Tuesday, May 23, 2017 – Edition: #5980

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ When Arnold Schwarzenegger says he’ll be back, he means it. The former California governor and action star will headline a new Terminator film that will be produced by James Cameron.  Ah-nold says that the movie is moving forward and Cameron has some good ideas of how to continue with the franchise.  He confirms that he will be in the movie. (Shouldn’t James Cameron be concentrating on his 3 ‘Avatar’ sequels, which he has just delayed…again?)
-Jam.Canoe
★ Johnny Depp texted Paul McCartney to ask if he’d like to appear in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. When producers of the film told Depp that they needed a pirate rocker, Depp dipped into his contacts list and messaged McCartney.  McCartney’s cameo is apparently one of the highlights of the fifth Pirates installment, which opens on Friday.
-USA Today
★ After wading into the alleged beef between Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, ‘Orange Is the New Black’ actor Ruby Rose is stepping back. Rose, who is friends with Swift, Tweeted:  “Being mean doesn’t suit me and leaves me feeling dirty…I get so triggered when I think bullies don’t get held accountable and it makes me think I should say something. But it’s not (my) place.”
-EW
★ Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan spent a day hiking around Mount Katahdin in Maine and talking with local residents on their anniversary weekend. Zuckerberg has been traveling the country with a goal of visiting all 50 states. He and his wife were in Bangor for their fifth wedding anniversary Friday before continuing north to the Katahdin region. He posted a photo of his wife sporting a “Got Moose?” baseball cap.
-PageSix
★Netflix is getting close to closing a deal for ‘Bubbles’, a script detailing the life of the late Michael Jackson from the perspective of his beloved pet monkey. Taika Waititi, who directed the upcoming Thor: Ragnarok, will co-helm the stop-animation feature with Mark Gustafson. The film is expected to be similar to Charlie Kaufman’s Anomalisa (2015), utilizing stop-animation technology, which combines 3D printing and puppetry.
-Antimusic.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): U2
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Javier Bardem, Gal Gadot, Barry Manilow
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Kevin Spacey, Terry Crews, Rob Huebel
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Chris Pine, Sen. John McCain, Matt Frazier
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jim Carrey, Al Madrigal, Andrew Santino, Erik Griffin
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV): Ne-Yo, Bonobo, Ari Graynor
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy): Kerry Washington ( R )
• “@Midnight with Chris Hardwick” (Comedy): Michael Starr, Lexxi Foxx, Stix Zadinia ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Nick Kroll, Ben Falcone, Dawes
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Conan O’Brien
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Debra Messing
• “The Talk” (CBS): Raquel Welch, Cameron Mathison
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Priyanka Chopra, Abigail Breslin
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Robin Wright, Andy Cohen
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Priyanka Chopra
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Daymond John, Barbara Corcoran, Mark Cuban
• “The Real” (FOX): Nicole Scherzinger
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC): The remaining couples advance to the final stage, where they must fuse two contrasting dance styles.
•  “The Voice” (NBC): “Live Finale, Part 2” Carson Daly announces the winner; Miley Cyrus, Chris Stapleton, Zedd and Alessia Cara perform.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Katy Perry – When the single ‘Swish Swish’dropped at midnight Friday, fans believed it was about Taylor Swift.  And Katy Perry addressed the speculation on ‘The Tonight Show’.  Perry said that the song is “a great anthem for people to use whenever someone’s trying to hold you down or bully you”.
• Morrissey – says he wanted to “ram Judge Judy’s face into her own spaghetti” when they had dinner together.  The controversial singer was seated next to the fiery TV personality at a dinner  and was furious because she did not stop talking for three hours.
• Queen – Freddie Mercury could still be alive today if HIV drugs had been available ‘just a few months’ sooner, legendary guitarist Brian May says. May also revealed that Freddie lost most of his foot as the condition ravaged his body. The Queen biopic is slated for release next year.
• Stevie Nicks – The internet is abuzz with video taken when she joined Harry Styles onstage in L.A. for a duet on ‘Landslide’.  Styles teared up on stage, but was able to keep it together enough to also sing with Nicks on ‘Leather and Lace’ and Styles’ ‘Two Ghosts’.
• Harry Styles – debuted at number one on the US Billboard 200 Albums Chart.  The 23-year-old One Direction singer – who released his eponymous debut solo album on May 12 -sold 230,000 equivalent album units.
• Miley Cyrus – keeps two pigs, two horses, and seven dogs on her property in Malibu. And she says she gives them spa treatments on a regular basis.
• Whitesnake -David Coverdale is sorting through the band’s archives for upcoming reissues of their mid-to-late ’80s albums. He says he feels empathy for former collaborator Jimmy Page, who assembled the Led Zeppelin reissues a few years ago. Coverdale feels that one of the reasons Page has explored the Zeppelin catalog so significantly is because he can’t get the rest of Led Zeppelin to commit to making a new record or touring.”
• Brad Paisley – will be featured on the upcoming ‘Cars 3′ soundtrack. Paisley contributes 2 instrumentals alongside “Run That Race,” from Dan Auerbach (Black Keys), and “Ride,” from ZZ Ward featuring Gary Clark Jr.
• Craig Campbell – hasn’t released an album since 2013’s ‘Never Regret’, but he says he has been working on a new album for the past four years.  He says he has a wealth of material to potentially record.

THIS WEEK’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Coming out on DVD, Blu Ray, Netflix, Google Play and probably at the nine remaining Blockbuster stores in Alaska:
• “Logan” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure): In what is expected to be Hugh Jackman’s final appearance as ‘Wolverine’,  a weary Logan cares for an ailing Professor X somewhere on the Mexican border. However, Logan’s attempts to hide from the world and his legacy are upended when a young mutant arrives, pursued by dark forces. (Patrick Stewart, Dafne Keen)
• “Get Out” (R-Rated, Comedy/Horror):  A young African-American man visits his Caucasian girlfriend’s mysterious family estate.  At first, Chris reads the family’s overly accommodating behavior as nervous attempts to deal with their daughter’s interracial relationship, but as the weekend progresses, a series of increasingly disturbing discoveries lead him to a truth that he could have never imagined. (Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Bradley Whitford)
• “The Great Wall” (PG-13, Action/Drama):  European mercenaries searching for black powder become embroiled in the defense of the Great Wall of China against a horde of monstrous creatures. (Matt Damon, Tian Jing, Willem Dafoe)
• “Buster’s Mal Heart” (Not Rated, Drama/Mystery):  A family man’s chance encounter with a conspiracy-obsessed drifter leaves him on the run from the police and an impending event known as The Inversion. (Rami Malek, DJ Qualls, Kate Lyn Sheil)
• “AWOL” (Not Rated, Drama):  A young woman is in search of direction in her small town. A visit to an army recruiting office appears to provide a path, but when she meets and falls in love with Rayna, that path diverges in ways that neither woman anticipates. (Deb Shoval, Karolina Waclawiak)

BEAUTY SLEEP: NOT JUST FOR THE BEAUTIFUL
The concept of ‘beauty sleep’ is not just an old wives tale or even a fairy tale.  That’s the take-away from a study which shows that people who miss out on sleep appear less attractive to others.  In fact, just a couple of bad nights is enough to make a person look ‘significantly more ugly’, according to their findings.  In the experiment, male and female volunteers were asked to get a good night’s sleep for two consecutive nights.  A week later, they were asked to restrict themselves to only four hours sleep per night for two nights in a row.  Next, they asked strangers to look at photos taken of the subjects in the days following their sleep experiments and rate them on attractiveness, health, sleepiness and trustworthiness, as well as asking them: “How much would you like to socialize with this person in the picture?”  The strangers were good at judging if the person they were looking at was tired, and, if they were sleepy, their ‘attractiveness’ score suffered drastically.  People were rated by strangers as less healthy and approachable when they had tired faces.  The strangers also said they would be less willing to socialize with the tired subjects, who they also perceived to be less healthy.
(I’m ugly because I don’t get much sleep.  What’s your excuse?)
(Instead of calling tired people ‘more ugly’, can we stick to ‘less attractive’?  Thank you.)
(I’ve been told before that when I’m tired, I can get pretty ugly!)
-BBC

GOING IN FOR LUNCH:
Lunchtime is supposed to the only daily break of any significant length for workers to enjoy.  But according to new stats, almost 40% of Canadian workers eat their lunch at the desks.  The study, done by Nova Scotia’s Dalhousie University, shows that 39% of Canadians enjoy their mid-day meal at a ‘desk-for-one’, while 37%  eat lunch at home (lucky dogs!), and 24% eat in a cafeteria or outside.  72 per cent of respondents pack their own work lunches, while 24 per cent either buy their lunch to eat outside or at a restaurant.  A professor who conducted the study says these results show how pressured Canadian workers are;  “To take the time to go eat any meal at work is slowly becoming a luxury.”  Other findings:
• Women are three times more likely to skip breakfast than men.
• 41% eat ready-made meals or at restaurants for their evening meal once or twice a week.
• 18%  never eat ready-made meals or at restaurants. (They should be required to state this up front to any prospective mates!)
• 3% do so every day.
(I eat lunch at my desk. At least I don’t have to leave a tip!)
-Globe and Mail

DOGGIE TREATS:
Here are seven things that you should NEVER feed to your dog, according to one expert:
• Macadamia nuts – can cause vomiting and hypothermia in dogs.
• Lemons and limes –  are too acidic for animals and can cause vomiting and diarrhea.
• Onions and garlic – contain an ingredient that destroys an animal’s red blood cells. This can result in anemia.
• Grapes and raisins – can cause kidney failure in dogs.
• Cheese and milk – Just like humans, adult dogs and cats can be lactose intolerant. (My dog is already gassy enough!)
• Avocados – can cause heart problems and even death for birds, rabbits, and horses.  Although they can cause stomach upset in dogs, the big concern it that it may swallow the large pit, which isn’t digestible. (Plus it is so easy for them to cut themselves when slicing an avocado!)
• Chocolate – especially dark—contains theobromine, a stimulant found in cocoa beans that may cause heart problems, vomiting, and seizures in dogs.
(Good.  It doesn’t say anything about the mailman!)
(My dog eats better than I do!)
-MyDomaine

BS CHRONOMETER 05.23.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [84] Joan Collins, London, England, TV Actress (‘Alexis Carrington’ on Dynasty 1981-1999)

1958 [59] Drew Carey, Cleveland OH, comedian/TV host (“The Price is Right” since 2007)/TV producer (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2006)/TV actor (“Drew Carey Show” 1995-2004)

1958 [59] Lea DeLaria, Belleville IL, TV actress (‘Big Boo’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)

1965 [52] Melissa McBride, Lexington KY, TV actress (‘Carol Peletier’ on “The Walking Dead” since 2010)

1967 [50] Phil Selway, Abingdon UK, alt-rock drummer (Radiohead-”Burn the Witch”, “There There”)

1970 [47] Matt Flynn, LA CA, pop drummer (Maroon 5-”Moves Like Jagger”, “She Will Be Loved”)

1974 [43] Jewel (Kilcher), Payson UT, country/folk/pop singer (“Foolish Games”, “Who Will Save Your Soul”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Taffy Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey soft candy that sticks to your dental fillings. Salt water taffy was originally produced in Atlantic City NJ back in 1883.
• “Lucky Penny Day”, see a penny, pick it up… All day long you’ll have good luck. When you are out and about, look on the ground for pennies.  It just might be your lucky day! (And yes, that IS all they’re good for!)
• “Turtle Day”,  Turtle Day is an opportunity to learn more about turtles and how to protect them and their shrinking habitats. (Scientists are now saying that the earliest turtles developed their shells not for protection, but for digging.  Do you believe them?)
• “World Crohn’s and Colitis Day”, a way to bring people affected by either disease together, as well as friends and family members of those individuals, and even those who knew nothing about either disease in order to increase awareness of them.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [12] Tom Cruise infamously leaps on the couch and pumps his fist in the air to express his love for Katie Holmes during an appearance on “Oprah” (that seemed to help the relationship…)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [10] The US Library of Congress hands out its first ‘Gershwin Award’ to singer-songwriter Paul Simon

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2012 [05] Adam Lambert becomes the 1st openly gay artist to debut at #1 on the ‘Billboard 200  chart, with his album “Trespassing”

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1982 [35] Colin Wilson rides a surfboard a record 294 miles (473 km)

AND REMEMBER:
[Wed] Asparagus Day
[Wed] Scavenger Hunt Day
[Thurs] Brown Bag-It Day
[Thurs] National Wine Day

BULL’S BITS

BS WHO SAID IT?
Who said the following quotes: Drake (the rapper) or Josh (Nichols, the character played by Josh Peck on the Nickelodeon show ‘Drake and Josh’):
1.  “Football happened to me.” (Josh)
2.  “All this cheating makes me feel dirty.” (Josh)
3.  “Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time” (Drake)
4.  “Just another kid that’s going through life so worried that I won’t be accepted.” (Drake)
5.  “I told you I’m not mad with you. I’m done.” (Josh)
6.  “I kissed your wife.” (Josh)
7.  “You give me headaches.” (Josh)
8.  “Nobody really likes us except for us.” (Drake)
-adapted from Buzzfeed

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 24 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit expenses always rise to meet income?
• Whyzit insurance always seems to cover everything except what happens?
• Whyzit the amount of sleep needed by the average person is always … 10 minutes more?
• Whyzit boring people are never hoarse?
• Whyzit we think the traffic light will change if we talk to it?
• If sleep regenerates us, whyzit we look so bad when we first get up in the morning?
– First published in “BS” 2003.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎What made you realize that your parents were just human like everyone else?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I work for a good cause.  ‘Cause I need the money.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  56% of college students would turn down a job offer if a company didn’t offer THIS.
Answer: Access to social media during the day

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

NOW ON THE SHEETLIST:
Sylvie Ah-Time, PURE-FM Victoria, Seychelles; Marko A aria Matijevia, MOJ FM Zagreb, Croatia; Gilbert Antunes, 90.6FM Stereo Vanderbijlpark, South Africa; Linda Martelli, KX94 Hamilton, Ontario; Joe Dolechek, Niceville, Florida


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