Tuesday, May 29, 2012        Edition: #4753

Accept No Substitutes, Ask For 100% Pure BS!

A ‘Queen’s Diamond Jubilee’ poll in the UK has picked “Trainspotting” (1996) as the best British film during Queen Elizabeth II’s 60-year reign and Iron Maiden’s “The Number Of the Beast” (1982) as the best British album of the era (jubilee celebrations begin Saturday) . . . Expectant reality TV star Nicole Polizzi will reportedly not be staying with her “Jersey Shore” castmates while the show shoots this Summer, apparently deciding to avoid boozy, loud roommates while pregnant and stay in her own house nearby (‘Snooki’ being responsible, ‘The Situation’ sober – different show!) . . . RadarOnline is exclusively reporting estranged Hollywood couple Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore and have met up at least twice this month to discuss their future (these two deserve each other) . . . However, Moore has tweeted in response: “You have to laugh at the media’s need to twist and take tweets out of context so they can create fictitious stories to sell to the public!” (simple solution – quit tweeting, twit) . . . Actress Keira Knightley has become engaged to live-in boyfriend James Righton of Brit rock band The Klaxons (introduced by a mutual friend in early 2011) . . . “Twilight Saga” star Robert Pattinson tells “USA Today” he was so taken in by rumors he’d been offered a role in the next “Hunger Games” movie that he called his agent to see if the story was true (it was not) . . . And 31-year-old talent-starved Kim Kardashian says she has learned to accept her curvaceous figure but admits she has hang-ups about her thighs and would love to be ‘skinny for a day’ (and wouldn’t ‘smart for a day’ be fun?).


• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ringo Starr (“Ringo 2012”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – BoB (“Strange Clouds”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Cults (“Cults”); SchoolBoy Q (“Habits & Contradictions”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Of Monsters & Men (“My Head Is an Animal”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – “American Idol” runner-up Jessica Sanchez.
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Adam Lambert (“Trespassing”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – James Morrison (“The Awakening”). Rerun.


• AKB48 – Japan’s top girl-band sold more than $200 million-worth of music & videos last year and now the country’s cash-strapped government is hoping they can help sell ‘reconstruction bonds’ to finance projects in regions hammered by last year’s quake-tsunami disaster. The pop trio will headline a Summer ad campaign for the bonds.
• Bee Gees – It’s been announced Robin Gibb will be remembered at a private family funeral sometime next month, and at a public memorial service in London’s St Paul’s Cathedral in September. He passed away a week ago Sunday after a long battle with liver and colon cancer.
• Coldplay – Tonight they kick off a UK stadium tour in Coventry, England. Swedish dance-pop singer Robyn opens all 6 dates, and will also open a string of 12 US dates for the band, beginning with a 2-night stand in Dallas June 22-23.
• Foster the People – Tonight their largest headlining tour so far kicks off with 2 SRO shows on consecutive nights in NYC. The Kooks open the tour’s first 7 dates; Tokyo Police Club the next 7 shows.
• Jay-Z / Kanye West – The duo, currently on a joint European tour, are planning to return to the studio to work on another album, capitalizing on the success of last year’s “Watch The Throne”. Producer Mike Dean confirms: “It’s not started yet, but it’s coming.”
• Madonna – The highly anticipated opening of her “2012 MDNA Tour” is now planned for Thursday at Ramat Gan Stadium in Tel Aviv, 2 days later than originally scheduled due to production delays. The show has been SRO for some time.
• Mary J Blige – Foundation For the Advancement of Women Now (FFAWN), a charity she co-founded, is facing an investigation over discrepancies in its finances. It’s currently facing a pair of lawsuits, including one from TD Bank claiming it has defaulted on a $250,000-loan.
• Radiohead – They continue to roll out new tour dates, with a string of shows in eastern North America kicking off tonight in Mansfield, Massachusetts. After the current leg ends June 16th in Toronto, the band will spend the Summer trekking through Europe and Asia.
• Regina Spektor – Today her 6th studio album, “What We Saw From the Cheap Seats”, is released. It features her most recent single, “All the Rowboats”.
• The Wanted – The British boy-band is looking to develop their own clothing line, an idea that apparently hatched after meeting designer Tommy Hillfiger at the “Billboard Music Awards” last weekend.


• “Coriolanus” ( R-Rated Drama ): Actor Ralph Fiennes’ directorial debut is a modern-day take on Shakespeare’s play that tells the story of a banished hero of Rome who allies with a sworn enemy to take revenge on the city. Co-stars Gerard Butler, Brian Cox, Lubna Azabal. Shot in Belgrade and Serbia.
• “Gone” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Amanda Seyfried plays a young woman who becomes convinced the serial killer who kidnapped her 2 years previously has returned when her sister suddenly disappears. Racing the sinking sun in a heart-pounding chase, she has only 12 hours to find the killer and save her sibling. Co-stars Jennifer Carpenter, Wes Bentley, Daniel Sunjata.
• “Goon” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Seann William Scott plays a simple but loveable guy who, despite having no hockey-playing ability whatsoever, ends up as an enforcer on a team thanks to a chance encounter with an on-ice thug. Co-stars Jay Baruchel, Liev Schreiber, Eugene Levy. Reminiscent of the 1977 hockey comedy “Slapshot”.
• “Man On a Ledge” ( PG-13  Crime Thriller ) – Like “Snakes On a Plane” (2006), the title pretty much says it all. The twist here is, while a police psychologist works to talk down an ex-con who is threatening to jump from a Manhattan hotel rooftop, the biggest diamond heist ever committed is underway. Stars Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell.
• “We Need to Talk About Kevin” ( R-Rated Psychological Thriller ) – Tilda Swinton puts in a tour-de-force performance as a mother attempting to contend with the increasing malevolence of her 15-year-old son. Based on the best-selling novel of the same name, the film explores the question of nature vs nurture on a whole new level.
• Also released today: “Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Love Never Dies” (Musical); “Drop Dead Diva: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “Maverick: The Complete 1st Season” (Vintage TV); “Royal Pains: Season 3, Volume 2” (TV); and “True Blood: The Complete 4th Season” (TV).

Sometimes plastic surgery doesn’t make a person look younger or more beautiful (an arguably subjective word), but can instead just make the person look, well … weird. A poorly done cosmetic procedure results in the overly puffy, trout-mouthed, robot-like-glaze from a Botox and filler-injected face with frozen forehead and static smile lines. This look replaced the ‘wind-blown’ face-lift look from the 1970s. So how come you rarely hear about the good surgery out there? According to Dr Leslie Stevens of the Lasky Clinic in Beverly Hills, it’s because those people look natural; they look ‘rested’. (Coincidentally, that’s also a compliment in funeral homes.)
– LATimes.com


Here’s an interesting question: how many hours do you work in a year compared to other people in this country and around-the-world? The BBC has created an online tool that lets you compare your working hours with the average in your country, and get an idea of how it stacks up against some other developed nations. FYI, South Korea is the country where people work the most hours on average, while people in the Netherlands work the least. (It’s the Heineken.)
NET: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18144320
– BBC.co.uk

According to a new research paper, a person’s ability to recognize emotional content in faces and texts may be linked to their blood pressure. The recent Clemson University psychology study finds that people with higher blood pressure have reduced ability to recognize angry, fearful, sad, and happy faces, and text passages. Researchers explain the phenomenon in terms of email: We add smiley faces to show when we are just kidding, otherwise some people may misinterpret the attempt at humor and get angry. (And their faces get really, really red.)
– PsychCentral.com

Researchers at NYC’s Union College claim that ‘exergames’, such as “Wii Fit”, that combine exercise with virtual-reality environments and interactive videogame features provide more cognitive benefits for senior users than exercise alone. Dr Cay Anderson-Hanley says virtual-reality enhanced interactive exercise, or ‘cybercycling’, 2-to-3 times per week yields greater cognitive benefits for older adults than a similar dose of traditional exercise. (Well, there’s grandma’s birthday gift settled.)
– TheGlobeandMail.com

The latest sports craze in Trier, Germany is … gladiator dueling. This is no mere re-enactment. Many of those competing in the city’s 2,000-year-old Roman arena end up with bruises, some with broken noses. Courses at the gladiator school are designed to reflect the original techniques and weapons, ranging from battle axes and swords to spears and casting nets. At the beginner’s level the participants use wooden weapons, but these are replaced with real ones when participants have acquired enough skill. (Gee, what could possibly go wrong?)
– “Times of London”

If you’ve ever stood in the rain wondering where the nearest umbrella shop is, a new Google patent may interest you. The company has secured intellectual rights to a system to serve ads based on weather conditions. Google says forward-looking patents are useful for its portfolio but it has no current plans to act on it. The patent describes a mobile phone fitted with sensors to record data such as temperature, humidity, light, and sound or air composition, which would trigger relevant advertising. (Every time you pass a bakery, a Weight Watcher’s ad pops up.)
– PCWorld.com


Want to be more creative? You might want to take a stroll through the park, eat a spinach salad or catch a few minutes of “The Muppets” … keeping your eye on ‘Kermit the Frog’. According to a new University of Munich study, innovative thinking seems to be stimulated by the color green. The research team has found implications of exposure to the color beyond esthetics. They say just a glimpse of green appears to ‘activate the type of pure, open mental processing required to do well on creativity tasks’. (You want creative? Reach in your wallet and show us some green!)
– Miller-McCune.com


• A hippo can run faster than a human. (The Dallas Cowboys are looking into this.)
– ListsOPlenty.com
• There are at least 1,500 kinds of mosquitoes. (And every one of them will find your campsite this Summer.)
– GreatFacts.com


1958 [54] Annette Bening, Topeka KS, movie actress (“The Kids Are All Right”, “American Beauty”)/Mrs Warren Beatty since 1992

1959 [53] Rupert Everett, Norfolk UK, movie actor (“Hysteria”, “Shrek the Third”)

1961 [51] Melissa Etheridge, Leavenworth KS, classic rock singer (“I’m the Only One”, “I Want to Come Over”)

1967 [45] Noel Gallagher, Manchester UK, rock guitarist/songwriter (Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds-“The Death of You & Me”, Oasis-“Don’t Look Back in Anger”)/Liam Gallagher’s slightly less obnoxious brother

1975 [37] Melanie Brown, Leeds UK, pop singer (former ‘Scary Spice’ of the Spice Girls)/reality TV personality (“Dancing With the Stars” 2007)

1978 [34] Pelle Almqvist, Fagersta, Sweden, rock singer/bassist (The Hives-“Tick Tick Boom”, “Hate to Say I Told You So”)


• “International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers”, observed on the anniversary of the first deployment of UN Peacekeeping Forces, in 1948 in the Middle East. (Wasn’t that about the same time as we went into Afghanistan?)

• “Learn About Composting Day”. (Wouldn’t you rather wait until you die first?)

• “Oak-Apple Day” or “Shick-Shack Day” in England, the anniversary of the restoration of Charles II to the British throne in 1660, traditionally marked by wearing an oak leaf or twig. (Wearing the entire tree is considered ostentatious.)

• “Squoosh an Ice Cream Sandwich Day”. (No, don’t squish it, squoosh it!)


2003 [09] Legendary entertainer Bob Hope celebrates his 100th birthday (dies less than 2 months later on July 27th)

2009 [03] Jay Leno hosts “The Tonight Show” (NBC) for what he thinks is the final time (after a failed prime-time experiment, he returns March 1, 2010)

1992 [20] Bill Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart” hits #1 (2nd-worst thing he inflicted on the world)


2005 [07] 23-year-old Danica Patrick becomes the 1st female driver to take the lead in the fabled Indianapolis 500 auto race (eventually finishes 4th)


1988 [24] ‘Longest Knitted Scarf’ ever completed measures 20 miles, 13 feet (grandma just got carried away)


[Wed] Senior Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] World MS Day
[Thurs] Hug Your Cat Day
[Thurs] World No-Tobacco Day
[Fri] Go Barefoot Day
[Sun] MTV Movie Awards
This Week Is … Hurricane Preparedness Week
This Month Is … Clean Air Month


• Instead of selling lottery tickets, the attendant asks if you want to play ‘Three Card Monty’.
• Their hot dogs are of voting age.
• Clerk says they’re temporarily out of milk ‘until some of the rats get pregnant again’.
• Still has ‘New Coke’ on the shelves.
• It’s part of a chain called ‘Price Hiker’.
• Offers 10% off anything in the cooler with an expiration date ending in ‘03’.
• Hostess Twinkies and contraceptive sponges seem to be the same product.


☎ Which was your favorite cartoon character as a kid?


Agree with me now … it will save so much time.


Question: The average household loses 3 of THESE over the course of a year.
Answer: Forks.


Money makes not so many true friends as real enemies.

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