Thursday, November 24, 2005                 Edition: #3166
When You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them with Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt plan to visit quake survivors in northern Pakistan sometime within the next few days (‘cause there’s no paparazzi there – yet) . . . “Desperate Housewives” star Nicolette Sheridan is siccing her lawyers on Websites that paste her head on someone else’s naked body because, she claims, her real body is much better than the ones they’re using (also contains far more plastic) . . . Rod Stewart’s 26-year-old partying daughter Kimberley has become engaged for the SECOND time in a year, this time to 19-year-old “Laguna Beach” reality TV star Talan Torriero (tsk tsk, don’t ya know a reality star is ‘beneath the bar’, girl?) . . . A blabbermouth tells “Star Magazine” that Jessica Simpson is 6-weeks-preggers and ‘eating like a horse’ (“Nick, fetch me another pail o’ corn!”) . . . Madonna’s Maverick TV is developing a gay soap opera tentatively titled “San Rafael”, that will follow the lives, loves & fights of a group of gay, lesbian, bisexual & transgender residents in an apartment complex (it’s likely to air on MTV’s recently-launched gay channel Logo) . . . Movie actor Joaquin Phoenix says he studied guitar 3 hours a day for 3 months in order to master it for his role in the Johnny Cash bio-pic “Walk the Line” (but the first song he learned wasn’t by the Man in Black – it was REM’s “Everybody Hurts”) . . . And rumor has it actor Al Pacino is known in the movie industry for having the ‘worst nails in the biz’, thanks to a raging, long-running case of nail fungus (urgh, pass the bucket!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Backstreet Boys – TODAY they appear on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Dierks Bentley – He recently bought a house in Nashville but rarely sees it because he’s performing some 300 concert dates a year. After THIS YEAR, he promises he’s going to slow down. Famous last words.
• Mariah Carey – She’ll perform 2 songs at halftime of the Detroit Thanksgiving Day NFL game.
• Jack Johnson – He’s one of the guest editors for “Surfer” magazine. One of the changes he helped make was to push for the magazine to be printed on recycled paper.
• John Mayer – TONIGHT he does “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Martina McBride – TODAY she’s on ABC-TV’s “The View”.
• Sheryl Crow – She’s the halftime performer at the Dallas Thanksgiving Day NFL game.
• Usher – TODAY he’ll be flogging his new movie “In the Mix” on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”.

MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
The release of the much-talked-about Jennifer Aniston-Vince Vaughn movie “Break-Up” (the film on which they reportedly began a relationship) has been delayed from FEBRUARY to JUNE (either because it’s so good it can compete with summer blockbusters, or so bad it needs a sheet-load of re-editing) . . . In a new movie about the 9/11 terrorist attacks called “Reign O’er Me”, Adam Sandler will play a guy who’s lost his family & Don Cheadle his former college roomie who tries to help him cope (think audiences will believe Sandler in this kind of role?) . . . Here comes a bigger & more bloated “Rush Hour 3″, with Chris Tucker signed for $20 million (against 20% of the gross), Jackie Chan for around $15 million (plus Chinese rights) and original director Brett Ratner for $5 million against 5% of the box (let’s see, that’ll leave the studio about a buck ninety-eight) . . . Marilyn Manson’s big movie break will be playing an evil 400-year-old prophet in the supernatural vampire movie “King Shot”, which co-stars Nick Nolte (hey Nick, you know your career has tanked when you gotta take work in vampire pics – with Marilyn Manson) . . . Michael Caine, Hugh Jackman & Christian Bale will star in “The Prestige”, a story about competing magicians, which will co-star 58-year-old classic rocker David Bowie as electrical wiz Nikola Tesla, who’s asked by one magician to help him pull off the ultimate illusion . . . All is not well on the “Miami Vice” movie set, as over 120 crew members have reportedly quit after enduring 3 hurricanes, an on-set gunfight, constant partying by co-stars Colin Farrell & Jamie Foxx, and notoriously obsessive director Michael Mann (Hollywood honchos aren’t happy either as delays have already doubled the movie’s cost – and it’s still shooting!) . . . And it seems Hollywood didn’t learn from “Dukes of Hazzard” that Jessica Simpson simply can’t act, as she’s being pursued to star in the comedy “Employee of the Month”, playing a cashier in a discount store whose the object of attraction for 2 dorky co-workers (‘Bo’ & ‘Luke’ by any chance?).

THE WET WILLY PHONE:
Japanese cellphone giant DoCoMo has unveiled its new ‘Ubi-Wa’ phone – a ring that turns your finger into a phone receiver. In Japanese, ‘Ubi-Wa’ has 2 meanings: ‘finger ring’ and ‘speak by finger’ – which is exactly what it lets you do. In noisy places where you can’t hear your caller, you simply place the ‘Ubi-Wa’-bearing finger in the ear. The ring converts speech sounds to vibrations which travel down the bone and into the ear canal. Eventually the gizmo’s functions will be controlled by tapping out predefined rhythms with your thumb and the finger that’s wearing the ring. (If you start snapping your fingers to music, you get a wrong number.)
– BBC News

LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS:
• From 1948 to 1963, Porsche manufactured more than 150,000 tractors.  – Newsquest Media
• Around the world, the banana is the most popular fruit.  – “Detroit News”
• In winter, the Caribbean sea can be uncomfortably chilly.  – “Palm Beach Post”
• In 1901, the entire Indian subcontinent, with a population totaling 300 million, was administered by a British ruling caste which consisted of no more than 1,000 men.  – “The Spectator”

THE THINKING MAN’S SPORT:
This combination sport makes Olympic biathlon (cross-country skiing & rifle shooting) seem tame. The new sport of ‘chessboxing’ combines the #1 thinking sport and the #1 fighting sport into a hybrid that demands the most of its competitors both mentally and physically. It involves alternating 4-minute-rounds of chess and 2-minute boxing rounds for a maximum of 11 rounds. Either a checkmate or a knockout can lead to victory.
NET: http://www.wcbo.org
CHESS OR BOXING TERMINOLOGY?
• Hook Punch [Boxing]
• Sizilian Dragon [Chess]
• Backward Pawn [Chess]
• Scoring Blow [Boxing]
• Fianchetto [Chess]
• Standing-Eight Count [Boxing]
• Dislodging Manoeuver [Chess]
• Interference Move [Chess]
• Space Count [Chess]
• ‘RSC’ for ‘Referee Stops Contest’ [Boxing]

SINGING DOLPHINS?
Scientists at Disney’s Epcot Center in Florida have taught dolphins to combine both rhythm and vocalizations to produce music, resulting in brief, high-pitched choruses of the “Batman” theme song from the vintage TV series (“Bat-maaaan! ….”). Researchers say they doubt the animals know they are producing what humans would consider ‘music’. (They’re more into thrash metal.)
– Australian Broadcasting Corp

SOCIAL STUDIES:
• Almost 60% of kids aged 6-to-19 have never had a cavity in their permanent teeth, up from 51% in 1994. In 1980, just a little more than a third of kids could make that claim.
• Teen pregnancies and birth rates have plummeted to all-time lows as more teenagers delay sex, abstain from it, use contraception and use it more effectively.

YOUR MONEY IN UNIFORM:
Global military expenditures hit $1.04-trillion in 2004, nearing the historic peak of 1987-88, according to a report by the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute. Governments worldwide spent on average $162 per person on weapons and soldiers.
– “World Watch Magazine”

HE SAID IT:
“I’m happy for them, but we’re going to send them to Maury Povich’s show for a DNA test.”
– TV talk show host Tony Danza on the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes expected baby.

THE HAPPIEST PROFESSIONS:
According to a new poll, these people are having a regular ball doing what they do …
5. Plumbers
4. Beauticians
3. Chefs
2. Clergy
1. Hairstylists
– “The Independent”

THE BULL SHEET 11.24.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [65] Paul Tagliabue, Jersey City NJ, attorney who has served as NFL commissioner since 1989 (initiated salary cap, expansion teams)

1977 [28] Colin Hanks, Sacramento CA, movie actor (“Orange County”)/former TV actor (“Band of Brothers”, “Roswell”)/son of actor Tom Hanks  UP NEXT: Has a role in the upcoming Peter Jackson remake of “King Kong”.

1978 [27] Katherine Heigl, Washington DC, TV actress (‘Dr Izzie Stevens’-“Grey’s Anatomy”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
The 79th annual “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” in NYC will feature the new giant balloons ‘Dora the Explorer’ and ‘Scooby-Doo’. The festivities kick off live on NBC-TV at 9 am ET.
NET: http://www1.macys.com

As it’s “US Thanksgiving Day” there are traditional NFL games in Detroit and Dallas. The Lions host Atlanta at 12:30 pm ET, and the Cowboys are home to Denver at 4:15 ET. Don’t forget to get your football pool picks in!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1991 [14] The charismatic lead singer of the rock group Queen, Freddie Mercury, dies in his sleep at age 45, just one day after publicly announcing he was suffering from AIDS

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1976 [29] The Band announces to a stunned San Francisco audience that they are playing their last concert

1998 [07] Cher’s career is revived as mega-hit single “Believe” is released

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1874 [131] 1st ‘Barbed Wire’ patented by Joseph Glidden of DeKalb IL (collecting various kinds of barbed wire is now a serious hobby for many)

1954 [51] 1st US presidential plane is christened “Air Force One”

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women
[Fri] 2005 Aboriginal Music Awards (Toronto)
[Sun] 93rd Grey Cup (Vancouver)
[Mon-Tues] Canadian Urban Music Awards (Toronto)
This Week Is . . . Cookie Week
This Month Is . . . Family Stories Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
REAL TABLOID HEADLINES:

• “Lesbian Mom Wants to Give Baby Boy Sex Change!”
• “Alien Bible Translated!”
• “Dwarf Dracula! Knee-High Ankle Biter Terrorizing Seattle!”
• “Di, Di My Darling! Princess’ Ghost Has Charles & Camilla Spooked!”
• “CSI Uses Pumpkin Face to ID Remains of Mob Victim Buried in Field!”
• “Meteorologists Give Storms First & Last Names!”

BS GREY CUP QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
• Lord Earl Grey donated the Grey Cup trophy in 1909. What was his job at the time?
a. British Ambassador to Canada.
b. Governor-General. [CORRECT. He donated the trophy for the ‘Rugby Football Championship of Canada’.]
c. Chief tea inspector for the Hudson Bay Company.

• What current NFL quarterback led the Calgary Stampeders to victory in the 1992 Grey Cup?
a. Jeff Garcia.
b. Doug Flutie. [CORRECT. The 43-year-old is now the New England Patriots back-up QB]
c. Carlos Santana.

• Which CFL team has scored the most overall points in Grey Cup history?
a. Toronto Argonauts.
b. Edmonton Eskimos. [CORRECT, a total of 495 points in all their Grey Cups.]
c. Ottawa Renegades.

• Which of the following has NOT been a Canadian Football League team?
a. The Las Vegas Posse.
b. The Dog River Rats. [CORRECT, although it might make a good storyline for “Corner Gas”.)
c. The Shreveport Pirates.

• In 1962, the Grey Cup was played over 2 days after being suspended due to harsh weather. What would this game eventually be nicknamed?
a. The Fog Bowl. [CORRECT]
b. The Ice Bowl.
c. The Toilet Bowl.

• Which of these venues has NOT served as home to the Montréal Alouettes?
a. Olympic Stadium.
b. McGill Stadium.
c. Bell Centre. [CORRECT. That’d be the hockey rink, eh?)
– “The 55 Yard Line” / CFL.ca / Slam! Sports

MORE BS THINGS YOU LEARN FROM THE MOVIES:
• If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
• Glasses never collect moisture when you come in from the cold outside.
• Movie characters driving in the city will get to park wherever they like.
• There are always people carrying around large sheets of glass on the street during a car chase.
• People being chased by a car will keep running down the middle of the road instead of ducking in somewhere where a car cannot go.
• A facial scar is likely to make you go insane and seek revenge for the rest of your life.
• A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in 2 tries.
• The bad guy usually kills his henchman for failing, yet never seems to run out of loyal henchmen.
• You can eat as much as you want in a film and you’ll never EVER have to go to the bathroom.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: It wouldn’t happen in Canada, but some 100,000 American kids under the age of 12 participate in THIS extracurricular activity.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Beauty pageants. (CNN)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A hundred-thousand lemmings can’t all be wrong.


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