Friday, May 24, 2013        Edition: #4992

Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

✳ 50-year-old serial cougar Demi Moore’s newest boyfriend, 30-year-old Australian Will Hanigan, met Demi earlier this year when they were both taking classes to become certified Kundalini Yoga teachers. He’s reportedly a guy with something extra … a pearl implanted in his penis. The sub-dermal pearl was apparently inserted when he was in his late teens because he’s a pearl diver. A source-in-the-know suggests the implementation of the penis pearl is in keeping with ‘pearl farming tradition’. (Good thing he doesn’t raise chickens!)
– “New York Daily News”
✳ 38-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio’s latest model target is Britain’s Cara Delevingne (20), but for once he doesn’t seem to be having much luck. The actor reportedly begged the beauty in vain for her phone number at the Cannes Film Festival last week, and kept openly hitting on her at the “Great Gatsby” bash. He’s previously dated top models like Gisele Bundchen and Bar Refaeli, but this little lady has consistently declined. (Tell him the truth, girl: Leo, your head is hugely out of proportion; and your squinty eyes just look sneaky.)
– “Life & Style”
✳ Actress Kristen Stewart is reportedly hanging with singer Taylor Swift in the wake of the ‘Robsten’ breakup. The on-off couple of Stewart and Rob Pattinson have split again after 4 years of sometime togetherness. Pattinson was recently spotted packing his belongings in the back of a truck and moving out of the home they shared. (Well, if anyone can guide – or maybe sing – someone through the pain of a broken heart, it’s good ol’ Swifty!)
✳ Kim Kardashian’s fancy baby shower invitations are actually music boxes featuring a raven-haired ballerina that twirls around as a lullaby version of Kanye West’s “Hey Mama” plays. The invite itself says the party is ‘given with love’ by Kim’s mom Kris Jenner, and sisters Kourtney and Khloe. RSVPs are due by Tuesday for the ‘garden chic’ party next weekend.
✳ And socialite Paris Hilton is set to have a 2nd chance at music chart success after signing a new deal with Lil Wayne’s record label, Cash Money Records. Her new project will reportedly be more ‘house-themed’. The former reality TV star released her self-titled debut album in 2006. It received ‘mixed reviews’. (BS translation: It stank up the joint!)

• “Arrested Development” (Netflix) – Sunday morning the series revival 1st becomes available for streaming. The ratings-challenged cult show went off-the-air unceremoniously in February 2006. The entire new 4th season is being released at 12:01 am ET on the 26th.
• “Behind The Candelabra” (HBO/HBO Canada) – Michael Douglas stars as legendary pianist and Vegas entertainer Liberace, with Matt Damon playing real-life boy-toy Scott Thorson. Insiders say Douglas is almost unrecognizable in the role.
• Boston Calling (Boston MA) – Saturday-Sunday this 1st-ever festival at Boston’s City Hall Plaza features fun., Marina & The Diamonds, Matt & Kim, The National, The Shins, and more.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Grizzly Bear (“Shields”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – This morning the show’s 2013 ‘Summer Concert Series’ begins with Mariah Carey performing a free concert in NYC’s Central Park.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Dawes (“Stories Don’t End”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Gold Fields (“Black Sun”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight They Might Be Giants (“Nanobots”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight The So So Glos (“Blowout”). Rerun.
• Rocklahoma (Pryor OK) – This 7th annual 3-day concert event boasts a lineup that includes Alice In Chains, Cheap Trick, Guns ‘N Roses, KoRn, Papa Roach and loads more.
• Sasquatch! Music Festival (Quincy WA) – The 4-day get-together at The Gorge includes performances by over 100 artists including Arctic Monkeys, Imagine Dragons, The Lumineers, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Mumford & Sons, The Postal Service, and Vampire Weekend.
• Soul Beach Music Festival (Aruba) – D’Angelo and Ne-Yo headline the 3-night concert portion of this weeklong series of nightclub parties and daytime beach bashes on the Caribbean island.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning fun. (“Some Nights”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Sigur Ros (“Kveikur”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Sunday Maroon 5 performs; the top 10 hopefuls perform. Rerun.

• “Smash” (NBC) – Sunday, the series finalé double episode: “The Nominations”, “The Tonys”.

• The Beatles – Britain’s new ‘Cultural Gifts Plan’, whereby tax deductions are awarded for donation of important memorabilia to the country, has led acclaimed Beatles biographer Hunter Davies to donate his extensive collection to the British Library. Among the many items are handwritten John Lennon lyrics to songs like “Strawberry Fields Forever”. 77-year-old Davies will receive a whopping tax credit of £319,500 (about $481,600).
• Cee Lo Green – He has a whole slate of albums coming out, one under his own name, a 2nd by Gnarls Barkley, and a 3rd from the Goodie Mob. He tells “Billboard” he hopes to tour in support of all 3 projects.
• Daft Punk – They tell BBC Radio 1 they’re working on some remix versions of songs from their new album “Random Access Memories”. The first will be out by the end of June.
• George Strait – “Love is Everything” has become his 18th top 10 album, tying him with Paul McCartney for 4th place among male artists in chart history.
• Rihanna – The European leg of her “Diamonds World Tour” starts in Bilbao, Spain on Sunday night and runs through July 28th in Helsinki, Finland.
• Rolling Stones – Starting today the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland OH hosts the retrospective exhibit “Rolling Stones: 50 Years of Satisfaction”, which includes personal items never before seen by the public. The 2-and-a-half-floor exhibit will be open until March 2014.
• Tim McGraw – He’s releasing live tracks from his “Two Lanes of Freedom Tour” on selected Fridays from now through July. The first, “Southern Girl”, is available today on his website.
• Vampire Weekend – In its debut week, “Modern Vampires Of the City” has become the #1 selling album. It’s the indie band’s best sales week ever.

• “Epic” ( PG Animated Adventure ): A teenager finds herself transported to a deep forest where a battle between the forces of good and the forces of evil is taking place. She bands together with a rag-tag group in order to save their world. Voice cast includes Amanda Seyfried, Beyoncé, Colin Farrell, Josh Hutcherson.
• “Fast & Furious 6” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): In yet another sequel, the crew is reassembled to take down a mastermind who commands an organization of mercenary drivers across 12 countries. Payment? Full pardons for them all. Stars Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, and Michelle Rodriguez … whose character ‘Letty’ is somehow brought back from the dead.

According to a new AVG Technologies poll of some 4,000 women in Brazil, Canada, France, Germany, the UK, and USA, the top love affair in the lives of many women is … their mobile device. A few highlights …
✓ 34% of women now use social media to check out their dates ahead of time.
✓ 61% of Brazilian women have cancelled dates based on info discovered on social media.
✓ 55% say they have, or would, break up with a significant other via mobile technology.
✓ 57% of US women say they could live without sex for a week, but not their mobile device.
The study’s authors suggest their research shows an increasing level of detachment among women, whereby devices serve as agents to filter potential partners and then to release them when women are ready to move on. (How humiliating … the digital dump.)
– Adapted from “USA Today”

✓ “It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.” – ‘Batman’ (“Batman Begins”)
✓ “The future is worth it. All the pain. All the tears. The future is worth the fight.” – ‘Martian Manhunter’ (“Martian Manhunter” #1,000,000)
✓ “The real crime would be not to finish what we started.” – ‘Doctor Octopus’ (“Spider-Man 2”)
✓ “Everyone’s story begins ‘once upon a time’, and it’s up to us to cherish the time we’re given to ensure we live ‘happily ever after’.” – ‘Scarlet Witch’ (“Avengers Fairy Tales”)
✓ “I’m loyal to nothing, General … except the dream.” – ‘Captain America’ (“Daredevil” #233)
✓ “The greatest power on Earth is the magnificent power we all of us possess … the power of the human brain!” – ‘Professor X’ (“Uncanny X-Men” #2)
– Condensed from

‘James Bond’ was originally going to be called ‘James Secretan’. (“That’s Secretan, James Secretan.”)
– “Times of London”


1941 [72] Bob Dylan (Zimmerman), Duluth MN, folk/rock/pop singer-songwriter (“Like a Rolling Stone”)/Lifetime Achievement “Grammy Award” (1991)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1988)

1945 [68] Priscilla Presley (Wagner), Brooklyn NY, ex-Mrs Elvis Presley (1967-73)/movie/TV actress (“Naked Gun”/”Dallas” 1983-88)/Lisa Marie Presley’s mommy

1955 [58] Rosanne Cash, Memphis TN, country singer-songwriter (“Runaway Train”)/daughter of Johnny Cash & first wife Vivian Liberto

1963 [50] Jimmy Ashhurst, Naples, Italy, rock bassist (Buckcherry-“Sorry”)

1969 [44] Rich Robinson, Atlanta GA, rock guitarist (Black Crowes-“Hard to Handle”)

1982 [31] Cody Hanson, Plano TX, rock drummer (Hinder-“Lips Of an Angel”)

1986 [27] Mark Ballas, Houston TX, professional dancer (“Dancing With the Stars” since 2007)

Movie actor Ian McKellen (“Lord Of the Rings”) is 74; Movie actor Mike Myers (“Shrek”) is 50; R&B singer Lauryn Hill (“Doo Wop [That Thing]”) is 38; Movie actor Cillian Murphy (“The Dark Knight”) is 37; Rock guitarist-singer Joe King (The Fray) is 33.

Oldies singer Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac) is 65; Country singer Hank Williams Jr (“That’s How They Do It In Dixie”) is 64; Rock singer Lenny Kravitz (“Fly Away”) is 49; Movie actress Helena Bonham Carter (“The King’s Speech”) is 47; “South Park” co-creator Matt Stone (“The Book of Mormon”) is 42; TV actor Hrach Titizian (“Homeland”) is 34; Rock singer-pianist Isaac Slade (The Fray) is 32.

• “Asparagus Day”, honoring the only ‘spears’ most of us ever eat. What’s your secret recipe?
• “Brothers Day”, a day to give them a quick punch on the arm … just to let ‘em know you care.
• “Escargot Day”, celebrating the gourmet food you can harvest off your driveway. How come we’ll eat snails but not slugs? Aren’t they the same thing?
• “International Tiara Day”, a day for women to celebrate their leadership powers. Real or virtual tiara-wearing is optional.

• “African Liberation Day”, when many African countries celebrate the hard-fought achievement of their freedom from European colonial powers.
• “Flower Moon”, the Full Moon of May, so-named for the abundant flowers during this time. Other names include the ‘Corn Planting Moon’, and the ‘Milk Moon’.
• “Geek Pride Day”, a day for sci-fi fans and techno-nerds to stand tall. The date coincides with the release of the first “Star Wars” movie. What is a geek? The Geek Pride Organization says ‘you know one when you see one’.
• “International Missing Children’s Day”, promoting awareness of the problem and safety tips for kids and parents. We’re encouraged to turn on porch lights in observance as a way to show hope and support for missing kids and their families.
• “Tap Dance Day”, honoring the birthday of Bill ‘Bojangles’ Robinson, ‘King of Tap Dancers’, in 1878. (You can do an on-air tap dance using 2 pencils on the microphone … gently.)

• “Blueberry Cheesecake Day”. Well okay … if we have to!
• “Bob Day”, honoring anyone with the name. Why is it they always seem to turn out to be the ultimate OK guy?
• “Indianapolis 500”, the 97th edition of ‘The Greatest Spectacle in Racing’. San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh drives the pace car; “Turbo” actor Michael Pena is the honorary starter.

1991 [22] Oscar-winning road movie “Thelma & Louise”, starring Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon, opens in theaters

2003 [10] Paul McCartney sits down for tea with Russian president Vladimir Putin, then heads to Moscow’s Red Square for his 1st-ever performance in the country

1883 [130] NYC’s famed Brooklyn Bridge is officially opened

1988 [25] John Moschitta sets Guinness World Record for ‘Fast Talking’ … a blazing 586 words-per-minute!

[Mon] Memorial Day (USA)
[Mon] “The Bachelorette” season debut (ABC/CityTV)
[Mon] Sunscreen Protection Day
[Tues] Sierra Club Day
[Wed] Pink Flamingo Day
This Week Is … Cover the Uninsured Week
This Month Is … Military Appreciation Month


● The more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
● Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
● The last 3 holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
● Any ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
● A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are.
● A stroke does not occur unless it is observed by another golfer.
● No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.
● An extra ball in the pocket is worth 2 strokes in the bush.
● You can put ‘draw’ on a ball, you can put ‘fade’ on a ball, but no golfer can put ‘straight’ on a ball.
● Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white; sold by the dozen; and you need to buy fresh ones each week.

☎ May is “BBQ Month”. In 5 words, what’s your #1 best barbecue tip?

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Who was the 1st recording artist to sell 1 million downloads of a single music title?
a. Beyoncé.
b. Gwen Stefani [CORRECT. “Hollaback Girl” in 2005.]
c. Taylor Swift.
– BS archives

Question: In order, the objects most hit by vehicles are: ‘Other Vehicles’, ‘Trees’, and THIS.
Answer: ‘Wooden Utility Poles’.

If you only have one leg to stand on, it’s best not to kick.

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