Monday, May 7, 2012        Edition: #4743

There’s a Difference Between Sheet and Crapola!

• MMA fighter-turned-action film star Gina Carano (“Haywire”) is close to signing on for the next “Fast & Furious” film and she’s hoping rumors suggesting Rihanna will play the film’s bad girl are true. Insiders suggest the singer may be joining Luke Evans as the fast-paced action sequel’s villains. Carano says she can’t wait for a potential ‘kickass fight scene’ with Riri. That, she says, ‘would be hot’. (No no no, those 2 in a tag-team beat-down vs Chris Brown … THAT would be hot.)
• Talent-challenged reality star Kim Kardashian is set for another big TV wedding as her sister Kourtney has reportedly invited cameras to her upcoming nuptials for a cool $1 million. Reports say the pregnant socialite is hoping to wed longtime boyfriend Scott Disick at “Girls Gone Wild” boss Joe Francis’ Casa Aramara estate near Puerta Vallarta, Mexico. (Wow, this sounds classy all the way around.)
• Michael Jackson truly is about to become the ‘King of Pop’ as 1 billion Pepsi cans with his image are set to be produced to celebrate the 25th anniversary of his “Bad” album (August 31, 1987). The artwork will feature Jackson striking one of his iconic poses against a blue backdrop. Consumers will be able to use their smartphones to scan a code on the cans to download remixed versions of “Bad”. (Ironically, Michael suffered severe burns while shooting a Pepsi ad in 1984, which was the genesis of his truly weird relationship with plastic surgery.)
• “The Avengers” co-starring Scarlett Johansson may be burning up the box office but that doesn’t mean ScarJo will be taking a break anytime soon. In a recent interview, she revealed she’s close making a deal to star in Tennessee Williams’ “Cat On a Hot Tin Roof” on Broadway. This would be her 2nd stint on the Great White Way, following her 2010 debut in “A View From the Bridge”, which won her a Tony Award. (Rumor has it “Avengers” actor Jeremy Renner could be her stage co-star as well.)
• Demi Moore is no longer @mrskutcher, in real life or on Twitter. The 49-year-old actress has changed her Twitter name to @justdemi. Moore and Ashton Kutcher, who often used the micro-blogging site to post pictures of themselves and proclaim their love for one another, announced the end of their marriage in November. Moore still has nearly 5 million followers on Twitter. (Meaning 5 million people need to get life.)
• Jennifer Garner, Julia Stiles, Dakota Fanning, America Ferrera, and Virginia Madsen are set to become stars as the leading ladies in a new web series, “Where It Gets Interesting” (“WIGS”), which will feature (sorta) A-list actresses in high-concept scripted dramas. Created by “Black Swan” producer Jon Avnet and “Albert Nobbs” actor Rodrigo Garcia, “WIGS” will broadcast new and original content every weekday. (Online TV is where it’s going … how long before you’ll consider cancelling your cable/satellite service?)

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The Lumineers (“The Lumineers”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The remaining contestants perform.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – BoB (“Strange Clouds”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Mike Love (Beach Boys).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Spiritualized (“Songs in A&E”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Snow Patrol (“Fallen Empires”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Norah Jones (“Little Broken Hearts”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The remaining contestants perform.


✓ “Castle” (ABC) – Secrets are revealed as ‘Castle’ protects ‘Beckett’.
✓ “2 Broke Girls” (CBS) – Martha Stewart guest-stars in a 1-hour special.


• Adele – Her mega-hit album “21” has now surpassed sales of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” in Britain to become the UK’s 5th biggest-selling album of all-time. (#1 is Queen’s “Greatest Hits”.)
• Elton John – A gay music festival called “Pride House”, which he was set to headline during the Olympics this Summer in London, has been cancelled after sponsors withdrew support. The event was intended to raise awareness of homophobia in sports.
• Jane’s Addiction – Tonight the 2nd leg of their “Theater Of the Escapists” tour gets underway in San Antonio, Texas.
• Mumford & Sons – Keyboard player Ben Lovett tells “NME” the band has finished recording their long-awaited sophomore album. However, he says if they listen back and don’t like it, they’ll simply start all over again. They’ve vowed not to put it out until it’s good enough.
• Pearl Jam – In a new interview with “Billboard” magazine, Stone Gossard says the band hopes they can finish their next studio album by the end of 2012.
• Rolling Stones – It’s been announced that Mick Jagger will host and perform on the season finalé of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) on May 19th.
• Stone Temple Pilots – Scott Weiland tells “Rolling Stone” they’ll celebrate the 20th anniversary of their debut album “Core” by playing it in its entirety while on tour this Fall.


A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 68% of single men say they size up whether to ask a girl out for a 2nd date within 8 minutes.
• 55% of guys admit to telling a date “I love you” in order to get lucky.
• 48% of us admit we’ve felt the need to apologize for a messy car.
• 33% of women admit they fantasize about their best male friend.
• 27% of us have borrowed prescription medications from someone else.
• 11% of Americans claim to have seen a UFO.

• The 1st doughnuts with holes were made by a 15-year-old, one Hanson Gregory, who cut out the soggy centers of his fried cakes.
• The 1st hamburgers were eaten raw, back in the Middle Ages.
• The 1st potato chips were made by an angry New York chef. A customer at his restaurant kept sending back his french fries, complaining they were too thick and soft.
• The 1st ketchup was made of fish broth and mushrooms in China. It was called ‘ke-tsiap’. Sailors brought the sauce to England, where tomatoes were added and the name changed to ketchup.
– “Disney Adventures”


Scientists have identified neural pathways that appear to influence an individual’s willingness to work to earn money. Scans show differences between ‘go-getters’ and ‘slackers’ in specific areas of the brain. People prepared to work hard have more of the nerve-signaling chemical dopamine in 2 brain regions that are known to play an important role in behavior-changing reward sensations and motivation. But ‘slackers’ have higher dopamine levels in another area that’s involved with emotion and risk perception. (“Sorry, I can’t finish the project today, boss. Too much dopamine in my anterior insula.”)


✗ Highbridge, England – A knife-attack victim has saved his own life after having his throat slit by stemming the spurting blood with … a kebab. The quick-thinking 37-year-old held the wrapped gyro sandwich to his neck for several minutes, but still lost 6-and-a-half pints of blood by the time medics arrived. It took 27 staples to seal the cut. (Yeah whatever … did he finish the kebab?)
✗ New Port Richey, Florida – A driver using a fake badge tried to pass himself off as a cop … to a real cop. When the 53-year-old was pulled over for speeding, he whipped out a gold-colored shield and warned the trooper, “You’re in trouble.” “No, you’re in trouble”, said the legit officer, who busted the driver for impersonating an officer and resisting arrest … as well as speeding. (Smart move, Slick!)
✗ Kiel, Germany – A burglar has made the mistake of habitually pressing his ear to front doors to check if anyone’s home. The 33-year-old, who was arrested last December after committing a burglary in Kiel, has now been linked to a series of robberies in Hamburg through matches of DNA, fingerprints, and … earprints. The unique prints have allowed the police to pin a total of 96 burglaries on him. (“The Case Of the Earwax Bandit”)
– “Der Spiegel”


There is an easy-to-achieve, scientifically proven way to make ourselves smarter … go for a walk or a swim. For over a decade, neuro-scientists and physiologists have been gathering evidence of the beneficial relationship between exercise and brainpower. In just the past few months, researchers have discovered that exercise appears to build a brain that resists physical shrinkage and enhances cognitive flexibility. Bottom line: Exercise seems to do more to bolster thinking than thinking does. (Yeah, those guys who hang out all day down at the gym … geniuses.)
– “New York Times Magazine”

Identity thieves are increasingly targeting dead people, according to a just-released study. The company ID Analytics calculates that the personal details of nearly 2.5 million deceased Americans are used every year to illegally apply for credit products and services. The morbid fraudsters typically find potential targets by perusing obituary notices or by scouring graveyards. The identities are targeted for misuse on applications for credit products and cellphone services. (“Hi, this is Amy Winehouse. I’d like to open a smartphone account …”)


The 6th annual “National Senior League Wii Bowling” Spring tournament took place last week and featured 160 teams representing 80 senior communities across the USA.
• Iowa Pork Producers Association says that little piece of fat in ‘pork & beans’ is pure fat not lean pork and the product should therefore be called ‘fat & beans’.


1946 [66] Bill Kreutzmann, Palo Alto CA, classic rock musician (Grateful Dead-“Touch Of Grey”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)

1986 [26] Matt Helders, Sheffield UK, indie rock drummer (Arctic Monkeys-“Leave Before the Lights Come On”, “I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor”)

1992 [20] Alexander Ludwig, Vancouver BC, movie actor  (“The Hunger Games”, “Race to Witch Mountain”)

• “Beaufort Scale Day”, honoring the 1774 birth of Sir Francis Beaufort who, as any sailor knows, invented the scale that measures wind speed from 0 (calm) to 12 (hurricane), adopted as an international standard in 1874.

• “Melanoma Monday”, also known as “Skin Self-Examination Day”, observed on the 1st Monday of May. Better to find skin cancer yourself today than have a dermatologist find it next year.

• “Privy Diggers Day”, honoring those who excavate outhouses to explore the past. Man, what a crappy job!

2010 [02] The sequel film “Iron Man 2” opens in movie theaters (“Iron Man 3” is coming in 2013)

1965 [47] In a Clearwater, Florida motel room in the wee hours of the morning, a bleary-eyed Keith Richards awakes, grabs a tape recorder and lays down one of the greatest pop hooks of all time, the opening riff of the Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”, then promptly falls back to sleep

1977 [35] The Eagles’ “Hotel California” hits #1 on pop music chart

2003 [09] 1st felon ever busted on ‘Kiss Cam’ as authorities spot a 24-year-old wanted drug dealer smooching his girlfriend on the Jumbotron at a Cincinnati Reds baseball game

2000 [12] Skydiver Mike Hennessy of West Springfield, Massachusetts celebrates his 50th birthday by jumping out of an airplane … 50 times

[Tues] No Socks Day
[Tues] World Red Cross Day
[Wed] Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity
[Wed] Third Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Wed] School Nurse Day
[Fri] “Dark Shadows” opens in movie theaters

Anxiety & Depression Awareness Week / Be Kind to Animals Week / Children’s Book Week / Children’s Mental Health Week / Choose Privacy Week / Correctional Officers Week / Dating & Life Coach Recognition Week / Drinking Water Week / Flexible Work Arrangement Week / Goodwill Industries Week / International Wildlife Film Week / Nurses Week / Occupational Safety & Health Day / PTA Teacher Appreciation Week / Pet Week / Raisin Week / Stuttering Awareness Week / Wildflower Week / Work at Home Moms Week


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
● T&A&E
● Enema Cinema
● Vatican After Dark
● Emergency Broadcast System Channel
● The Amish Network
● The Self-Discovery Channel
– First published in “BS” 1998.

☎ Was your high school prom the best night of your youth … or the worst?

According to some sources, it was 135 years ago today (1877) that the “Cincinnati Enquirer” first used the baseball term ‘bullpen’. It wasn’t originally used to indicate the relief pitchers’ warm-up area. Which did it mean?
a. Foul territory. [CORRECT]
b. The manager & coach’s area on the bench.
c. The organ loft.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.


Question: The average cost of THIS is about $3,700-an-hour.
Answer: A wedding.


All people smile in the same language.

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