Thursday, May 5, 2011        Edition: #4499

Nominations for the 20th annual “MTV Movie Awards” have been released and, to nobody’s surprise, “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” leads the pack with 8 nods (show airs June 5th) . . . Not only does Lindsay Lohan get to give acting classes as part of her ‘community service’ sentence, it now looks like she’ll serve her 120-day jail sentence at home while wearing an electronic monitoring device (wasn’t she just whining about ‘harsh treatment’ because of her fame?) . . . New parents Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon still haven’t revealed the names of their baby twins, but she’s teased Twitter followers by revealing both names begin with ‘M’ (ain’t it sweet she thinks we care?) . . . 45-year-old former “Celebrity Rehab” star Andy Dick has been arrested (again) for disorderly conduct (again), this time at a restaurant in Temecula, California where he was allegedly under the influence of alcohol (again) . . . Simon Cowell hasn’t made an official announcement yet, but sources claim former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger will host the US version of “The X-Factor” beginning this Fall (after “American Idol” and “The Voice” wrap up their seasons, is anyone going to care about this show?) . . . Just to further clutter TV programming, Ryan Seacrest is prepping a new music show for NBC-TV . . . A judge has given actress Nicollette Sheridan the go-ahead to take her lawsuit against her former show, “Desperate Housewives”, to trial (she’s claiming she was wrongfully terminated from the series last year) . . . And Victoria’s Secret model/actress Rosie Huntington-Whitely (“Transformers: Dark Of the Moon”) tops “Maxim” magazine’s 10th annual ‘Hot 100’ list of the world’s sexiest women, followed by model/”Iron Man 2” actress Olivia Munn (the newlywed Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, enters the chart at #26).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Lady Antebellum performs “Just a Kiss”, the first single from their new album; Lady Gaga’s new video “Judas” debuts; Jennifer Lopez performs “On the Floor” w/Pitbull; another contestant is sent home.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Meat Loaf (“Hang Cool Teddy Bear”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Calexico (“Circo”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Mini Mansions (“Mini Mansions”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Twin Shadow (“Forget”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Neon Trees (“Habits”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jennifer Hudson (“I Remember Me”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Carlos Santana (“Guitar Heaven: The Greatest Guitar Classics of All Time”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Priscilla Ahn (“When You Grow Up”).

• Beyoncé – She showed up in a dress so tight for this week’s Costume Institute Gala Benefit at NYC’s Metropolitan Museum of Art, she couldn’t walk up the stairs by herself.
• Foo Fighters – A final tally shows the fund-raising concerts they played in March for victims of the Australian floods and New Zealand earthquake raised more than $1 million for relief efforts.
• Justin Bieber – The winners of the 15th annual “Webby Awards” have been announced, honoring the best of the Internet. Biebs won in the ‘Best Comedy’ category for “Justin Bieber Takes Over Funny Or Die”.
• Lady Gaga – A 7-minute-long extended version of her new video “Judas” airs on “ E! News” at 7 pm and 11:30 pm EDT (E!). MTV News reports the clip is rumored to have cost $10 million.
• Leann Rimes – This week the 28-year-old began shooting the made-for-TV movie “Reel Love” in Lefroy, Ontario (doubling as a small Alabama fishing town), just north of Toronto. Film crews took over a dock on Lake Simcoe to begin filming. The movie airs on CMT later this year.
• Michael Jackson – The involuntary manslaughter trial of his personal physician, Dr Conrad Murray, has been delayed until September to allow more time to seek and prepare medical experts. Opening arguments had been scheduled to begin May 9th.
• Reba McEntire – The country star, R&B singer Monica, and Aussie pop artist Sia are being added to “The Voice” (NBC) as ‘advisors’, alongside the regular vocal coaches.
• Sara Evans – When “A Little Bit Stronger” reached #1 on country charts this week, Lady Antebellum’s Hillary Scott also had reason to celebrate. She co-wrote the song, her first non-Lady A #1 hit.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Avengers” – Shooting on the upcoming superhero movie in Albuquerque, New Mexico has been delayed while re-writes are done after actor Samuel L Jackson’s copy of the top-secret script leaked online. The 2012 movie also stars Robert Downey Jr as ‘Iron Man’, Chris Evans as ‘Captain America’, and Chris Hemsworth as ‘Thor’.
• “Django Unchained” – Director Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming spaghetti-Western-influenced flick will reportedly feature Oscar-winning “Inglourious Basterds” actor Christoph Waltz, playing a German bounty hunter who teams up with a liberated slave to take down an evil plantation owner.
• “Magic Mike” – Channing Tatum worked as a stripper in Florida before his acting career took off and he’ll be revisiting his old profession in Steven Soderbergh’s new project about the sleazy world of male strip clubs. Tatum will co-produce the project, as well as play the mentor to a young dancer in the film.
• “World War Z” – The much-anticipated new thriller starring Brad Pitt as a journalist documenting the aftermath of a war between humans and zombies will co-star Mireille Enos (“Big Love”). A number of established Hollywood actresses had been hoping to play the wife of Pitt’s character in this bigscreen adaptation of Max Brooks’ novel. Filming begins later this year.

Membership in the 2 big nudist umbrella organizations in North America has been flat or declining for years. The Naturist Society predicts the entire clothing-optional lifestyle will disappear unless a younger crowd is attracted. To that end, a youth recruitment effort is underway that includes nude volleyball tournaments, naked 5K road races, music festivals like ‘Nudepalooza’ and ‘Nudestock’, and even ‘Reverse Strip Poker’ nights. (“Aha! Full house, kings over tens … put your underwear on.”)
– “Wall Street Journal”

As a rising number of people use social media to engage in affairs, divorce attorneys are increasingly becoming Internet gurus. St Petersburg, Florida attorney Carin Constantine claims social media are now used in fully 90% of her divorce cases, including one which unearthed a picture of a husband dancing in a nightclub … with the babysitter. She says people are stupid to put things on the Internet because as soon as they’re posted, they’re cached by Google and Yahoo and can last forever. She simply goes to, types in the person’s name, and searches through pages of returns. (So long privacy, hello alimony!)

• An Alum Creek, West Virginia man found wearing women’s underwear and standing over an animal carcass has told police he stabbed his neighbor’s pygmy goat because … he was high on bath salts.
• A prisoner at the Erie County Correctional Facility in Buffalo NY has lost a tooth as a result of trying to break up a fight between …. prison guards. Two veteran correctional officers were apparently going at it over a bag of potato chips. They’ve been suspended.
– “Buffalo News”
• Officials with the Los Angeles Department of Transportation are investigating 2 traffic officers for allegedly appearing in an explicit adult film … while on duty. In one scene, an officer is spanked by an actress, who then gets into a city-owned vehicle to perform lewd acts.
• A date arranged online went awry for a Barrie, Ontario man when the woman turned out to be … his current girlfriend. When the ‘date’ arrived at a local coffee shop, she threw coffee in his face and slapped him upside the head. She’s been arrested and is being held for bail.
– QMI Agency

A new study at Hamilton College in Clinton NY sampled the predictions of pundits who write newspaper columns or appear on TV news shows. A few of the findings …
• Only 9 of 26 pundits studied proved to be more reliable than a coin flip.
• Liberals were more likely than conservatives to predict events correctly.
• Those with a law degree predicted incorrectly more often than those without.

Organizers of the “Long Nose World Championship” in Langenbruck, Germany are looking for new blood this year because they don’t want to see the same old faces again at this June’s event. The problem is, long noses tend to be genetic, so the same families keep showing up. The super-schnoz of current men’s world champ Josef Dewold measures nearly 5 inches (12.7 cm) while women’s title-holder Margot Sikora has a beak of just over 4 inches (10.2 cm).

• A survey comparing Mothers Day to Fathers Day finds we spend 14% more on moms; moms get 37% more greeting cards; 39% more adults eat out on Mothers Day; and there are 13% more phone calls on Mothers Day.
– “Menstuff”
• 67% of mothers say they usually receive a purchased card for “Mothers Day” and 57% get a purchased gift, but 43% say spending time with their kids is what’s really at the top of their wish list.
– “Hallmark Magazine”


1959 [52] Brian Williams, Elmira NY, TV news anchor (“NBC Nightly News” since 2004)

1984 [27] Wade MacNeil, Hamilton ON, indie rock guitarist (Alexisonfire-“The Dead Heart”, “Young Cardinals”)

1988 [23] Adele (Adkins), Enfield UK, soul singer/songwriter (“Rolling In the Deep”, “Chasing Pavements”)

1989 [22] Chris Brown, Tappahannock VA, R&B/hip-hop singer (“Look at Me Now”, “Run It”)/former Rihanna abuser

• “Cartoonists Day”, kicking off “Cartoon Art Appreciation Week”, to create greater public awareness of and appreciation for the cartoon. Why today? “The Yellow Kid”, the first newspaper comic strip, was first published on this day in 1895.

• “Cinco de Mayo”, a Mexican holiday commemorating the 1862 victory over French troops at the Battle of Puebla. Mexicans everywhere celebrate with parades and fiestas. That’s likely the reason today is also called “Totally Chipotle Day”, a celebration of the smoked jalapeno pepper.

• “Hoagie Day”, celebrating the super-sized sandwich also known as a sub, grinder, hero, Italian sandwich, po’ boy, wedge, zeppelin, or torpedo. What’s the best combo?

• “International Midwives Day”, observed since 1991 in over 50 nations worldwide to recognize and honor these healthcare professionals who are experts in women’s reproductive health.

• “Mom’s Nite Out”, the ultimate celebration of motherhood, because every Mom deserves a night out … even if it takes place at home.

• “Occupational Safety & Health Professionals Day”. Hey guys, thanks for all the rules about the tools.

• “Oyster Day”, celebrating the mollusk delicacy enjoyed by many. (What brave soul could have first decided to eat one of these things?)

2002 [09] “Spider-Man” becomes the first movie to top $100 million in its opening weekend

1996 [15] LeAnn Rimes’ first single “Blue” enters the “Billboard” singles chart

1999 [12] Garth Brooks is named ‘Artist Of the Decade’ at the “Academy of Country Music Awards”

1961 [50] 1st American astronaut in space (Alan Shepard … for a whopping 15 minutes)

1986 [25] UK’s William Whorriskey sets a world record by lifting 5 barrels filled with water weighing 771 lbs … with one arm

1991 [20] Japan’s Yasuyuki Kudoh performs a record nonstop ‘wheelie’ on his Honda motorcycle covering 205.7 miles (Tsukuba City)

2004 [07] Picasso’s 1905 painting “Boy With a Pipe” sells for $104 million at Sotheby’s in NYC, setting a new record for an auctioned painting

[Fri] “Jumping the Broom”; Something Borrowed”; “Thor” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Military Spouse Appreciation Day
[Fri] No Homework Day
[Fri] RN Recognition Day
[Fri] Tuba Day
[Sat] Birthmothers Day
[Sat] Babysitters Day
[Sun] Mothers Day
This Week Is … Life Coach Recognition Week
This Month Is … Motorcycle Safety Month


• Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking any bodily fluids on you.
• Your favorite TV show is a cartoon.
• Peanut butter & jelly is consumed at least one meal per day.
• You’re willing to kiss your child’s ‘boo-boo’, regardless of where it is.
• You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it’s the only one your kids eat.
• You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
• You can’t bear to give away baby clothes … it’s so ‘final’.
• Spit is your #1 cleaning agent.
• You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

Are parents coddling their adult stay-at-home children? (A 25-year-old unemployed Spanish man has been ordered to leave home within 30 days and get a job after he took his parents to court for stopping his monthly allowance of almost $600. His parents say they’ll still cover their son’s monthly car payment and give him about $300-a-month to help with his ‘emancipation’.)

You are middle-aged and average. In equivalent steps, how many times have you walked around the world?
a. Twice.
b. 3 times. [CORRECT, about 75,000 miles just doing regular daily activities.]
c. 4 times.
– “Fitness Magazine”

Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing it wrong 14 times gives you job security.

Today’s Question: Studies show that Moms do THIS 3 three times more often than Dads.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Discipline children.

Wrinkles are sure signs of where smiles have been.

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