part of the weekend festival; Jordin Sparks sings the pre-race anthem; NASCAR champ Jeff Gordon drives the pace car; NBA star Paul George is honorary starter.
• “International Tiara Day”, a day for women to celebrate their leadership powers. Real or virtual tiara-wearing is optional.

2004 [11] Michael Moore’s controversial documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11” wins the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival

2003 [12] Golfer Annika Sorenstam becomes the 1st woman to play in a PGA men’s tour event in 58 years (Fort Worth TX)

2012 [03] Japan’s Tokyo Skytree is opened to the public, the tallest tower in the world (634 m/2,080 ft) and the 2nd-tallest structure after the Burj Khalifa (829.8 m/2,722 ft)

[Mon] Memorial Day (USA)
[Mon] Missing Children’s Day
[Mon] Geek Pride Day
[Tues] “America’s Got Talent” season debut (NBC)
[Tues] “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” season premiere (FOX)
This Week Is … Safe Boating Week
This Month Is … Physical Fitness & Sports Month


• An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.
• The chimney’s clogged.
• Doesn’t know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
• Forgot to pay his brain bill.
• His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.
• If she had another brain it would be lonely.
• No grain in the silo.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
• Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• The skylight leaks a little.
– Adapted from

New research reveals that Gibbon apes can do which of the following?
a. Cute impressions.
b. Hum tunes.
c. Whisper to one another. [CORRECT]
– “Daily Mail”

☎ What’s the best ‘Song of the Summer’ ever?

Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Question: The average person takes between 5-and-20 minutes to do THIS in bed.
Answer: Have a dream.

Time is a great healer, but a terrible beautician.

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