Friday, November 25, 2005          Edition: #3167
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

TODAY Sean Preston Spears makes his world debut in the new issue of “People” magazine, which features him in a photo spread with parents Britney Spears & Kevin Federline (counting the money they made from selling out their son) . . . SUNDAY a week-long festival begins to celebrate the unveiling of a statue of late martial arts actor Bruce Lee on Hong Kong’s “Avenue of Stars” (featuring the world’s only statues standing on one leg) . . . SUNDAY the NHL’s Anaheim Mighty Ducks appear in a special 2-hour episode of ABC-TV’s “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” in which the entire community of El Segundo CA pitches in to rebuild the home of a local cop . . . SUNDAY a TV drama entitled “The Queen’s Sister” airs in the UK, which portrays the late Princess Margaret in graphic love scenes, lesbian clinches & smoking cannabis (a new semi-biographical TV form that will be preceded by the advisory: “Some of the following is based on fact, and some isn’t”) . . . British music mogul Simon Fuller (onetime Spice Girls manager & creator of worldwide “Idol” TV shows) is suing fellow impresario Simon Cowell for allegedly ripping off his TV singing competition concept in Cowell’s British TV show “X Factor”, but Fuller can hardly afford to offend Cowell because he’s the cranky judge that’s key to the success of “American Idol” (further complicating things – these 2 Simons look enough alike to be twins) . . . “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher is suing the tabloid “Daily Sport” for libel for claiming she had several ‘romps’ with men in a Volkswagen van (technically, it was a Volkswagen Westphalia camper van) . . . “Desperate Housewives” star Felicity Huffman has co-written “A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend”, a tongue-in-cheek guide for women who want a better boyfriend that’s due to be published NEXT YEAR . . . THIS WEEK 21-year-old actress Nele Juny brought a Dresden, Germany performance of the stage play, “The Maid of Orleans”, about Joan of Arc to an abrupt halt when – she hit herself on the head with a prop sword, thereby knocking herself out . . . Legal action is being demanded in France against rappers who purportedly helped provoke the country’s recent riots, including one ‘Monsieur R’, whose big hit “Fransse” describes the country as a ‘bitch’ to be ‘scr–ed until she drops’.

• Billy Joel – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Carrie Underwood – Her “Some Hearts” album has sold enough copies (over 300,000 in its 1st week) to make her the highest debuting new country artist and the highest debuting female “American Idol” star.
• Chris Brown – The 16-year-old from Tappahannock VA (population 2,000) has topped the radio airplay chart for 3 weeks now with his mega-hit “Run It”.
• Elton John – He’s confirmed he’ll wed his 12-year Canadian-born partner David Furnish in a small, private ceremony DECEMBER 21st, the effective date of a new UK law creating civil partnerships.
• Garth Brooks – TODAY his “Limited Series” CD/DVD boxed set goes on sale exclusively at Wal-Mart and Sam’s Club stores. It includes material from 3 prior albums, a disc of never-before-heard songs, and a 90-minute DVD of interviews, videos & live performances.
• Justin Timberlake – Grammy Award-winning producer Pharrell Williams has reportedly refused to help him with his new solo album, even though he produced Justin’s first effort.
• Mariah Carey – Pals are saying she’s set to wed the man who helped put her back on top of the charts, music exec Mark Sudack, in JUNE 2006.
• SHeDAISY – SUNDAY they’ll perform the national anthem before the San Francisco 49’ers-Tennessee Titans NFL game.
• Switchfoot – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Usher – He’s revealed that, before he hit the big-time, he used the stage name ‘Cha-Cha’ for a while before reverting back to his real name (Usher Raymond IV).

SUNDAY the annual national excuse for a party, the 93rd Grey Cup, is played in Vancouver as the Edmonton Eskimos & Montréal Alouettes battle for the big mug for the 3rd time in 4 years. A few highlights of the “2005 Party on the Pacific Grey Cup Celebrations” …
• It’s the 14th time Vancouver has hosted the championship (the first in 1955) and the 6th time it’s been played at BC Place Stadium.
• SATURDAY’s “2005 Grey Cup Parade” features local girl-made-good Pam Anderson as ‘Grand Marshal’.
• SATURDAY night’s “Commodore Concert Series” features Canadian geezer rockers April Wine.
• Black Eyed Peas provide the game’s half-time entertainment. Toronto native Jully Black, who’s opened for the Peas on their latest tour, will sing the national anthem.
• 88-year-old Toronto native Ed Miller, who has attended more championships than anyone, will be there for his 70th Grey Cup game.

As usual, the “2005 Christmas Book” catalogue from Neiman-Marcus includes some jaw-droppingly lavish gift ideas including …
• A personal “Classic Photo-booth”, an item that’s now hot with Hollywood types. ($20,000)
• An “Adult Treehouse Getaway” (beginning at $50,000).
• An “IndyCar Simulator” that comes with a “2006 Indianapolis 500″ hospitality package ($75,000).
• The “Grand Empire Package” rideable railroad system, complete with a locomotive, cars, caboose, passenger station, track, and 2 crossing signs with flashing lights (starting at $200,000).
• An “Elton John Signature Series Red Piano” with private Elton John concert for you & 500 guests thrown in ($1.5 million donation to the Elton John AIDS foundation).
• The “M-400 Skycar” prototype, a personal vertical take-off and landing (VTOL) aircraft that can travel 350 mph-PLUS (if you have $3.5 million to spare).

Each year publishing trade journal, “The Bookseller”, awards the ‘Diagram Prize’ for the oddest book title of the year. LAST YEAR’s winner was the barmy book “Bombproof Your Horse”, which beat out “Applications of Hi-Tech Squids”, “The Aesthetics of the Japanese Lunchbox”, “Detecting Foreign Bodies in Food” and “Sexual Health at Your Fingertips”. THIS YEAR’s candidates include …
• “Living With Sheep”
• “End-of-Life Decision Making”
• “A Field Manual of Camel Diseases”
• “Knitting with Dog Hair”
• “The Feckin’ Book of Irish Sex & Love That’s Not Fit for Dacent People’s Eyes”
The 2005 winner will be chosen any day now.
– “The Bookseller”

Compound Security Systems of Cambridgeshire UK has come up with a unique new security alarm called the ‘Mosquito’ which is only clearly audible to – people under 20. Due to the natural change in hearing levels that occur with age, only young people can hear the device’s annoying high-pitched chirping noise. So what’s the point? The intent is to drive gangs of teens from congregating outside retail stores. The sound is said to be grating enough that it actually works. (Unfortunately, several thousand local dogs have suffered nervous breakdowns.)
– “South Wales Echo”

With all the hype surrounding the new Xbox 360, a recent trend toward low-tech entertainment has gone relatively unnoticed. According to researcher NPD Group, sales of family-oriented board games have jumped by 12% in 2005, puzzle sales by 26%, and games for preschoolers have climbed by 27%. Industry observers speculate the retro phenomenon may be due to growing ‘technology fatigue’ and increased parental concern over their kids’ so-called ‘screen time’. Further evidence of a return to ‘old fashioned’ entertainments – many clubs and bars are now incorporating ‘Games Nights’ into their schedules.
– “Business Week”
PHONER: 416.530.7637 (Faith Featherstone & Associates offer several related interviews)

Stanford University researchers are using a brain-scanning technique in combination with “Bizarro” and “Far Side” newspaper comics to see if men and women react differently to visual humor. So far, the only difference between males and females in humor-related behavior is that females react more quickly to comics that are NOT funny. (That’s not news … just ask their husbands.)
– “San Francisco Chronicle”


1940 [65] Joe Gibbs, Mocksville NC, NFL head coach (Washington Redskins)/3 Super Bowl wins (Washington 1981-93)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (1996)/NASCAR racing team owner (Joe Gibbs Racing)

1960 [45] Amy Grant, Augusta GA, country/pop/gospel singer with 5 Grammy Awards (“Baby Baby”) who’s sold over 22 million albums/TV host (“Three Wishes”)/Mrs Vince Gill since 2000

1964 [41] Mark Lanegan, Ellensburg WA, rock singer (Queens of the Stone Age-“Burn the Witch”)

1969 [36] Jill Hennessy, Edmonton AB, TV actress (‘Dr Jordan Cavanaugh’ on “Crossing Jordan” since 2001)

1971 [34] Christina Applegate, Hollywood CA, movie actress (“Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy”)/former TV actress (“Married With Children” 1987-97)

1976 [29] Donovan McNabb, Chicago IL, injury-sidelined NFL quarterback (Philadelphia Eagles)
Impressionist Rich Little is 67; Oldies singer Tina Turner (“What’s Love Got to Do With It”) is 66; Classic rocker John McVie (Fleetwood Mac) is 60; Country singer Linda Davis (“Love Didn’t Do It”) is 43; Country singer Joe Nichols (“Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”) is 29; Hip-hop singer Lil Fizz (B2K) is 20.

Scientist/TV personality Bill Nye (“The Eyes of Nye”) is 50; TV actor William Fichtner (“Invasion”) is 49; Movie actress Robin Givens (“Head of State”) is 41; TV actor Michael Vartan (“Alias”) is 37.

• “Canadian Aboriginal Music Awards”, the 7th annual ceremony at Toronto’s Metro Convention Centre, kicking off the annual “Canadian Aboriginal Festival & Pow Wow”, which takes place at Roger’s Centre throughout the weekend.
• “Buy Nothing Day”, a 24-hour moratorium on consumer spending called for by the advocacy group Ad Busters on the traditional beginning of the Christmas shopping season.
• “Fish House Parade”, Aitken MN’s 15th annual showcase of fancy decorated fish huts used for ice fishing during the winter. Almost as smelly as the Yukon’s ‘Outhouse Parade’.
• “International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women”, observed by women’s activists since 1981 and declared an official UN observance in 1999.
• “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking 1 month until Christmas. Just what you wanted to hear, huh?
• “Sinkie Day”, the 14th annual declared by the ‘International Association of People Who Dine Over the Kitchen Sink’. Veterans (known as ‘Sinkies’) and rookies alike are encouraged to participate in this time-honored method of casual dining.

1986 [19] ‘King Kong’ is turned down as a candidate for a star on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame”

1949 [56] “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears on music charts (while Gene Autry’s rendition is the most popular, 80 different versions of the song have been recorded and over 20 million copies sold)

1972 [33] 1st commercial ‘Coin-Operated Video Game’ (“Pong”)

1977 [28] David Steed balances stationary on a bike for a record 9 hours, 15 minutes

[Sun] Advent Sunday (boys & girls, start your calendars!)
[Sun] Pins & Needles Day (yeah, so what’s the point?)
[Mon-Tues] Canadian Urban Music Awards (Toronto)
[Tues] Electronic Greetings Day
[Tues] Square Dance Day
[Wed] International Computer Security Day
[Wed] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
This Week Is . . . Better Conversation Week
This Month Is . . . Vegan Month


Listener must answer rapid-fire, and must get all questions WRONG to win. The trick is to answer with something so outrageous, it couldn’t possibly be correct. [The correct answer they can’t use is in brackets.] It’s way tougher than it seems!
• This is the team most likely to win the Grey Cup. [Montréal or Edmonton.]
• This is the hottest team in the NFL. [Indianapolis Colts.]
• This is the most common color for a wedding gown. [White.]
• 90% of kids will eat this but only 10% of adults will. [Snow.]
• This is the target when you hit a golf ball. [The green, hole, or flag.]
• This is the most common thing women do immediately after getting dumped. [Cry.]
• This is the world’s most popular spice. [Pepper.]
• This is what it’s called when a quarterback tells his team to change the play just before the center snaps the ball. [An audible.]
• Ancient Romans always entered the home of a friend with this. [Their right foot.]
• She received a half-ton cheese as a wedding gift. [Britain’s Queen Victoria.]
• What is your given name? [Cannot say their actual name or the term ‘Christian Name’.]

Toronto Liberal MP Dan McTeague is asking that 50 Cent be barred from entering Canada to launch a national tour DECEMBER 3rd in Vancouver because he has a criminal record and  promotes gun violence. Is this a valid concern or just goofy grandstanding by a politico?

Run out of insults? This Website hasn’t – it offers hundreds of random putdowns at the click of your mouse …

Heard the news this morning? A manure silo fell over near [local hick-town] and they had to call in troops to shoot the looters.

Today’s Question: When entering a store, about 85% of shoppers do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Turn right.

You know your children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.

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