Monday, May 29, 2017        Edition: #5984

Accept No Substitutes, Ask For 100% Pure BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Ben Stiller and his wife Christine Taylor have announced plans to end their marriage after 18 years together.  The couple issued a joint statement on Friday stating their priority is to continue to raise their 2 children as devoted parents and the closest of friends. This comes less than a year after Stiller revealed secret battle with prostate cancer.   Over the years the couple starred in several comedies together, including ‘Zoolander’, ‘Zoolander 2′, ‘Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story’, ‘Tropic Thunder’ and ‘Arrested Development’.  51 year-old Stiller and Taylor, 45 married in 2000 and have two children.
-DailyMail
★Leonardo DiCaprio’s parents are still sore with David Hasselhoff for refusing to cast their son as his kid on the TV show ‘Baywatch’.  Hasselhoff defends the snub, saying that had he cast DiCaprio for Baywatch, Leo would have never had the career that he now has.  Hasselhoff insists his decision had nothing to do with the Oscar winner’s acting talents – he was just too old.
(Hasselhoff is 22 years older than DiCaprio…seems about right, doesn’t it?)
-Jam.Canoe
★ Lindsay Lohan says she misses Hollywood but says moving away has helped her find peace. The 30-year-old actress – who had numerous run-ins with the law during her time in Hollywood – has lived in London for the last few years and been working with Syrian refugees and insists her priorities have changed.
(But does Hollywood miss Lindsay Lohan?)
-ContactMusic
★ Sir Paul McCartney replaced Keith Richards in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’ after the Rolling Stones star had to pull out due to scheduling conflicts. Keith plays the father of the pirate Captain Jack Sparrow in the movie franchise but when scheduling issues prevented him from flying  to Australia to film a cameo in the latest film, the filmmakers decided to have Paul play Sparrow’s Uncle Jack instead.
(Does that make Keith and Sir Paul brothers?)
-ContactMusic
★ Shia LaBeouf is being sued after he furiously ranted at a bartender back on April 6th. The $5 million suit alleges that David Bernstein ‘experienced significant emotional distress, anxiety and fear,’ after the interaction, in which he says he refused to serve Shia any more drinks because the actor appeared intoxicated.
-DailyMail
★ Michael Jackson’s teenage daughter Paris was left stunned after she was mistaken for a homeless person on the set of her new movie.  Paris will play an “edgy 20-year-old” in the dark comic thriller, which will also feature Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Thandie Newton and  Joel Edgerton. The 19-year-old will make her movie debut in the as yet untitled film, which is being directed by Joel’s brother, Nash Edgerton.
-Jam.Canoe

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Bryan Cranston, Kelly Rohrbach, Paramore, Hunter Hayes ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): John Oliver, Patton Oswalt, James Arthur ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Mayim Bialik, Andy Karl, Ramy Youssef ( R )
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): America Ferrera, Ike Barinholtz, Josh Dion ( R )
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV):Terrence Howard, Jenna Elfman, Nicole Scherzinger ( R )
• “Last Call with Carson Daly” (NBC/CTV):R.J. Cyler, Deap Vally, Trevor Jackson ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Bill Burr, Lea DeLaria, Melissa Etheridge ( R )
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo):Plead the Fifth Special ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Beals ( R )
• “The Talk” (CBS): Geoffrey Rush, Susan Feniger
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Ricky Gervais, Chrissy Metz, Nelly
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Lopez, Sheryl Sandberg, Warpaint ( R )
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Caitlyn Becker, Valerie Greenberg
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Jeff Probst, Brian D’Arcy James, Keesha Sharp ( R )
• “The Real” (FOX): Ne-Yo
• ” The Bachelorette” (ABC): Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis judge the guys in an obstacle course; Peter and Rachel go on a date.
• “2017 Stanley Cup Final” (NBC) The Nashville Predators travel to Pittsburgh to take on the Penguins in Game 1 of the 2017 Stanley Cup Finals.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Gregg Allman – passed away at his home in Savannah, Georgia on Saturday of liver cancer at the age of 69.  Some fast facts:
– Formed the Allman Brothers Band in 1969 with his brother Duane.
– He avoided being drafted into the Vietnam War by intentionally shooting himself in the foot.
– Duane was killed in a motorcycle accident in 1971.
– The following year, bassist Berry Oakley was also killed in a motorcycle accident very close to the same location in Macon, Georgia.
– One of the best known Hammond organ players in popular music.  Also played guitar.
– Released at least 18 albums with the Allman Brothers Band, including the legendary ‘At Fillmore East’, considered one of the greatest live albums of all time.
– Released 6 solo albums (including with the ‘Gregg Allman Band’).  His final album, ‘Southern Blood’ is set for release this year.
– Received a liver transplant in 2010 after being diagnosed with hepatitis C in 2007.
– Was married 5 times, including to Cher from 1975-79.  Cher filed to dissolve the union 9 days after their wedding, but they reconciled.  They recorded an album together called “Allman and Woman”.
– Five children, including Elijah Blue, with Cher.
– Quote: “I said, other people can write songs, let’s see if I can. So the first 400 or 500 wound up on the floor somewhere. Then I wrote one called Melissa.”
– Cher quote: “Being married to Gregg was like going to Disneyland on acid.  You knew you had a good time but you just couldn’t remember what you did”.

• Ariana Grande – is going back to Manchester.  She will headline a huge concert in the city on June 4.  Ariana and her manager, Scooter Braun, are reaching out to some of the biggest names in music and are in the process of booking them. All proceeds will go to the victims and their families.
• Oasis – Former frontman Liam Gallagher has announced his solo debut with a concert in his native Manchester to support families affected by the deadly suicide attack at the city’s arena. Quote: “People like me, doing what we do, it’s our duty to give people a good time.”
• Chris Cornell – Morbid fans are trying to book the hotel room in which he died.  Hotel officials say the room will remain off-limits for now.
• Lady Gaga – Anthrax wants to be her backing band.  After watching her front Metallica at the Grammy Awards, guitarist Scott Ian that she should have a heavy rock act behind her at all times.
• Michael Jackson – his estate has released a statement emphasizing that it did not sanction upcoming Netflix or Lifetime TV projects based on the life of the singer. The estate added that they have several projects in development, that ‘respect, honor and celebrate Michael’s life and legacy.’
• Pink – has revealed her husband Carey Hart built her a motorcycle to celebrate the birth of their son.  The couple welcomed their second child, Jameson Moon, in December, and the singer posted a picture of herself next to the custom machine with the caption: “Thanks for the push present … I give you babies and you build me motorcycles. Some girls like diamonds, I like heavy metal and carbon-fiber and chrome”
• Martina McBride – has joined the Bonnaroo Lineup as Part of Ed Helms’ Bluegrass SuperJam. This year’s lineup will be backed by the Grammy-winning Bryan Sutton Band and will include performances from Martina McBride, Aaron Lee Tasjan, Greensky Bluegrass, Mandolin Orange, River Whyless, Gaby Moreno, Baskery and Lillie Mae.
• Luke Bryan – is going back to the farms this year.  He has announced the Farm Tour 2017. Since the tour’s inception in 2009, Bryan has awarded 50 college scholarships to a local student from a farming family within the communities the tour has played.  It runs from Sept. 28-Oct. 7.

ROBOAPPLIANCE?
Now that science has perfected computers to the point that cars can drive themselves, programmers are turning their attention to something that we REALLY need machines to do: Fold laundry.  At least 2 companies are promising to bring laundry-folding robots for the home to market by the end of this year.  Known as ‘Laundroid’ and ‘FoldiMate’, both machines work by analyzing each garment they take in, figuring out its ideal folding shape and delivering a drawer-ready stack of smoothly folded clothes.  One is slightly smaller than a fridge, the other smaller but with external ‘arms’.   Laundroid will start at $16,000 when it makes it debut in Japan.  The hope is that the cost will fall to about $2,000 by the time it is available internationally next year.
Also on the drawing board:
✓ A laundry hamper that automatically washes clothes when full.
✓ Detergent-free laundry
✓ An all-in-one washer-dryer hybrid that decides the proper amount of detergent needed according to the size of the load and reorders from Amazon when empty.
(For 16 grand, it better fold them AND put them away!)
(End of this year?  I wonder if I can hold off on doing any laundry until then…)
(Laundroid or FoldiMate?  I’m pretty sure I know which one will corner the market among guys!)
(I’m looking forward to the first time in recorded history that my undershorts will be folded!)
-Toronto Star

CD: CRAP DURABILITY?
If, like me, you spent a large part of the 1990s assembling a massive music collection on compact discs that you burned yourself, you might want to go back and take a listen.  Or at least try to.  You just might find that they will no longer play.  This has become so widespread that the U.S. Library of Congress has assembled a task force to look into the problem.  They are trying to figure out how CDs age so that they can better understand how to save them. It is tricky, though,   because manufacturers have changed their processes over the years but won’t say how. We know a CD’s basic composition—there’s a plastic polycarbonate layer, a metal reflective layer with all the data in it, and then the coating on top—but it’s impossible to tell just from looking at a disc how it will age. What they do know is that recordable CDs degrade a lot faster than the pre-recorded albums that you bought at the store.  And that if you wrote on them with marker or affixed stickers to them, they will degrade a lot faster too.  Oh and one more thing?  Recordable DVDs?  Even worse.
(Oh, well.  Back to the mix-tape.)
(So the problem isn’t the CD player that I just threw out?)
(The good news is that your wife can no longer torture you with that Spice Girls disc that she played 300 times a week in 1997!)

SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS:
According to a survey of movie fans, here are the most anticipated movies for the summer of 2017:

1.    “Wonder Woman” (June 2)

2.    “Spider-Man: Homecoming” (July 7)

3.    “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” (opened May 26)

4.    “The Dark Tower” (August 4)

5.    “Dunkirk” (July 21)

6.    “Despicable Me 3” (June 30)

7.    “War for the Planet of the Apes” (July 14)

8.    “Transformers: The Last Knight” (June 21)

9.    “The Mummy” (June 9)

10.  “Baywatch” (opened May 25)

(I’m gonna say that “Baywatch” is NOT one of the most anticipated movies of the summer.  And not just because it already opened!)
-Fandango

DID YOU KNOW?
• The word “listen” is made up of the same letters as the word “silent”.
• 12/12/12 was the last repetitive date you saw in your lifetime.
• ‘Finding Nemo’ is the best-selling DVD of all time.
• Pandas can produce up to 48 pounds of poop every day.
• When you are born, you are only afraid of two things: falling and loud noises.  Every other fear is learned.
• When you watch football, your brain is mirroring the actions of the on-screen athletes, giving you a self-esteem boost.
-What the F Facts

BS CHRONOMETER 05.29.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [61] La Toya Jackson, Gary, IN, R&B singer (“Just Wanna Dance, Free The World”)

1958 [59] Annette Bening, Topeka KS, movie actress (“The Kids Are All Right”, “American Beauty”)

1961 [56] Melissa Etheridge, Leavenworth KS, classic rock singer (“I’m the Only One”, “Come to My Window”)

1967 [50] Noel Gallagher, Manchester UK, rock guitarist-songwriter (Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds-”The Death of You & Me”, Oasis-“Wonderwall”)

1975 [42] Melanie B (Brown), Leeds UK, TV personality (“America’s Got Talent” since 2013, “The X Factor UK” 2012)/former pop singer (‘Scary Spice’ of the Spice Girls)

1984 [33] Laverne Cox, Mobile, AL, TV actress (“Orange Is The New Black”) She made news in
2014 by being the first transgender person in over twenty years to be nominated for an Emmy

1994 [23] Lorelei Linklater, San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, movie actress (“Boyhood”) /daughter of movie director Richard Linklater

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
•  “Memorial Day” in America, a day of remembrance for those who have died in the nation’s service. It was originally called “Decoration Day” in 1868 when General John Logan declared a day to decorate Civil War soldiers’ graves with flowers at Gettysburg PA. (Nowadays its more often observed as ‘Beach Day’ or BBQ Day’.)

• “International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers”, observed on the anniversary of the first deployment of UN Peacekeeping Forces, in 1948 in the Middle East.

• “Learn About Composting Day”, a great excuse to go green and help the environment.

• “Paper Clip Day”, yes, even the paperclip has its own day of honor. It is about that well-known piece of curved wire that keeps our papers together and helps keep us organized.

• “Coq Au Vin Day”, Coq au vin (translates to “rooster with wine”) is French braise of chicken, cooked with wine, lardons (salt pork), mushrooms and garlic.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [14] Legendary entertainer Bob Hope celebrates his 100th birthday (dies a couple months later on July 27th)

2009 [08] The Disney/Pixar animated movie “Up” premieres in movie theaters (racks up 5 Academy Award nominations)

2010 [07] Movie actor Dennis Hopper (“Blue Velvet”, “Easy Rider”, “True Grit”) dies of prostate cancer in Venice CA at age 74

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2005 [12] 23-year-old Danica Patrick becomes the 1st female driver to take the lead in the fabled Indianapolis 500 auto race (eventually finishes 4th)

BULL’S BITS

BS REJECTED GAME SHOW TITLES:
✗ “Wheel of Fortune Cookies”
✗ “Family Crude”
✗ “The Bong Show”
✗ “Whose Pants Are These, Anyway?”
✗ “The Price is Shite”
✗ “Leper-dy!”
✗ “Wheel of Foreplay”
✗ “Biggest Loser Brother”
✗ “Who Wants to Be a Prison Bitch?”
✗ “Let’s Bake a Veal!”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ A one-day holiday to yourself.  What do you do?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I don’t drink coffee at work.  It keeps me awake.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: If you’re over 40, you probably have one of these in your home. If you’re under 40, you probably don’t. What is it?
Answer: A phone book.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.


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