Friday, May 6, 2016 Edition: #5725

Deja Moo!

★ 70-year-old actress Helen Mirren has won a ‘twerk off’. It happened this week at a charity gala in NYC for the Stuttering Association For the Young. When her co-host, Broadway actress Kelli O’Hara, complimented her on her tap dancing skills, Mirren decided to instead show off her twerking skills and the two ended up having a contest. Mirren, who says she’s inspired by Beyoncé, was declared winner.
★ Channing Tatum is bringing “Magic Mike” to Sin City. The actor, who starred in and produced both the 2012 film and its 2015 sequel “Magic Mike XXL”, has announced that “Magic Mike Live” will be coming to Vegas’ Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in March 2017. Channing, a former exotic dancer, is assembling the all-male cast for a ‘360-degree dance and acrobatic strip tease spectacular’.
★ Mick Jagger and his bandmates have asked Donald Trump’s campaign to stop using Rolling Stones music at his rallies. After his Indiana primary victory this week, Trump strutted out for his victory speech to the Stones’ 1981 hit “Start Me Up”. Previous rallies have featured tunes like “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and “Brown Sugar”.
★ Jay Z is reportedly working on a musical response to wife Beyonce’s latest album, “Lemonade”. An insider says the 46-year-old rap icon is now recording songs to explain his version of events. While Beyonce’s father Mathew Knowles has dismissed talk that “Lemonade” is autobiographical, a source close to the couple claims “the album says it all”.
– “Us Weekly”
★ And Caitlyn Jenner is set to pose with her Olympic medal for the cover of “Sports Illustrated” this Summer … naked. She’ll reportedly be discreetly draped with an American flag. The 66-year-old won the gold while setting a world decathlon record at the 1976 Montreal Summer Games. The naked cover shot is purportedly to celebrate the 40th anniversary of her win.

• “Adele Live in New York City” (NBC) – Tonight a rerun of the Grammy Award-winning singer performing at Radio City Music Hall.
• CMW Fanfest (Toronto ON) – The Canadian Music Week conference, exhibition, and festival attracts thousands of music industry participants from around-the-world. Some 350 bands are showcased in 35 clubs over the 3 nights.
• “The Good Wife” (CBS) – Sunday the series finalé, as Julianna Margulies, Chris Noth, and Josh Charles wrap up their legal and political drama that premiered in 2009.
• “Grace & Frankie” (Netflix) – Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin return for more twilight-years adventures as Season 2 is released today. Also stars Martin Sheen, Sam Waterston, and Brooklyn Decker.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Iggy Pop (“Post Pop Depression”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight White Mystery (“Blood & Venom”). Rerun.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Brie Larson (“Room”) hosts; musical guest Alicia Keys.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Keith Urban (“Ripcord”, out today).

• AC/DC – Saturday in Lisbon, Portugal they resume their “Rock or Bust World Tour” with Axl Rose joining on vocals. The European stadium leg runs through June 12th in Aarhus, Denmark. Their 10 postponed North American shows are being rescheduled.
• Deftones – Sunday the veteran rockers embark on a Spring tour in support of their new album “Gore”. The schedule begins with an appearance at Carolina Rebellion in Kannapolis NC.
• Gwen Stefani – She tells “Late Late Show With James Corden” that Blake Shelton is like a facelift. The 46-year-old credits her relationship with the country star for keeping her looking young. They started dating last November.
• Janet Jackson – In her new music video “Dammn Baby”, the 49-year-old is seen wearing a black latex jacket and harem-style trousers as she shows off some impressive moves. The video comes just as it’s reported she’s expecting her 1st child with retail tycoon-husband Wissam Al Mana.
• The Neighbourhood – Tonight they begin a round of May-June concerts in support of their new album “Wiped Out!”. The trek kicks off in Seattle WA and runs up to June 18th at the Firefly Music Festival in Dover DE.
• Prince – Both DEA experts and the US Attorney’s Office have now been brought in to help the local Carver County Sheriffs in Minnesota determine the cause of his death.
• Randy Houser – The country music star Houser and Australian model Tatiana Starzynski wed this week, exchanging vows at the Homestead Manor in Franklin TN. Houser’s 4-year-old son from a previous marriage and his dog Hawk were ring bearers; Florida Georgia Line’s Tyler Hubbard served as groomsman.
• Rascal Flatts – Guitarist Joe Don Rooney surprised his former “Playboy” playmate wife Tiffany Fallon on their 10th wedding anniversary by arranging a vow renewal ceremony in Paris, France. Tiffany has taken to Instagram to share a photo collage of the special day.
• Selena Gomez – Tonight her “Revival Tour” gets underway in Las Vegas NV. Joe Jonas’s band DNCE is the opening act. Dates are slotted through July 8th in Los Angeles CA. Gomez is donating proceeds from each ticket sold on the trek to the Alliance for Lupus Research. In 2014 she had chemotherapy to battle the autoimmune disease.

• “Captain America: Civil War” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): Political interference in the ‘Avengers’ activities causes a rift between former allies ‘Captain America’ (Chris Evans) and ‘Iron Man’ (Robert Downey Jr) in what promises to be the best Marvel superhero dust-up of all-time. Co-stars Scarlett Johansson (‘Black Widow’), Sebastian Stan (‘Winter Soldier’). The last film in the series, “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, grossed $715 million worldwide.
• Opening in limited release: “Being Charlie” (Romantic Drama); “A Bigger Splash” (Crime Mystery); “Dark Horse” (DocuDrama); “Elstree 1976” (Documentary); and “Pelé: Birth Of a Legend” (Sports Biography).

Living near water can reduce stress and improve well-being, says a new Michigan State University study. And that effect also proves true for city dwellers. For proof of that, researchers studied Wellington, the capital of New Zealand. The conclusion – increased views of ‘blue space’ (aka water) are significantly associated with lower levels of psychological distress. Scientific interest in so-called ‘blue’ and ‘green’ spaces is relatively recent, but cultural awareness of their therapeutic power is quite old. That’s why beachfront property is considered the pinnacle of real estate for the views, the lifestyle, and, the shoreline access. (Hey, check out this ad: “Beautiful home at a drastically reduced price next to the water … treatment plant.”)

The big difference between “Mother’s Day” and “Father’s Day” cards? Humor. A survey of greeting cards shows that only about 15% of Mom’s Day greetings are funny, while the majority of Dad’s Day cards feature some form of humor.


1955 [61] Tom Bergeron, Haverhill MA, TV host (“Dancing With the Stars” since 2005, “America’s Funniest Home Videos” since 2001, “Hollywood Squares” 1998-2004)

1961 [55] George Clooney, Lexington KY, movie actor (Oscar-“Syriana”)/movie director (“Good Night, and Good Luck”)/movie producer (“Michael Clayton”)

1971 [45] Chris Shiflett, Santa Barbara CA, rock guitarist (Foo Fighters-“Best Of You”)

1983 [33] Adrianne Palicki, Toledo OH, TV actress (‘Bobbi Morse’ on “Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD” since 2014)/movie actress (“John Wick”)

1983 [33] Gabourey Sidibe, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Becky Williams’ on “Empire” since 2015)/movie actress (“Precious”)

Rock drummer Bill Kreutzmann (Grateful Dead) is 70; Indie rock drummer Matt Helders (Arctic Monkeys) is 30; TV actor Alexander Ludwig (“Vikings”) is 24; TV actress Dylan Gelula (‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”) is 22.

Comedian Don Rickles is 90; Rock drummer Alex Van Halen (Van Halen) is 63; TV football analyst Bill Cowher (“NFL Today on CBS”) is 59; Rock drummer Dave Rowntree (Blur) is 52; Latin/pop singer Enrique Iglesias (“I Like It”) is 41; Pop/R&B drummer Patrick Meese (Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats) is 33.

• “Child Care Provider Appreciation Day”, saluting the dedicated souls who interact with our children during the important formative years of their lives.
• “Fintastic Friday”, to raise awareness of the illegal mass killing and ‘finning’ of sharks that has caused the population to drop 75-to-90% in many ecosystems. Why? Shark Fin Soup.
• “International No Diet Day”, created in 1992 by UK advocacy group Diet Breakers to help people appreciate the body they have.
• “International Tuba Day”, observed annually on the 1st Friday of May to celebrate the musical instrument that seems to get no respect, and to recognize tubists around-the-world who struggle with the ‘weight and size of their instrument’.
• “Military Spouse Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the Friday before “Mothers Day” to recognize the courage of those holding down the homefront.
• “No Homework Day” … not sure why or who started it, but c’mon, teach’, be a sport!
• “No Pants Day”, a participatory holiday on the 1st Friday in May, when we’re encouraged to leave our pants behind. Usually this means wearing boxers, bloomers, slips, or briefs. (Not to be confused with the annual “No Pants Subway Ride” in January.)
• “Nurses Week” begins, celebrated each year May 6-to-12 surrounding the birth date of Florence Nightingale. The USA observes “National Nurses Day” today while “International Nurses Day” is May 12th.
• “Tourist Appreciation Day”, a highlight of “Travel & Tourism Week”, when we’re encouraged to consider all the things tourism brings to our communities. (Let’s see … crowds, litter, traffic jams, people wearing sandals with socks …)

• “Birthmothers Day”, observed annually on the Saturday before “Mothers Day” and dedicated to those who, for one reason or another, have put a child up for adoption.
• “Cosmopolitan Day”, saluting the cocktail not the magazine. Want one? You’ll need vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice, and freshly squeezed lime juice.
• “Free Comic Book Day”, the 1st Saturday in May each year, when participating comic book shops around-the-world give away comic books absolutely free to anyone who comes in.
• “Kentucky Derby”, the first jewel in the Triple Crown of horse racing, in Lexington KY. Lady Antebellum is singing the anthem ahead of the 142nd annual ‘Run for the Roses’.
• “World Naked Gardening Day”, an annual clothes-optional event on the 1st Saturday of May. (Geez, be careful of the rosebushes!)

• “Animal Disaster Preparedness Day”, a day to figure out what you would do with your dog, cat, bird, horse, or livestock if your area was hit with a flood, earthquake, or forest fire.
• “Mothers Day”, now celebrated in some 60 countries on the 2nd Sunday in May, including
Australia, Canada, Denmark, Italy, New Zealand, Turkey, and the USA to honor all moms. More North Americans eat out on “Mothers Day” than any other special occasion. (No reservations? Forget it.)
• “No Socks Day”, when we’re encouraged to avoid wearing socks to feel less encumbered and help the environment by creating less laundry.
• “World Red Cross Day”, celebrating the 1828 birth of Jean Henri Dunant in Geneva, Switzerland, founder of the International Red Cross/Red Crescent.

2004 [12] Much-hyped series finalé of “Friends” airs on NBC-TV (52.46 million viewers)

2015 [01] “The Royal Society Open Science Journal” publishes a study on the evolution of Western pop music that identifies 3 ‘music revolutions’: 1964 (‘British Invasion’), 1983 (synthesizers, samplers, and drum machines), and 1991 (hip hop going mainstream)

2001 [15] During a trip to Syria, Pope John Paul II becomes the 1st pope to enter a mosque

2010 [06] David Cameron becomes Britain’s Prime Minister

2012 [03] Francois Hollande is elected President of France

2013 [03] Walmart revenue exceeds that of Exxon Mobil, making it the largest company by revenue on the “Fortune 500” list

[Mon] Women’s Check-Up Day
[Tues] World Lupus Day
[Wed] Cannes Film Festival begins (France)
[Wed] Night Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
This Week Is … Drinking Water Week
This Month Is … Better Hearing Month


Saturday is “Babysitters Day”, a good excuse to review …
✗ When prospective employers ask about your thoughts on discipline, you simply point to your 5-inch stiletto heels.
✗ Your bedtime story to the kids consists of telling them that ‘The Sandman’ will rip their faces off if they don’t go right to sleep.
✗ Your version of “Rock-a-Bye-Baby” involves an actual tree top.
✗ You bring over some wild hyenas to watch the baby while you go out.
✗ You’ve been known to check a tyke’s temperature with a meat thermometer.
✗ Burping the baby involves a 6-pack of Bud and a beefy tostada.
✗ During a fun game with the kids you scream: “Hey! Simon didn’t say ‘Breathe’!”

Sunday is “Mothers Day”, so here a some …
• Children cost money and Nike won’t hire your kid for at least 3 or 4 years!
• You’re married to Donald Trump.
• You can sit in the bathtub without impaling your butt on a ‘Transformer’.
• You can save your passenger-side airbag for bumping off your short mother-in-law.
• You don’t have to put a childproof cap on the bottle of Wild Turkey.
• You give birth to them, nurture them, educate them, show them the path of righteousness, and then what? Tattoos, bizarre hair, and a friggin’ 11-game suspension!

☎ Do your kids get paid to do chores? Why? How much?

Which are used to mentor ex-convicts in Japan?
a. Robots. [CORRECT]
b. Mothers.
c. Yakuza mob members.
– “Daily Telegraph”

Death is nature’s way of saying ‘slow down’.

Question: If you sleep in a cold room, THIS is more likely to happen.
Answer: Bad dreams.

Never ruin a good apology with an excuse.

Printer Friendly Version