Wednesday, May 8, 2013        Edition: #4980

Bull Works!

✳ Today “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis learns his fate at a sentencing hearing in LA. He’s facing up to 5 years in the slammer after being convicted on 5 charges, including assault, false imprisonment, and dissuading a witness from reporting a crime. The charges relate to a 2011 attack on a woman in his home, and an incident when he refused to let 3 women leave his house when they went there after a night out. (Couldn’t have happened to a nicer scumbag.)
✳ Videogame giant Electronic Arts and Walt Disney Co have sealed a multi-year licensing deal to develop games for mobile devices, PCs, and consoles based on “Star Wars” movies. Disney, which snapped up George Lucas’s LucasFilm for $4.05 billion last October, will retain the rights to develop all online and mobile games. Disney is also promising to release a new movie in the franchise every year from 2015 onwards. (Is that a threat?)
✳ The composer who wrote music for the royal wedding of Britain’s Will & Kate has written a lullaby for their expected baby. Paul Mealor says it seemed natural to mark the next stage of the royal couple’s journey together. His song, aptly entitled “Lullaby”, will be performed by recording artist Hayley Westenra and sent to the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge before the baby is due in July. (Somehow “Mealor’s Lullaby” doesn’t have the caché of Brahms’.)
✳ Trying to make up for her recent drunken diatribe to cops who busted her hubby for DUI, actress Reese Witherspoon has had herself photographed wearing a City of Atlanta Police baseball cap. But the APD is apparently not impressed, especially since the hat’s a knock-off fake. (She hasn’t strained so hard working her public persona since pretending her previous marriage wasn’t falling apart while accepting an Oscar.)
– “Scandal Sheet”
✳ And here’s trouble waiting to happen: 32-year-old former child star Macaulay Culkin has moved in with former Libertines rocker Pete Doherty in Paris. Culkin has had a difficult life since starring in the 1990 blockbuster “Home Alone”, admitting he slept in Michael Jackson’s bedroom on countless occasions and getting arrested for drug possession in 2004. Doherty, once the lover of doomed singer Amy Winehouse, is a self-confessed heroin and crack addict who was thrown out of rehab last July for being a bad influence on other patients. The odd couple has purportedly bonded over ‘their love of poetry and art’. (Not to mention dope.)

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The finalists visit their hometowns and perform 3 songs for the judges.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Marina & The Diamonds (“Electra Heart”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Harry Connick Jr (“Every Man Should Know”, out June 11th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Fitz & The Tantrums (“More Than Just a Dream”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – METZ (“METZ”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lady Antebellum (“Golden”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) –  Natalie Maines (“Mother”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Emeli Sandé (“Our Version of Events”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Pistol Annies (“Annie Up”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Cee-Lo Green (“Only You”) performs; Rod Stewart (“Time”) performs; contestants face elimination.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Ciara (“Ciara”, out July 9th).

• Chris Brown – In a recent interview he admits he’s no longer dating Rihanna, but plays it off by acting like it’s because he wants to date ‘as many girls as possible’. He also reveals he’s a member of the Mile High Club, quote: “It was kind of quick; it wasn’t one for the record books.”
• Demi Lovato – Simon Cowell has reportedly instructed her to lose 20 lbs before returning to “The X Factor” in the Fall. Either he’s forgotten she has an eating disorder, or he really is the worst taskmaster in TV.
• Lauryn Hill – She’s been sentenced to 3 months behind bars for tax evasion. Her defense: “I was put into a system I didn’t know the nature of. I’m a child of former slaves. I got into an economic paradigm and had that imposed on me.” (Wha’?!?!?!?)
• Lil Kim – She’s being sued for $15 million by her former business manager, who claims her money-grubbing, diva-like behavior cost him millions in botched endorsement deals. A judge has yet to rule on the case.
• Miranda Lambert – Along with Luke Bryan and Eric Church, she’s racked up a leading 4 nominations for the “CMT Music Awards”. The hardware’s handed out on June 5th.
• Paramore – Frontwoman Hayley Williams is having a tough time of it. After falling ill with a sore throat, she then got food poisoning, then came down with a virus. All of this has led to a cancelled TV appearance on “Conan” and at least 1 postponed concert (Salt Lake City).
• Phillip Phillips – The “American Idol” alum has been forced to postpone the remainder of his current tour due to unspecified health problems. The 21-year-old has had ongoing health issues, one that led to surgery to remove kidney stones last year.
• Rihanna – She did little to endear herself to fans this week by showing up 3 hours late for a Diamonds World Tour gig at Boston’s TD Garden. If that’s not bad enough, it was a make-up show for the one postponed back in March due to laryngitis. She was rightfully booed.

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 88% of couples in long and happy relationships have lips of similar size, a new University of Leicester study says.
• 59% of women are most likely to have their vehicle washed on a Monday.
• 45% of managers don’t mind if employees are late arriving as long as they get all their work done.
• 42% of us would pay extra to be in a child-free zone at a restaurant.
• 15% of us say we are physically able to and admit that we actually do … chew our toenails.
• 9% of us opt to participate in phone surveys by polling organizations.

New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Catfishing’ – The elaborate fabrication of an online identity to trick a person into a romantic relationship. (Nothing new. Ever since there’s been an Internet, there’s been a fat guy in an undershirt pretending to be a hot model.)
✓ ‘Cli-Fi’ – A new literary or movie genre featuring dystopian stories of Earth affected by extreme climate change. (Movies that might fit the genre: “Soylent Green”, “The Day After Tomorrow”, “Solaris”, “2012”.)
✓ ‘Crowdworker’ – A person who provides a small amount of labor, usually for little or no pay, as part of a larger crowdsourced project. (Also known as an intern, volunteer … indentured slave.)

After being hacked itself, satire website “The Onion” offers these tips on online safety …
• Well, firing your IT person is certainly not a bad place to start.
• Create safe passwords by only using the trustworthy letters and numbers.
• Move site to a new web address every few minutes.
• Shoot out an email reminding employees to be really careful online.
• If you receive an unfamiliar email asking for your username and password, don’t delete it right away. Dig deeper by inputting your personal information and following the links.
• Install a sheet-load of firewalls.
• If your Twitter account is hacked, don’t be afraid to contact Twitter with your concerns. Their world-class tech team will respond in a fastidious manner to get your account up and running again within seconds.
• Remember that, worst comes to worst, it’s just a tweet, and it’s not like anyone’s ever had to apologize for a tweet before.

The ‘city that never sleeps’ may actually be Las Vegas not NYC. A few things to keep you busy in Sin City in the middle of the night …
✓ Play slots at 7-Eleven.
✓ See live music in a bar.
✓ Eat breakfast. Out. For 99 cents.
✓ Play basketball in your hotel room, if you’re staying in The Palms’ Hardwood Suite.
✓ Cash a check or exchange foreign currency.
✓ Go bowling.
✓ Get a full steak dinner.
✓ Buy alcoholic beverages.
(They forgot the main one … lose all your money.)

WHAT TABLOIDS TALK ABOUT: looked at all tabloid covers from the past year and counted the number of appearances of important words. Those that most frequently turned up …
10. Diet
9. Divorce
8. Cheating
7. Shocking
6. Sex
5. Marriage
4. Pregnant
3. Wedding
2. Secret
1. Baby
(What about the word ‘Lohan’?)

Toddlers are less likely to have asthma and itchy rashes if their parents ‘clean’ their pacifiers by … sucking on them. Those findings from a new University of Memphis study don’t prove that the technique protects kids against asthma, eczema or other allergies, but the researchers say it may be possible the transfer of mouth microbes from parents to baby can help boost the bacterial diversity of a young child’s digestive system and foster immunity. (As well as an increased closeness later in life when you mention how you used to spit on their binky.)
– Reuters Health

• London has the best public transport system in the world, according to readers of
– “Magazine Monitor”
• Dipping seagull eggs in oil, so they do not hatch, is seen as the best way to limit the seagull population. Shooting the birds is too dangerous, while smashing eggs just leads to gulls laying more.
– “Times of London
• The medical name for the part of the brain associated with teenage sulking is the ‘superior temporal sulcus’.
– BBC News


1953 [60] Alex Van Halen, Nijmegen, Netherlands, classic rock drummer (Van Halen-“Jump”, “Why Can’t This Be Love”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2007)/brother of guitarist Eddie Van Halen

1957 [56] Bill Cowher, Crafton PA, TV football analyst (“NFL Today on CBS”)/retired NFL coach (Pittsburgh Steelers 1992-2007)/Super Bowl 40 winner (2006)

1964 [49] Melissa Gilbert, Los Angeles CA, TV personality (“Dancing With the Stars” 2012)/former TV actress (“Little House On the Prairie” 1974-83)

1972 [41] Darren Hayes, Brisbane, Australia, oldies singer (ex-Savage Garden-“I Knew I Loved You”, “Truly Madly Deeply”)

1975 [38] Enrique Iglesias (Preysler), Madrid, Spain, pop/Latin singer (f/Ludacris-“Tonight I’m Lovin’ You”, f/Pitbull-“I Like It”)/sometime boyfriend of former tennis player Anna Kournikova

• “Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity Day”, the 11th annual observance on the 2nd Wednesday in May, when all working people are asked to donate the money they make this day to the charity of their choice. Donating time instead is promoted as another option.

• “No Socks Day”, when we’re encouraged to avoid wearing socks to feel less encumbered and help the environment by creating less laundry. (While washing your feet prior to participating in the festivities is a requirement, painting your toenails is completely optional.)

• “Receptionists Day”, in recognition of the frontline personnel in business and education, the ones responsible for making a good first impression.

• “School Nurse Day”, celebrated on the Wednesday of “International Nurses Week”.

• “Thank a School Librarian Day, celebrated on the Wednesday of the 1st full week of May.

• “Third Shift Workers Day”, honoring everyone who works the night shift. Ask for calls from people with unusual all-night jobs.

• “World Red Cross Day”, celebrating the 1828 birth of Jean Henri Dunant in Geneva, Switzerland, founder of the International Red Cross/Red Crescent.

1963 [50] “Dr No”, Sean Connery’s 1st ‘James Bond’ movie, opens in North American theaters

1987 [26] Canada’s 1-dollar coin is introduced (quickly nicknamed the ‘loonie’)

2010 [03] At age 88, Betty White becomes oldest-ever host of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC)

[Thurs] Occupational Safety & Health Professionals Day
[Fri] “The Great Gatsby”; “Peeples” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Military Spouse Appreciation Day
[Sat] Babysitters Day
[Sat] World Belly Dance Day
This Week Is … Flexible Work Arrangement Week
This Month Is … Hope Chest Month


✗ “Baby, there’s something I have to tell you.”
✗ “Can I see you in the conference room?”
✗ “So when are you going to settle down?”
✗ “Hi, I’m from the tax department and would like to look at some of your files.”
✗ “Pill? What pill?”
✗ “This is your doctor calling … remember that test you did?”
✗ “You mean you actually ATE that?”
✗ “We can still be friends.”

☎ If your home was on fire and you could grab only one thing, what would it be? (In a recent survey, nearly half of respondents say the family photo album.)

He’s quite the sportsman. Yesterday he nailed a 10-lb bass. And he was only using a putter!

Question: It’s estimated that 150 people are killed each year by THIS food.
Answer: Coconuts.

A small good deed is better then the grandest intention.

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