Monday, May 28, 2012        Edition: #4752

You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

◦ “Twilight Saga” actor Robert Pattinson has signed on to star in a bio-pic about iconic rock group The Band, according to a new interview with a French entertainment magazine. Founded by musicians Rick Danko, Levon Helm, Garth Hudson, Richard Manuel, and Robbie Robertson, the legendary rockers were especially prolific in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s. (20 years before Pattinson was born.)
◦ Newly appointed “X Factor” judge Britney Spears has reportedly walked off the set – twice – during the filming of her 1st episode of the FOX-TV talent show. She lasted just 30 minutes into her 1st day on-the-job before walking off after a wannabe singer butchered one of her songs (“Hold It Against Me”). She missed performances by 4 ensuing contestants before returning to the panel … then left again later on. (Pee breaks in her contract?)
◦ 38-year-old former adult film actress Jenna Jameson has been arrested for DUI in Southern California after driving her white Range Rover into a streetlight on Friday. Following the offence, she was booked, cited, and then later released. A statement by her official website says she’s now home and well but offers no immediate comment on the subject. (It’s a new form of pole dancing for her.)
– ABC News
◦ South African-born actress Charlize Theron says she only looks good naked … from a certain angle. ‘Side nudity’, she says is her best look. The 36-year-old was required to get starkers for her role as the ‘Evil Queen’ in “Snow White & The Huntsman”, opening June 1st. As ‘Ravenna’, the nefarious monarch, Theron is seen bathing in potions to maintain her youthful appearance. (Typical of the dumb things that get talked about when actors promote their latest film.)
– MTV News
◦ Justin Timberlake is set to compose the score for the upcoming film “The Devil In the Deep Blue Sea”, according to “Hollywood Reporter”. The New Orleans-set drama will feature Jessica Biel (Timberlake’s fiancé), Chloe Moretz, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and is expected to start shooting in the Fall. It will be Timberlake’s first foray into film scoring. (And his 3rd attempt at finding a new career since his pop star status went sour.)
◦ And a new report suggests estranged couple Ashton Kutcher (34) & Demi Moore (49) may be getting back together. They split last year following his very public cheating scandal but both attended a recent birthday party for Kabbalah rabbi Yehuda Berg, the man who officiated at their wedding, and observers say their reunion was very emotional. A source claims the couple ‘locked in a 60-second embrace’ at one point, and suggests ‘their divorce isn’t being processed right now’. (BS translation: Kutcher’s lawyer got a whiff of alimony.)
– “Sunday Mirror”


• “The Bachelorette” (ABC) – Country legend Dolly Parton performs for Emily.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Wale f/Miguel (“Ambition”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Rufus Wainwright (“Out Of the Game”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Glenn Frey (“After Hours”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Roll the Tanks (“Suffer City”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lady Antebellum (“Own the Night”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Miike Snow (“Happy to You”). Rerun.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Train (“California 37”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Arts For Amnesty Band. Rerun.


• Beyoncé – Friday night she paid tribute to Whitney Houston as she returned to the stage for the first time since becoming a mom, singing the late singer’s signature hit “I Will Always Love You” at the newly-launched Revel resort in Atlantic City, New Jersey. It was the first of her 4 consecutive gigs there that end tonight.
• Death Cab For Cutie – Tonight they kick off a string of European tour dates in Paris that runs through June 7th in Bordeaux, France.
• Donna Summer – The disco diva’s album sales have increased by 3,277% since her death on May 17th.
• Elton John – He’s cancelled a series of Las Vegas concerts after doctors urged him to rest after briefly being hospitalized in Los Angeles for a series of tests. His next scheduled gig is the ‘Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Concert’ in Britain, which takes place in front of Buckingham Palace on June 4th.
• Jay-Z – It’s been confirmed he’ll oversee the music for a new remake of the musical “Annie”, starring Willow Smith. Her father, actor Will Smith, is producing the project while British actress Emma Thompson is writing the script.
• Kenny Chesney – He’s expanding his partnership with Costa Sunglasses by releasing 5 new styles of limited-edition shades. As usual, a portion of proceeds benefits the Coastal Conservation Association’s ongoing marine conservation efforts.
• Kip Moore – He’s scored the first #1 single of his career with “Somethin’ ‘Bout a Truck”, which tops this week’s “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Songs’ chart.
• Lady Gaga – All the controversy during her current Asian tour has given her a bump on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Social 50’ chart that tracks artists exposure on social media. In fact, Gaga has experienced a 42% increase in online ‘fan acquisition’ thanks to all the headlines.
• Lionel Richie – “Tuskegee” now ranks as the 2nd-biggest selling album of the year, according to Nielsen SoundScan. The top seller is Adele’s mega-hit “21”.
• 3 Doors Down – Founding guitarist Matt Roberts has left the band due to health problems. Their official website says the split is amicable as Roberts is dealing with health and circulation problems that make touring very difficult.
• Whitney Houston – The movie “Sparkle”, starring her and Jordin Sparks, will be in theaters in August. Two songs from the soundtrack are already streaming on her official website – her rendition of “His Eye Is On the Sparrow”, as well as a duet with Sparks called “Celebrate”.

There’s an enduring belief that people get more conservative as they age. Ongoing research, however, fails to back that up. While today’s seniors may be more conservative than today’s youth, it’s not because they’re more conservative than they used to be; it’s just that they grew up in a time that favored more conservative views. In fact, studies show that people may actually get more liberal over time when it comes to certain kinds of beliefs. This suggests we’re not necessarily destined to get stodgy, set in our ways, and more inflexible in our retirement years. (Naw, you just get crusty and don’t give a crap what anyone thinks.)


Earwax is a mixture of shed skin cells, long-chain fatty acids, and other oily compounds that are secreted from specialized sweat glands. The slow, continuous production of ear wax, along with the motion of your jaw, creates a sort of conveyor belt out of the ear that helps to remove dust, dirt, and … dead bugs. (That’s it … I’m wearing headphones full time now!)
– “Science Focus Magazine”

A recent survey of 500 women asked what causes feuds between female friends. The top tiff starters between women …
✗ Betraying a secret.
✗ Returning a borrowed item in poor condition.
✗ Always changing plans.
(Guys only get PO-ed if someone steals their beer.)
– PA News


The job market for mathematicians and statisticians has become hot as the sheer volume of data generated by ever faster, cheaper computing resources explodes. Data storage has become so inexpensive that a McKinsey & Co report estimates a disk-drive capable of storing all the world’s music would cost only about $600. Another example: Walmart maintains 10 times more data on customer transactions and other parts of its operation than is contained in the entire US Library of Congress. (Yikes, scary!)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 60% of married women think that car maintenance is their husbands’ responsibility.
• 43% of women admit they actually like doing this ‘sexting’ thing.
• 40% of men lose their wedding ring before they have been married for 6 years.
• 34% of us have gone to work wearing a price tag.
• 31% of us never use sunscreen.
• 21% of us are late for work at least once per week.

Did you just enjoy a delicious meal? Consider keeping it to yourself. Researchers have found that describing how good a cupcake tastes makes you enjoy it less; and conversely explaining why a movie is horrible makes you hate it less. The researchers conclude that recounting an experience may enhance your understanding of it, which then dulls your opinion of the incident. (We’re kind of thinking this is why heartbreak songs get written.)
– “Scientific American”

This month is “Barbecue Month”. A couple of interesting facts about cooking al fresco …
✓ 33% admit they’ve accidentally dropped barbecued food on the ground … then served it to guests.
✓ 13% of barbecue chefs say they wear aprons emblazoned with some kind of goofy saying.


1944 [68] Gladys Knight, Atlanta GA, oldies singer (“Midnight Train to Georgia”, & The Pips-“I Heard It Through the Grapevine”)

1945 [67] John Fogerty, Berkeley CA, oldies singer (“Centerfield”, w/CCR-“Proud Mary”)  BS FACTOID: He’s in the midst of recording a new album called “Wrote a Song for Everyone”, a collection of classic hits as well as new songs performed alongside artists like Foo Fighters, Kid Rock, Keith Urban, Bob Seger, and My Morning Jacket. The project is due this Fall.

1964 [48] Phil Vassar, Lynchburg VA, country singer/songwriter (“Love Is a Beautiful Thing”, “Last Day Of My Life”)

1968 [44] Kylie Minogue, Melbourne, Australia, pop singer (“Can’t Get You Out of My Head”)/occasional actress (“Moulin Rouge”)  BS FACTOID: She’s released a new single/video called “Timebomb” as part of “K25”, a year-long celebration of her 25 years in music. It’s available exclusively on iTunes until Wednesday. Her career compilation album “The Best of Kylie Minogue” is due out June 19th.

1977 [35] Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Filarski), Cranston RI, TV co-host (“The View” since 2003)/former reality TV show contestant (“Survivor: The Australian Outback” 2001)

1985 [27] Colbie Caillat, Newbury Park CA, pop singer (“Brighter Than the Sun”, “Bubbly”)

1985 [27] Carey Mulligan, London UK, movie actress (“Drive”, “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps”)  UP NEXT: “The Great Gatsby”, opening December 25th.

• “Amnesty International Day”, recognizing the need to protect human rights around-the-world. The organization strives to accomplish this by publicizing problems and encouraging citizens, governments, and politicians to take action.

• “Memorial Day”, a national holiday observed on the last Monday in May in America, as a day of remembrance for those who have died in the nation’s service.

• “Sierra Club Day”, celebrating the 1892 founding of the oldest, largest, and most influential grassroots environmental organization. Chapters throughout the US & Canada offer opportunities for local involvement, activism, and outdoor outings for 1.3 million members.

• “Spring Bank Holiday” in the UK, observed annually on the last Monday of May as an excuse for a long weekend in good weather. It’s been a statutory holiday since 1971. The legislation does not specify a name for the holiday, merely when it occurs.

1939 [73] “Batman” comic books debut

1897 [115] ‘Jell-O’ is 1st introduced (5 actual Jell-O flavors that flopped – celery, coffee, cola, apple, chocolate)

1937 [75] German government forms new state-owned auto company ‘Gesellschaft zur Vorbereitung des Deutschen Volkswagens mbH’ which produces the ‘Volkswagen’ (‘The People’s Car’)

1957 [55] National League owners vote unanimously to allow the New York Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers baseball teams to move to San Francisco and Los Angeles respectively


1987 [25] Paul Pearman jumps over 21 barrels … on a skateboard (Augusta, Georgia)


[Tues] Say Something Nice Day
[Tues] “Madonna 2012 World Tour” begins (Tel Aviv)
[Tues] International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers
[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] World MS Day

Hurricane Preparedness Week / Old-Time Player Piano Week / Week of Solidarity With the People of Non-Self-Governing Territories


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Your kids ask you what an ‘album’ was.
• You pull a muscle in your back while stretching to turn the alarm clock off.
• You hear your favorite song … on an elevator.
• You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
• Everything on your body has either dried up or leaks.
• Your potted plants actually stay alive.
– First published in “BS” 2008.


Why do elephants drink? To forget.


It has half the fat of chicken, 1-8th the fat of beef, and is high in protein. What is it?
a. Guinea fowl.
b. Squab (pigeon).
c. Ostrich. [CORRECT]
– “Men’s Health”


☎ What’s the sexiest thing a woman can wear? (A recent poll finds ‘lingerie’ topping the list, followed by ‘my shirt’, and ‘high heels with a Summer dress’.)


Question: According to research, when the Moon is directly over you, THIS happens.
Answer: You weigh less.


Adults are just kids who owe money.

Josh Reinfeld @ Sunny Radio [KZOY] Sioux Falls SD; Troy Michaels @ 95 CKNB Campbellton NB; Lance LaGrange @ Online Radio, Church Point LA; Trevor Bailey @ Music Lab, Philadelphia PA; Donnie @ 93.7 The Ticket [WKAD] Cadillac MI; Dustin Scafe @ Moose FM [CKFU] Fort St John BC; Natasha Baby Luv @ Mo-Radio, Johannesburg, South Africa; Pieter van der Merwe @ 107.6 Radio Panorama, Hennenman, South Africa; Ed Long @ 1300 WIMG Trenton NJ; David Mwanza @ Hone FM Lusaka, Zambia; Mzokoloko @ 99.5 Gagasi FM, Durban, South Africa.

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