Monday, May 27, 2013           Edition: #4993

 More Sheet For Brains!

✳ Late night TV host Jimmy Kimmel is reportedly the mystery bidder who paid $1.9 million for a painting of late “Golden Girls” actress Bea Arthur … topless. The 1991 nude, aptly titled “Bea Arthur Naked”, was sold at a Christie’s art auction in NYC on May 15h. The John Currin original artwork was apparently a gag gift for comedian Jeffrey Ross, who has since tweeted a photo of himself with the painting. (You know you’re making too much money when …).
✳ With Randy Jackson leaving “American Idol” (FOX) and the future of judges Keith Urban, Mariah Carey, and Nicki Minaj still murky, the show may be looking to bring back some alumni next season. Former contestant Jennifer Hudson is said to be negotiating a deal to become a Season 13 judge and it’s also rumored that Kelly Clarkson is considering an offer to be a judge on the show that made her a star. (Brilliant idea! Who would you like to see return?)
✳ Saturday night ‘The Life Ball’, Europe’s biggest fundraiser for AIDS research, was hosted by Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie, who showed off her baby bump in a long, black gown. Bill Clinton, Carmen Electra, Elton John, and Hilary Swank were among the celebs who attended the glittering ball in Vienna, Austria. Performers included Azealia Banks and Adam Lambert, who sang “Love Wins Over Glamour”, which he wrote especially for the event. (Things rich people do that you don’t.)
✳ Tom Cruise was slated to play agent ‘Napoleon Solo’ opposite Armie Hammer in director Guy Ritchie’s film adaptation of the 1960s TV show “The Man From UNCLE”. But it seems his deal was never closed and now he’s walked away from the project. He’s not the first: Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum, George Clooney, Michael Fassbender, and Ryan Gosling have also been attached to the role at one time or another. (Great, we’re gonna get Danny DeVito.)
– “Hollywood Reporter”
✳ Friday night increasingly wacky 27-year-old actress Amanda Bynes was back at home and back on Twitter after being booked for marijuana possession and reckless endangerment,  allegedly having thrown a bong out the window of her 36th-story Manhattan apartment. She’s now claiming she was sexually harassed by one of the arresting officers. As an indication of where this girl’s head is at, we quote her tweet: “I need to get another nose job after seeing my mugshot!” (When we refer to her as an ‘actress’ … we’re talking about acting up.)

•”The Bachelorette” (ABC/CityTV) – In the 2-hour, 9th season debut, Desirée Hartsock arrives at the mansion and meets her 25 suitors.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Japandroids (“Celebration Rock”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Alice In Chains (“The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here”, out May 28th). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Shuggie Otis (“Wings Of Love”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Demi Lovato (“Demi”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Blake Shelton (“Based On a True Story …”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – ‘90s boy-band Hanson (“Anthem”, out June 18th). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Roger Daltrey (The Who). Rerun.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 8 hopefuls perform for the judges.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Lil Jon (“The Celebrity Apprentice 6”). Rerun.

• “Revolution” (NBC/CityTV).

• Billy Joel – In a new interview with “NY Times”, he blames his 3 highly-publicized car accidents a decade ago on … depression brought on by 9/11. He went into rehab in 2005 but insists the auto mishaps weren’t caused by his heavy consumption of vodka. Quote: “I was kind of in a mental fog, and it had nothing to do with the booze.”
• Blake Shelton – As he promised, he’s organized the “Healing In the Heartland: Relief Benefit Concert” to help those affected by last week’s tornado that devastated Moore, Oklahoma. Miranda Lambert, Reba McEntire, and Vince Gill will also perform on the NBC telethon this Wednesday.
• Carrie Underwood – Just as her “Blown Away Tour” wrapped up in Abbottsford, British Columbia, a $1-million donation was made to the Red Cross for disaster relief, a pre-planned contribution from the tour’s proceeds that was established when it launched in Spring 2012.
• Jo Dee Messina – The country music veteran (“My Give a Damn’s Busted”) is going the route to record her next album. A $100,000-goal has been set to fund studio time, musicians, engineers, etc. In order to succeed, the total must be reached within 30 days.
• One Direction – Tickets to see them on their 2014 world stadium tour went on sale Saturday via their official website. The “Where We Are” tour starts in Colombia on April 25th.
• Psy – An imposter managed to con his way into some of the biggest show biz parties at the just-wrapped Cannes Film Festival by pretending to be the South Korean pop star. Psy has since confirmed on Twitter that he wasn’t even in France; he was working in Singapore.

Highlights of a new survey on customer loyalty and complaints …
• Nissan has the lowest loyalty among the large car brands; Ford has one of the highest.
• Most complaints have to do with powertrains, hardware, and electronics.
These are the cars with the most safety complaints …
5. Dodge … Model with most complaints: Grand Caravan.
4. Chrysler … Model with most complaints: Town & Country.
3. Smart … Complaints per 10,000 sold: 25.
2. Jeep … Model with most complaints: Wrangler.
1. Mini Cooper … No car brand received more complaints per 100,000 vehicles sold.
– Sourced from

Just when you thought your existing toilet pretty much does the job so you can do yours, the designers at Kohler Co are out with upgrades to their hi-tech electronic ‘Numi’ toilet. Just a few of the specs …
✓ A Bluetooth receiver allows for audio streaming from your favorite mobile device.
✓ Includes a Secure Digital card where you can store your favorite playlist.
✓ Ambient lighting can be displayed in 7 different colors.
✓ A USB port allows for service upgrades.
✓ Embedded battery pack can handle up to 100 flushes during a power outage.
Other goodies include a heated seat, a foot warmer, a deodorizer, an interactive LCD touch screen, and an automated open-and-close lid. (The price for this throne? A princely sum that tops $6,650.)
– Excerpted from “USA Today”

• Criminals on the FBI’s ‘Most Wanted’ list are often chosen based on looks. Why? Those with  distinctive physical features (scar, tattoo, etc) can be more easily recognized by the public.
• Even with no arrests, a typical US citizen’s fingerprints are probably on file in Clarksburg, West Virginia, thanks to background checks for driver’s licenses, job applications, etc.
• It’s not a deal-breaker if an FBI agent has a past history of recreational drugs. They are only disqualified if they smoked pot in the last 3 years or used another illegal drug in the last 10.
• The FBI didn’t go digital until 2012 due to computer coding issues. Up until then, it was still using paper files to track cases. (Except on TV and in the movies.)
– Condensed from

By the time most of us realize we’ve been out in the sun too long, it’s too late. That’s because it can take up to 24 hours after exposure before you realize you have a sunburn. Now, a Michigan Technological University design team has devised a sensor that tells you when it’s time to seek shelter long before your skin gets red and tender. The biomedical engineering seniors developed a skin patch imprinted with a graphic – a happy face design. The nickel-size patch gradually darkens under ultraviolet light. When you can’t see the happy face any more, it’s time to get out of the sun. (You can achieve the same affect by cracking a raw egg on your tummy.)

• Steve Wilhite, creator of the ‘GIF’, says it should be pronounced ‘jif’ as in jiffy. (OK you invented it, but it stands for ‘Graphics Interchange Format’. How do you get the sound ‘jdh’ from graphics?)
– “New York Times”
• The French call a ‘walkie-talkie’ a ‘talkie-walkie’ … using the English words. (However, ‘hanky-panky’ is not ‘panky-hanky’, it’s entourloupettes.)
– “Magazine Monitor”
• Fungi’s favorite place to live on the human body is the heel of the foot. (Cool, you can have high heels … naturally!)


1966 [47] Sean Kinney, Renton WA, rock drummer (Alice in Chains-“Your Decision”, “No Excuses”)

1971 [42] Paul Bettany, London UK, movie actor (“Iron Man 2”, “The Da Vinci Code”)/married to actress Jennifer Connelly since 2003

1975 [38] André 3000 (Benjamin), Atlanta GA, hip-hop artist (OutKast-“Hey Ya!”, “The Way You Move”)/movie actor (“Semi-Pro”, “Hollywood Homicide”)

1975 [38] Jamie Oliver, Clavering UK, celebrity TV chef (“Jamie at Home”, “Jamie’s Kitchen”, “The Naked Chef”, etc)

1990 [23] Chris Colfer, Fresno CA, TV actor (‘Kurt Hummel’ on “Glee” since 2009)

• “Grape Popsicle Day”, a salute to one of the favorite flavors of the frozen treat. Unfortunately, it is also the one that stains the worst.

• “Memorial Day”, observed in America on the last Monday in May as a day of remembrance for those who’ve died in the nation’s service. It was originally called “Decoration Day” when General John Logan declared a day to decorate Civil War soldiers’ graves with flowers at Gettysburg PA in 1868. (Nowadays its more often observed as ‘Beach Day’ or ‘Picnic Day’.)

• “Sunscreen Protection Day”, to create awareness of the importance of using protection against harmful UV rays from the sun. A few tips on using solar protection products …
– ‘Sunscreen’ filters sunlight so less of it reaches the deeper layers of your skin. ‘Sunblock’, on the other hand, reflects or scatters the sunlight away so that it doesn’t reach the skin at all.
– ‘SPF’ is a multiplication factor that stands for ‘Sun Protection Factor’. If you can normally stay out in the sun 15 minutes before burning, an SPF 10 sunscreen would allow you to resist the burn for 10x longer or 150 minutes. But the numbers can be deceiving: SPF 50 is only a 1% improvement over SPF 30 in terms of blocking harmful rays.
– UV-A penetrates deeply into the skin and can lead to cancer and premature skin aging. UV-B is involved in tanning and burning of your skin. You need a sunscreen that blocks both.
– You should slather on the goo even on overcast days as UV rays can penetrate clouds.
– Sunscreen is rarely applied in real-life as it is in lab-testing conditions. It sweats and rubs off, so never assume you’re safe for the entire period. Your best bet is to re-apply a high-factor sunscreen every 2 hours.
– In general, follow the ‘Spoon Rule’: A teaspoon-full of sunscreen for your face, neck and ears; a teaspoon for each limb; and a teaspoon each for the front and back of the body.

2006 [07] Movie stars Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt welcome their first biological child, a daughter named Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, while staying at a compound in Swakopmund, Namibia

2004 [09] The Bee Gees are made Commanders Of the Order Of the British Empire by Prince Charles at Buckingham Palace in London

1963 [50] Bob Dylan’s breakthrough album, “The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan”, is released

1992 [21] ‘World’s Heaviest Chicken’ is a bird called ‘Big Snow’ at 23 lbs (Deuchar, Australia)

[Tues] Sierra Club Day
[Tues] Amnesty International Day
[Wed] Pink Flamingo Day
[Wed] International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers
[Wed] Learn About Composting Day
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day

Hurricane Preparedness Week / International Pickle Week / Week of Solidarity With People of Non-Self-Governing Territories


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• It’s being live-blogged on Twitter.
• Everybody’s drinking ‘open source’ beer.
• They’re serving barbecue-flavored ramen noodles.
• Heat resistant webcam inserted in the grill lid keeps an eye on the food when it’s closed.
• It’s being held in mom & dad’s backyard.
– First published in “BS” 2008.

The book “The Theory & Practice of Travel” by Keith Waterhouse debunks common claims made in travel advertising. A few examples . . .
✗ ‘relaxing mañana style’ … total incompetence.
✗ ‘commanding views’… up a steep hill.
✗ ‘sun-drenched’ … extremely hot.
✗ ‘friendly atmosphere’ … slack service.
✗ ‘striking’ … ugly.
✗ ‘with bath or shower’ … you’re getting a shower.
✗ ‘two magnificent pools’ … 2 small pools, one of them drained.
– First published in “BS” 1993.

Give each member of your crew a different buzzer sound effect, then let them judge whether or not your phone contestant is telling the truth. A few suggested questions …
• Have you ever lied to get a job?
• Do you find any of your spouse’s friends attractive?
• Do you like your mother-in-law?
• Have you ever stolen anything from work?
• Would you cheat on your spouse if you knew you could get away with it?

After many dealings with the so-called civil service, I became confused about what the word ‘service’ meant. But last week I overheard a couple of farmers talking, and one said he’d just hired a bull to ‘service’ his cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus; now I understand.

☎ What current fad do you think will be completely passé in 10 years? (On our list – stubble beards, shaving your head, ‘crossover’ vehicles, hipsterism, broadcast TV.)

Question: Perhaps surprisingly, you’re more likely to do THIS in your 50s than in your 20s.
Answer: Sleep naked.

A genealogist is one who traces your family back as far as your money will go.

Taylor Feuille @ AGX: Hit Music For Generation X, Champaign IL; Nicolas Lacroix @ FM93 [CJMF] Québec City, Québec; Mark Van Cuylenburg @ Class 95 FM Singapore; Nilam Abdallah @ Capital FM 89 Juba, South Sudan; and Alexa Werleman @ Energia Vision, Kralendijk, Bonaire.

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