Tuesday, November 1, 2005        Edition: #3149
Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

TODAY the new 856-page tome, “The Beatles: The Biography” is published, written by Bob Spitz who had participation from both Paul McCartney & the late George Harrison . . . TODAY the 4th season of “The Simple Life” is due to commence shooting, even though Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie are not speaking to one another, and here’s why – even if no network picks it up, they still get paid from producer 20th Century Fox Television because their options were renewed earlier THIS YEAR (bottom line – the plug will get pulled and they’ll get paid off) . . . According to “Life & Style Weekly”, Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn are engaged after he proposed ‘early one mid-October morning’ . . . Meanwhile, “Star Magazine” is reporting that Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are currently working on a pre-nup, with the major issue being him agreeing to relinquish any claim on her children . . . Canadian comic Howie Mandel (who’s been making a living off Boston Pizza ads of late) finally has some steady work, the new game show “Deal or No Deal” coming to NBC-TV, which has already been a big hit in 38 other countries . . . “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria has revealed she has a tattoo of her NBA player boyfriend Tony Parker’s initials somewhere quite intimate – ‘only seen by him’ . . . And according to a new poll by “Teen People” magazine, the 10 celebs with the biggest egos are Paris Hilton, Kanye West, Usher, Beyoncé, Christina Aguilera, Jack White, Justin Timberlake, Avril Lavigne, R Kelly & Lindsay Lohan.

• Green Day – TONIGHT their new DVD “Bullet in a Bible”, featuring live concert footage & interviews with the band, hits the bigscreen for a single night at some 68 theaters. The DVD goes on sale NOVEMBER 15th.
• Gretchen Wilson – TONIGHT she appears on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Madonna – She says she’s not interested in acting in any more movies, but she does want to direct … like husband Guy Ritchie.
• Neil Young – TONIGHT he does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” on NBC-TV.
• Nirvana – TODAY the compilation “Sliver: The Best of the Box” hits stores, which includes 3 previously unreleased tracks. The other 19 tracks are all drawn from the 2004 boxed set “With the Lights Out”.
• Also in stores TODAY: Santana’s “All That I Am”; Diana Krall’s “Christmas Songs”; John Fogerty’s “The Long Road Home: Ultimate John Fogerty Creedence Collection”; Blink-182’s “Greatest Hits”; and Dwight Yoakam’s “Live from Austin TX”.

• “Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” (Sci-Fi Fantasy – DVD): The 2-disc version features a handful of deleted scenes, making-of features, game demos, photo galleries and a full-length documentary. In conjunction with the DVD release, LucasArts is releasing the new video game, “Star Wars Battlefront II”, available in 4 different formats.
• “The Perfect Man” (Romantic Comedy – DVD/VHS): Hilary Duff & Heather Locklear star as a daughter and her single mother who’s relationships with men always end in disaster. To distract her mom from her latest bad choice, the daughter concocts an imaginary secret admirer. Chris Noth co-stars.
• “Sex & the City: The Complete Series” (TV Comedy Compilation – DVD): A 20-disc box set priced circa $300.

With the 2005-06 NBA season getting underway TONIGHT, the league has announced that a new ‘minimum dress code’ also goes into effect. Players will be expected to wear ‘business casual attire’ whenever they participate in team activities, including arriving at games, leaving games and making promotional appearances. Players will no longer be able to wear sleeveless shirts, shorts, T-shirts, sunglasses indoors, headphones in public, baseball caps, or chains, pendants and/or medallions over clothing. (And no chewing gum, spitting or running in the halls!)
– “Fortean Times”

The Minneapolis MN school system’s ‘Online Physical Education Program’ allows kids to choose a physical activity they enjoy, then do it for 30 minutes, 3 times per week – on their own time – while keeping an online journal. A parent or coach must confirm the student did the activities, and a fitness test at semester’s end will turn up any cheaters. Course choices range from weightlifting to swimming to horseback riding to … ‘Ultimate Frisbee‘. (How disappointing for kids expecting online phys ed would entail ‘clickable sit-ups’.)
– “Sun-Sentinel”

Researchers at USC’s bio-engineering department hope that a microchip implanted in the brain will vastly improve the memory of future soldiers so they can recall every detail of their training and become more effective fighters. The chip acts in exactly the same way as the hippocampus, the part of the brain that deals with memory. So far, it’s worked successfully in experiments with dead rats. The next step is to test the implant on live animals. If that proves successful, experiments may one day be carried out on actual military personnel. (For further info, see Jean-Claude Van Damme in “Universal Soldier”.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

• A body hanging 15 feet above the ground from a tree in Frederica DE went unreported for several hours because passers-by thought it was a Halloween decoration. Turns out it was actually – the body of a 42-year-old woman who committed suicide!
• ‘Mr Floatie‘, a 6-ft-tall human turd, who talks with a falsetto voice and wears a slightly tilted sailor’s cap, has been taken off the ballot for the NOVEMBER 19th mayoralty election in Victoria BC. Officials have ruled he’s ineligible to run because he’s a costumed character not a real person. The man inside the crappy costume, 35-year-old James Skwarok, leader of a campaign for sewage treatment, can’t afford the legal fees to fight the ruling.
• Brixton, England is experiencing a problem of squirrels – hooked on crack! It seems the little rodents are routinely rooting out rocks which dealers hide in parks frequented by addicts.
• A Medford OR woman who thought she’d won $1 million with a lottery ticket may end up with absolutely nothing. Why? She’s accused of buying it with a stolen credit card!
• Masaki Matsubayashi has been dubbed ‘Cashanova’ by the Japanese press after it was discovered the 56-year-old balding, pudgy, married grandfather has managed to keep a harem of 17 mistresses – thanks to the 1.9 billion yen (over $16 million) he’s embezzled from his company over the past 30 years.
• A Waco TX pastor has been electrocuted while performing a baptism. 33-year-old Rev Kyle Lake picked up a microphone – while standing in water up to his shoulders! He died en route to hospital. The woman he was attempting to baptize was uninjured.
• A British potato-chip maker claims it’s created the first bacon-flavored chips – that do not cause flatulence. Thanks to substituting real bacon flavor for the artificial variety, it says it can now advertise ‘Burts Smoked Streaky Bacon Crisps’ are completely ‘wind-free’!

According to the latest ‘Dead Q’ list by Marketing Evaluations of New York, the most popular dead celebrity is – Lucille Ball.

A group of 134 participants from around-the-world has gathered in Nairn, Scotland to set a new record for ‘Largest Number of Belly Dancers Performing Simultaneously’. Their 5-minute routine in skimpy dance costumes will earn them the first-ever entry in that category in the “Guinness Book of World Records”.
– BBC News

What’s the most dangerous job portrayed on prime-time TV? Police officer? Soldier? Private investigator? Nope, believe it or not, it’s scientists that are most at risk. On prime-time entertainment television, 10% of scientists get killed and 5% kill someone. No other occupation is more likely to kill or be killed.
– “Skeptical Inquirer”

5. Joaquin Phoenix (“Walk the Line”)
4. Adrian Grenier (“Entourage”)
3. Kanye West (“Gold Digger”)
2. Jesse Metcalfe (“Desperate Housewives”)
1. Owen Wilson (“Wedding Crashers”)
George Clooney & Colin Farrell, two guys you’d think might lead the list, have been relegated to the ‘Fun for a Fling’ category.
– New “OK!” magazine ranking.


1942 [63] Larry Flynt, Salyersville KY, sleazy magazine publisher (“Hustler”)/video producer (“Barely Legal”)

1962 [43] Anthony Kiedis, Grand Rapids MI, rock singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Under the Bridge”)

1963 [42] ‘Big’ Kenny (Alphin), Culpeper VA, country singer (Big & Rich-“Comin’ To Your City “)

1963 [42] Rick Allen (Cyril), Sheffield UK, one-armed rock drummer (Def Leppard-“Photograph”)

1969 [36] Tie Domi, Windsor ON, NHL tough-guy winger (Toronto Maple Leafs)

1972 [33] Jenny McCarthy, Chicago IL, TV actress (“The Bad Girl’s Guide”-UPN)/movie actress (“Scary Movie 3″)/1994 “Playboy” ‘Playmate of the Year’

1972 [33] Toni Collette, Sydney, Australia, movie actress (“In Her Shoes”, “The Hours”)

[USA] National Authors Day (1929)
[USA] National Family Literacy Day

TODAY is the beginning of the 5-day Hindu festival “Diwali”, which means ‘rows of lighted lamps’ (often referred to as the ‘Festival of Lights’). During this time, homes are thoroughly cleaned, candles & lamps are lit, and windows are opened to welcome ‘Laksmi’, goddess of wealth. Gifts are exchanged and festive meals prepared.

TODAY is “All Hallows” or “All Saints’ Day” (begun in 835 AD), a Roman Catholic ‘Holy Day of Obligation’ (aren’t they all?). It’s a national holiday in the Philippines when families gather to honor the dead, sometimes getting out of control. Filipino police have recently been cracking down on drunkenness, gambling and kidnapping … in graveyards.

TODAY is “Dia de los Muertos” (“Day of the Dead”) in Mexico. Actually the observance covers 2 days – TODAY, “All Saints Day”, is set aside for remembrance of deceased infants and children (‘angelitos’). TOMORROW, “All Soul’s Day”, is for those who died as adults. For a memorial observance it’s pretty festive, with colorful adornments, lively reunions at family burial plots, fireworks, and special foods. Departed souls are remembered with ‘Dead Men’s Bread’ which is decorated with sugar skulls. (“Please Mom, can I have the eye socket?”)

TODAY is “Vegan World Day”, an international focal point for celebrating veganism, a term invented by Donald Watson in 1944. This is the 61st anniversary of ‘The Vegan Society’, whose members do not eat meat, fish, dairy products, eggs, or any other animal product; they are sometimes called ‘strict vegetarians’. In fact, true vegans do not use ANY products derived from animals, such as fur or leather. (Hey, nice plastic shoes, dude!)
NET: http://www.worldveganday.org

1939 [66] The poem (and later song) “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears in a promotional pamphlet for Chicago’s Montgomery Ward department store

1924 [81] 1st US-based NHL franchise founded (Boston Bruins)

1946 [59] 1st ‘Basketball Association of America’ (later changed to NBA) game as NY Knickerbockers defeat Toronto Huskies 68-66 (seats go for 75 cents – a tad less than what the Raptors now charge)

1952 [53] 1st English TV play-by-play of NHL (Foster Hewitt-Boston at Toronto)

1959 [46] 1st NHL goaltender to wear a ‘Goalie Mask’ (Jacques Plante-Montréal Canadiens)

1913 [92] 1st ‘Forward Pass’ in football (Knute Rochne’s Notre Dame Fighting Irish use it to beat Army 35-13)

1914 [91] 1st ‘Modern Bra’ invented by Mary Jacob of NYC

1966 [39] NFL awards New Orleans Saints a franchise on “All Saints Day”

[Wed] Take Our Kids to Work Day
[Wed] Devilled Egg Day
[Thurs] Housewives’ Day
[Thurs] 6th Latin Grammy Awards (LA)
[Thurs] Sandwich Day
[Thurs] MTV Europe Music Awards
[Fri] Eid-Al-Fitr, celebrating end of Ramadan (Islam)
[Sat] Governor-General’s Performing Arts Awards (Ottawa)
This Week Is . . . World Communication Week
This Month Is . . . Celebrate Empty Nester Month


• “5 Sexy Things He’s Dying for You to Try in Bed!”
• “How to Talk to a Fix-It Guy!”
• “14 Things He’s Thinking During Sex!”
• “Home Recipes for Beautiful Skin!”
• “6 Weeks to Healthy Hair!”
• “How to Turn Him on Without Touching!”
– “Redbook” / “Ladies Home Journal” / “Glamour” / “Cosmopolitan”

Q: Barbie’s last name is ‘Roberts’. What’s Ken’s?
A: ‘Carson’. (Mattel has announced he’s currently undergoing a complete makeover.)

When you’re down, what pick-me-up works best?

Today’s Question: Only 2% of women find their men sexy when they wear THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Long Johns (long underwear).

Age isn’t important unless you’re a cheese.

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