May 22 2018

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Tuesday, May 22, 2018 Edition: #6217

Accept No Substitutes, Ask For 100% Pure BS!

★ Prince Harry and Meghan Markle gave out swag bags to their wedding guests on Saturday, and some are popping up for sale on eBay. Here’s what’s inside:
➠Official Order of Service for the ceremony
➠Harry and Meghan commemorative chocolate coin
➠Refrigerator magnet with the couple’s initials and wedding date
➠Map of Windsor Castle with points of interest listed
➠Official Windsor Castle water bottle
➠Special guest badge
➠Harry and Meghan wedding themed shortbread cookies
➠20% off coupon good at Windsor Castle gift shop
A complete bag is currently going for around $200 and climbing, but other listings offering single items or just the bag itself, are going for less.
(The ceremony also featured an ‘old bag’, but they didn’t give her away!)
★ More details have emerged in the bizarre story of “Smallville” star Allison Mack and her alleged treatment of sex slaves that she supposedly recruited into the NXIVM cult. A source who spoke with two of Mack’s alleged slaves describes the actress’ treatment of women as “incredibly intimidating, cruel, and punitive.” Accusations against the cult include sexual abuse, brainwashing, and threatening and blackmailing women. Victims were also allegedly branded with ringleader Keith Raniere’s initials. Mack posted a $5 million bond and is currently under house arrest at her parents’ home in California.
★ Mario Batali, the world-famous chef and restaurateur who has been accused by at least 11 women of sexual misconduct, is the subject of an ongoing investigation by the New York Police Department into allegations of criminal sexual misconduct. Allegations against Batali first surfaced in December when a story was published detailing four women’s allegations against Batali that included sexual assault. At the time, Batali acknowledged that he engaged in inappropriate behavior and took leave from his restaurant group.
★ Jennifer Aniston will portray the first female – and first gay – U.S. president in a comedy film for Netflix. Stand-up comedian Tig Notaro will play Aniston’s wife in the film and she is also co-writing the script. The movie will be called “First Ladies.” No release date has been announced.
★ Jim Carrey has blasted rumors that he and Robin Williams were involved in a bitter feud. He was reacting to a report that came after the recent release of a Williams biography called “Robin”. In one passage in the book, it says that Williams was upset and jealous after learning Carrey had landed the role of The Riddler in 1995 film “Batman Forever” – a part he had earlier turned down. But Carrey says, “He was also always respectful to me in person. He called me ‘Maestro’ and I called him ‘Billy the Kid’. Let’s get it straight: there’s no feud if one side isn’t aware of it.”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Johnny Knoxville, Jenna Dewan, Franz Ferdinand
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Sarah Paulson, Chris Hardwick, Danica Patrick, Foster the People
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Andrew Garfield, the Kills
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Emilia Clarke, Phoebe Robinson, Jeffrey Morgenthaler, Steven Wolf
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Thomas Middleditch, Dan Stevens, Ziggy Marley
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Cedric the Entertainer, Julian Dennison, Tuxedo & Zapp
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Hannah Ferrier, Adam Glick
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): James Clapper
• “The Talk” (CBS): Josh Holloway, Nancy O’Dell
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Patricia Heaton, the winner of “American Idol”, the winners of “Dancing with the Stars”
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): David Spade, Maren Morris & Zedd
• “Our Wild Life” (TLC): The pilot episode introduces the Abrams family of Pinetops, N.C. With 80 animals and counting, the rest of the town can’t help but take notice.
• “Roseanne” (ABC): Season finale
• “NCIS” (CBS): Season finale
• “The Flash” (The CW): Season finale
• “The Middle” (ABC): Series finale
• “NBA Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Houston vs. Golden State

• Selena Gomez – thanked Taylor Swift for changing her life and ”never, ever” judging her when she joined Swift onstage at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. The two have been described as BFFs.
• Ed Sheeran – has slammed the use of one of his songs in an anti-abortion campaign. ‘Small Bump’ is reportedly being used by pro-life activists campaigning in Dublin, ahead of Ireland’s vote in a referendum on May 25 on whether to repeal a ban on abortion in almost all circumstances.
• Kanye West – seems to have changed his tune on needing guidance from advisors. He’s searching for someone to handle his revamped Yeezy company and be responsible for dealing with his personal brand. It looks like he has his sights set on world domination, because the position requires “Global experience with healthy exposure to Asian and European markets.”
• Chris Cornell – his former Soundgarden bandmate Matt Cameron posted a tribute to Cornell to mark the first anniversary of his death on Friday. Cameron wrote on Instagram, “Chris always led by example-his work ethic, his sense of humor, his love of animals, his love of the Cascades, his love of family. Bands are nearly impossible to get right, but Soundgarden felt incredibly fierce and so right for me on day one, mid February 1986.”
• Elton John – was introduced by Prince Harry with the words, “Does anyone here know how to play piano?” before sitting down to play ‘Your Song’, ‘Circle of Life’, I’m Still Standing’ and ‘Tiny Dancer’ at the lunchtime reception following Saturday’s Royal Wedding.
• Bon Jovi – former guitarist Richie Sambora, who left the group in 2013, says he started becoming unhappy with the way Bon Jovi were progressing as early as 1985. Quote: “It was going towards Jon being the front-guy and nothing else.” He says he would have preferred the group be presented as more of a band than a solo star.
• Mike & The Mechanics – have announced that they will be following up their U.S. tour with a run of UK gigs early next year. First show: Liverpool on February 23rd.
• Cheap Trick – have released ‘The Summer Looks Good On You’, the lead single from their forthcoming 20th studio album. They are touring this summer with Poison.
• Carrie Underwood – It has been officially announced that she will be indicted into the Oklahoma Hall of Fame. The Oklahoma Hall of Fame at Gaylord-Pickens Museum will induct Underwood, who was raised in Checotah, on November 15 in Tulsa.
• Dan + Shay – Their self-titled third album drops on June 22. Kelly Clarkson guests on the song, ‘Keeping Score’.

• “Game Night” (R-Rated, Comedy): A group of friends who meet regularly for game nights find themselves entangled in a real-life mystery. (Jason Bateman, Rachel McAdams, Kyle Chandler)
• “Red Sparrow” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure): Ballerina Dominika Egorova is recruited to ‘Sparrow School,’ a Russian intelligence service where she is forced to use her body as a weapon. Her first mission, targeting a C.I.A. agent, threatens to unravel the security of both nations. (Jennifer Lawrence, Joel Edgerton)
• “Early Man” (PG, Animation/Comedy): At the dawn of time, when prehistoric creatures and woolly mammoths roam the earth, Dug, and his sidekick Hognob unite their tribe against the mighty enemy Lord Nooth and his Bronze Age City to save their home. (Tom Hiddleston, Maisie Williams, Eddie Redmayne)
• “The 15:17 to Paris” (PG-13, Drama): Three Americans discover a terrorist plot aboard a train while in France . A routine trip through Europe is transformed into anything but a vacation when three Americans discover a terrorist plot while aboard a train. (Alek Skarlatos, Anthony Sadler)
• “The Strangers: Prey At Night” (R-Rated, Horror): A family of four staying at a secluded mobile home park for the night are stalked and then hunted by three masked psychopaths. (Christina Hendricks, Bailee Madison)

You’ve definitely heard that lying in bed and staring at your phone is not going to contribute to a restful sleep. In fact, it may keep you awake. And it’s not much better to leave it plugged in on your nightstand so that it’s close enough that you can grab it the second you awaken….or the second you hear the notification that someone ‘liked’ your tweet. If you want to have a healthy and restful sleep, you’re going to have to keep your phone a lot farther away than that. According to a study published in Computers in Human Behavior, test subjects who were required to keep their smartphones in another room as they slept showed a marked improvement in their happiness and overall quality of life. They also showed fewer signs of smartphone addiction. Plus, many of the participants reported that they slept better, experienced less anxiety, and improved their relationships. It’s no wonder that a full 93.6 % of them said they might keep it up.
(But how will I hear the alarm?)
(Please note: even though using your smartphone tends to ruin your sleep, do not use it to stay awake while driving!)

A good cup of coffee not only wakes you up in the morning, it also makes you better able to tolerate your co-workers. A new study published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology showed that when office workers downed a cup of java before a group discussion, they stayed focused and felt better about themselves and the other people in the conversation. Researchers did point out that the study was conducted using people who consume coffee regularly. They concluded that for these people, it looks like coffee makes them feel more alert, focuses their thinking on the topic or task at hand, and has them participate more in group tasks.
(Non-coffee drinkers? It just made them need to use the restroom!)
(One more reason that the boss should be springing for the coffee!)
(I cannot image a possible set of circumstances that would cause me to ever attend a meeting without a cup of coffee.)

A study of hundreds of thousands of popular songs over the past three decades has found that increasingly, unhappy songs make us happy. Or so it seems. Researchers at the University of California looked at 500,000 songs released in the U.K. between 1985 and 2015, and categorized them according to their mood. What they found is a downward trend in happiness and an increase in sadness in music over the years. Some songs with a low happiness index in 2014 include ‘Stay With Me’ by Sam Smith, ‘Whispers’ by Passenger and ‘Unmissable’ by Gorgon City. Some from 1985 with a high happiness index include ‘Glory Days’ by Bruce Springsteen, ‘Would I Lie to You?’ by the Eurythmics, and ‘Freedom’ by Wham! Co-author of the study Natalia Komarova says that in music, it seems that “Happiness’ is going down, ‘brightness’ is going down, ‘sadness’ is going up, and at the same time, the songs are becoming more ‘danceable’ and more ‘party-like.'” The researchers also found that the “maleness” of songs — the frequency of male singers in popular music — has decreased over the last 30 years.
(And I’m sure that doesn’t make THEM happy!)
(Good thing songs are getting shorter too!)
(Sad, but more party-like? Crappy party, man!)
(Not many ‘happy’ songs? Tell that to Pharrell Williams!)

MOST COMMON MONEY MISTAKES (and how many of us have made them):
➢ Blowing too much on fun: 58%
➢ Bad investments: 25%
➢ Dropping out of college: 20%
➢ Too much gambling: 15%
➢ Letting partner control finances: 13%

➢ Blowing too much on fun: 66%
➢ Dropping out of college: 20%
➢ Letting partner control finances: 16%
➢ Bad investments: 11%
➢ Having children(!!): 8%
(For my parents, the parts about ‘bad investments’ and ‘having children’ can be rolled into one!)
(See, sweetheart? Nothing here about a 150-inch TV!)


1950 [68] Bernie Taupin, Sleaford UK, lyricist (Elton John’s songwriting partner-‘Candle In the Wind’, ‘Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me’)

1959 [59] (Steven) Morrissey, Manchester UK, alt-rock singer (‘All You Need Is Me’, The Smiths-‘How Soon is Now?’)

1968 [50] Michael Kelly, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (‘Doug Stamper’ on “House of Cards” since 2013)

1970 [48] Naomi Campbell, London UK, fashion model, actress, activist (‘Empire’ 2015-16, ‘American Horror Story: Hotel’ 2015

1978 [40] Ginnifer Goodwin, Memphis TN, TV actress (‘Mary Margaret Blanchard/Snow White’ on “Once Upon a Time” 2011-18)

1979 [39] Maggie Q (Margaret Quigley), Honolulu HI, TV actress (‘Hannah Wells’ on “Designated Survivor” since 2016, “Nikita” 2010-13)/movie actress (“Divergent” films, “Mission: Impossible III”)

• “Canadian Immigrants Day”, celebrating the many contributions made by immigrants to Canada. Hey, if you go back far enough … we’re all immigrants.

• “Maritime Day”, an annual observance to recognize the maritime industry. Har, hoist that bilge, matey!

• “World Goth Day”, celebrating the goth scene and exposing it to the rest of the world. The subculture of music & fashion is often associated with dark attire, makeup, and hair.

• “Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day”. But respect your neighbors … don’t make it drums! (Can you believe my neighbor pounded on my wall until 3am last night? Fortunately I was up late playing my drums….)

• “International Day for Biological Diversity”, created by the UN to increase understanding and awareness of biodiversity issues.

• “Vanilla Pudding Day”, creamy pudding we know and love today has been around since the 19th century. Jell-O introduced its first line of instant pudding in the 1950s. The advertising campaign announcing the new product promoted it as a “busy-day dessert”.

[Wed] Lucky Penny Day
[Wed] World Turtle Day
[Thurs] Escargot Day
[Thurs] Brother’s Day
This Week Is…Emergency Medical Services Week
This Month Is…National Barbecue Month

1992 [26] Johnny Carson makes his final appearance as host of Tonight Show

2004 [14] Michael Moore’s controversial documentary “Fahrenheit 9/11″ wins the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival (sequel “Fahrenheit 11/9″ about the Trump administration supposedly coming soon…)

2015 [02] Jana Kramer marries former NFL player Mike Caussin

2017 [01] Minutes after an Ariana Grande concert ends at the Manchester Arena in England, a suicide bomber detonates a device, killing 22 and injuring at least 60 others in an act of terrorism.

2003 [15] Golfer Annika Sorenstam becomes the 1st woman to play in a PGA men’s tour event in 58 years (Fort Worth TX)

2012 [06] Japan’s Tokyo Skytree is opened to the public, the tallest tower in the world (634 m/2,080 ft) and the 2nd-tallest structure after the Burj Khalifa (829.8 m/2,722 ft)


✓ A man in Spain skipped work for 6 years while still being paid before anyone noticed.
✓ The Royal Family isn’t allowed to vote or speak publicly about politics.
✓ When dining as a family, after the Queen has taken her last bite, everyone else is required to stop eating.
✓ At dinner parties, the Queen begins by speaking to the person seated to her right. During the second course of the meal, she switches to the guest on her left.
✓ Two royal heirs aren’t allowed to travel together. Once Prince George turns 12, he and William will have to fly separately.
✓ Harry isn’t actually Prince Harry’s first name. His full name is Henry Charles Albert David Mountbatten-Windsor.

• Hundreds of old KFC wet-naps
• A giant bag of those really weird hard candies that she keeps in her purse.
• A VHS copy of “Cocoon.”
• Those weird figurines that came in Red Rose Tea
• The “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” button that’s supposed to be around her neck.
• A phonebook from 1956.
• All the kids stolen noses that grandpa left behind when he died.
• A collection of miscellaneous keys for god knows what and 45 years worth of newspaper clippings.
• Her marbles
• All the nickels she plans to give me on my next birthday.
• An autographed copy of the Bible.
• A piece of paper with this written on it: “Laurel, not Yanny”.
• Junk that didn’t fit in her trunk.

• A whole month without dropping the phone in the toilet.
• A year of gym membership…without ever actually setting foot in the gym.
• Second ‘drunk and disorderly’ arrest.
• Popping your 10th pimple of the day.
• Someone liked my Tweet.
• 15 years single.
• Don’t know one song in the Top 20.
• Finally got on an episode of “Cops”.
• ‘Friend-zoned’ for the 5th time this month.
• Baby’s first swear word.

What’s the best ‘Song of the Summer’ ever?

Laurel are you OK? You OK, you OK, Laurel?

Question: When people were asked to name a food they love but not in the morning, the #1 answer was fish. What was #2?
Answer: Spaghetti

Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.

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