May 23 2018

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Wednesday, May 23, 2018 – Edition: #6218

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

★ Alec Baldwin‘s wife, Hilaria, has shared the name of their fourth child together and it’s a sweet one: Romeo Alejandro David Baldwin. The name Romeo is certainly popular among celebrities: David and Victoria Beckham’s 15-year-old son has the name, and Jon Bon Jovi and his wife also chose it for their son, who is now 14. It took until after the Baldwin’s youngest son’s arrival for them to commit to it, though. On Saturday, Hilaria shared on social media that they were “still choosing his name,” noting that their 4 year-old Carmen “has had quite a few great ideas.”
★ A hospice center in London got a royal surprise on the weekend when flowers from Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s wedding were delivered. The flowers included white roses, which Princess Diana loved, and Meghan’s bouquet had forget-me-nots, another Diana favorite. By the way, Meghan’s bouquet was placed on the Grave of the Unknown Warrior in Westminster Abbey, a royal tradition that started with Queen Elizabeth’s mother and continued with Queen Elizabeth, Princess Diana and Kate Middleton.
★ Perpetually single actor Hugh Grant is getting married for the first time at age 57. He’ll wed the mother of three of his five children, Swedish TV producer, Anna Eberstein. The news of his upcoming nuptials was revealed after a photograph of the couple’s “notice of intended marriage” appeared in a number of newspapers. The wedding is expected to take place some time in the next few weeks. An anonymous acquaintance was quoted as saying, “This is a day none of Hugh’s friends ever thought would come.”
(It hasn’t come…yet!)
★ Miley Cyrus actually did come in like a wrecking ball on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.  With the help of Kimmel’s wife, Molly McNearney, Cyrus was able to prank the late-night host in his own bedroom!  Keeping to a theme, Cyrus dressed up as a construction worker and jumped on Kimmel’s bed with a sledgehammer and an actual wrecking ball. Things took a rough turn when Cyrus accidentally missed her mark and hit Kimmel where it hurts.
★ It’s a Fyre sale. Entrepreneurs who claim to have official merchandise from the catastrophic Fyre Festival put it up for sale at a New York pop-up shop on Monday. The festival became an online obsession in April 2017 after what was billed as a luxurious model-rich extravaganza turned into a hellish ordeal for guests. The festival’s organizer, Billy McFarland, is currently awaiting sentencing on fraud charges related to the event. Fyre Festival merchandise began showing up on eBay last May, with caps, T-shirts and wristband passes going on sale for up to $300.
(Great. Now we can get ripped off again!)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Shailene Woodley, Jordan Klepper, Blink-182
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Mindy Kaling, Andy Cohen, Lil Pump
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jason Bateman, Stephen King, Jim James
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): David Letterman, Aurora, Steven Wolf
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Amanda Peet, Johnny Knoxville, David Blaine
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Anthony Joshua, Lake Street Dive
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Kyle Richards, Simon Baker
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Michelle Wolf, Arie Luyendyk Jr. & Lauren Burnham
• “The Talk” (CBS): Isla Fisher, Shannon Woodward
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Emilia Clarke, the new Miss USA, the “American Idol” runner-up
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Nicki Minaj, “So You Think You Can Dance” All-Stars
• “Survivor: Ghost Island” (CBS): Season finale
• “Survivor: Ghost Island” (CBS): Reunion special
• “Empire” (FOX): Season finale
• “NBA Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Cleveland vs. Boston

• Taylor Swift – According to a Global News report, she is doing a better job of cracking down on ticket scalpers than the Ontario government. Swift’s team is undertaking an experiment that lists her tickets near prices they believe the market demands. It’s aimed at putting scalpers out of business. (Doesn’t help the fans much, though…)
• Harry Styles – Pamela des Barres – rock and roll’s most famous groupie in the 1960s – says she would be his groupie if she were 19 again. She says she loves his ”easy femininity” and how ”adorable” he is.
• Alanis Morissette – says she never felt comfortable with fame and didn’t have any fun at the height of her success. Quote: ”I didn’t know what I was signing up for. I was already quite an isolated person, and it got worse.” But despite being uncomfortable with life in the spotlight, she admits she felt ”grief”, as well as ”bliss”, when her stardom began to wane.
• Bob Seger – has rescheduled the 2017 tour that he was forced to postpone due to back problems. He is scheduled to pick things up in Kansas City Nov. 24 and continue through early next year with “more to come”.
• Dave Grohl – says he is obsessed with barbecuing and spends hours studying videos on how to perfect his seasoning and grilling, so he is planning to take a course to further his culinary skills.
• Earth, Wind & Fire – Alee Willis, who wrote their 1978 hit ‘September’, has lashed out at Taylor Swift’s acoustic rendition of the song. At a recent music event in Michigan, she referred to the Swift version as ‘boring’.
• Journey – former singer Steve Perry was secretly in the audience when Gabby Barrett sang ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ on the American Idol finale Sunday night. Afterward, he called her take on the song “The most amazing version I’ve ever heard.”
• Ashley McBryde – will launch her first official headlining tour in September. The ‘Girl Going Nowhere Tour’ — sends her traveling throughout the U.S. and to Europe. Previously, McBryde has opened for big-name artists like Chris Stapleton, Eric Church and Miranda Lambert.
• Miranda Lambert – is a tease, at least when it comes to her work with her beloved girl-trio Pistol Annies. This month, she posted a shot of herself enjoying some nice pool weather relaxing on a unicorn floatie. She hashtagged it #PistolAnnies, #Workplay and #WeWereWritingIPromise. Fans are rabidly awaiting the group’s next release.

The secret to happiness? Don’t live in a city. A team of happiness researchers at the University of British Columbia and McGill University have published a paper on the geography of well-being in Canada. What they found in a survey of 400,000 people is that in general, Canadians are pretty happy, but there is that a striking association between population density and happiness. They found that average population density in the 20 per cent most-miserable communities was more than eight times greater than in the happiest 20 per cent of communities. Their conclusion was this: “Life is significantly less happy in urban areas.” Why? People in cities often have fewer social connections nearby, and feel less connected to their communities than people in rural areas. They also found that the happiest communities had shorter commute times and less expensive housing. Even more surprising, income levels and rates of unemployment and education did not seem to play a role in levels of happiness. People may move to cities for good-paying jobs, but the study strongly suggests it’s not making them any happier.
(They say money can’t buy happiness, but I’d like to find out for myself, thank you.)
(If people are happier living in the country, why are there so many sad country songs?)
(I’d be a lot happier living rurally if I could say it!)

Botany experts are saying that the modern method of maintaining a lawn is an “ecological disaster”. Santa Barbara Botanic Garden Director Steve Windhager says that most plants grow from the top. Grasses, on the other hand, always grow from the base. This was great for dealing with grazers who’d randomly hit the same patch every few months. But we mow our lawns every week or so. This coaxes our grass into growing its roots outwards, rather than down, spawning more shoots. What we are doing is trapping it in prepubescence—too young to reseed, racing outward. According to University of Florida ecology and conservation professor Mark Hostetler, says that because our lawns produce no seeds, nectar, or fruit, few creatures can use can use them as habitat. Biodiversity-wise “it’s almost like concrete.” A study that found by switching to a mix of native grasses, reducing waterings, and eliminating fertilization, we could slow lawn growth and only need to mow around every two months.
(Sounds like a bunch of fertilizer to me!)
(Well, that would free up some time on the weekend!)
(But what would the Jonses say?)

A survey shows that more than half of balance-carrying credit cardholders don’t know what interest rate they are paying. A survey found that of 1,681 adults with at least one credit card, only 39 percent of those who carried a balance in the past six months said they definitely knew the interest rates on each of their cards, which do change over time. The problem is that if you don’t know how much you are paying, you are probably paying more than you think. And you probably don’t notice when they hike the rate. In the U.S., APRs (Annual Percentage Rates) change with the prime rate, which is tied to the federal funds rate. That has been raised by a quarter percentage point six times since the end of the 2015. If the Federal Reserve hikes rates a full percentage point and you are $5,644 in debt — like the average American consumer — you’ll be charged an extra $56.44 in interest per year. The average household with revolving credit card debt already pays about $1,000 in interest every year.
(I pay that just in overdraft changes!)
(I always look at that message on my bill that tells me how long it would take to pay off my full balance by making the minimum payment…and I laugh and laugh!)
(So THAT’S why they say you should pay off your balance as soon as you can!)

➢ Microwave Touch Pad: It can become cross-contaminated when you’re making a meal, so it’s smart to clean it after food prep. Use a solution of one part bleach to nine parts water. (I have teenagers. I knew they need to be cleaned…)
➢ Dishwasher: Use Kool-Aid. Seriously. The kids’ drink can remove iron and lime deposits from inside your dishwasher. Pour a packet of the lemonade flavor into the detergent cup and run it. The citric acid in the mixture fights those tough stains. Lemonade flavor only. (So, you’re saying the dog isn’t doing a good enough job?)
➢ Door Knobs: Once a week or so, swipe them with an antibacterial wipe. Stick with one per room, so you’re not spreading bacteria.
➢ Toothbrushes: Germs and bacteria can get stuck in the bristles, so it’s also a good idea to give it a quick cleaning every other week. Swirl it in a solution of equal parts warm water and baking soda, let it soak overnight, then rinse. (Oh, you’ll rinse!!)
➢ Cell Phone: It can be a magnet for germs, including the ones lurking at the bottom of your purse and even the germs from your fingertips. Clean it every other day with a UV sanitizer or electronic sanitizing wipes. (Especially if you use it in the bathroom!)
➢ Earbuds: Every time you use them, they absorb sweat and wax. Give them a monthly wipedown using a soft cloth dipped in a solution of dish soap and water. (More often if you share!)
➢ Vacuum cleaner: It might seem funny to clean your cleaning tools, but the vacuum collects a lot of dust that can be spread around home. Use the crevice tool to remove dust from the brush attachment bristles. Wipe the bin clean whenever you empty it, and use a cloth to wipe the casing, hoses, and attachments. (Yes, you CAN be a vacuum cleaner cleaner!)


1933 [85] Joan Collins, London, England, TV Actress (‘Alexis Carrington’ on Dynasty 1981-1999) COMING UP…”American Horror Story” 2018

1958 [60] Drew Carey, Cleveland OH, comedian/TV host (“The Price is Right” since 2007)/TV producer (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2006)/TV actor (“Drew Carey Show” 1995-2004)

1958 [60] Lea DeLaria, Belleville IL, TV actress (‘Big Boo’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)

1965 [53] Melissa McBride, Lexington KY, TV actress (‘Carol Peletier’ on “The Walking Dead” since 2010)

1967 [51] Phil Selway, Abingdon UK, alt-rock drummer (Radiohead-‘Creep’, ‘Karma Police’)

1970 [48] Matt Flynn, LA CA, pop drummer (Maroon 5-‘Moves Like Jagger’, ‘She Will Be Loved’)

1974 [44] Jewel (Kilcher), Payson UT, country/folk/pop singer (‘Foolish Games’, ‘Who Will Save Your Soul’)

• “Taffy Day”, celebrating the ooey-gooey soft candy that sticks to your dental fillings. Salt water taffy was originally produced in Atlantic City, NJ back in 1883.

• “Lucky Penny Day”, see a penny, pick it up… All day long you’ll have good luck. When you are out and about, look on the ground for pennies. It just might be your lucky day! (Canadians, you’ll have to look for a lucky nickel…)

• “Turtle Day”, an opportunity to learn more about turtles and how to protect them and their shrinking habitats. (Scientists are now saying that the earliest turtles developed their shells not for protection, but for digging. Do you believe them?)

• “World Crohn’s and Colitis Day”, a way to bring people affected by either disease together, as well as friends and family members of those individuals, and even those who knew nothing about either disease in order to increase awareness of them.

[Thurs] Asparagus Day
[Thurs] Brother’s Day
[Fri] Geek Pride Day
[Fri] National Missing Children’s Day

2005 [13] Tom Cruise infamously leaps on the couch and pumps his fist in the air to express his love for Katie Holmes during an appearance on “Oprah” (that seemed to help the relationship…)

2010 [08] Bret Michaels of Poison wins Season 9 of Donald Trump’s show “The Celebrity Apprentice.”

2007 [11] The US Library of Congress hands out its first ‘Gershwin Award’ to singer-songwriter Paul Simon

2012 [06] Adam Lambert becomes the 1st openly gay artist to debut at #1 on the ‘Billboard 200 chart, with his album “Trespassing”

1982 [36] Colin Wilson rides a surfboard a record 294 miles (473 km)


✓ When Steve Jobs was on his deathbed, he asked for five different oxygen masks so that he could choose the one with the best design.
✓ Elvis Presley didn’t write any of his songs.
✓ When Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba, he immediately ordered all game sets of Monopoly be destroyed.
✓ Barack Obama has read every Harry Potter book.
✓ Nelson Mandela, Pope John Paul II and Whoopi Goldberg are Honorary Harlem Globetrotters.
✓ The first manager of the first McDonald’s franchise was named Ed MacLuckie.

1. What year was stick deodorant introduced?
a. 1941
b. 1963 [CORRECT]
c. 1979
d. 1983

2. What was Oprah Winfrey’s intended first name, before a misspelling on her birth certificate?
a. Orpah [CORRECT]
b. Opreh
c. Ophar
d. Harpo

• In addition to 2 weeks vacation, I need 2 weeks worth of rolling in at 10am in my sweatpants.
• A bag of M&Ms with all the “W”s removed.
• I want to be paid less.
• A 15-minute nap every half-hour.
• A computer password that doesn’t require uppercase, lowercase, special characters, or numbers.
• I want a company credit card. Also, a company car. And a company Slap Chop. Those look cool.
• Take my wife…please.
• All I want is my two dollars.
• A service llama.
• Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

Highlight bits culled from 25 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

• It’s being live-blogged online.
• Everybody’s drinking open source beer.
• There is barbecue-flavored ramen.
• Heat resistant webcam inserted in the grill lid keeps an eye on the food when it’s closed.
• It’s being held in mom & dad’s basement.
– First published in “BS” 2008.

What is the creepiest creature of all, the animal you can’t stand to see, let alone get near? (A poll is topped by ‘snakes’, perhaps surprisingly well ahead of ‘spiders’ and ‘rats’.)

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Question: You can say this about 10% of pets. What?
Answer: They have a social media page

When a habit begins to cost money it’s called a hobby.

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