Monday, May 9, 2016 Edition: #5726

Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘n Fresh!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ In case you were worrying, Rob Kardashian and his sister Khloe have apparently reconciled after learning that his fiancée Blac Chyna is pregnant. The 29-year-old Arthur George sock designer has patched up his differences with his famous family after informing them all one-by-one that he’s about to become a first-time father. The strained relationship between Rob and Khloe is often featured on the family’s reality show, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”. Rob has been dating Blac since January and announced their engagement last month.
– “Us Weekly”
★ Sinead O’Connor says she’s “amused” by a defamation lawsuit filed by comedian and former TV host Arsenio Hall. The Irish singer has claimed that Hall provided Prince with the drugs that allegedly killed him last month. The funnyman isn’t laughing and is asking for “not less than $5 million” in his libel lawsuit. Now the “Nothing Compares 2 U” singer has responded on her Facebook page: “I’m more amused than I’ve ever dreamed a person could be and look forward very much to how hilarious it will be watching him (Hall) trying to prove me wrong.”
– ContactMusic.com
★ And actress Chloë Grace Moretz has finally gone public with her Brooklyn Beckham romance by sharing a photo of the twosome online. The 19-year-old “Kick-Ass” star has been linked to the 17-year-old son of Victoria & David Beckham since Summer 2014, but she’s previously avoided addressing her love life in the press and on social media. However, it appears she’s relaxed her self-imposed ban by posting a cosy picture of herself in the back of a car with an ‘unidentified’ male companion kissing her head. Here’s the clue: It’s the same snap Brooklyn posted on his Instagram account a week ago, alongside a heart emoji. Aw.
– WENN.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Kevin Gates (“Islah”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – Each of the judges coaches 2 couples, choosing their songs and dance styles.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Nick Jonas (“Last Year Was Complicated”, out June 10th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Another ‘Mash-up Monday’, with Flo Rida Georgia Line.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Empress Of (“Woman Is a Word”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Cyndi Lauper (“Detour”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Thomas Rhett (“Tangled Up”); STP drummer Eric Kretz.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The National (“Trouble Will Find Me”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Graham Nash (“The Path Tonight”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 9 perform in front of the coaches; viewer voting ensues.
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Meghan Trainor (“Thank You”, out Friday).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – The band’s management is taking no chances with Axl Rose. His contract reportedly has the iron-clad stipulation that he won’t see a penny until the “Rock or Bust” tour is over.
• Beyoncé – “Life & Style” magazine is reporting that she’s pregnant again with a ‘miracle” baby’, whatever that means.
• Drake – He’s scored a rare chart double in the UK by topping both the singles and albums charts. “Views” has knocked Beyonce’s “Lemonade” off, while “One Dance” remains the top single, according to the Official Charts Company.
• Gwen Stefani – “In Touch” magazine reports that her concert tickets are now being discounted on Groupon. A bit embarrassing?
• Justin Timberlake – “Can’t Stop the Feeling” is his 1st new single in over 2 years. The video features cameos from Anna Kendrick, Gwen Stefani, and James Corden. The tune is from the soundtrack to the upcoming animated film “Trolls”, to be released September 23rd.
• Lauryn Hill – She’s done it again … ticked off concert-goers by showing up late. 40-year-old Hill arrived at Chastain Park Amphitheatre in Atlanta GA on Friday night more than 2 hours late, meaning she could only perform for 40 minutes before the local live music curfew. Her excuse: “My driver got lost, I can’t control that.” Uh, heard of GPS?
• Miranda Lambert – Unconfirmed rumors have it that she and her new country singer-boyfriend Anderson East are planning to get married on July 4th.
• Ozzy Osbourne – A spokesperson has fueled rumors of a split by revealing that the rocker is not currently staying in their marital home. Multiple reports suggest Sharon (63) has kicked out the Black Sabbath frontman (67) after 33+ years of marriage.
• Prince – He’s not yet been laid to rest but an official memorial service will be held soon, his family has announced. He died at his Paisley Park home in Minnesota on April 21st and it was previously reported that his remains had already been cremated in a small, private service.
• Radiohead – They released their much anticipated new album yesterday digitally. Their 9th studio album also has a physical release coming on June 7th.
• Selena Gomez – Justin Bieber reportedly wants no part of her planned bio-pic, which would document her journey all the way from ‘tween star to 23-year-old. Wow, what a long journey.
• The Weeknd – He and Alessia Cara were the big winners at the 19th annual Canadian Radio Music Awards (CRMAs) on Friday night. The Weeknd picked up ‘Song Of the Year’ for “Can’t Feel My Face” and the ‘Fans Choice Award’; Cara took home ‘Best New Artist’.

TOP EARNERS IN MUSIC:
Which musicians are raking in the most dough? A new ranking looks at 2015 revenue from music sales, streaming, publishing, and revenue (so not counting money made from merchandising or sponsorships). These artists made the top 10 …
1. Taylor Swift … $73.5 million
2. Kenny Chesney … $39.8 million
3. Rolling Stones … $39.6 million
4. Billy Joel … $31.7 million
5. One Direction … $24.2 million
6. Grateful Dead (Dead & Company) … $23.8 million
7. Luke Bryan … $23.1 million
8. U2 … $21.8 million
9. Adele … $20.5 million
10. Maroon 5 … $19.2 million
– Billboard.com

SHOCK YOUR BAD HABITS AWAY:
Some people will try just about anything to break a bad habit, and that now includes a gadget that promises to help people retrain their behaviors using mild vibrations and painful zaps. Named after the Russian physiologist who introduced the world to Pavlovian conditioning, the Pavlok Wristband ($199) helps attach a negative association to an action as people shock themselves every time they engage in behavior they want to stop. The zap lasts for less than a second, and its severity is programable, from 50 volts (a strong vibration) to 450 volts (like a bee sting). Be aware, however, that this human version of a dog shock-collar has yet to be studied for long-term effects. Creator Maneesh Sethi has also introduced the ‘ShockClock’ to help people get out of bed. (As if your morning shower isn’t shocking enough.)
– “New York Times”

TOP BABY NAMES.
The latest listing shows the top 5 names for each gender remain unchanged in 2015 from 2014, with the sole alteration being the flip-flopping of ‘Isabella’ and ‘Ava’. The name ‘Isis’, however, has fallen at least 500 spots to drop off the list of the 1,000 most popular names. These are tops …
FOR GIRLS:
1. Emma
2. Olivia
3. Sophia
4. Ava
5. Isabella
FOR BOYS:
1. Noah
2. Liam
3. Mason
4. Jacob
5. William
(‘Ludwig’ apparently didn’t catch on.)
– AP

IT’S FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD:
Fast-food giant KFC has decided to combine chicken with … nail polish. The promo hype reads: “Simply apply and dry like regular nail polish and then lick – again and again and again to taste why the world’s favorite chicken is Finger Lickin’ Good”. That’s right, we’re talking edible nail varnish. So far it’s only available in the Hong Kong test market, but if it’s a hit don’t be surprised if other copycat fast-food companies release equally gross products. Imagine, for instance …
– Beef Crunchy Taco Supreme Sun Tan Lotion
– Dr Scholl’s Big Mac Insoles
– Whopper Moisturizer
– Ghost Pepper Fries Hairspray
(We are living in a golden age of bad ideas.)
– TheStar.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
There aren’t enough people in the world to literally ‘cry a river’, but if each of us cried 55 tears we could fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool.
– University of Leicester

BS CHRONOMETER 05.09.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [67] Billy Joel, Bronx NY, oldies singer (“Just the Way You Are”, “My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)/rehab veteran

1961 [55] John Corbett, Wheeling WV, movie actor (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding” films)/TV actor (“Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll” 2015)

1979 [37] Pierre Bouvier, Montréal QC, rock singer (Simple Plan-w/Nelly-”I Don’t Wanna Go to Bed”, “Welcome to My Life”)

1979 [37] Rosario Dawson, NYC, movie actress (“Ratchet & Clank”, “Sin City”)/TV actress (“Daredevil” since 2015)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Lost Sock Memorial Day”, a day to remember those singular hose that went into the washing machine or dryer never to return. (Play “Taps” for them?)

• “Occupational Safety & Health Professionals Day”, recognizing the efforts and commitment of these safety, health, and environmental professionals who keep us safer on-the-job.

• “Women’s Check-Up Day”, an annual event during “Women’s Health Week” to raise awareness of manageable steps women can take to improve their health. It’s also a reminder that regular check-ups are important.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2005 [11] Country singer Kenny Chesney weds “Bridget Jones” and “Chicago” actress Renée Zellweger in St John, US Virgin Islands (marriage is dissolved after 4 months due to ‘fraud’)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2005 [11] Gwen Stefani hits #1 in North America with “Hollaback Girl”; Akon tops UK chart with “Lonely”; Snoop Dogg & Justin Timberlake are #1 in Australia with “Signs”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2011 [05] Texas Senate approves legislation allowing university students to carry handguns on campus (gee, what could possibly happen?)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] World Lupus Day
[Tues] One Day Without Shoes
[Wed] Cannes Film Festival begins (France)
[Wed] Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity
[Wed] Eat What You Want Day
[Wed] Night Shift Workers Day
[Wed] Receptionists Day
[Wed] Root Canal Appreciation Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Etiquette Week / Food Allergy Awareness Week / Hospital Week / Hug Holiday Week / Nursing Home Week / Police Week / Reading is Fun Week / Salute to Moms 35+ Week / Salvation Army Week / Stuttering Awareness Week / Women’s Health Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN:
• You get a speeding ticket … and you’re parked.
• You answer the door before people knock.
• You grind your own coffee beans … in your mouth.
• Your doctor needs a calculator to take your pulse.
• You can text 60 words per minute … with your feet.
• All your kids are named ‘Joe’.
• You walk 20 miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug … on your coffee mug.
• You think skydiving is too damn slow.
• You remain awake during your own funeral.
– First published in “BS” 2002.

REAL BUY REALLY STUPID MOTHERS DAY GIFTS:
Whatever you got yesterday couldn’t have been this bad …
✗ Fetus-Shaped Cookie Cutter
✗ Betty Crocker Fudge Brownies-Flavored Lip Balm
✗ Heart-Shaped Spatula
✗ “Blonde moms have more fun!” Trucker Hat
✗ “I brought you into this world, I can take you out!” Fridge Magnet
✗ Mustachifier Mustache-Shaped Pacifier
✗ Farm Your Own Pearl Kit
✗ “Mom Off Duty, Go Ask Your Dad!” T-Shirt
✗ Inflatable Husband
– First published in “BS” 2013.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Dieting actually makes people fat. Do you agree?

BS WEB GOODIES:
• This is actually useful. Find great places to get together exactly halfway between where you are and the person you’re meeting …
NET: http://www.whatshalfway.com
• ‘Punk Walking Tours’ of London, anyone?
NET: http://tinyurl.com/halxs98

BS FACT OR CRAP?
2 of the following statements are true; 1 is total BS. Which?
1. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
2. Catfish have no taste buds. [BS]
3. Starfish don’t have brains.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I diet, therefore I’m cranky.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Teenagers say THIS is the thing that distracts them most while they’re driving.
Answer: A text from a parent.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If the grass is greener on the other side, there’s probably more manure there.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Andy Butler @ Clubland Radio, Southampton UK; Amy McAllister @ Q102.3 [K272AQ] St George UT; Scott Wallace @ Aker Solutions, Aberdeen, Scotland; James Abey @ 102.9 FM [KMMO] Marshall MO; Sarah Flynn @ Summit 96.1 [NZBS Campus Radio] Christchurch NZ; and Byron David @ Lotus FM Durban, South Africa.


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