Wednesday, May 9, 2012        Edition: #4745

Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘n Fresh!

John Travolta is being sued by a $200-an-hour masseur who claims the 58-year-old actor wanted more than just a back rub during a session at the Beverly Hills Hotel, so he’s seeking $2 million plus punitive damages (seems something rubbed this guy the wrong way) . . . Meantime, Travolta’s lawyer claims the actor was 2,000 miles away at the time of the alleged incident and says he’ll be launching a counter-suit against both the claimant and his lawyer for malicious prosecution (the reputation damage is already done) . . . Actor Dustin Hoffman is being credited with saving the life of a jogger who suffered a heart attack in a London park, dialing the UK’s 9-9-9 emergency number and then staying with the man for 15 minutes as paramedics carried out CPR (he’s 74, he can empathize) . . . 19-year-old actress/singer Selena Gomez claims she’s living on just $1.50-a-day this week in support of a UNICEF’s ‘Live Below the Line Campaign’ to aid starving kids in Africa (worldwide, 1.4 billion people live on a buck-and-half a day their entire lives) . . . Actress Anne Heche is returning to TV in a new series called “Save Me” (NBC), about a woman who believes she can channel the ‘Voice of God’ (she hears the late Don LaFontaine?) . . . And actor/comedian Tracy Morgan (“30 Rock”) has assured fans via Twitter that he’s feeling better after being hospitalized in Denver CO for flu-like symptoms and dehydration, forcing his scheduled stand-up show to be cancelled (dehydration is a common side effect of some ‘medications’ – we’re just sayin’).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The finalists perform for the judges.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Carrie Underwood (“Blown Away”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Glen Frey (“After Hours”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tennis (“Young & Old”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Veteran Brit blues guitarist Mick Taylor.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Florence & The Machine (“Ceremonials”); veteran R&B musician Booker T Jones.
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Karmin (“Hello”).
• “Rachael Ray Show” (syndicated) – Norah Jones (“Little Broken Hearts”).

✓ “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” (CBS)

• Amy Winehouse – A self-portrait purportedly drawn using her own blood is expected to fetch up to $130,000 at a London auction this Friday. The picture is part of a larger work by her close friend, singer Peter Doherty.
• Bon Jovi – Richie Sambora & former girlfriend Denise Richards have gone public with their rekindled romance, stepping out together at a charity event in Los Angeles. Sambora quote: “We’re back on. It’s all good.”
• Miranda Lambert – She will top the country singles chart for the 4th time in her career with her current single, “Over You”, when the charts are out on Thursday.
• Jimi Hendrix – A long-in-the-works bio-pic about the legendary guitarist starring Andre 3000 is reportedly on again, as pre-production has begun in Ireland. Filming is slated to take place in May and June, according to the Irish Film & Television Network.
• Justin Bieber – He’s set to release “Turn to You”, a song he wrote for his mom, at the end of this week just in time for “Mothers Day”. All profits from the track will go to charity.
• Lady Gaga – A lipstick-marked teacup she once used at press conference in Japan has raised around $74,000 at auction. Proceeds from the charity event go to the Tomodachi Arts Fellowship Program, which offers grants to students wishing to study the arts in America.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Former guitarist Jack Sherman says it ‘sucks’ that he and Dave Navarro were excluded from the band’s recent induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Sherman played on their debut album; Navarro spent 5 years with the band.
• Shakira – She’s close to a multi-million dollar deal with Sony to release her next 3 albums. She signed a ‘360 deal’ with Live Nation a few years ago, but the concert giant has never developed the ability to distribute albums so it will team up with Sony Music for the releases.
• Tupac Shakur – Online rumors that former Death Row Records CEO Suge Knight has been arrested for his 1996 murder are untrue, according to Las Vegas Police Department. Cops say the oft-jailed Knight has had no brush with the law since briefly being detained for traffic warrants back in February.


✗ When Bremerton, Washington homeowners awoke at 3 am to the sound of a burglar in the house, they managed to chase him off with a gun. But later in the day the burglar called the homeowners and offered to trade some of the items he’d stolen for a bag he had left behind, which contained personal papers. The homeowners agreed and the burglar arrived at the home to find … police waiting for him. (You can’t trust anybody these days!)
✗ When a trusting ex-lover of a dentist recently went to get his chops checked by his psycho partner-from-the-past in Poland, she put him under with anesthetic and proceeded to surgically remove … all of his teeth. Now stuck with a gaping bloody maw, the dude is suing for malpractice and loss after his current girlfriend tossed him out for being toothless. (Now that’s something to truly flap your gums about!)
✗ A British man with 11 university degrees, including a PhD in philosophy, says he’s taken a job as a school crossing guard in order ‘to give back to the community’. Bruce Berry, a member of the high-IQ organization Mensa, helps school children cross the street 5-days-a-week in Wakefield, England. He’s well equipped to communicate with the kiddies in multi-cultural Britain … he speaks 5 languages fluently. (Would love to see the CV he sent in to get this gig.)
– “The Sun”


A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … when it comes to food, dogs recognize human signals about what’s good. When a human being shows a clear liking for a smaller plate of food, canines will likewise pick the skimpier choice over a much larger portion. (“Mmm, daddy loves the Science Diet, not the yucky meat and gravy.”)
– “Scientific American”
• Scientists say … yogurt not only makes lab mice slimmer, it makes them sexier. New studies at MIT found a diet containing vanilla yogurt made mice’s fur thick and shiny, and the male mice developed more ‘swagger’, making them more attractive to females. (BRB, going to the market to get me some yogurt!)
– ABC News
• Scientists say … you’re often better off making a snap decision rather than carefully deliberating. A new University of Amsterdam study has found that, unless you have broad knowledge of a subject, focusing too intently on details can mess with your ability to understand the big picture. (Snap decisions can come back to bite you in the butt … ask Kris Humphries.)
– “Men’s Health”


The semi-involuntary sound we make when we stub a toe or burn a finger is surprisingly constant across languages and cultures. The Spanish say ‘Ay!’, the Germans ‘Ach!’, the Chinese ‘Aiya!’, the Norwegians ‘Au!’ In each case it’s a wide-open mouth with a short breath. This is the fastest and simplest way to make a loud noise and it probably evolved as an alarm call to the tribe that danger was nearby. In case that danger is a wild animal, saying ‘Ow’ also has the effect of baring your teeth threateningly. (Don’t know about you, but ‘ow’ is the 2nd word we yell when stubbing a digit.)
– “BBC Focus”

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Lifelogging’ (aka ‘terabyting’, ‘sousveilling’) – Using cameras and other devices to record all the data of one’s life. (So you can leave behind several hundred-thousand hours of crap no one will ever look at.)
✓ ‘Shtick Lit’ – A writing genre in which the author undertakes an odd or stunt-like project with the intention of writing about the experience. (AJ Jacobs’ new book “Drop Dead Healthy”, for instance, for which he set out to become ‘healthiest man in the world’.)
✓ ‘Wi-Five’ – A high-five without the traditional ‘slapping of the hands’. To execute one, a person simply swats at the air to an unreachable friend or fellow fan for celebration or kind gesture. (Works best when you can see the other participant via Skype, etc.)

The year 2009 was a pivotal one for bread; for the first time in the history of North American commercial bread production, sales of whole-wheat loaves surpassed those of white, part of a wider reconsideration of what we eat. (There’s no ‘Wonder’.)
– “Psychology Today”


“I’m 50, what can I say? My brain has gone to [sheet]!”
– Singer Sheryl Crow when forgetting lyrics to “Soak Up the Sun”, one of her biggest hits, during a weekend show in St Petersburg, Florida.


1946 [66] Candice Bergen, Beverly Hills CA, TV actress (“Boston Legal” 2005-08, 4 Emmy Awards-“Murphy Brown” 1988-98)/movie actress (“Bride Wars”, “Miss Congeniality”)

1949 [63] Billy Joel, Bronx NY, oldies singer (“Just the Way You Are”, “My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)/rehab veteran

1962 [50] David Gahan, North Weald UK, electronica singer/songwriter (Depeche Mode-“Wrong”, “Enjoy the Silence”)

1971 [41] Mike Myerson, Huntsville AL, country musician (Heartland-“I Loved Her First”)

1979 [33] Pierre Bouvier, Montréal QC, rock singer (Simple Plan-f/K’naan-“Summer Paradise”, “Welcome to My Life”)

1979 [33] Rosario Dawson, NYC, movie actress (“Unstoppable”, “Sin City”)

1985 [27] Audrina Patridge, Placentia CA, reality TV personality (“Audrina” 2011, “Dancing With the Stars” 2010, “The Hills” 2006-10)/B-film actress (“Sorority Row”, “Into the Blue 2”)

• “Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity Day”, the 10th annual observance on the 2nd Wednesday in May, when all working people are asked to donate the money they make this day to the charity of their choice. Donating time instead is promoted as another option.

• “Lost Sock Memorial Day”, a day to remember those singular hose that went into the washing machine or dryer never to return. (Play “Taps” for them?)

• “Receptionists Day”, in recognition of the frontline personnel in business and education, the ones responsible for making a good first impression. (And besides, they’re really bitter about “Administrative Professionals Day” a couple weeks back.)

• “School Nurse Day”, celebrated annually on the Wednesday during “Nurses Week” to honor those dedicated professionals who write handy excuse notes. (Also known as ‘Fake a Headache & Get Out of Class Day’.)

• “Small Business Day”. A small business is defined as one with fewer than 100 employees. (Many of today’s small businesses used to be big businesses.)

• “Third Shift Workers Day”, honoring everyone who works the night shift. Ask for calls from people with unusual all-night jobs.


1987 [25] Actor Tom Cruise marries actress Mimi Rogers (wife #1 lasts just 3 years, apparently inspiring little couch-jumping)

1992 [20] Bruce Springsteen finally makes his TV debut, performing “Lucky Town” on “Saturday Night Live” (NBC)

1997 [15] 1st graduate from 1st university operating entirely online (you can bet that ‘Virtual Diploma’ from International University is now truly beyond worth!)

1984 [28] Chicago White Sox & Milwaukee Brewers finally finish an 8 hour, 6 minute game; longest-ever MLB game in elapsed time (Chicago wins 7-6 in 25th inning … on the 2nd day)

[Thurs] Clean Up Your Room Day
[Thurs] Moms’ Night Out.
[Fri] “Dark Shadows” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] International Nurses Day
[Sat] World Belly Dance Day
[Sun] Mothers Day
This Week Is … Salute to Moms 35+ Week
This Month Is … Haitian Heritage Month


✗ Monkey talk.
✗ Elevator music radio.
✗ All police scanner all the time.
✗ Dog-frequency easy listening.
✗ Bagpipes for lovers.
✗ Brothers of superstars.
✗ 24/7 phone-in whistling.
✗ Gospel parakeets.
✗ News with swear words.
✗ Crap-FM.

☎ Every kid hears lots of ‘momisms’, those little pearls of wisdom mothers insist on passing along … over and over. Things like “Someday your face will freeze like that!”, “You’re going to put an eye out with that thing!”, “If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times!”, and “There’s enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!” So … what lies did mommy tell you?


• LOGIC – “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
• MEDICINE – “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to stay that way.”
• THINKING AHEAD – “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
• GENETICS – “You are just like your father!”
• ESP – “Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”
• BECOMING AN ADULT – “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
• SEX – “How do you think you got here?”
• ANTICIPATION – “Just wait until your father gets home!”

The online ‘Lunch Savings Calculator’ enables you to figure out exactly how much you’ll save by bringing a bagged lunch to work instead of going out to a restaurant each day …

I wouldn’t mind being poor if I had lots of money.


Question: People who wear THESE have to fix them an average of 3 times per day.
Answer: Shoes that tie up.


Worry: The interest paid on trouble before it’s due.

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