Wednesday, May 29, 2013        Edition: #4995

 Accept No Substitutes, Ask For 100% Pure BS!

✳ Newly-retired David Beckham and his celebrity chef pal Gordon Ramsay are set to cooperate on a new restaurant in Las Vegas for Wynn Resort. Ramsay already has 3 eateries in Sin City: A BurGR joint at Planet Hollywood, a steakhouse at Paris; and a Pub & Grill at Caesars Palace. The new sports bar & grill will try to take advantage of Beckham’s international fame as a soccer superstar to generate interest.
– “The Sun”
✳ It’s official: “Iron Man 3” is one of the most successful films of all-time, now in the top 5 alongside the likes of “Avatar” (#1) and “Titanic” (#2). “IR3” has grossed $1.14 billion worldwide (and counting). “The Avengers” and the final “Harry Potter” are ranked #3 and #4. Interestingly, when inflation is taken into account, the top 5 looks radically different: “Gone With the Wind, “Star Wars”, “The Sound of Music”, “ET”, and “Titanic”.
✳ 23-year-old Chinese-born Canadian citizen Zhao Han Cong of Vancouver has been charged with stalking and harassing actress Jennifer Lawrence and members of her family. He allegedly contacted Lawrence’s brother Blaine more than 200 times via phone and email about putting him in touch with the movie star. FBI agents arrested him in Louisville KY, where the Lawrence family lives. He’s charged with interstate stalking and repeated harassing phone calls.
– “NY Daily News”
✳ Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are reportedly set to move his parents, Bill & Jane Pitt, into their Chateau Miraval estate in Provence, France because they want to have their family close by. An inside source claims Angelina and Jane never used to spend much time together, but Jane has really been there for Jolie during her double mastectomy, creating a tight bond.
– “Grazia Magazine”
✳ And details of “Break Bad” star Aaron Paul’s weekend wedding to long-time girlfriend Lauren Parsekian suggest it may be a serious contender for best celebrity wedding ever. The Paris-themed affair in Malibu CA was inspired by a 1920s carnival, with a Ferris wheel, swing ride, and photobooth. Entertainment? John Mayer sang a set; magician David Blaine shocked and awed. Paul proposed on New Year’s Eve during a Parisian vacation.
– “Us Weekly”

• “The American Baking Competition” (CBS/Global): Debut of new series based on the hit UK program, “The Great British Bake-Off”. Hosted by comedian Jeff Foxworthy; judged by chef Marcela Valladolid and Paul Hollywood from the original series. Grand prize: $250,000 and a cookbook publishing contract with Simon & Schuster.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Aimee Mann (“Charmer”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – “Dancing With the Stars” winner Kellie Pickler.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Peter Criss (“Glee”).
• “Healing In the Heartland: Relief Benefit Concert” (NBC) – Blake Shelton organized and headlines at Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City, to help victims of the tornado that devastated Moore OK. Miranda Lambert, Reba McEntire, and Vince Gill perform among others.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – (“”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Brandi Carlile (“Bear Creek”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Flaming Lips (“The Terror”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Selena Gomez (“Come & Get It”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Il Volo (“Mas Que Amor”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Barenaked Ladies (“Grinning Streak”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Natasha Bedingfield (“Strip Me”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Avril Lavigne (“Here’s to Never Growing Up”). Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – 1990s boy-band 98 Degrees (“2.0”). Rerun.

• “Psyche” (USA Network).

• Beyoncé – She was slapped on the butt by a male fan during her “Mrs Carter Show World Tour” gig at the Forum Copenhagen in Denmark this week. She responded by looking the guy straight in the eye and threatening to throw him out. Pre-planned theatrics, you think?
• Britney Spears – Her relationship with David Lucado is said to be totally different from her time with fiancé Jason Trawick as there are no legal ties between them (Trawick was her agent and also a co-conservator). However, the relationship is still a tad unusual. Lucado had to endure a background check and sign a non-disclosure contact as demanded by Britney’s dad, Jamie.
• Justin Bieber – He’s had a visit from police after a high volume of complaints from neighbors about his alleged irresponsible driving. An LA County Sheriff’s rep says a string of complaints have been lodged about Bieber driving at an alarming rate of speed in his Ferrari. The case will be presented to the LA County District Attorney at a later date.
• Muse – They threw a debauched after-party following their recent SRO show at London’s Emirates Stadium. The rooftop bash included dwarves dressed as babies offering up lines of sherbet (masquerading as cocaine); a bearded lady striptease; and a woman who stubbed out cigars on her tongue and invited the band to staple money to her body.
• Psy – The South Korean pop sensation is now facing the downside of fame as fans booed him throughout the half-time show at the Italian Cup Final between Roma and Lazio. Organizers of the show reportedly had to turn the volume up just to drown out the boos. Overexposure?
• Queen – Brian May is urging fans to take to the streets of London on Saturday to demonstrate against … a badger cull. The animal-loving guitarist has long campaigned against the UK’s plan to reduce badger population in a bid to halt the spread of bovine tuberculosis.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 73% of us admit we get a sunburn at least once a year.
• 70% of us order the food suggested by the server in a restaurant ‘often‘.
• 57% of guys have taken at least 1 picture of their car.
• 43% of women admit that they lie when they’re flirting with someone.
• 20% of us have never gone to a music concert.
• 17% of us do not have an alarm clock in the house.

A new ranking of the all-time greatest gigs by (dinosaur) rockers …
5. Janis Joplin, Monterey Pop Festival (1967)
4. U2, Live Aid (1985)
3. Rolling Stones, Altamont (1969)
2. Jimi Hendrix, Monterey Pop Festival (1967)
1. Queen, Live Aid (1985)
(Apparently there hasn’t been a decent performance in 28 years.)
– QMI Agency

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Austerian’ – A person who believes that extreme fiscal austerity is the key to solving economic problems, particularly for countries carrying huge debt loads. (Hello Italy.)
• ‘Lab Lit’ – A newly-defined genre of literature that includes detailed scientific information as part of the story. (New? What about “Frankenstein”?)
• ‘Smartphone Face’ – A new condition indicated by a drooping jawline and saggy jowls caused by neck muscles that have shortened from constantly looking down at a smartphone, tablet, or similar device. (This will look really sweet in 20 years.)

As a recording, Jimmy Buffet’s 1977 hit “Margaritaville” wasn’t that big a deal … it peaked at #8 on the ‘Billboard 100’ chart. However, as a brand name, it’s likely now the most valuable song title ever. Last week the latest Margaritaville resort opened in Atlantic City NJ, a 40,000-sq-ft complex that houses 2 restaurants, multiple bars, a beach-themed casino, and several retail stores. It’s the 27th Margaritaville in the world. Products selling under the Margaritaville name run the gamut from beachwear to furniture. You can buy Margaritaville rum and mix it in a $350-Margaritaville blender. To think that all of this poured forth from a goofy, 3-chord song … a mere 208 words about being lazy and getting drunk. (Clearly, Buffet was neither.)
– Sourced from “Bloomberg Businessweek”

Global lottery sales rose by 7% to $275 billion last year, according to “La Fleur’s 2013 World Lottery Almanac”. Singaporeans spend the most on lotteries, about $1,000 per person per year. World’s largest lotteries, ranked by annual sales …
5. SELAE, Spain ($12.2 billion).
4. Française des Jeux, France ($16 billion).
3. China Sports Lottery, China ($17.5 billion).
2. China Welfare Lottery, China ($20.4 billion).
1. Lottomatica, Italy ($25.1 billion).
(Largest in North America, the NY Lottery, trails way back with just $7.2 billion.)
– Condensed from

Heard of this term? According to Tristan Taormino, sex educator, feminist pornographer, and co-editor of “The Feminist Porn Book”, this is ethically produced porn, which means that performers are paid a fair wage and they are treated with care and respect; their consent, safety, and well-being are critical, and what they bring to the production is valued. Feminist porn explores ideas about desire, beauty, pleasure, and power through alternative representations, aesthetics, and filmmaking styles. Feminist porn seeks to empower the performers who make it and the people who watch it. (And you thought you weren’t into feminism, guys.)
– Excerpted from

USA’s Transportation Security Administration has announced a dubious record, reporting it seized 65 firearms at airport security checkpoints last week. That shot down the previous mark of 50 guns, and included 54 loaded weapons … 19 with rounds chambered. (Have a nice flight.)
– “NBC News”

The Earth’s inner core is as hot as the Sun’s surface. (Just how would they know?)
– BBC News


1958 [55] Annette Bening, Topeka KS, movie actress (“The Kids Are All Right”, “American Beauty”)/Mrs Warren Beatty since 1992

1959 [54] Rupert Everett, Norfolk UK, movie actor (“Hysteria”, “Shrek the Third”)

1961 [52] Melissa Etheridge, Leavenworth KS, classic rock singer (“I’m the Only One”, “I Want to Come Over”)

1967 [46] Noel Gallagher, Manchester UK, rock guitarist-songwriter (Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds-“The Death of You & Me”, Oasis-“Don’t Look Back in Anger”)

1975 [38] Melanie Brown, Leeds UK, pop singer (former ‘Scary Spice’ of the Spice Girls)

1978 [35] Pelle Almqvist, Fagersta, Sweden, rock singer-bassist (The Hives-“Tick Tick Boom”, “Hate to Say I Told You So”)

1985 [28] Nathan Horton, Welland ON, NHL hockey forward (Boston Bruins)

• “International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers”, observed on the anniversary of the first deployment of UN Peacekeeping Forces, in 1948 in the Middle East.

• “Learn About Composting Day”. (Wouldn’t you rather wait until you die first?)

• “Pink Flamingo Day”, saluting the tacky lawn ornament created by Don Featherstone in 1957. There are now more fake ones than real ones in North America.

• “Senior Health & Fitness Day”, the 20th annual observance on the last Wednesday of May, promoting the importance of regular physical activity for seniors.

• “World MS Day”, to create awareness that Multiple Sclerosis is a neurological disease that affects people differently. Many with MS are able to work for years after diagnosis.

2003 [10] Legendary entertainer Bob Hope celebrates his 100th birthday (dies less than 2 months later on July 27th)

2009 [04] Jay Leno hosts “The Tonight Show” (NBC) for what he thinks is the final time (after a failed prime-time experiment, he returns March 1, 2010)

1992 [21] Bill Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart” hits #1 (2nd-worst thing he inflicted on the world)

1953 [60] Sir Edmund Hillary of New Zealand and Tenzing Norgay of Nepal become the 1st to reach the summit of Mt Everest, highest point on Earth (last week 80-year-old Japanese climber Yuichiro Miura became the oldest … after 4 heart operations)  BS FACTOID: On a single day in 2012, no fewer than 234 climbers reached the peak of Mt Everest … a new record.

2005 [08] 23-year-old Danica Patrick becomes the 1st female driver to take the lead in the fabled Indianapolis 500 auto race (eventually finishes 4th)

1988 [25] ‘Longest Knitted Scarf’ ever completed measures 20 miles, 13 feet

[Thurs] Water a Flower Day
[Fri] Save Your Hearing Day
[Fri] Heat Awareness Safety Day
[Fri] World No-Tobacco Day
[Sat] Chime for Change benefit concert (London)
This Week Is … Week of Solidarity With People of Non-Self-Governing Territories
This Month Is … Clean Air Month


It’s officially been announced that Channing Tatum & Jonah Hill will return as undercover cops in a “21 Jump Street” sequel coming June 13, 2014. So here’s a look at …
✗ Wears jeans that are neither skinny nor sagging.
✗ Keeps talking about his Phonebook profile.
✗ Claims to smoke the finest hashtag.
✗ Asks another student to take his ‘selfie’.
✗ Tries to buy an Instagram of cocaine.
✗ Watches TV shows when they actually air.
✗ Texts ‘ROFL’ when ‘Running Out For Lunch’.
✗ Still has a MySpace page.
– Thanks to Nathan Patton

☎ Changing the spelling of common names is known as ‘kree8iv’ spelling. What’s the dumbest version of an everyday name that you’ve come across? (Khloe, Kourtney, Jacen, Jaxon, etc)

Which animal has red sweat?
a. Hippopotamus. [CORRECT. Japanese Scientists have discovered that it has antibiotic and sun-blocking characteristics, as well as playing a role in cooling.]
b. Lobster.
c. African wild ass.
– “ Washington Post”

If screw-ups were dollars, I’d be a billionaire!

Question: Over the course of your lifetime you will spend 7 years HERE.
Answer: Your bathroom.

Pride is what we have; vanity is what others have.

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