Tuesday, May 9, 2017 Edition: #5970

Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘n Fresh!

★ Chris Rock stoked the rumor mill lately when he revealed in a comedy routine that he cheated on his ex-wife Malaak Compton-Rock with three different women, including a big star. And sources are saying that the famous fling was with “Scandal” star Kerry Washington.  A new Rolling Stone cover story reported Rock referring to himself negatively in a comedy routine, and then “segues into his infidelities and gets disarmingly specific, describing three women: one famous, one semifamous and one a member of the retail class.”
(Retail class?  Sounds like it’s Rock who needs some class!)
★ Bradley Cooper says that he is often mistaken for his ‘The Hangover’ co-star Zach Galifianakis now that he is sporting a full beard.  Cooper is growing bushy facial hair for his role as a washed-up celebrity in the ‘A Star is Born’ remake, and he says that the new look allows him to wander around largely unnoticed, but was taken aback when more than one person thought they recognized him as ‘Alan’ from The Hangover.
★ Rich-kid Conrad Hilton was arrested Saturday for trying to reach his estranged ex — by allegedly stealing her dad’s Bentley and breaking into her mom’s Hollywood home.  This isn’t the first time the troubled hotel heir has gone off the rails to reach his former girlfriend – he also tried to break into her house a month after she first obtained the restraining order against him in May 2015.
-NBC News
★Will Ferrell has been tapped to play father to Jason Momoa (Game of Thrones) in an as-yet untitled comedy film.  In the movie, the two will play actors.  Momoa’s character enjoys a skyrocketing career while Will Ferrell’s character is drifting toward irrelevancy.
(I would hope it’s a comedy…Ferrell is 49 and his ‘son’ Momoa is 37!)
★ Steven Seagal has been banned from Ukraine for five years.  Seagal, known for movies such as “Under Siege” and “Hard to Kill,” has been deemed a threat by the Ukranian security service, the agency said in a letter to the Web site ‘Apostrophe’. The reason for the ban was not specified, but Seagal is a friend to Russia President Vladimir Putin.  In November, Putin granted Seagal Russian citizenship.
-New York Post

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global):  Danny McBride, Priyanka Chopra, Royal Blood
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV):  Aziz Ansari, Katherine Waterston, Blondie
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global):  Jon Stewart, Samantha Bee, John Oliver, Ed Helms, Rob Corddry
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Danny DeVito, Kathryn Hahn, Cecile Richards, Thaddeus Dixon
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Eva Longoria, Sam Richardson
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy):  Thomas Middleditch, Eric Christian Olsen, LP
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Christopher Meloni, Patti Lupone
• “The View” (ABC/CTV):  Condoleezza Rice, Ashley Graham
• “The Talk” (CBS):  Gabourey Sidibe, Nischelle Turner
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV):  Kevin Bacon
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV):  Nicole Kidman, Giada De Laurentiis
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX):  Bow Wow, Sara Skirboll
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV):  Jordana Brewster, Prentice Penny, Gabi Fresh
• “The Real” (FOX):  Bellamy Young, guest co-host Kelly Osbourne
• “The Voice”: (NBC): “Live Top 10 Eliminations” Seven artists advance; three artists vie for the Instant Save; Charlie Puth; Maren Morris.

• Madonna -although you may have already seen (or avoided) the nude photos that Madonna posted (and removed) on the weekend, did you hear what her ex, Guy Richie had to say about their marriage?  Although he admitted that he was being careful to only say good things about her, he said that the breakdown of a marriage is “like a death”.  He went on to say that he doesn’t regret being married to her in the slightest and that “She’s a wonderful mother and has been very good to the kids.”
• Kanye West – appears to have turned out all of the lights on his social media accounts. On the weekend, his Twitter and Instagram pages were both offline, with no explanation.  Over the years West’s Twitter stream has been an outlet for musings, album information, feuding, personal inspiration, and more.
• Meat Loaf – will star in ‘Ghost Wars’, a new show on the Syfy channel.  The show, shooting now in Vancouver, expected to debut this year, and will also star Vincent D’Onofrio.
• Beach Boys – Mike Love wants Brian Wilson to reunite with the Beach Boys but admits ”there’s no imminent plans”.  Although the surviving members of the group – Mike, Brian, Al Jardine and Bruce Johnston – reunited in 2012 for a 50th anniversary album and tour, Brian has since returned to his solo tours. Love says he still hopes for a full reunion one day.
• Brett Eldredge – loves being on the road with Luke Bryan.  They’ve been touring together since January and Eldredge says he’s “never had an experience like this.” To him, it feels like summer camp, and they sometimes forget that they are actually working.
• Dolly Parton – Her Dollywood Foundation has given $10,000 each to nearly 900 families displaced by deadly wildfires in Tennessee last year.  Parton held a star-studded telethon to bring in hundreds of thousands of donations to the fund. But the singer isn’t stopping her charity. She said $3 million will be used to start a new fund called Mountain Tough Recovery, which will continue to aid residents affected by the fires.
• Loretta Lynn – is expected to make a full recovery after suffering a stroke on Saturday.  Some facts about the ‘coal miner’s daughter’:
She is the most awarded female country recording artist and the only female ACM Artist of the Decade (1970s).
She is sister to Crystal Gayle and related on her mother’s side to Patty Loveless.
Country music radio stations often refused to play her music, banning nine of her songs, including ‘Rated X’ and ‘The Pill’.
Her best-selling 1976 autobiography, Coal Miner’s Daughter, was made into an Academy Award–winning film of the same title in 1980, starring Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee Jones.
Her album ‘Van Lear Rose’, released in 2004, was produced by the Jack White of The White Stripes; Lynn and White were nominated for five Grammys and won two.
She is, indeed, a coal miner’s daughter.  Her father, Ted, died of black lung disease in 1959 before Loretta’s first single, “I’m A Honky Tonk Girl”, was released.

Out now for streamin’ and stuff:
• “Fifty Shades Darker” (R-Rated, Drama/Romance): While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her. (Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan)
• “A Street Cat Named Bob” (Not Rated, Comedy/Drama): Based on the international best selling book. The true feel good story of how James Bowen, a busker and recovering drug addict, had his life transformed when he met a stray ginger cat. (Luke Treadaway, Bob the Cat)
• “The Black Room” (Not Rated, Horror) A couple have just moved into their dream house. But their happy marriage is about to be put to the test as they slowly discover the secret behind the black room in the cellar. Something else is already living in their new home and it is growing stronger every day. (Natasha Henstridge, Lukas Hassel)
• “Things To Come” (PG-13, Drama) A philosophy teacher soldiers through the death of her mother, getting fired from her job, and dealing with a husband who is cheating on her. (Isabelle Huppert, André Marcon, Roman Kolinka)
• “Unacknowledged” (Not Rated, Documetary):  Focuses on the historic files of the Disclosure Project and how UFO secrecy has been ruthlessly enforced – and why. ‘Evidence’ of Extraterrestrial contact, dating back decades, is presented with direct top-secret witness testimony, documents and UFO footage, 80% if which has never been revealed anywhere else.

The ‘Shazam’ app made identifying music a snap by allowing us to find out the artist or title of virtually any song playing by letting the app “listen” and pull the info up from its database.  Now someone has invented the same for plants.  Or more accurately, to help us identify plants.  The new app, called ‘Pl@ntnet’, works by collecting data from a large social network which uploads pictures and information about plants.  The user uploads a picture of the plant that they wish to have identified and the app compares it to the photos of flora that it has on file. The number of species included and images used by the application grows as more users contribute.
(Finally!  I’ll be able to get my teenage son to come home at night instead of wandering around trying to identify all of the neighbor’s plants!)
(At least I’ll know for sure when I’m up to my knees in poison ivy!)
(What other apps should there be, but aren’t?  Besides one that works as a radar detector?)

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Vanlife’ – A lifestyle based on living in a van or similar vehicle (see ‘Jewel’).
• ‘Soft Robotics’ – The invention and use of robots made from materials that are soft, flexible, or malleable.
• ‘Guerrilla drive-in’ – An impromptu and unauthorized drive-in movie theater, particularly one set up in an unused urban space where the movie is projected against the side of a building. (usually showing ‘King Kong’?)
• ‘Naked Street’ – A street that has no signs, road markings, or traffic lights (not nearly as exciting as I thought it would be…).
• ‘Bikini medicine’ – Medical practice, research, and funding that focuses solely on the female breasts and reproductive system.

Quick!  What household item are you most likely to misplace?  Up until 10 years ago, it was most certainly the TV remote control, but now the cell phone is giving it a run for its money.
According to a new survey, Americans spend on average a full 2.5 DAYS per year looking for things that they have lost.  And spend $2.7 BILLION dollars replacing the things that never turn up (or don’t turn up until they have bought a new one…).  Here are the most commonly misplaced items, and the percentage of people who claim to lose them at least once per week:
•TV Remote: 45%
• Cell phone: 33%
• Car keys: 28%
• Glasses: 27%
• Shoes: 24%
• Wallet/purse: 20%
(For me, it is definitely the wallet.  Especially when I’m out for dinner with friends!)
(What I don’t get is how it is that Moms can always find these things for you!)
(The ‘glasses’ one is sort of understandable…)
-The Business Journal

• Sloths only sleep 8-9 hours a day.
• The scent of the herb rosemary could help you with your exams.
• Prince Philip has undertaken 22,191 solo royal engagements to date.


1949 [68] Billy Joel, Bronx NY, oldies singer (“Piano Man”, “My Life”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)/rehab veteran

1961 [56] John Corbett, Wheeling WV, movie actor (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding” films)/TV actor (“Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll” 2015)

1979 [38] Pierre Bouvier, Montréal QC, rock singer (“Shut Up!”, “Welcome to My Life”)

1979 [38] Rosario Dawson, NYC, movie actress (“Ratchet & Clank”, “Sin City”)/TV actress (“Daredevil” since 2015)

• “Teacher Appreciation Day”  time to say “Thank You” to the exceptional teachers that you know.  Let them know that they are appreciated for all that they do. Use #TeacherAppreciationDay to post on social media. (In class.  See how that goes…)
• “Lost Sock Memorial Day”, a day to remember those singular hose that went into the washing machine or dryer never to return. (Play “Taps” for them?)
• “Moscato Day”, raise your glass and toast National Moscato Day. Moscato, or Muscat in Italian, is one of the oldest known variety of grapes grown in the world.
• “Butterscotch Brownie Day” also known as Blondies or Brookie (brownie + cookie).  Blonde brownies were actually created before chocolate brownies.

2005 [12] Country singer Kenny Chesney weds “Bridget Jones” and “Chicago” actress Renée Zellweger in St John, US Virgin Islands (marriage is dissolved after 4 months due to ‘fraud’)

2005 [12] Gwen Stefani hits #1 in North America with “Hollaback Girl”; Akon tops UK chart with “Lonely”; Snoop Dogg & Justin Timberlake are #1 in Australia with “Signs”

2011 [06] Texas Senate approves legislation allowing university students to carry handguns on campus (gee, what could possibly happen?)

[Wed] Clean Up Your Room Day
[Wed] National Receptionists’ Day
[Thurs] Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day
[Thurs] Twilight Zone Day


• How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
• How can the weather be ‘HOT as hell’ one day but ‘COLD as hell’ another?
• Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
• How does a real estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
• Can a cemetery raise its prices and blame it on the cost of living?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• When medicine commercials say ‘Tell your doctor if you have any medical
problems’? They’re the doctor, shouldn’t they be telling you?

Whatever you got yesterday couldn’t have been this bad …
✗ Fetus-Shaped Cookie Cutter
✗ Betty Crocker Fudge Brownies-Flavored Lip Balm
✗ Heart-Shaped Spatula
✗ “Blonde moms have more fun!” Trucker Hat
✗ “I brought you into this world, I can take you out!” Fridge Magnet
✗ Mustachifier Mustache-Shaped Pacifier
✗ Farm Your Own Pearl Kit
✗ “Mom Off Duty, Go Ask Your Dad!” T-Shirt
✗ Inflatable Husband
– First published in “BS” 2013.

☎What is your favorite smell?

2 of the following statements are true; 1 is total BS. Which?
1. Bears only have 12 teeth. [BS-they have 42]
2. Reindeer like bananas
3. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear

For years, I had a ringing in my ears.  Now it’s getting worse.  I’m getting a busy signal.

Question:  Phone chargers are the #1 thing left behind in hotel rooms, followed by THIS.
Answer: Underwear

You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.

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