Monday, November 21, 2005        Edition: #3163
Ah, Some BS You Look Forward To In the Morning!

• It’s official – Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman are officially Mr & Mrs! They were wed SATURDAY evening in an elegant ceremony featuring a gospel choir at the Staglin Family Vineyard in California’s scenic Napa Valley. Breathless descriptions say the bride’s hair was decorated with jewels and pulled back tightly in a bun topped by white flowers. Among the 130 guests who were forced to sign a 3-page ‘confidentiality agreement’ – Justin Timberlake, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Sharon Stone. (By changing from Aguilera to Bratman, Christina has moved from the A-list to the B-list.)
– “Us Weekly”
• They’ve finally ‘outed’ themselves – SATURDAY Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie attended their first public event as a couple, the grand opening gala of the Muhammad Ali Center in Louisville KY. Word has it she looked stunning in a long red dress with her hair up, while Brad wore a long black leather coat with a blue sweater, and his hair was jet black. (There’s just no word on underwear.)
– “Star Magazine”
• TODAY a Christie’s auction of pop culture memorabilia in NYC includes a tom-tom drum once beaten by Paul McCartney in the 1950s, lyrics handwritten on Doors stationery by the late Jim Morrison, really bad poems that Bob Dylan wrote while in college, and a gilt medallion Jimi Hendrix wore in 1967 when he performed at the “Monterey Pop Festival”. All of these items are expected to fetch somewhere north of 60 grand. (More proof that people will buy just about anything!)
– “The Gossipist”
• “American Idol 4″ runner-up Bo Bice recently moved to a new home on a 6-acre property in Nashville TN. Instead of selling his old house in Alabama, he’s simply given it to a family who lost their home in Hurricane Katrina. (He even threw in the 7 cars up on blocks in the front yard.)
– “People”
• 35-year-old “Kill Bill” actress Uma Thurman is reportedly ready to wed again after accepting a proposal from her 48-year-old hotelier boyfriend Andre Balazs. The two have been an item since she split from actor husband Ethan Hawke LAST SUMMER. (It’s ‘Marriage Vol 2′.)
– “Life & Style”
• Courtney Love was released from in-patient rehab on FRIDAY afternoon by a Los Angeles judge who says she’s had made ‘great strides’. She’s now an outpatient and due back in court for another progress report on JANUARY 20th. (When they’ll no doubt find out she’s made ‘great lines’.)
• Preggers actress Katie Holmes was reportedly asked to leave a Southern California cinema because she was disturbing other patrons and they complained. What caused the uproar? She was said to be holding a vibrating gadget against her pregnant stomach that made a constant buzzing sound. Apparently she believes it’s comforting to the fetus. (Apparently that’s all you get when Tom Cruise promises you a Hummer.)
– Contact Music

• Alanis Morissette – TODAY she’s on “Live With Regis & Kelly”.
• Ashlee Simpson – TONIGHT she guests on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• The Eurythmics – TONIGHT they re-group on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Garth Brooks – His ‘Teammates for Kids Foundation’ has been selected as the official children’s charity of the National Hockey League & the National Hockey League Players Assoc.
• Gary Glitter – SATURDAY the 61-year-old classic rocker was arrested by cops in Vietnam after disappearing from a resort a week ago. He’s been charged for having ‘illegal relationships’ with 2 underage Vietnamese girls & could get 15 years in jail. It’s not his first offence – in 1999, he did 4 months for the same crime in Britain. So how can the NFL condone his “Rock & Roll, Part 2″ being played over and over at virtually every football game?
• Kenny Chesney – TONIGHT the album chart-topper is on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC-TV.
• Madonna – A Belgian songwriter has won a lawsuit accusing her of plagiarizing one of his songs in her 1998 single “Frozen”. A local court has banned any further sale or broadcast of the tune in Belgium. Wow, that’ll cost her what … about a dollar ninety-eight?
• Shania Twain – FRIDAY she was awarded the Order of Canada, the country’s highest honor for lifetime achievement.
• Switchfoot – TONIGHT they do “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”
• Usher – TODAY he appears on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.

In her book “Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight”, psychologist Dr Sharon Heller claims that up to 15% of us suffer from ‘Sensory Defensiveness’, a syndrome which causes sufferers to panic when exposed to flashing lights, traffic noise and crowded areas – like a mall during holiday shopping season, for instance. Heller claims many sensory sufferers are unaware of their condition and try to deal with it by drinking, overeating or disassociation. Her advice? Don’t always follow the flow, ie: shop at odd hours when others aren’t. (But be careful not to trip the burglar alarms.)
– “Focus”

The author of a new book entitled “Magic Mushrooms in Religion & Alchemy” is attempting to drum up publicity for it by making outrageous claims about the supposed drug habits of – Jesus. So-called ‘ethno-botanist’ Clark Heinrich claims that the bread Jesus referred to at the ‘Last Supper’ was actually a magic mushroom known as ‘fly agaric’. This psychedelic ‘shroom looks like pita bread but feels like human skin when soaked in water. Heinrich says it also turns your urine into a reddish-orange hallucinogen, and that’s how Jesus turned water into ‘wine’. (One thing certain, somebody’s certainly been inhaling too many fungus fumes!)
– “Curious Times”

Pink Floyd, The Who, Black Sabbath, the Eurythmics & New Order have been inducted into the relatively new “UK Music Hall of Fame”. Jimi Hendrix and late BBC radio host John Peel were both awarded posthumous places at the 2nd annual induction ceremony, at which Ozzy Osbourne received a standing ovation for mooning the audience. (Ohmygawd, how do you get that horrific mental picture out your mind?)

Dutch designer Wendy Rameckers has created a wall of fake breasts to enable male shoppers to figure out – what size bra to buy their wives or girlfriends. The idea is a result of male customers pointing out other women in her shop as examples when they were asked what size they were seeking. Now they can simply walk up to the wall of silicone boobs in all shapes and sizes, take a look and/or manual measurement, and walk off with the correct size. (“I’m looking for something the size of eggs … fried eggs.”)
– Ananova News

In her study “A History of Passionate Kisses”, German academic Ingelore Ebberfeld claims kissing originates from – animals sniffing each other. She says when humans adopted an standing upright posture they turned their attention to higher regions of the body. Kissing somebody’s hand or the Inuit habit of bringing noses together in a ‘kiss’ all derive from the same behavior. (Does this explain football players patting each other’s butts?)
– Reuters

Women shed tears an average of 5 times per month, while men average just once.


1945 [60] Goldie Hawn (Btudlendgehawn), Washington DC, movie actress (1970 Oscar-“Cactus Flower”)/Kurt Russell’s longtime partner/Kate Hudson’s mom

1963 [42] Nicollette Sheridan, Worthing UK, TV actress (‘Edie Britt’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1965 [40] Bjork (Gudmundsdottir), Reykjavik, Iceland, weird rock singer (“Oceania”)/weirder film actress (“Dancer in the Dark”)

1966 [39] Troy Aikman, West Covina CA, NFL game analyst (with FOX-TV play-by-play man Joe Buck)/retired NFL QB (Dallas Cowboys 1989-2000)

1974 [31] Kelsi Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SHeDAISY-“I’m Taking The Wheel”)/group’s name is Native American word meaning ‘my sisters’

1984 [21] Jena Malone, Lake Tahoe NV, movie actress (‘Lydia Bennet’ in “Pride & Prejudice”)

• “Pumpkin Pie Day”, celebrating a truly North American food phenomenon. What’s your secret ingredient? And your favorite topping? Ever try it with honey?

• “World Hello Day”, the 33rd annual observance that now takes place in some 180 countries. Participants are asked to spread goodwill by saying ‘hello’ to at least 10 people. Try conferencing 10 different people to say ‘hello’ to one eager-beaver listener, or have your listeners call in to say ‘hello’ in another language.
Here’s how to say ‘hello’ in 800 languages …

1990 [15] Rolling Stone Mick Jagger weds model & now ex-wife Jerry Hall in Bali (man, was that an expensive idea!)

1995 [10] Green Day singer Billie Joe Armstrong is arrested & fined $141 at a concert in Milwaukee WI – for dropping his pants

2000 [05] Backstreet Boys release “Black & Blue” album

1783 [222] 1st ‘Human Flight’ (Jean Francois Pilatre de Rozier & the Marquis Francois Laurant d’Arlandes make 1st flight in a balloon, about 6 miles around Paris, France)

1871 [134] 1st ‘Human Cannonball’ (Emilio Onra, afterward known as ‘Flathead’)

1977 [28] 5 ski patrol members set a record in British Columbia by giving mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation for 60 hours to a mannequin (“C’mon Chad, lighten up on the tongue!”)

1975 [30] Bob Atheney bowls for 265 hours over 11 days in 1,976 games (St Petersburg FL)

1976 [29] Vernon Bass of Sarasota FL becomes ‘World Champion Oyster-Eater’ by inhaling 684 in 20 minutes

1991 [14] Frenchman Gerard d’Aboville completes 4-month solo Pacific crossing – in a rowboat

[Tues] 33rd American Music Awards (LA)
[Tues] Start Your Own Country Day
[Tues] Stop the Violence Day
[Tues] Microsoft Xbox 360 is released
[Wed] “Rent” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] US Thanksgiving Day
[Fri] 2005 Aboriginal Music Awards (Toronto)
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Sinkie Day
[Fri] Shopping Reminder Day
[Fri] International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women
[Sun] 93rd Grey Cup (Vancouver)

Farm-City Week / Family Week / Game & Puzzle Week / Better Conversation Week / Cookie Week / Home Care Week


The Canadian Toy Testing Council has released its annual list of recommended toys. Among them: ‘Baby Gymnastics Playwall’, ‘Lego Duplo Dragon Tower’, ‘Radio Flyer Classic Rock & Bounce Pony’, ‘Leap Frog Learning Connections Train’, ‘Fisher-Price Tumble Time Tigger’, ‘Tamagotchi Connection: Version 2′, the board game ‘Balloon Lagoon by Cranium’, and ‘Books in a Cup’ by Klutz Inc. And here’s a review of the …
• ‘CSI Autopsy Bratz’
• ‘The Marilyn Manson Make-Up Vanity’
• ‘Kabbalah Barbie’ (red string bracelet extra)
• ‘Playskool’s My First Prostate Exam’
• ‘The Ozone Depleting Bubble Machine’
• ‘The Fisher-Price Bathtub Toaster’
• ‘Ouch! The Step-on-a-Rake Game’
• ‘The Courtney Love Home Pharmacy Kit’
• ‘ Big Box of Sharp Pointy Things That May Also Be Toxic’

How old do you have to be to be ‘old’? (Researchers at the International Longevity Center say the most common age cited as the beginning of ‘old age’ is 75 but, interestingly, the age a person considers ‘old’ keeps going up … the older that person gets.)

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: The same middle name.

2 of the headlines are taken word-for-word from tabloids. Your contestant has to find the fake …
• “Boy Shoots Grandpa Back to Life with Stun Gun!”
• “Sex Researcher Discovers the Cheating Gene” [FAKE]
• “Tot Vanishes as Psychic Mom Tries to Teleport Her to Japan!”

• “Sex-Change Pilot Banned From Cockpit after HE Becomes a SHE!”
• “Jealous Cow Kills Farmer’s New Bride!”
• “Your Nose Can Talk!” [FAKE]

• The ‘Death by Caffeine’ calculator figures out just how many of your favorite caffeinated beverages you can drink at one time before you keel over and die from caffeine poisoning. For instance, it would take 94.14 cups of regular drip coffee to put Da Bull down. Handy, huh?
• Kyle MacDonald of Queens NY began an enterprising quest in JULY. His goal is to trade up to a house after starting off with – one red paper clip. By making a chain of trades for ever bigger or better objects, he’s now worked his way up to a neon Budweiser sign & a keg of beer. If he makes it all the way to owning a home, it just could be the smallest down payment ever!

Today’s Question: Scientists have found that you need to use precisely 34 muscles to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Kiss. (Discovery Channel)

You’re only as old as other people think you are.

BS salutes Don Jennings @ KIX 106 [CKKX] Peace River AB, back for another full year of service; and we welcome samplers this week that include Scott Baines @ Magic 94.9 [CKWM] Kentville NS; Lesa Walker @ The Big Station [WKXK] Greenville AL; Tony Leonard @ Power FM Las Palmas, Canary Islands; Gord Bear @ MBC [Missinipe Broadcasting Corp] La Ronge SK; Ben Thompson @ Hit Radio Q102 [WQLF] Monroe WI; and Vanessa Murphy @ 94.9 The Rock [CKQT] Oshawa ON. Tell a friend in another market about BS. We’ll add ONE FREE MONTH to your subscription for each new subscriber you refer!

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