Tuesday, May 24, 2011        Edition: #4512
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Former tennis pro-turned-model Anna Kournikova has signed on to put heavyweights through their paces during the next season of NBC-TV reality show “The Biggest Loser” (the winner of the current season is revealed tonight) . . . 30-year-old actress Jessica Alba tells Ellen DeGeneres she’s going to have a ‘hypnobirth’ for her 2nd child (this allows you to pop a kid while crowing like a rooster) . . . After talks with Atlantic Records ‘fizzled out’, a rep for Gwyneth Paltrow tells “NY Post” the actress-turned-wannabe singer is ‘still searching for the perfect recording deal’ (BS translation: Nobody wants her) . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger’s actress-neighbor Jane Seymour tells CNN she’s heard rumors that the former California gov’ has at least 2 more secret love children (this guy’s Daytimer must have been filled in solid) . . . Meantime, Arnie’s estranged wife Maria Shriver is said to have hired A-list divorce lawyer Laura Wasser and could pocket upwards of $100 million in a divorce settlement (pure vengeance money because a Kennedy certainly doesn’t need cash) . . . Actress Audrey Hepburn’s ‘French pleat’ hairdo in the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” (1961) has been named ‘Most Influential Style Ever’ in a new poll of stylists by the Hairdressing Council, beating out the likes of Marilyn Monroe’s blond curls and Jennifer Aniston’s ‘The Rachel’ ‘do (which Aniston recently told “Allure” magazine was ‘the ugliest haircut I’ve ever seen’) . . . Unemployed actor Charlie Sheen has been offered $3 million to be the face of dating website Establishedmen.com, which matches up rich men with ‘needy women’ (aka gold diggers)  . . . Meanwhile, it’s emerged that Sheen could still receive $2 million-per-episode of “Two-and-a-Half Men” (CBS), a source claiming his contract stipulates he gets paid for every episode, whether he’s in it or not (that’s about as likely as 94-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor coming back to life again – oh, wait a sec …).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The 2 remaining finalists, Lauren Alaina and Scotty McCreery, compete in the last performance show of the season.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Nicole Scherzinger w/50 Cent (“Right There”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Britney Spears (“Femme Fatale”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Foster the People (“Torches”); MNDR (“Caligula”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – The Cars (“Move Like This”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Brad Paisley (“This Is Country Music”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – The Script (“Science & Faith”).
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) –  Part 2 of  “Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular”, pre-recorded at the United Center in Chicago IL. The send-off show includes appearances by Alicia Keys, Aretha Franklin, Beyoncé, Josh Groban, Madonna, Michael Jordan, Rascal Flatts, Tom Cruise, Usher, and many others. Her final program is Wednesday.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Ben Harper “Give Till It’s Gone”).

TONIGHT’S TV SEASON FINALÉS:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The winner is announced.
• “Glee” (FOX) – The members of ‘New Directions’ travel to NYC to compete at Nationals.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – Today they release the compilation album “Tough Love: Best Of the Ballads”.
• Beyoncé – Her new album “4” now has a release date of June 28th.
• Cee Lo Green – He tells “Billboard” he expects he and the other judges on NBC-TV’s “The Voice” (Adam Levine, Blake Shelton, Christina Aguilera) are all returning for the show’s 2nd season later this year.
•  Eurythmics – Former leader Dave Stewart has confirmed he’s part of a ‘supergroup’ called Super Heavy that includes Mick Jagger, Joss Stone, Bob Marley’s son Damian, and “Slumdog Millionaire” actor AR Rahman. In 2 years of secret jam sessions they’ve laid down 18 tracks which they plan to release as an album.
• Garth Brooks – In addition to performing his on-going series of Vegas shows he’s been busy earning an MBA degree from Oklahoma State University, which he’s now completed.
• Journey – Their latest album, “Eclipse”, is out today exclusively at Walmart stores.
• Rick Ross – Today he releases his first Maybach Music compilation, “Self Made”, which features tracks by himself and other artists on his label.
• Rolling Stones – 67-year-old Keith Richards is about to become a grandfather again as his 38-year-old daughter Dandelion is due to give birth next month.
• Taylor Swift – Tonight she debuts her next music video, “The Story of Us”, on an MTV special entitled “MTV First: Taylor Swift”. It’s accessible both on TV and online.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Gnomeo & Juliet” ( G-Rated Animated Adventure ): A Disney version of Shakespeare’s famous play, in which 2 garden gnomes are would-be lovers whose families are engaged in a timeless feud. Voice cast includes James McAvoy and Emily Blunt, who confides to Digital Spy she’s surprised there could be a movie about garden gnomes. Music by Elton John.
• “I Am Number Four” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): An extraordinary teenager (Alex Pettyfer) is on the run from ruthless enemies sent to destroy him. When he settles in small-town Ohio, he develops powerful new abilities and a connection to others who share his destiny. Co-stars Timothy Olyphant (“Justified”), Dianna Agron (“Glee”). Based on the book by Pittacus Lore.
• Also released today: “The Best Of the Dean Martin Variety Show” (Classic TV); “God Went Surfing With the Devil” (War Documentary); “In the Land Of the Deaf” (Documentary); “Public Speaking” (Documentary); “The Royal Wedding: William & Catherine” (TV Coverage); and “The Unknown War: WWII & The Epic Battles Of the Russian Front” (Documentary).

SEXIEST CELEB BUTT?
“I’ll have the Pippa!” That’s what British plastic surgeons are increasingly hearing from women. Since the royal wedding appearance of Princess Kate’s sister Pippa in a form-fitting gown, requests for backside-lifts have risen 60% in the UK. ‘The Pip Package Perfect Posterior’, as it’s called at one clinic, runs about $12,000. (Pass the torch, J-Lo.)
– “Cosmopolitan”

GO FIGURE:
Household chores often get in the way when dual-earner couples want to unwind after a stress-filled day on-the-job. Now, a new UCLA study shows that wives’ stress levels drop when their husbands are helping them with household chores, while for men it’s the opposite … their stress levels fall when their wives are busy doing housework while they’re relaxing. (“Hon’, could you not vacuum in front of the TV while the game’s on?”)
– “USA Today”

GUY TIME:
There are 525,600 minutes in a year. Here’s how the average guy most likely spends them, according to a new summary of data from various surveys …
• Watching TV … 47 days in total annually.
• Hungover … 23 days.
• Eating & drinking … 19 days.
• Surfing the Internet … 14 days.
• Ogling women … 11 days.
• Exercising and/or playing sports … 6 days.
• Reading for pleasure … 4 days.
• Volunteering … 2 days.
• Having sex … 7.7 hours, not counting foreplay. (Pitiful.)
– Excerpted from “Men’s Health”

BEST SELLER:
In July, Sotheby’s of London will auction off the only handwritten manuscript by author Jane Austen (“Pride & Prejudice”, “Sense & Sensibility”) that’s in private hands. It’s the unfinished novel “The Watsons”, written in 1804, which some say Austen might have completed if the story wasn’t so close to her own family life. The manuscript is expected to fetch $300,000-to-$500,000. (About a thousand times more than she would have made from it.)
– Neatorama.com

LYING DOWN IS THE NEW COOL:
‘Planking’ is the action of lying face-down with arms to the sides of the body in unusual public spaces and photographing it for social networking sites. It was invented by 2 friends in Somerset UK who called it the ‘Lying Down Game’, then it became wildly popular in Australia where it acquired its nickname. Australian rugby league player ‘Wolfman’ Williams celebrates scoring by planking, and Aussie talk show host Kerri-Anne Kennerley recently opened a program by planking on the TV sofa. (We’ve been doing this for years … we call it napping.)
– BBC.co.uk / Oddee.com

GOLDEN RULES FOR PUBLIC TRANSIT:
A mini-guide to good etiquette on public transportation …
• Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze.
• Don’t eat messy – or smelly – food.
• When you are sitting in an aisle seat, move in to make room whenever possible.
• No loud cellphone talking!
• If you’re standing, step out of the way of people entering and exiting.
• Don’t sing, hum, whistle, or by any means yodel.
• Deodorant is always a good idea.
• Your commute is not the time for nail clipping, hair spraying, or any form of gargling.
– Condensed from “Reader’s Digest”

DID YOU KNOW?
NYC’s ban on smoking in public parks, or on beaches, boardwalks and promenades went into effect yesterday.
– Metro.us

BS CHRONOMETER 05.24.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [70] Bob Dylan (Zimmerman), Duluth MN, folk/rock/pop singer/songwriter (“Like a Rolling Stone”)/Lifetime Achievement “Grammy Award” (1991)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1988)

1945 [66] Priscilla Presley (Wagner), Brooklyn NY, ex-Mrs Elvis Presley (1967-73)/sometime film/TV actress (“Naked Gun” films/”Dallas” 1983-88)/Lisa Marie Presley’s mommy

1955 [56] Rosanne Cash, Memphis TN, country singer/songwriter (“Runaway Train”, “I Don’t Want to Spoil the Party”)/daughter of Johnny Cash & first wife Vivian Liberto

1963 [48] Jimmy Ashhurst, Naples, Italy, rock bassist (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Lit Up”)

1969 [42] Rich Robinson, Atlanta GA, rock guitarist (Black Crowes-“Hard to Handle”, “She Talks to Angels”)/lead singer Chris Robinson’s brother

1982 [29] Cody Hanson, Plano TX, rock drummer (Hinder-“All American Nightmare”, “Lips Of an Angel”)

1986 [25] Mark Ballas, Houston TX, professional dancer (Chelsea Kane’s current pro partner on “Dancing With the Stars”, Season 12)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Brothers Day”. If you have one, give him a quick punch on the arm … just to let him know you care.

• “Escargot Day”, celebrating the only gourmet food you can harvest off your driveway. How come we’ll eat snails but not slugs? Aren’t they the same thing?

• “International Tiara Day”, a day for women to celebrate their leadership powers. Real or virtual tiara-wearing is optional.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1991 [20] Oscar-winning road movie “Thelma & Louise”, starring Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon, opens in theaters

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2000 [11] Britney Spears’ album “Oops! … I Did It Again” sells 1.3 million copies, most-ever first-week sales for a female artist

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1901 [110] 1st  annual “Victoria Day” holiday as designated by Prime Minister Wilfrid Laurier after the death of the Queen earlier in the year

1932 [79] Canadian Broadcasting Corporation is established (next day, the first layoffs are announced)

1935 [76] 1st baseball game ‘under the lights’ as Reds beat Phillies 2-1 at Cincinnati’s Crosley Field

1995 [16] 1st ‘International Dracula Congress’ begins in Bucharest, Romania as ‘Dracula’ fans lay wreaths of garlic at his Transylvania shrine

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1982 [29] Christina Samane gives birth to a 22-lb, 8-oz son in Transkei, South Africa, the heaviest baby ever born (according to Guinness, the kid weighs 77 lbs at 16 months and 112 lbs at age 5)

1986 [25] Montréal Canadiens skate past Calgary Flames 4-3 to capture a 23rd Stanley Cup Championship, at the time the most titles ever by a North American pro sports franchise

1988 [23] John Moschitta sets Guinness World Record for ‘Fast Talking’ … a blazing 586 words-per-minute!

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] “American Idol” season finalé
[Wed] African Freedom Day
[Wed] Missing Children’s Day
[Wed] Tap Dance Day
[Wed] Nerd Pride Day
[Wed] World MS Day
[Thurs] “The Hangover Part II”; “Kung Fu Panda 2” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Cover the Uninsured Week
This Month Is … Military Appreciation Month

BULL’S BITS

BS REJECTED AD SLOGANS FOR BEER:
• ‘Goes Down Cold, Comes Up Smooth!’
• ‘A Decent Excuse for Your Normal Clumsy Self’
• ‘Beer: Because You’re Sober’
• ‘We Don’t Make the Urine … We Make the Urine Faster’
• ‘Numbing the Embarrassment of Being You’
• ‘It’s the Thicker-Chicker-Picker-Upper!’
• ‘Beer: It’s How You Got Here’
– Adapted from TopFive.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
While visiting Texas you’ve been caught jaywalking. Now you’re on death row awaiting execution. In detail, what’s your order for your final meal?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Times are tough … even the subways are in a hole.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
How old was Priscilla Beaulieu when she met future husband Elvis Presley?
a. 14. [CORRECT. They married 8 years later.]
b. 16.
c. 18.
– Halife.com

BS WEB GOODIE:
If your cat is the pampered type that has everything, it may be time to get your feline its own iPad or Android tablet. Cat food-maker Friskies has a new line of tablet games just for cats.
NET: http://gamesforcats.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, the average household has 5-or-6 of THESE in the kitchen.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Take-out menus.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Only someone who understands something completely can explain it so that no one else can understand it.