Wednesday, November 30, 2005        Edition: #3170
December Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT country singer-turned-sitcom star Reba McEntire hosts the 7th annual “Family Television Awards”, honoring the best of family-oriented fare on primetime TV (airs DECEMBER 11th on the WB) . . . TONIGHT the 8th annual NBC-TV special “Christmas In Rockefeller Center” features performances by Sheryl Crow, Carrie Underwood, Brian Wilson, Earth, Wind & Fire, and new dad (for the 7th time) Rod Stewart . . . Paris Hilton reportedly broke down & sobbed after Los Angeles animal authorities took away her pet monkey ‘Baby Luv’, because it’s classified locally as an illegal pet . . . Meantime, E! channel has announced it’s picked up “The Simple Life 4″ (dumped by FOX-TV in OCTOBER) as a 10-episode series to run NEXT SPRING in which Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie perform homemaker-style duties in separate houses far, far away from each other (what’s really sad is they keep getting paid for this drivel) . . . Eagle eyes in Beverly Hills have spotted actress Katie Holmes buying blue baby clothes at upscale tyke-wear store Petit Bateau, and rumor has it the little guy will be named ‘William Oscar’ (it’s the only way mom or dad will get an Oscar) . . . Picture this – 70-year-old actress Julie Andrews says the perfect choice to play ‘Maria’ if “The Sound of Music” were to be remade would be – Cameron Diaz . . . The upcoming UK TV movie “Whatever Love Means”, tracing the relationship of Prince Charles & Camilla Parker Bowles from 1971 onward will NOT contain any scenes of lovemaking, in order to avoid upsetting the royal family (not to mention viewers’ stomachs) . . . Composer Monty Norman has revealed that he originally wrote the famous ‘James Bond’ theme (“Dum de-de dum dum dum …) for a Bollywood musical called “A House for Mr Biswas”, but when that project fell through he adapted it for the 1961 ‘Bond’ film “Dr No” . . . And Michael Jackson’s ex-wife Debbie Rowe (1996-99) says he is NOT the biological father of their children Prince Michael Jr & Paris, as both were conceived using ‘anonymous sperm’ from a bank (seems Mikey made a withdrawal but no deposit).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – NYC multi-millionaire David H Brooks sent a private jet to pick up Steven Tyler & Joe Perry and paid them a reported $2 million to play at his daughter’s Bat Mitzvah celebration on the weekend. Others on the bill included 50 Cent, Ciara, Tom Petty, Stevie Nicks, Joe Walsh & Don Henley.
• Chris Brown – TODAY the 16-year-old “Run It” chart-topper guests on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Faith Evans – TONIGHT the “Tru Love “ singer does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• INXS – TODAY they appear on ABC-TV’s “The View”.
• Rolling Stones –  SATURDAY tickets for the European leg of their “Bigger Bang” tour go on sale. They’ll kick it off in Barcelona, Spain MAY 27th, and also visit Austria, Belgium, Britain, France, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Sweden & the Czech Republic.
• Sheryl Crow – TODAY she does MuchMoreMusic’s “Intimate & Interactive” at 5 pm ET.
• Tim McGraw – His unreleased tune “Louisiana” is the first offering from Amazon.com’s new ‘A-List for Hurricane Relief’ in which fans can view and hear exclusive songs, videos or artwork from celebrities. Proceeds go to McGraw’s designated charity, Habitat for Humanity.
• Usher – He’s single again after splitting with his 1-year girlfriend, model Eishia Brightwell. He says he’s not looking for a committed relationship right now, just a ‘friend with benefits’.

A SIGN OF THE TIME:
TODAY the sun enters Ophiuchus [oh-fee-YOO-cuss], the little-known 13th house of the zodiac. Howzat? Modern astronomers don’t divide the sky the same way the ancients did. According to up-to-date star maps, as well as Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, etc, the Sun passes through a 13th constellation, ‘Ophiuchus the Serpent Bearer’, between NOVEMBER 30th and DECEMBER 17th. Astrologically speaking, if you were born between those dates you’re no longer a Sagittarian, you’re an Ophiuchi [oh-fee-YOO-kye]! (You’re lucky … I’m a crustacean with a rising cusp.)
– “Red Nova”
NET: http://www.redorbit.com/news/display/?id=112654

CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
• ‘Disabilism’ – Disrespectful or derogatory terminology that perpetuates negative assumptions about disabled people. Movie actress Cameron Diaz has been accused of it after referring to her awkward childhood physique as ‘spastic’. (Blurting out that dumb comment shows that she’s also ‘retarded’.)
• ‘Iron Crotch’ – A branch of Qigong [chee-GUNG], the ancient Chinese art of movement & breathing to increase energy. 50-year-old martial arts grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng has just used the technique to attach his, er … equipment to a truck and pull it across a Fremont CA parking lot for a TV show. There are said to be 60,000 practitioners of ‘Iron Crotch’ worldwide. (It’s like that TV show “Iron Chef”, except afterward you can never wok again.)

THE CASE FOR BIGSCREEN PCs:
A new study has found that the more you squint while staring at a computer monitor, the less likely you are to blink and that can cause what’s being tagged ‘Dry Eyes Syndrome’. According to the study published in the journal “Optometry & Vision Science”, squinting at a computer screen halves the number of times you blink per minute (from 15 bpm to 7.5), resulting in a series of symptoms such as irritation, burning and tearing. (Cool, a new excuse: “My occupational therapist says I can’t come in today, boss. I’ve got ‘DES’.”)
– “Science”

BS AMAZING FACT:
1 in every 6 men who take a DNA test to challenge paternity is cleared.

SOMETHING IN THE AIR:
Finnish computer science students have devised a system which enables air guitarists to – hear themselves play. The ‘Virtual Air Guitar Project’, developed at the Helsinki University of Technology, adds genuine electric guitar sounds to the air guitar. Using a computer to monitor the hand movements of the ‘player’, it adds riffs and licks to match frantic mid-air finger work. The ‘guitarist’ wears a pair of brightly colored gloves, enabling computer vision software to keep track of their hands and detect different gestures. (Hopefully, someday we’ll be able to listen to mimes as well.)
– “New Scientist”

TOP HOLIDAY SEASON STRESSORS:
According to the American Psychological Association …
5. Diet
4. Families
3. Lack of Time
2. Gift-Giving
1. Money
– “Washington Post”

NEW WAY TO KICK YOUR BUTT:
Experimental trials by University of Minnesota researchers has shown that a new ‘nicotine vaccine’ can help smokers quit their habit. It’s now being tested on humans, and appears safe and well-tolerated, according to a study published in the current issue of the journal “Clinical Pharmacology & Therapeutics”. (Now you can get your day in gear with a coffee and a needle.)
– ANI Health & Science

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP:
• A Russian couple has had a narrow escape from injury after their neighbor showed up – through the ceiling – naked! The woman had been relaxing in her bath in an old apartment block in the town of Solnechnaya when the ancient floor apparently gave way, dropping her and the tub into the apartment below. (Hey, thanks for dropping in, Svetlana.)
• A man walking through a public park in Falkirk, Scotland was approached by another carrying something slippery & smelly who demanded, “Do you want to kiss my fish?” When the stroller didn’t answer, he was slapped about the face repeatedly – with the fish. The assaulted man called cops and told them he had been berated to ‘f—ing answer next time’ he was asked to kiss a fish. (Hmm, by any chance is there a new “Monty Python” series being shot?)
• Singapore scientists looking for ways to transmit the sense of touch over the Internet have devised a wireless vibration jacket for – chickens! It apparently gives a bird the feeling of being touched by its owner. The next step would be to use the same concept to transmit hugs online, perhaps through electronic children’s pajamas. (You can bet there’s going to be uses for this they never expected! “Show her you love her with the new …”)
• A robber in Cologne, Germany has almost bungled a hold-up after – wrapping his face so tightly in a scarf his victim couldn’t understand a word he was saying. A 24-year-old newsstand operator says she didn’t know what the man wanted and kept asking him to repeat himself. The exasperated perp then hauled out a gun and she finally got the message. (Cops are asking locals to be on the lookout for an armed man apparently named ‘mgllwej wfpwoj’.)

THE BULL SHEET 11.30.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1929 [76] Dick Clark, Bronxville NY, TV producer (“American Music Awards”, “Golden Globe Awards”)/TV host (“New Year’s Rockin’ Eve” 1972-2004) who suffered a stroke December 8, 2004

1937 [68] Ridley Scott, South Shields UK, movie director (“Kingdom of Heaven”, “Gladiator”)

1955 [50] Billy Idol (William Broad), Stanmore UK, classic rock singer (“Mony Mony”, “White Wedding”)

1957 [48] Colin Mochrie, Kilmarnock, Scotland [raised Vancouver BC], improv comedian (“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” 1998-2004, “This Hour Has 22 Minutes” 2001-03)/former member Toronto Second City troupe

1965 [40] Ben Stiller, NYC, movie actor (“Meet the Fockers”, “There’s Something About Mary”)

1970 [35] Sandra Oh, Ottawa ON, TV actress (‘Dr Cristina Yang’-“Grey’s Anatomy”)/movie actress (“Sideways”)  NOTE: She obviously lies about her age; a few sources suggest other dates and years.

1975 [30] Mindy McCready, Ft Myers FL, country singer (“All I Want Is Everything”, “Guys Do It All the Time”) who’s pregnant, drug-addled, suicidal, and the victim of repeated boyfriend abuse (there must be a country song in there somewhere!)

1978 [27] Clay Aiken, Raleigh NC, pop singer (“The Way”, “Invisible”)/2003 “American Idol” runner-up

1982 [23] Elisha Cuthbert, Calgary AB [grew up Longueuil QC], movie actress (“House of Wax “, “Old School”)/former TV actress (“24″ 2001-04)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “International Computer Security Day”, to remind us to protect our computers, programs and data at home and work. Remember, always practise safe surfin’!

• “St Andrew’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of Scotland who hurled his last haggis in 60 AD. Be sure to dust off your sporran!

• “Stay Home Because You’re Well Day”, a day to call in ‘well’ instead of having to fake sickness in order to get a day off. Yeah right, try this stunt and you can stay home EVERY day.

• “Vegetarian Banquet for Monkeys”, the 17th annual feast for over 500 simians in Lop Buri, Thailand. The li’l monks are given a delectable vegetarian Chinese-style buffet and special gifts such as mirrors & toys. Dozens of chefs and servers work for 2 days to prepare the gourmet meal as payback to the critters for bringing the town character & tourism … not to mention aroma.
NET: http://www.lonelyplanet.com/theme/food/food_monkeys.htm

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [01] After amassing $2,520,700 on TV quiz show “Jeopardy!”, contestant Ken Jennings is finally knocked off by real estate agent Nancy Zerg on a question about taxes (during his record 75-game run, he gives correct responses to over 2,700 clues)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1970 [35] 1st-ever ‘Triple Album’(George Harrison’s “All Things Must Pass”)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1887 [118] 1st ‘Softball Game’ (as ‘Indoor Baseball’ is played in Chicago using a broomstick for a bat and a boxing glove for a ball)

1900 [105] 1st ‘Front-Wheel Drive’ car (Germany)

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Dec 1] World AIDS Day / Pie Day / Bifocals at the Monitor Day / Day Without Art / Christmas Lights Across Canada 2005
[Dec 2] Fritters Day / Pan American Health Day / “Aeon Flux” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 3] International Day of Disabled Persons / Roof-Over-Your-Head Day / Bath Tub Party Day / 2005 Vanier Cup (Hamilton) / Coats for Kids Day
[Dec 4] 2005 Kennedy Center Honors / Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day / Cookie Day / Wear Brown Shoes Day
[Dec 5] International Volunteer Day / Bathtub Party Day
[Dec 6] Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women / St Nicholas Day / Pawnbrokers Day / 2005 Billboard Music Awards (Las Vegas)
[Dec 7] Grammy Awards nominees announced
[Dec 8] Bad Hair Day
[Dec 9] “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 10] International Human Rights Day / Dewey Decimal Day / Children’s Memorial Day / Nobel Prize Awards Ceremonies
[Dec 11] “Survivor: Guatemala” finalé / 2005 Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
[Dec 12] Poinsettia Day / Ding-A-Ling Day
[Dec 14] Bouillabaisse Day / “King Kong” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 16] Underdog Day / Chocolate Covered Anything Day / Las Posadas begins (Mexico) / “The Family Stone” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 21] Winter begins (1:35 pm ET) / Humbug Day / Look at the Bright Side Day / Flashlight Day / Elton John wedding / “Cheaper by the Dozen 2″ & “Fun With Dick and Jane” open in movie theaters
[Dec 22] Abilities Day
[Dec 23] “Hoodwinked”, “Memoirs of a Geisha”, “The Matador” & “The Ringer” open in movie theaters
[Dec 24] Christmas Eve / Egg Nog Day
[Dec 25] Christmas Day / “Rumor Has It” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 26] Hanukkah begins / Kwanzaa begins / Whiner’s Day / Recyclable Packaging Day / Awful Tie Day
[Dec 27] Fruitcake Day
[Dec 28] Card Playing Day
[Dec 31] New Year’s Eve / Make Up Your Mind Day / World Peace Meditation

[Dec 1] World AIDS Day / Pie Day / Bifocals at the Monitor Day / Day Without Art / 2005 Christmas Pageant of Peace opening (Washington DC)
[Dec 2] Fritters Day / Pan American Health Day / “Aeon Flux” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 3] International Day of Disabled Persons / Roof-Over-Your-Head Day / Bath Tub Party Day / Coats for Kids Day
[Dec 4] 2005 Kennedy Center Honors / Extraordinary Work Team Recognition Day / Cookie Day / Wear Brown Shoes Day
[Dec 5] International Volunteer Day / Bathtub Party Day
[Dec 6] Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women / St Nicholas Day / Pawnbrokers Day / 2005 Billboard Music Awards (Las Vegas)
[Dec 7] Grammy Awards nominees announced / National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
[Dec 8] Bad Hair Day
[Dec 9] “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 10] International Human Rights Day / Dewey Decimal Day / Children’s Memorial Day / Nobel Prize Awards Ceremonies
[Dec 11] “Survivor: Guatemala” finalé / 2005 Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
[Dec 12] Poinsettia Day / Ding-A-Ling Day
[Dec 14] Bouillabaisse Day / “King Kong” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 15] US Bill of Rights Day
[Dec 16] Underdog Day / Chocolate Covered Anything Day / Las Posadas begins (Mexico) / “The Family Stone” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 21] Winter begins (1:35 pm ET) / Humbug Day / Look at the Bright Side Day / Flashlight Day / Elton John wedding / “Cheaper by the Dozen 2″ & “Fun With Dick and Jane” open in movie theaters
[Dec 22] Abilities Day
[Dec 23] “Hoodwinked”, “Memoirs of a Geisha”, “The Matador” & “The Ringer” open in movie theaters
[Dec 24] Christmas Eve / Egg Nog Day
[Dec 25] Christmas Day / “Rumor Has It” opens in movie theaters
[Dec 26] Hanukkah begins / Kwanzaa begins / Whiner’s Day / Recyclable Packaging Day / Awful Tie Day
[Dec 27] Fruitcake Day
[Dec 28] Card Playing Day
[Dec 31] New Year’s Eve / Make Up Your Mind Day / World Peace Meditation

BULL’S BITS

BS BRAIN STRAIN:
According to folklore, why did people begin saying ‘bless you’ whenever you sneeze?
a. It was thought that a sneeze was a sign you’d committed a wicked act.
b. Because those words actually mimic the sound of the sneeze … bless YOU!!!!!
c. To prevent the devil from flying down your throat. [CORRECT]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.
• I’m so depressed … my doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
• Oops, sorry about that … if screw-ups were dollars, I’d be a millionaire!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The most popular of THESE is a Christmas tree.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Christmas cookie cutters. The next most popular, in order, are Santa, a star, and a bell.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.


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